Paper Monitor
12:50 UK time, Thursday, 27 September 2012
Paper Monitor loves newspapers.
And that means Paper Monitor is also fascinated by newspaper websites.
The Mail Online, in particular, exerts a strange and wondrous pull on those who stumble upon it.
It is a veritable rabbit hole, but instead of ever-smiling Cheshire cats, tea parties, white rabbits and bottles labelled "Drink me" (well, maybe some tea parties), it is a cornucopia of:
- bikini shots
- stolen kisses between just-friends
- Kristen Stewart
- fashion critiques
- Simon Cowell
- wardrobe malfunctions
- breasts
- Kardashians
- women looking a bit too fat
- women looking a bit too thin
- Harry Styles
- make-up tips
- make-up malfunctions
- and former stars fallen on hard times (in today's news, Joanie from Happy Days is homeless!)
To add yet another analogy to the mix, Mail Online is like an assortment box of chocolates.
You can't stop at one.
Or even two.
But afterwards, you feel a bit overloaded and regretful.
Very few of these stories - well, big pictures with some words attached - make it into the print version.
(It does have a piece about a Duchess of Cambridge wardrobe row, and an admiring piece about Miriam Clegg's bum party conference suit. And something about breasts.)
The scrolling required to take in everything on the front page is quite an effort.
Paper Monitor's mouse finger is quite worn out.
But how long is it exactly?
Reader Allen O'Leary has measured it.
"It's about 25 browser lengths or close to 20,000 pixels."
He took a screenshot (well, multiple screenshots) of what he has dubbed the "scroll of shame" and the minified version is reproduced here.
Meanwhile, full hilarity marks to the Daily Mail for its choice of file photograph to illustrate its story about Channel 4 newsreader Jon Snow taking drugs live on the telly.
Headlined "I drove up M40 on LSD, says Jon Snow", the accompanying picture is of the venerable tie-wearer saluting while dressed as a peapod.
Or is it a green lobster costume?
, and make up your own mind.
And if you fall down the rabbit hole, Paper Monitor will see you at the bottom...
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