大象传媒

I'm sorry.

Do you really want those blue meanies led by David Cameron to run the country? Do you really want the return of rampant Thatcherism?
TRUST ME. Do not let us undo twelve years of New Labour and lose our heritage to the Conservatives.

Yours,
Tony

The only way I will leave Downing Street is feet first. By the way, I have less than 12 months to live.

"Let me say this to you... I'm out, Gordon's in, pass me my bermuda shorts. Taxi!"

The penguins told me to do it.

I am almost as fed up to the eye teeth with being Prime Minister as you are of having me. I like the West Indies. The weather is good, the living is easy and there is no back stabbing. Have a nice day guys! I'm outta here!!!

It is time for a new New Labour, but the handover must be planned and organised. I will retire as promised, in the coming months, but the persent squabble can only help our conservative party opponents !

I wasn't there, I know nothing and if was me then Gordon will take full responsibility. Isn't that right George ?
George are you there.........Mr Bush Sir, help.....

I'm off to America , thanks for everything and good luck.

A date, a time, a place for me to resign, would become the date, the time and the place where the Conservatives could say this was their day they regained the reigns of Government. Before i leave WE, Labour, must not gift them such an opportunity.

My real name is Bobby Ewing, and the past few years have all been a horrible dream

I am so sorry that I screwed up the country in the pastby going in war in Iraq and the Middle East. I feel that it is in the best for the future of the party and for the UK that I offer to leave office straight away.

I can鈥檛 tell you how much this award means to me. Sometimes it seems that no one really appreciates what you are trying to do and then something wonderful like this happens! There are a few people I鈥檇 like to thank.. Firstly my mother and my father. etc ad nauseum.

You're either with us, or against. Forwards, not back. The hand of history is resting heavy on my shoulder. Is that right, Alistair?

I understand that there are concerns about my leadership. Well, I have two things to say;

I HATE GEORGE W BUSH
and
I HAVE DECLARED WAR ON ISRAEL

Thank you

_
Nothing 'Manana' Blair could say would get him 'off the hook' because NOTHING he says can be believed

Hi, Frankly chaps, isn't it time everybody grew up and stopped jumping around to David Cameron's tune? Do we really want to be the laughing stock of the country? To be honest, I've had enough of the lot of you. I'm joining the Liberals. I therefore quit.

Knee deep in the hoopla sinking in your fight

Too many runaways eating up the night

Chorus:
We built this city, we built this city on rock and roll
Built this city, we built this city on rock and roll

I find this exercise pretty stupid for the level that 大象传媒 and Newsnight traditionally were holding and still claim to hold. As someone who has always admired the objectivity and comprehensive nature of 大象传媒 news and watched Newsnight every day I have been severly put off by this rather low-level campaign against the Chief Executive of this country. This is sensationalism and has nothing to do with what you should be doing. While I don't agree with all decisions made by the goverment, cheap campaigns like these are not in the public's best interest.

Blair's speech should start "my fellow Americans"

"Letting Gordon talk me into invading Iraq was, I realise, a real mistake - and I now regret that Tom Watson persuaded me to tolerate the Israeli bombardment of Lebanon. I hope the party will now give me the extra time I need to unmask Princess Diana's killer."

Suggested Blair speech:
I apologise sincerely for the complete global mess my foreign policy helped create; I was misguided. I realise now that I am a liability to the party and will step aside immediately after conference without any Thatcheresque scheming regarding my successor.

Anything less will ensure that I continue to withold my support for the Labour party - and many think similarly

May 07? Oh you thought I meant NEXT year, oh well I can clear that little snafu up right now. You see it was a misprint, the memo should have said 2017. Sorry Gordo for the the confusion. Well I am glad thats all cleared up then. Ice cream Gordon?

Over to you Gordon...

I apologise for misleading the public over in the run up to war in Iraq and realise this will be my legacy. I understand I am a vote loser on the doorsteps of Britain and it is for this reason I am resigning as leader of the Labour Party with immediate effect.

Listen guys, you know, look... I'm alright, really I am. Look, there's, you know, nothing whatever to worry about. I don't really know, you know, about what you're getting your knickers in a twist. Chill, you know, out. Would I lie to you?

In order to reunite a fractured party, there is one important thing to remember, our roots. It is with this in mind I draw your attention to one point.
It's Thatcher's fault...

Ever since the day I became Labour Leader, I always knew that the changes I wanted to bring about might make the Party electable but would not make me popular with Labour MPs. It has been a tough job but one I have always relished. Achieving things in politics often means making hard choices. But there comes a time when you know that you can push the boulder uphill no more. Today is that day. And that is why I am delighted to announce that my good friend David Cameron has asked me to join his Shadow Cabinet and to help reshape the Conservatives to enable them to win the next General Election for him. Now Questions? Nick Robinson we'll take yours first

I resign!

