Paper Monitor
12:21 UK time, Monday, 4 March 2013
A service highlighting the riches of the daily press.
Paper Monitor obviously wishes the Queen a speedy recovery from gastroenteritis, or as The Mirror puts it rather oddly, "Get well Maj".
One does wonder how "Maj" will greet the coverage of her illness (and it's safe to say she's got a bit more time on her hands to read the papers right now).
Because it's the Queen who's ill, any off-colour jokes about stomach bugs - which would have kept tabloid headline writers happy for hours if, say, David Cameron, had been laid low - are off.
"Her Majesty the Queasy" is about as near as we get from The Sun.
Other papers play up the Queen's sangfroid in the face of adversity, presenting the unpleasantness as a case of Keep Calm And Cancel Lunch With The Italian President. As The Daily Mail puts it:
Stoicism is what she is known for - and even as the Queen was taken to hospital for the first time in a decade last night, she insisted that there must be 'no fuss'.
The bit about "no fuss" hasn't quite percolated through to the Mail, which follows through with three full pages on the Queen's illness, including the inevitable "What is gastroenteritis?" fact box and half a page from the resident royal commentator.
Two other pieces of trivia emerge from this morning. The first is the reassuring fact that the Queen is being guarded at her hospital by Britain's tallest policeman - 7ft 2in tall Anthony Wallyn.
And the second? According to The Daily Star, the Duchess of Cambridge is related to Chris "Lady in Red" de Burgh. (Paper Monitor never said it was a GOOD piece of trivia.)
Oh well, maybe they deliver The Racing Post to the King Edward VII hospital...
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