Caption Competition
Winning entries in the Caption Competition.
The competition is now closed. Full rules can be seen here
This week, 500 people gather at Selfridges to meditate. Thanks to all who entered. There are six winners this week. The prize of a small amount of kudos to the following:
6. Pendragon
With strike action looming, I said we needed someone to mediate.
5. AdvocateOfTheDevil
Any similarity between our mantras and those you may have seen or heard before are completely transcendental.
4.Nick Fowler
OK, perhaps the new perfume is a bit overpowering.
3.rogueslr And remember with every Divine State sold, don't forget to add in the extended warranty of the Bluebird of Happiness.
2. Magnum Carter
"Your eyelids are heavy, you cannot help but keep them closed. Your body is weighed down by the head as you sink, your neck folding inwards as you do. You're falling, deeper, deeper into the floor. Girls, you need to wear less make-up."
1. Laurence Lane
On a more positive note, the good news is, I've reached nirvana, so... every cloud. You're still thinking about the bad news aren't you?
Page 1 of 2
Comment number 1.
At 10th Jan 2013, Nick Fowler wrote:OK, perhaps the new perfume is a bit overpowering
Complain about this comment (Comment number 1)
Comment number 2.
At 10th Jan 2013, Pendragon wrote:With strike action looming, I said we needed someone to mediate
Complain about this comment (Comment number 2)
Comment number 3.
At 10th Jan 2013, Gurney Nutting wrote:The sales staff were so hard of hearing they had been advised to become cotton buddists
Complain about this comment (Comment number 3)
Comment number 4.
At 10th Jan 2013, Martin Walter wrote:"They're making a TV series about our founder" said the manager, and everybody fainted
Complain about this comment (Comment number 4)
Comment number 5.
At 10th Jan 2013, Reeve Burgess wrote:You mean they really do sell fridges here? Cool!
Complain about this comment (Comment number 5)
Comment number 6.
At 10th Jan 2013, Bellhouse Hartwell wrote:My guru advised us to meditate somewhere quiet and peaceful, and, with sales currently so poor ...
Complain about this comment (Comment number 6)
Comment number 7.
At 10th Jan 2013, ladyofastolat wrote:Department snore
Complain about this comment (Comment number 7)
Comment number 8.
At 10th Jan 2013, John Ledbury wrote:OK guys, then when were feeling really strong, we say "How much?"
Complain about this comment (Comment number 8)
Comment number 9.
At 10th Jan 2013, Mr Snoozy wrote:After 10 minutes of motivational speaking, management decided a few training courses were in order...
Complain about this comment (Comment number 9)
Comment number 10.
At 10th Jan 2013, Steele Hawker wrote:You come here sane, and then you depart mental
Complain about this comment (Comment number 10)
Comment number 11.
At 10th Jan 2013, Nick Fowler wrote:OK, I'll phone A&E, and perhaps the girls on the perfume counter could refrain from spraying quite so much?
Complain about this comment (Comment number 11)
Comment number 12.
At 10th Jan 2013, Candace9839 wrote:Oohhhmmm My God
Complain about this comment (Comment number 12)
Comment number 13.
At 10th Jan 2013, Pendragon wrote:Of course, we could have gone to Zen Lewis
Complain about this comment (Comment number 13)
Comment number 14.
At 10th Jan 2013, Martin Walter wrote:And we call this room the Medi-Tate Gallery
Complain about this comment (Comment number 14)
Comment number 15.
At 10th Jan 2013, ARoseByAnyOther wrote:What?! No tea cakes?
Complain about this comment (Comment number 15)
Comment number 16.
At 10th Jan 2013, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:Fired? No, you're inspired!
Complain about this comment (Comment number 16)
Comment number 17.
At 10th Jan 2013, Reeve Burgess wrote:Now I want you all to remain calm and relaxed, and meditate on the fact that there are only two pairs of Jimmy Choos left in stock
Complain about this comment (Comment number 17)
Comment number 18.
At 10th Jan 2013, MorningGlories wrote:Lunch and yearn
Complain about this comment (Comment number 18)
Comment number 19.
At 10th Jan 2013, Gurney Nutting wrote:Well, thank you all for turning up, but I'm afraid we only need nine for human skittles
Complain about this comment (Comment number 19)
Comment number 20.
At 10th Jan 2013, GuitarKate wrote:Misprint in the staff newsletter. It should have said that the pay dispute was going to "group mediation".
Complain about this comment (Comment number 20)
Comment number 21.
At 10th Jan 2013, Candace9839 wrote:Two, four, six, eight
Time to sit and contemplate
Complain about this comment (Comment number 21)
Comment number 22.
At 10th Jan 2013, MagnumCarter wrote:Retail therapy
Complain about this comment (Comment number 22)
Comment number 23.
