大象传媒

The first sign of spring was always the Chimp pansies

Aquarobics recommended for obese pets.

Radio 4 strongly denies that "anyone could present Gardeners' Question Time".

Escarole From the Planet of the Apes

Short-sighted worker at Edinburgh Zoo sacked after yet another Panda mating fiasco

Aye, the Scots will employ anybody if they're cheap

鈥淢ore tea, Vicar?鈥�

Charlie Dimmock says that Alan Titchmarsh had really let himself go, after walking straight past him at the Chelsea Flower Show.

Gorillas in the Scotch Mist

PG Tips launch their free-gardener-for-a-day promotion

No, I said to get one of the McKays to do the gardening

Countryfile viewers suspect a doppelganger

The two wiser monkeys were indoors in the warm

Cheetah's attempts to refine Tarzan's culinary tastes were gaining ground, but table manners were still an issue.

'Of course you can't be the new Primate, you're a girl.'

Gorillas in the mints.

Of course, this is just a hobby. My main job is selling car parts from my family in Longleat.

H2-oo-oo-oo

Stirling Mossy

Undercover assignment.......inhuman working conditions revealed north of the border!

Bucket of the Apes.

Do my opposable thumbs look big in this?

Some of the more sophisticated members of the group had come up with a less exposed method of marking their territory..

Plant of the Apes

Getting ready for this years hose-pipe ban. .

Parsley, sage, rosemary and climb

Well, if you ask me, opposable thumbs are overrated.

Bonzo was determined to have a rocket salad.

No, no I ordered Canapes not can apes.

There, I told you, Hamish. The back garden IS like a jungle.

Andy Murray adds a grunting coach to his team.

Tartan of the Apes

Ronnie Corbett agrees to sponsor Brylcreem's new hair restorer

Have you got two ape knees for a peony?

Am I one of the Three Wise Monkeys? Well, sage anyway.

Oi, Bozo! Next time you nick a car, make sure it鈥檚 topped up, eh?

I'm up here!

The allotment committee would have to reconsider its policies regarding ripening schemes with banana skins.

Hairy Potterer relaxes before another year at Hogwart's

A watering-can? But the Chimps' Tea Party is supposed to be such a dignified affair.

OK, so he doesn't know a lot about botany, but the manure's good

In these temperatures, fur and the ultimate accessories were de rigeur at this year's Cheltenham Festval...

Jungle book(ing) for party of ape

Simian and Gardenfunnel

Prim-mate

FROM: Head of Marketing
TO: Head of Design

Unfortunately initial market research has highlighted below forecast interest in our new Chipanzee-wee.

All that Cadbury's and drumming was bound to make anyone thirsty.

Max was finding it tricky to water his new monkey puzzle tree.

Hell's Kitchen, Africa

Rangers deny that insolvency has affected Ibrox Stadium.

Dame Jane Goodall's new head gardener was raising eyebrows.

Scottish FA decide goal-line technology might not be as expensive as they thought.

He must be Scottish - his name's MacAque

Hold on a minute... a watering can? Why, it was Earth all along! You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell...

"I just do not have the time to water all these plants.....I thought it rained in this country"

Just watering my herb garden in Stirling!

(isn't that funny enough?)

No, I asked for PG Tips, not gardening tips...

Rob was the last to notice that the growth hormone in the rose feed he used was having a big effect on him

Yeah, I quite like being a gardener. My last job was as a toilet brush.

For fans of their Pyramid range, PG Tips introduce the Fountain.

Chimpanzees have a distorted view of the values of things, as shown by this visitor to the Antiques Roadshow

This is not what I had in mind when I said the Church needs a non-European Primate.

Look,I'm a herbivore....end of argument.

鈥淲ell, things have certainly moved on since joining the RSC and a stint of voiceover work at Pixar, but I still have the teapot.鈥�

No, I asked for an Asp-arag-us Gardener!

Check your oil too, Sir?

I think I've heard of this Francis bloke; good with animals I understand.

Rosie had been watching QI, and knew that the banana was in fact the largest herb in the world

I'll do what I can but to be honest you're last gardener's left me a lot to do. Still, if you pay peanuts 鈥�

Gardener's World introduces it's new presenter Monkey Don.

Working his grass off.

Well, he's cheaper than a sprinkler system

And our next big project is Monkey Poo Coffee Beans

Early auditions for a US band to rival The Beatles were going well.

...and with this little pink thing I sprinkle my water all over the flowers!

Newsnight encounters more problems in its attempt to investigate guerrilla gardening.

And next week Wayne, you can take on the half-time oranges

As the start of the Chimpanzees' Tea Party approached, Rosie yelled out "It's tea thyme!"

Chelsea Show Garden #16: The Tour De Plants, long owned by a Cheetah

But where was the other hairy biker

Gorilla warfare.

That new African restaurant in Stirling is great, but I'd avoid the chocolate fountain if I were you

I will simper chimply - then let those rubberneckers know this isn't water.

The weeds seem to be growing far faster than the herbs...Yeah, it's Stirling Moss.

Aye, this is Scotland - this is a Chimpanzees' Whisky Party

Well, that's the last time I buy Herbal Hair Shampoo

Who would have thought it is this hard to grow bananas here?

I tell you what, Rosie - don't go anywhere near those kids' balloons unless you want to double in size

Take that, Punxsutawney Phil.

Mind your backs please Ladies and Gentlemen, the cheetah will be on his way with the lawnmower any moment...

Kids! Where's Daddy's Regaine?

Chris Huhne's welcoming committee made their final preparations

Alright, who ordered the "Guantanamo Enema"?

Shock, as rare hidden camera footage seems to prove the existence of a herb garden in Scotland.

The watering can promotes water recycling. Out one end, in the other. Even a trained monkey can manage it.

In like a lion and out like a...er...

Council hires new primates to solve UK's potholes problems. A chimp with a watering can will do.

Herbie Goes (looking for) Bananas

Rosemary was no sage, but this beats typing Shakespeare any day.

Charlie heard the Folies Bergere were recruiting new Can-Can dancers so he thought he ought to get in some practice