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Paul Mason's Idle Scrawl

Australian "soccer" proves it is world class

  • Paul Mason
  • 13 Jul 06, 09:22 AM

tim_cahill203.jpgWhile the world has been glued to the story of one man and his ability to destroy the thing he helped create - I mean of course Zidane and the French footy team - on the other side of the world the Aussie public is coming to terms with football failure. I am indebted to Idle Scrawl reader Lisa, from Melbourne, for this priceless list of valedictory comments from the "Socceroos". It proves that, wherever football goes, Colemanballs goes with it.

"Germany is a very difficult team to play . . . they have 11 internationals out there." - Zeljko Kalac.

"Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough." - Mark Viduka.

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona." - Vince Grella... (and many, many more: read on)....

"I would not be bothered if we lost every game as long as we won the cup." - Mark Viduka.

"Guus Hiddink is the best manager I've ever had at this level. Well, he's the only manager I've actually had at this level. But he's the best manager I've ever had." - Lucas Neill.

"If you don't believe you can win, there is no point in getting out of bed at the end of the day." - John Aloisi.

"I've had 14 bookings this season - 8 of which were my fault, but 7 of which were disputable." - Ned Zelic.

"I've never wanted to leave. I'm here for the rest of my life, and hopefully after that as well." - Mark Schwarzer.

"You've got to believe that you're going to win, and I believe we'll win the World Cup until the final whistle blows and we're knocked out." - Harry Kewell.

"I'm as happy as I can be - but I have been happier." - Mile Sterjovski.

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel." - Craig Moore.

mark_viduka203.jpg"I took a whack on my left ankle, but something told me it was my right." - Harry Kewell.

"I couldn't settle in Italy - it was like living in a foreign country." - Vince Grella.

"My parents have been there for me, ever since I was about 7." - Tim Cahill

"I always used to put my right boot on first, and then obviously my right sock." - Jason Culina.

"The Brazilians were South American, and the Ukrainians will be more European." - Scott Chipperfield.

"All that remains is for a few dots and commas to be crossed." - Marco Bresciano.

"One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best." - Craig Moore.

"I'd rather play in front of a full house than an empty crowd." - Mark Viduka.

"Sometimes in football you have to score goals." - Harry Kewell.

...Are there any readers out there in non-English speaking countries who could provide us with relevant rubbish like this?

Comments  Post your comment

  • 1.
  • At 01:59 PM on 13 Jul 2006,
  • John wrote:

Whilst they're still mildy funny, most of these seem to have been ripped off from the archives of English football bloopers over the years. The one about Italy being like a foreign country is definitely a quote from Ian Rush when he went back to Liverpool from Juventus.

There are loads of webpages devoted to this type of thing, and given their infancy in football supporting, the Aussies fans should be pretty easy to dupe.

But I wouldn't expect a web columnist for the 大象传媒 to be duped so easily!!!

I have seen these bloopers before. But I think there was one in which Bush made two bloopers.

1. He once asked a member of the Texas Football Team if he used the football [soccer ball] to do a touchdown [as in American Football].

2. Unrelated to football, Bush when he said "regime change" [Iraq 2003 State of the Union US Capitol; Washington], he did a silent fart [Bush smiles when he does his chemical weapons] that left Cheney, Rice, and Powell having to hold their breath.


  • 3.
  • At 07:58 AM on 16 Jul 2006,
  • Lisa wrote:

Sure. But I did pass it on and possibly had a little more time on my hands to check the originality of this.

Still, it's funny. And good to see we've taken up the football hype along with the rest of you... even if we're easy to dupe (does that mean other football fans aren't?)

  • 4.
  • At 01:56 AM on 28 Sep 2006,
  • Nick wrote:

Ha Ha, most of those quotes came from English players.

You got one correct with Dukes!!

What a fool you look Mr Mason.

You have certainly shown your 'class'

who is in australias main soccor team?


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