At 10th Jan 2013, Nick Fowler wrote:It might be bad for business, but it was one hell of an office party last night
Complain about this comment (Comment number 23)
Comment number 24.
At 10th Jan 2013, ARoseByAnyOther wrote:Just in from our Transcendental Division, actually.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 24)
Comment number 25.
At 10th Jan 2013, AdvocateOfTheDevil wrote:Security staff moved quickly to remove the deaf beggar with the paper cup and sheet of cardboard
Complain about this comment (Comment number 25)
Comment number 26.
At 10th Jan 2013, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:No, not a lot of reflect(ion) at all.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 26)
Comment number 27.
At 10th Jan 2013, Chimmy wrote:The new staff grooming policy to ensure hair is kept tidy did not go down well.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 27)
Comment number 28.
At 10th Jan 2013, MorningGlories wrote:"You've all Jung very well."
"Thank you, Mr Grace."
Complain about this comment (Comment number 28)
Comment number 29.
At 10th Jan 2013, JimmyG wrote:The wait for the 8th Harry Potter book was getting unbearable!!
Complain about this comment (Comment number 29)
Comment number 30.
At 10th Jan 2013, AdvocateOfTheDevil wrote:It's axiomatic of a successful trip the January sales, he who meditates has lost
Complain about this comment (Comment number 30)
Comment number 31.
At 10th Jan 2013, Candace9839 wrote:"Consider the lily..."
Complain about this comment (Comment number 31)
Comment number 32.
At 10th Jan 2013, ARoseByAnyOther wrote:And what is a joke?
Complain about this comment (Comment number 32)
Comment number 33.
At 10th Jan 2013, MagnumCarter wrote:As retail economics continue to flounder, marketing solutions turn to hypnotism.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 33)
Comment number 34.
At 10th Jan 2013, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:It's not been the same since Deepak Chopra took over.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 34)
Comment number 35.
At 10th Jan 2013, Gurney Nutting wrote:Clearly, Debbie at the front was a non-conformist
Complain about this comment (Comment number 35)
Comment number 36.
At 10th Jan 2013, Martin Walter wrote:And, when I snap my fingers, you will all start to sell really well
Complain about this comment (Comment number 36)
Comment number 37.
At 10th Jan 2013, AdvocateOfTheDevil wrote:Some of the non-elite athletes at the London Marathon had started to fall asleep before they got the nod to start running
Complain about this comment (Comment number 37)
Comment number 38.
At 10th Jan 2013, MorningGlories wrote:We used to have problems and were serious. Now it's serious, but not a problem.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 38)
Comment number 39.
At 10th Jan 2013, MagnumCarter wrote:"Your eyelids are heavy, you cannot help but keep them closed. Your body is weighed down by the head as you sink, your neck folding inwards as you do. You're falling, deeper, deeper into the floor. Girls, you need to wear less make-up."
Complain about this comment (Comment number 39)
Comment number 40.
At 10th Jan 2013, LaurenceLane wrote:On a more positive note, the good news is, I've reached nirvana, so... every cloud. You're still thinking about the bad news aren't you?
Complain about this comment (Comment number 40)
Comment number 41.
At 10th Jan 2013, Reeve Burgess wrote:This course in meditation should improve your self-awareness, your self-esteem, and your self-ridge
Complain about this comment (Comment number 41)
Comment number 42.
At 10th Jan 2013, AdvocateOfTheDevil wrote:Any similarity between our mantras and those you may have seen or heard before are completely transcendental
Complain about this comment (Comment number 42)
Comment number 43.
At 10th Jan 2013, Nick Fowler wrote:Sally was hoping to elevate her existence onto a higher plane, and get a job a a lift girl
Complain about this comment (Comment number 43)
Comment number 44.
At 10th Jan 2013, Martin Walter wrote:However, the class was thrown out when it was found they were learning how to reject material goods
Complain about this comment (Comment number 44)
Comment number 45.
At 10th Jan 2013, VirtuousFang wrote:Hands up all those who now want to appear on Gok Wan's 'How to look Good Naked'?
Complain about this comment (Comment number 45)
Comment number 46.
At 10th Jan 2013, Reeve Burgess wrote:I am a swami from the Mystic East ... er, End
Complain about this comment (Comment number 46)
Comment number 47.
At 10th Jan 2013, Gurney Nutting wrote:Entrants beware! All posts are reactively meditated.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 47)
Comment number 48.
At 10th Jan 2013, Bellhouse Hartwell wrote:I'm not asking you £100 for a lesson in meditation ... I'm not even asking £50! I'm only asking £25 for a whole course of meditation!
Complain about this comment (Comment number 48)
Comment number 49.