No more than 50 words for Mr. Blair to take the heat off? Easy

" I Quit "

- - - - - - ENDS - - - - - - -

I have terrible news...A VERY SERIOUS, BUT IMPOSSIBLE TO VERIFY TERRORIST THREAT MAY OR MAY NOT BE IMMINANT. SOMEWHERE, SOMETHING MAY HAPPEN. SOMETHING BAD. I AM A WAR PRESIDENT..I MEAN PRIME MINISTER. NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR CHANGE. WE NEED (ME) STABILITY.

NO SURGERY WOULD EVER GET BLAIR OFF THE HOOK HE SHOULD BE IMPEACHED

Let me apologise to all who said that I was wrong to support Bush in his colonial plans.
I will be recalling our troops from Iraq and Afghanistan. I will also issue a statement censuring the foreign policy of the USA.
When these tasks are completed I will then resign.

Friends, colleagues, these have been trying times, but I have escaped now and will regain my true place as leader. Aliens had removed me from you,with leaders around the world, to bring us to world-wide destruction by war. But we have escaped them. Now we work together for peace.

Re: Blair's leaving speech -

"When a man's got to go, a man's got to go!"

When the British people elected Labour for a third term in May 2005 they did so knowing that I was to serve a full term. This I fully intend to do. In the meantime I have appointed Alan Johnson as Chancellor to replace Gordon, who resigned this morning. Hurrah.

Dearly Beloved,
I am going.

Good Afternoon. I would like to quote from the famous songwriter Jilted John and his song of the same name "Gordon is a moron" Thank you

To those who want me to go, I'd remind them that I led the Labour Party to two victories. Were it not for my commitment to the people of this country, I'd go this minute, but you'll just have to wait until I decide it is in the interest of the country and party.

In order to ensure peaceful and orderly behaviour within the environs of New Labour I intend to apply for ASBOS (Anti Supporters of Brown Orders) to be issued. These will last for approximately 18 months. If these orders are breached, the miscreants will be subjected to indefinite detention.

Colleagues, I have been surprised and disheartened by the cries for my departure. I can only put this down to my poor taste in beach shorts that were splashed across the tabloids over the summer months. I can assure you that, should you take me to your bosom once again, I shall burn the aforementioned article and return to my polyester trousers with relish.

Friends? Muslims? Countrymen? Lend me your tears? I agree, we have made many mistakes, some big - some bigger. It is for this reason, that I, send out this appeal, to the deepest depths of good nature, of everyone who has ever worked for 'the man', everyone who has ever felt the pressure of a tyrant superior, DON'T BLAME ME - IT WAS ALL GEORGE BUSH - HE MADE ME DO IT!

This Labour Government鈥檚 success is built on substance not cosmetic change. The substance is the policies we have implemented to recharge this country. My Iron Chancellor has supported me throughout and I have supported him. Changing leader would be the cosmetics we are so against. Therefore, I will fight on鈥�

"What announcement can possibly end the Labour Party infighting?"

"I must act to end the uncertainty that threatens to undermine the British government so I will resign at midday tomorrow, however I reserve the right to nominate my successor.

It's George W. Bush."

Or:

"Fair cop. Gordon's it. I'm outta here"

Or, to be realistic for a moment:

"Aliens have landed"

NCP

the consevative party believes itself designed for govt. yet it has spent 9 years out of office. how many years do you want us to be out of power for?

i will stand aside but not until troops are starting to come out of iraq?

love and kisses
tony

Let this democratically elected government get on with its work and do not let the Media or the opposition poison its efforts to provide a better Britain for its people to live in.

50 words? How about..

Thanks, its been great, I've got to go now!

My fellow Britannians, There has been a great deal of speculation over who will be running the country in a few months time. I would seek to calm your fears by explaining a little about my role here. Our economic policy is decided by a lovely chap with a funny accent and a Brussels phone number. Our foreign policy is determined by a nice old gent in Washington - although he seems to relate most orders via his eldest son. As he was telling me the other day about this very subject - and the French don't have a word for this - plus ca change?

To my future ex-friends in the Labour party: I have come to a momentus decision. None of you treacherous creeps are capable of running a whelk stall let alone a government, so I have decided to stay on until the voters determine otherwise. Any problem with that?

"I have let you down by not carrying out a promise and causing the death of many British servicemen.

I promise to get rid of two Jags

Today we have an opportunity to secure the future of this country. I intend to help shape that future by leading this country and party into 2007. And, in shaping this future, we, as a party, must work together to provide Britain with her next leader.

Becalm the party and reassert the authority of the government? How about "I resign"?

How come you are deceived by my intentions? I will provide that integrity, clarity and single-mindedness, so cherished by you at home and abroad, until all that I want to achieve has been concluded. With my insight and your loyal support, I am sure that will be by May 2007.