At 10th Jan 2013, Nick Fowler wrote:Delboy Trotter finally finds a way to fool all of the people all of the time
Complain about this comment (Comment number 49)
Comment number 50.
At 10th Jan 2013, LaurenceLane wrote:Come on everybody, we all know how it goes, "Oops Upside Your Head"!
Complain about this comment (Comment number 50)
Comment number 51.
At 10th Jan 2013, Reeve Burgess wrote:The Zen Guru tried to help shoppers walk again after the shock of seeing the huge price reductions on offer
Complain about this comment (Comment number 51)
Comment number 52.
At 10th Jan 2013, AdvocateOfTheDevil wrote:Our class today is in this department because any resultant changes to your well-being will be purely cosmetic
Complain about this comment (Comment number 52)
Comment number 53.
At 10th Jan 2013, SivAngel wrote:Floor manager regrets the choice of Bagpuss as store mascot.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 53)
Comment number 54.
At 10th Jan 2013, Candace9839 wrote:If want to make the sale, you must become one with the consumer.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 54)
Comment number 55.
At 10th Jan 2013, ARoseByAnyOther wrote:Diedre picked the wrong day to wear a mini skirt to work.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 55)
Comment number 56.
At 10th Jan 2013, CindyAccidentally wrote:Gareth Malone was going to have his work cut out with this lot.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 56)
Comment number 57.
At 10th Jan 2013, rogueslr wrote:And remember with every Divine State sold, don't forget to add in the extended warranty of the Bluebird of Happiness.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 57)
Comment number 58.
At 10th Jan 2013, MightyGiddyUpGal wrote:Definitely NOT Gangnam style...
Complain about this comment (Comment number 58)
Comment number 59.
At 10th Jan 2013, Lelystad wrote:Customer: "No, I said, take forty WIGS..."
Complain about this comment (Comment number 59)
Comment number 60.
At 10th Jan 2013, Whatever Next wrote:# UNEXPECTED ITEM IN COGITATING AREA #
Complain about this comment (Comment number 60)
Comment number 61.
At 10th Jan 2013, AdvocateOfTheDevil wrote:How to discover your inner self-ridge
Complain about this comment (Comment number 61)
Comment number 62.
At 10th Jan 2013, abz wrote:Okay, we're not leaving until I find out who sold me Veet as hair thickner!
Complain about this comment (Comment number 62)
Comment number 63.
At 10th Jan 2013, grazvalentine wrote:Trancing in the aisles.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 63)
Comment number 64.
At 10th Jan 2013, Lin Vegas wrote:The first night shift was proving less than successful.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 64)
Comment number 65.
At 10th Jan 2013, PeeJayEll wrote:I they're meditating when they gather at Selfridges, what will they be doing when they gather at Ann Summers?
Complain about this comment (Comment number 65)
Comment number 66.
At 10th Jan 2013, PeeJayEll wrote:Staff at Selfridges may feel the need to meditate; those at Jessops have started praying.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 66)
Comment number 67.
At 10th Jan 2013, abz wrote:If we're sitting comfortably we'll start with my favourite nursery tale, 'Baldilocks and the Three Hairs'
Complain about this comment (Comment number 67)
Comment number 68.
At 10th Jan 2013, PeeJayEll wrote:Retail conditions are such that staff are asked - even at this early stage - to meditate on their founder Harry Gordon Selfridge's catchphrase: "there are only 354 shopping days left until Christmas".
Complain about this comment (Comment number 68)
Comment number 69.
At 10th Jan 2013, Candace9839 wrote:"The customer is always rite"
Complain about this comment (Comment number 69)
Comment number 70.
At 10th Jan 2013, teazeldad wrote:Nick Clegg discussing onesies meant a slow snooze day
Complain about this comment (Comment number 70)
Comment number 71.
At 10th Jan 2013, SkarloeyLine wrote:"Ground floor: perfumery, stationery and leather goods.
Wigs and have a nap for free, catching Zs and snooze.... Wake up!"
Complain about this comment (Comment number 71)
Comment number 72.
At 10th Jan 2013, PeeJayEll wrote:If they're meditating when they gather at Selfridges, what will they be doing when they gather at Ann Summers? (correction to #65)
Complain about this comment (Comment number 72)
Comment number 73.
At 10th Jan 2013, funkyhorn wrote:"No one is going home until the wise guy who stole my toupee owns up".
Complain about this comment (Comment number 73)
Comment number 74.
At 10th Jan 2013, penny-farthing wrote:The retail sales picture has been slowing.......and slowing........and slowing..............
Complain about this comment (Comment number 74)
Comment number 75.
At 10th Jan 2013, abz wrote:Sorry, my mistake, thought this was about the drug taking job at Comet - sell fridges and medicate!
Complain about this comment (Comment number 75)
Comment number 76.