Beam me up, Scotty.

Cherie and I have decided to go on holiday to America for a period of time and when we eventually return we expect you to have a new leader in office. We are leaving on Saturday 23rd September 2006 and I shall resign after making this statement.

Look at my face right....Am I bovvered?

To my future ex-friends in the Labour party: I have come to a momentous decision. None of you treacherous creeps are capable of running a whelk stall let alone a government, so I have decided to stay on until the voters determine otherwise. Any problem with that?

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Sorry about that Gulf war thing and all that - lies are a bad thing, I should know. Also, sorry for appearing to cling on to this post for far too long in a desperate yet transparent attempt to regain some sort of credibility.

I quit.

Tony Blair

Time for universal truths, we grow up learning to lie; developing to adulthood means transformation to honesty. In the coming months I鈥檒l own up to all lies uttered as your Prime Minister; cross my heart, hope to die, will implore on global colleagues to do likewise or I鈥檒l out them.

Mandleson made me do it!

Oh dear
Sorry
I meant well

I lied. Yes. Really. I did.

Really. We all say things we don't mean on the spur of the moment.

Like "Weapons of Mass Destruction". OK - that wasn't on the spur of the moment.

But I'd just had one of those days. Really. (Don't we all?) and I have never had any intention of standing down. Really.

It was just one of those moments we all have when we would like to throw the towel in, but never do. Really.

Tony.

As Prime Minister, I have delivered a historic third term and ensured our national security. However, recent speculation about my departure is helping our twin opponents: the Conservatives, and Al-Qaida. Accordingly, any Labour MP criticising me will now face ninety days' imprisonment without trial. God willing, we shall prevail.

Listening to the voice of the Party, I have concluded for that for it's sake future success that it is best for me to set a definite timetable. Previously I considered that this would lead to unwanted Party divisions and very much trust my present descion will prove correct.

Friends,Politicians,and the great British public.I come here to praise myself.And remind you of all the good I have done.I took this country to War in Afganistan,Irak,and interfered in the Lebanon.For the sake of democracy.I will leave Parliament on the ides of March.

A number of MPs put saving their skins above loyalty.
To avoid the undignified end that Margaret Thatcher suffered on her departure, and damage from the squabble over the timing of my exit, I intend to leave office as soon as possible, practically that means after the conference in October.

All that i have to say to those who doubt my leadership is simply this.(remembering to point his hands!!!) three election victories, an economy that is in tremendous shape, low unemployment, more families with more disposable income, sustained investment in public services. Sadly, this investment is not always fruitful, thats why today i am going back to university to train as a dentist.

I have lied and lied to you all, I have no honesty only greed and self adornment and the total urge to feather my own nest, I lied about Iraq and Afghanistan, it bothers me not a jot that our brave under recourced troops are slaugtered daily, that our streets are unsafe and plagued with drug addicts and muggers, I care not of the hideous situation re immigration and the trouble that it will bring and I love all the uneducated kids who cant string a sentence together and even better I rejoyce that 91% of new labour MP's are ex council/social or teachers, Britain I have done a fantastic job, vote with me.

I apologise for the disappointment and lack of positive societal change in this country, reduction in freedom, alignment with America, and on our inhuman treatment towards those seeking asylum and safe sanctuary in the UK, especially survivors of torture. I am now willing to set the record straight 鈥� Forgive Me.

I have spoken to Her Majesty to request dissolving Parliament and call a general election.

"Well What can I say? You all want Gordon to take over and the love affair between me & Bush is over. So with out any ado I'm going after Xmas (if I leave the Labour Xmas party to Gordon we'll all be disappointed) but before the summer hols."

Friends,Politicians,and the great British public.I come here to praise myself.And remind you of all the good I have done.I took this country to War in Afganistan,Irak,and interfered in the Lebanon.For the sake of democracy.I will leave Parliament on the ides of March.

Friend, Sedgefielder & Gordon Brown...
may I just remind ourselves of that other great American Leader, philanderer and Democrat..." Ask not what I can do for the labour party, but, what can the country do for me!?"...pass me that fiddle!

Am I bovvered..?

As of 3:00 GMT this morning, our forces have, under joint US command, commenced an air, sea and land invasion of Iran.

look into my eyes ,look into my eyes - yesterday never happened and when I click my fingers you will carry on believing every lie, sorry word I tell you.

I'm sick and tired of people in this party being told that people in this party are sick and tired. I certainly am not and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am.
(Thanks to the Monty Python team for this gag.)

Gordon and I recognise that our conduct has seriously damaged the Government and the Labour Party.
Therefore, we have agreed that:
飪� We will both resign immediately
飪� Gordon Brown will not stand for Leader
飪� Our key supporters will not be considered for Cabinet positions
飪� Disgruntled former Ministers will stay just that.