At 10th Jan 2013, Dion wrote:It's never to early to queue for the Boxing Day sales.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 76)
Comment number 77.
At 10th Jan 2013, Whatever Next wrote:Our Fathers,
Who aren't in Debenhams,
Hallowed be thy name.....
Complain about this comment (Comment number 77)
Comment number 78.
At 10th Jan 2013, Clare wrote:Sales staff undergo training ahead of the release of a brand new, luxury skin care product, to be marketed under the name of 'Beauty Sleep'.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 78)
Comment number 79.
At 10th Jan 2013, penny-farthing wrote:You're a great audience..........I love coming here to the Aisle of White.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 79)
Comment number 80.
At 10th Jan 2013, Dyeb wrote:The producers of Mr Selfridge were stumped when, prior to recording their new series, continuity couldn't understand the problem with the displays
Complain about this comment (Comment number 80)
Comment number 81.
At 10th Jan 2013, SivAngel wrote:"No, I said I need some LADY assistants... Get up!"
Complain about this comment (Comment number 81)
Comment number 82.
At 10th Jan 2013, Reeve Burgess wrote:Owing to further cost-cutting exercises, Guy's Hospital merges with a famous art gallery to form 'Medi-Tate'
Complain about this comment (Comment number 82)
Comment number 83.
At 10th Jan 2013, Gurney Nutting wrote:Legless and unmoving - it's our tribute to Gerry Anderson
Complain about this comment (Comment number 83)
Comment number 84.
At 10th Jan 2013, Bellhouse Hartwell wrote:All of the staff were stunned that Skyfall had failed to receive a Best Film nomination
Complain about this comment (Comment number 84)
Comment number 85.
At 10th Jan 2013, Martin Walter wrote:Perhaps the Government's idea of getting everyone off Disabled benefits and into work isn't such a good idea
Complain about this comment (Comment number 85)
Comment number 86.
At 10th Jan 2013, Nick Fowler wrote:Staff react badly to the news that Selfridge's is to be the Government's new super-prison
Complain about this comment (Comment number 86)
Comment number 87.
At 10th Jan 2013, Dyeb wrote:You should have all had your Christmas Bonus by now, so from tomorrow I want to see you ALL in your Onesies
Complain about this comment (Comment number 87)
Comment number 88.
At 10th Jan 2013, Ashani wrote:You just heard that Cameron intends to stay in power for a loooong time - yes I know it's a shock but just chill out for a while and you'll be able to cope.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 88)
Comment number 89.
At 10th Jan 2013, abz wrote:"The eyeshadow enhances your eyes, the lipstick fills out your lips and the blusher highlights your cheekbones". "remember it's not called the 'Make Up' counter for nothing"!
Complain about this comment (Comment number 89)
Comment number 90.
At 10th Jan 2013, Nick Fowler wrote:And, when I snap my fingers, you will all have legs made out of Haribo
Complain about this comment (Comment number 90)
Comment number 91.
At 10th Jan 2013, Bellhouse Hartwell wrote:And a final bit of advice - do not believe customers on benefits when they say there's a special range of cosmetics that's free for them
Complain about this comment (Comment number 91)
Comment number 92.
At 10th Jan 2013, GuitarKate wrote:And the reason why we do this in the cosmetics department is that it saves a fortune in incense.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 92)
Comment number 93.
At 10th Jan 2013, penny-farthing wrote:Excuse me,you at the very back.......yes,I can see you.........could you save that cheese sandwich for later......thankyou.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 93)
Comment number 94.
At 10th Jan 2013, HaveGavel wrote:Ohm, manicure, powderme, ohmmmmmmmm
Complain about this comment (Comment number 94)
Comment number 95.
At 10th Jan 2013, Hobbitmorley wrote:Time to kiss and make up!
Complain about this comment (Comment number 95)
Comment number 96.
At 10th Jan 2013, HaveGavel wrote:All together now : "The wheels on the bus go round and round . . . "
Complain about this comment (Comment number 96)
Comment number 97.
At 10th Jan 2013, penny-farthing wrote:OK,loves,the floor polisher is broken so on '3' it's squeeky bum time........1...2....
Complain about this comment (Comment number 97)
Comment number 98.
At 10th Jan 2013, HaveGavel wrote:Steve Jobs in the afterlife
Complain about this comment (Comment number 98)
Comment number 99.
At 10th Jan 2013, StraightOnTilMorning wrote:OK, it's not funny, it's not nice and no one is leaving until I find out where you hid the wig section.
Complain about this comment (Comment number 99)
Comment number 100.
At 10th Jan 2013, Bellhouse Hartwell wrote:Its OK, we can leave - Adele's stopped busking
Complain about this comment (Comment number 100)
Page 1 of 2