This speech may not exactly assert power over the Labour Party but it may get it off his back and it would certainly be long overdue:

I'm sorry about Iraq, I'm sorry about tuition fees, I'm sorry and getting sorrier about foundation schools and hospitals, I'm sorry about undeclared donations and loans, I'm sorry about Prescott, I'm sorry about my relationship with Bush. I'm sorry... goodbye.

I have allied our country to an imperialist aggressor, declared unprovoked wars against sovereign states, colluded in the torture and unlawful detention of British citizens, supported the murder of lebanese children. I have eroded pensions, further education funding and civil liberties. That's my legacy. I resign.

I have decided to join the Conservative Party, and sadly Mr Prescott is leaving the Government too.

Blair speech...in 50 words...exactly:

%&@拢 $$ 鈧偓鈧偓鈧珸!!! &^%$ *&$@& 拢$@! *(^%%) %%^$拢拢拢拢WAR@@@ *(&^^%%$拢鈧偓鈧偓鈧偓)
%%%%%% 拢$@@@@ (2012) &*** $ ^&@$$!!!!
>>>> +&%%%拢拢 !!!!!!! $^%$*(**) ^^&&& *&^%$
$%$拢@@ &*&^%$ *(&&&%$@@@) (*&拢@!!!&*)

%&@拢 $$ 鈧偓鈧偓鈧珸!!! &^%$ *&$@& 拢$@! *(^%%) %%^$拢拢拢拢WAR@@@ *(&^^%%$拢鈧偓鈧偓鈧偓)
%%%%%% 拢$@@@@ (2012) &*** $ ^&@$$!!!!
>>>> +&%%%拢拢 !!!!!!! $^%$*(**) ^^&&& *&^%$
$%$拢@@ &*&^%$ *(&&&%$@@@) (*&拢@!!!&*)

WHAT CAN I SAY?. I LOVE THE MAN.. I AM AMERICAN/ITALIAN/BRAZILIAN/PORTUGUESE. ALL IN MY HEART, ALL MY NATIONS WILL SAY.. YES, BLAIR, YOU DID A GOOD JOB, AND WE LOVE YOU.

There鈥檚 a whole lot of questions which need to be asked and answers that will be given. Just right at this moment I don鈥檛 think it鈥檚 the right time. I think actually, to be absolutely frank, I have said all I want to say so I'm sorry about that.

I have two statements:
1) I am forming a coalition with the Libdems to secure the extra votes needed to overcome a backlash and
2) Gordon, you're fired.

With much to deliver in our historic third term, I intend to fulfill my obligations to the electorate and Party. We have set the political agenda for ten years and will continue to beyond the process by which the next leader of the Party will be selected in May 2007.

In the history of nations, a statesman has to take a decision that might be unpopular, but is imperative. He who fight shy of taking such decision is not a leader worth his salt.I took these decision, not for my personal goals, but for safeguarding the interest of my country. I do not desire to be remembered as Neville Chamberlaine, but as Churchill.

It wasn't me - a big boy did it and ran away.

Do you know what? This whole 'being in power' thing is really a lot harder than it looks on the news. Anyone else fancy a go?

"So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehn, good night,
I hate to go and leave this pretty sight.
So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehn, adieu,
Adieu, adieu, to yieu and yieu and yieu."

"So long, farewell, Au'voir, auf wiedersehn,
I'd like to stay and taste my first champagne
So long, farewell, Auf wiedersehn, goodbye,
I leave and heave a sigh and say goodbye,
Good bye"

To ensure the Tories are the Moody Blues I will play out to "Go Now". Gordon Brown can pursue true Labour policies. These policies will engender yet more economic prosperity, a cost-effective health service, even better education for our children and our withdrawal from foreign, military adventures.

Thank you everyone, thank you for coming along. I know many of you have been working very hard. But because Gordon is not prepared to implement my policies in the Labour government I will be asking you to vote for David Cameron in the next election as my true successor.

I told the Hutton enquiry that if I had deliberately exaggerated the threat from Iraq in order to justify going to war then I would have had to resign. Well I did exaggerate the threat, and now I resign.

Friends (big smile)...it's comforting to see you are so concerned about my retirement...(pause)...but what's more important...(focus on one person)...is that I manage to get Margaret Beckitt to give me a loan of her caravan, cause I'm off on a very long holiday in the Spring!! Bye (huge grin, lots of teeth, and wave!)

Back me or sack me
I have done my best
for everyone
God bless

At first I was afraid, I was petrified. Kept thinkin' I could never live without Brown by my side. But then I spent so many nights thinkin' how he did me wrong, and I grew strong. And so I'm back, from holidays. I just walked in to find him here, in number ten not eleven. I should have changed that stupid lock, I should have asked my dear Cherie. If I'd've known for just one second he'd be in such a hurry.

Tony's speech:

"Comrades! - hey, that shocked you, eh? I was wrong to take our country into an illegal war. It was a mistake to completely disregard the views of the party, parliament and the nation. I was foolish to take guidance from people like Peter Mandelson. Comrades, I was wrong and I am sorry. Please forgive me - can't we start again?".

It is important that the issue of my departure does not distract the parliamentary labour party from the exremely important work that is needed to continue the many improvements in front-line services we have overseen during our 10 years in office.

I've said before that I will not name a date for my departure and this continues to be the case. Thank you, no questions.

Sorry Iraq's tragic, Saddam was worse but we hoped for better than this; I want strong Iraqi government so we can leave pronto.

Bush's history; Gordon's my main man, and will be a superbissimo PM after me...in 2007.

Chill. Back to work. I want all kids out of poverty NOW!

Infamy, infamy, they've all got it in for me!

I have been the most successful Labour PM ever, and made the Labour party electable at a time when it was in terminal decline. Iraq was essential as every western leader knew at the time; the aftermath was always inevitable after the removal of Saddams' family and influence. Shame on you all.

All that glitters is not gold. Cool-headed fellows should always reach for the light at end of the tunnel. Whoever thinks a political prodigy will take us to that light should look at the graveyards - they are full of "indispensable" people. Let us not rock the boat.

I said things can only get better back in 1997 and for the first time in nine and a half years I can announce today that they really will.....I'm resigning.

Yo, Bush...tha fishies bitin' in Crawford? I think I'm gonna' have some vacation time comin' up, wanna'
take off?

Listen guys, take some time to reflect for a minute. Do you really want me to post you as the senior diplomat in Bagdhad? Send you on a fact finding mission to Kandahar? Encourage Israel to indulge in a spot of collective punishment of your constituents. I didn't think so.... Listen, I'm a pretty straight kinda guy...

Look at what we (Blair and Co) have started, a country that is changing and becoming the best in every respect- reforming its self into the cutting edge - and innovative at every level.
We are heralding International Integration on the diplomacy front.
We are encouraging cultural integration at the national level, And - finally, at the personal level we are winning the battle of ideas with everyone recognising that effiecient education, health and housing gives a happy lifestyle which gives every individual the confidence and uderstanding to condemn terrorism and embrace internatioanl integration.
Hand on heart we all know that but for Blair we wouldnt be where we are toady,and although all leaderships must come to an end, it should be a gradual tarnsfer of power so the successor can build on the incredible start we have made, not destroy it and our future in a day!

A big boy did it and ran away!

Cheap smile... well meaning hand gestures...

"In this very difficult period. I have decided. In the interests of Gordon, the Party, tooth whitening adverts and lucrative book deals. To step down from the leadership of the party. I have decided that the date of my departure will not be May, as many in the media have commented, but in fact it will be April the 1st."

Well chums, the time has come for me to commercially exploit my position as PM. Time for a much younger ordinary bloke to take the reins. Anyway if no job offers, the wife earns a fortune and guitar bands are back in fashion

I HAVE ALWAYS HAD THE INTEREST OF THE LABOUR PARTY AND COUNTRTY IN MIND.

I SAY THIS: DON'T FORGET HOW WE GOT HERE, DON'T FORGET THOSE ISSUES THAT MATTER MOST TO THE PEOPLE WHO GAVE US THIS PRIVILEDGE.

TO FORGET, WOULD BE A GRAVE BLUNDER; FOR PARTY FOR COUNTRY.

There is still soo much for me to do.

I will not be resigning after all

I will be here to fight the next election!!

.. and it was the bloody Today interviews that finally did it.

Ah, is this on?

I am pregnant

I've talked it over with Gordon and he wants me to stay. So,"5 More Years", "5 More Years", "5 More Years".

Trust me.

My name is Tony.

[calming hand gesture, pleading eyes, affirming nod, walk off with arm high in comforting wave]

I've gone 9 years without listening to a word anyone says and I'm not going to start now. Cherrie, buy food & water and change the locks!!!

This week has been turbulent. I recognise that I created uncertainty by announcing that I wouldn鈥檛 seek a fourth term as PM. But the people elected us last year, with me as leader, to govern. I will go - before next summer - but I still have work to do.

It wasn't my fault: Gordon suggested it might be a good idea to go and invade some other country as it had worked for Mrs Thatcher and the Tories.

People of Britain, nothing singles out the remarkable nature of the British character better than a gritty determination to trust those who sound sincere, and to never let the obvious be overstated, or the understating of the less obvious be subject to pressurization.... and that is my final word on the matter.

Listen, are you serious? Inflation and unemployment rock bottom. Employment and standards of living higher than ever in history, and one of the strongest economies in the world. Oh, and we've won the Olympic bid, the Ashes and the Rugby World Cup. What part of all this is getting you down?

Derrr!

Grow up.

I'm staying. Deal with it.

Blair to nation:
seven quit? 15 wrote a messy letter? Like, bovvered!!

"I asked myself over and over again why no-one noticed. I escaped this morning from the secret basement under Number 10 where my wicked older brother Mycroft has kept me for many years. He looks older than me and is clearly mad as a box of frogs, selling peerages, invading foreign countries ..."

Preamble.
I have reminded my colleagues that we won a general election last year retaining the trust of the British People in my leadership.
They do not deserve the infantile antics displayed during the last 48 hours.
Statement
I am withdrawing the whip immediately from the junior minister and 7 government aides who yesterday demanded my immediate resignation.As of 3pm today Gordon Brown will replace Des Browne as Secretary of Stae for Defence and will undertake an emergency mission to Afghanistan.
The new Chancellor will be Ed Balls.

I share with you candidly my feeling of excitement and pride at this, a time of momentous decision making, a time of great significance for our country, our people (pause, wipe eye)and the prospect that now faces us as we move forward to face new and stronger challenges, challenges that we confront with renewed vigour. I know that I can count on the support of my colleagues. In parliament. In the Party. In the country, as we move forward with renewed determination. Let me be clear that nothing will stand in the way of the difficult decisions that have to be made. And we will make those decisions with clarity, and vision. I know, that, in these times, we will stand together as we move into the future, and I thank you from my heart for your support both now, and as we eneter the uncharted territory that lies before us (applause, rhubarbs). Thank you.

On our election in 1997 I told Labour MPs they owed their positions to the Labour Party; that everything they do should be informed by that and that their actions as MPs should be directed towards progressing Labour policies. So I announce my resignation as Labour Leader and Prime Minister.

To go, or not to go, that is the question. Whether it is nobler in the media to suffer the sling and arrows of outrageous specualtion, or by a statement, end them? Goodbye.....to sleep...to rule no more, ah, there's the rub, for in that dream of retirement, what Gordo may come?

I managed to ease the Royal Family out of Diana syndrome. I stood shoulder to shoulder with a democracy who suffered the worst terrorist attack in living history. I now have my back against the wall, so over to you Gordon and your merry little band of Scottish troll lovers. Happy now?

Ladies, Gentlemen, Boys and Girls; It has been a very exciting 24 hours and I can now reveal that I did not order an illegal invasion of a sovereign nation, I have been in captivity for 5 years and a twin/clone has been running my affairs. It may sound fantastic and you may ask how did Cherie not notice? But it's as true as everything I have ever said. Goodbye and goodluck. You'll need it - Bush and Brown are kindred spirits. I didn't do it and I'm off to the Windies.

I cann't ask you to bare with me once last time - I accept that many of you now have reason to distrust me. All I can say is this. Gordon's not ready yet. So we will need a caretaker if I go now. John Prescott. Need I say more?

I feel the hand of Judas upon my shoulder. Any peerages going cheap, Mike?

Good afternoon, comrades. There is one law I am going to change before I leave office. As soon as possible parliament will decide that the maximum period for any future PM will be two terms of office.

Ladies and Gentlemen the issues of the future leadership of the labour party cannot continue to undermine the Government of this great nation of ours.

I have there decided that we should start the processes to select and elect a new leader of the party. I will not be a candidate in that election and I look forward, as Prime Minister, to working with the new leader of the Labour Party until I retire from Parliament at the next election.

Oh and if I had a vote it would go to Gordon.

Tony

I was put into office by the british people with an overwhelming show of confidence. The elctorate were fully aware that I intended stay until shortly prior an election.
My resposibilite is to the britsh people, not a few journalist with nothing better to do than speculating about my future.

Gee. Gosh. Crikey. Rock 'n Roll. Er that's, like, all, folks. Couldn't you just spit. I know I could. Damn, I've just remembered that vast mortgage Cheri saddled us with. Non-stop lecture tours loom. So listen up, people. I'll be speaking about My Life as a Much-Loved PM at a venue near you. Please come and pay me lots of dosh. Alastair, did that sound dignified? Alastair? Peter? Cheri?????

In order to settle the long-standing 鈥榃est Lothian鈥� question, I propose that henceforth no Scottish MP be permitted a vote on any legislation exclusively affecting England. Of course, this will have the unfortunate and entirely coincidental side effect that no Scottish MP can ever become Prime Minster...

"When I meant on and on and on, I meant on and on."

"I have made one god dam awful mess of the middle east and I am the man to clear it up. Well my mum always says that if you break it fix it... or was that George?"

"Besides the UK is shoulder to shoulder with the USA and I can't go until George does, because if I go then the press pack will go after George. Anyway if I want that job with Murdoch and those nice litte after dinner speaking gigs (I have a 拢3.5m mortage don't you know) then I go when they want me to go...."

"So you see the decision is really out of my hands...."

Yours Tony

After Aragorn at the Black Gate...

Friends

I see in your eyes a fear that may be the end of me.

A day may come when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day.

An hour of wolves and shattered dreams, but today we must stand together.

Colleagues, I have been honoured to serve this country as Prime Minister for the last number of years, the role of the Prime Minister is one of decisiveness, as such I am hereby sacking my chancellor of the exchequer with immediate effect. I will remain in place until a new leader is appointed in the beginning of 2007.

"Uno duce, uno voce"

"I have grave news {concerned expression}.

Our country is in great peril from terrorists {pause for effect} which is why we are introducing measures to protect us all from their tyranny.

With immediate effect, we are introducing martial law and I have placed General John Prescott in command of our armed forces.

The intelligence community has, though, identified the person responsible for puttin us in this situation and his name is ... er, Gordon? Are you sure this is correct? You seems to have written my name here..." {scuffles ensue}

Together we've won three outstanding general elections. Together we've changed how the UK is governed, and brought about widespread updating of British public and political life. Change rarely enjoys a calm passage. I have the courage to stay the journey, and I'm counting on your courageousness. Let's work together.

When New Labour came into power, the time was rough. UK was trying to recover from the malades of a government that really did not manage to understand society's needs. Now, after a plethora of accomplishments, some claim that I need to resign. As if, what we did together has allowed an auto pilot to delete the past and ruin present. The main motive for the Prime Minister is to serve its people, the society as a whole. I will resign in the following May. But I will continue to be the force to protect what we gain, and gain more for all of us.

My fellow citzens,
Next week will see the 5th aniversary of the 9/11 attacks on our way of life. Since then there has been many attempts, some unfortunately successful, in bringing harm and loss of life in this country.

To defeat these terrorists we need to stand firmly behind the traditions of our democracy, which is why the recent reports in the media about the timing of my resignitation are so regrettable. In a democracy, a leader of a party is chosen by its members. It is widely known, and I have said publicly myself, that I will leave office before the next election. I will therefore be proposing a timetable for next year for elections for a new party leader, in the best interests of our democracy. Thank you.

Gordon 'stealth tax' Brown has been removed from office - tax cuts for all!

I'd really like celebrate ten years of being prime minister. So PLEASE let me stay until next May. Please.

I thought Bush was Churchill. That says a lot about both of us. Outside of the war...in America the most popular bumper sticker says "Be an environmentalist(top line), (underneath) plant a Bush back in Texas."

But I haven't been in power for ten years yet!

You don't know what you have got, until it has gone.

Things can only get better

I fail to see what everybody is getting so worked up about. I have done a superb job and it is in the interests of everone to allow me to continue uninterupted . . . forever.
This is what I truly believe.

We may only have a third of the country left from when we started but think of the damage to our tax system and means tested credits if Gordon is too busy running down the country to run the treasury. Whole cities in the North rely on us to provide work.

A famous football manager announces at the start of the season that it will be his last. The result: the team staggers from loss to loss. So he decides to stay. result: they win the league by miles! So Ive decided to stay. In fact, I'm going on and on...

I'm pleased to be able to confirm today that my anointed successor Gordon Brown has indicated that his family commitments are such that he cannot take up the role of UK Prime Minister until the end of July next year. Additionally conversion of the 10 Downing Street flat for two very young children will also take until then to complete. Hence I feel obliged to continue in this fun job until mid next year. See you all again soon I hope.

i believe (sincere, clutch right fist)that what the country needs right now is stability, and stability alongside good government is what the country needs right now and stability can only be achieved through sacrifice so i'd just like to reasssure everyone that (ha!) well, i'm not going anywhere ...

I appologize for some mistakes happened non-deliberately.But, I can surely tell you that I am taking lessons from those mistakes.

God bless you

I have come to the conclusion that Gordon Brown is an unsuitable candidate for Prime Minister. As a result, I have been delaying my announcement of a time to depart until a more substantial and more representative Prime Ministerial candidate becomes available. I still feel Mr. Brown to be unsuitable and ask your indulgance until this selection process of my replacement is complete. I will leave just as soon as Gordon Brown no longer represents a threat to Great Briatain.

MY FELLOW PEOPLE I HAVE TRIED MY BEST FOR THIS COUNTRY AND I HOPE YOU ALL KONW IT.AND I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT EVERYTHING I HAVE DONE ARE RECORDED AND THEY WILL BE REMEMBERD.SO TAKE HOLD AND OBEY THE NEXT PERSON THAT IS COMING BEHIND ME OK.BYE FOR NOW

Well, it's hard to believe it's come to this! I've finally got the message that you're all really fed up with me and I can't say I blame you. Iraq was to be my greatest moment but I guess Then I became a zealot and omniscient but in the end it was just little 'ole me. Sorry chaps!

I have cone today to a momentous decision to ban bad news. This will be done through the shutdown of all news media, including TV, radio and newspapers, the posession of such devices will become a crime punishable by a jolly good telling off! Additionally, the term Blairite will be redefined and respelt Blairight. Any more questions? I thought not!

I will resign as primeminister as soon as the DUP and Sinn Fein form a power sharing government in the Northern Ireland assembly.

Hello,

Unfortunately I can't give you a statement at this time as George Bush's PR department are all busy.

Oops, I been a bad wickle boy.

Now is not a time for soundbites. I feel the hand of history around my throat.

I have just been released after a 6 yr ordeal, in which I was abducted by aliens! I understand my clone has privatised the NHS,attempted to turn the worlds extremists against us by constructing false reasons to go to war and (most bizarrely) allowed himself to be enslaved by George w. Bush. We need to stand united and rid the world of these Alien invaders the NEW LABOUR way.

With the best of intentions, a line has been spun throughout my leadership.
The N in line is emphasised despite the great big lie....deceit and dishonesty which I've been accused of.
However, these accusations are, admittedly, quite truthful and with great regret I announce my immediate resignation.
SO SORRY! (followed by a visual breakdown and flood of tears that make Mrs Thatcher's Jaguar departure pale into insignificance)

Look..........you know.........gosh......aw shucks........it's not.......it's not really about......me. What it's about is....and what really matters is whether the people of this country.............

as off now, the country is under marshal law. all disdents will be met by harsh repisles. fitting of trackers will start tomorro. this is for your own good. otherwise, the terroists win.

On our election in 1997 I told Labour MPs they owed their positions to the Labour Party; that everything they do should be informed by that and that their actions as MPs should be directed towards progressing Labour policies. So I announce my resignation as Labour Leader and Prime Minister.

I have made very clear the next leader of the party needs time to settle in; I'll make that time in an orderly, smooth transistion and stand by the committment to not running for another term in office... Tickets for my farewell tour will be on sale next autumn.

I will be a candidate in the next Labour Party leadership election.

We have come a long way but the journey to make Britain great and a place we are all comfortable in and proud to be part of will continue. I am proud I held the reigns and touched history now it is time for me to pass them on and to move on. Tomorrow the process begins to elect a new leader and Prime Minister. Its been great, Thank you, Goodbye.

Remember politically where we & our party stood before my election as leader & 1997 election.....

Our disunity & infighting will cost far more than just my leadership &
premiership....

Having confirmed the provisional leadership election timetable -let us work together with shared values, ideas & future vision

Following discussions with Gordon, we feel now is the right time to announce that from May 2007 Sterling will be joining the other 12 founder currencies in the ERM and will be replaced by the EURO.

Any questions?

Alright. If you really want me to, I'll go tomorrow.

But that means John Prescott will be in charge until the next election.

I am now attending a clinic that will help to cure me of my addiction to George Bush and everything American. But I need your help and support to conquer this terrible, destructive disease conquered.

A small number of suspected disloyal, discourteous and wrong-headed members of parliament suspected of links to Al-Qordon have been held and questioned outside the Palace of Westminster, in a separate program operated by the Central Intelligence Agency.

I want to be absolutely clear with our people, and the world: The United Kingdom does not torture. It's against our laws, and it's against our values. I have not authorized it - and I will not authorize it. Er...is that right, George?

I'm going outside. I may not be back for some time!

Put up or shut up! [well, it worked for John Major?]

Just what part of GO does YO BLAIR not understand or was his time at Fettes totally wasted????

As a wise lady once sang, I may not be a lady...But I'm all woman. That's right folks, this gentleman certainly IS for turning! I will be becoming Toni Blair within the next 12 months. She will most certainly be the perfect successor to our nation's fine leader.

Within the documents currently being handed around the room are statistics outlining the current condition of the National Health Service and British education system. If anybody here present thinks they can sort that lot out AND have conversations with President Bush while keeping a straight face, the keys to no.10 are with the janitor.

My lasting legacy to humankind will be the part we played in Iraq.
I made a mistake. I'm sorry.

You will have seen that I have belatedly noticed the electorate. I'm steaming ahead to mend the "broken toy" public services and restore social cohesion. I need to continue my efforts for at least one year, so let's all pull together and show real Party unity!

It is a far, far, better thing that I do now, than I have ever done before.

or:

Goodbye, thanks and it's got to be Gordon.

To Labour:
I make policies and you vote for them, don鈥檛 misinterpret the acronyms of PM and MP!

To the public:
You didn鈥檛 get a say on me becoming party leader, its the same for my retirement.

To the media:
Please, stop! Dick & Rupert said you would be nice.

for my final 12 months, i will dress as a woman and will only answer to the name cathryn.

and now we drink.

To the British people:

Having had almost a decade to put right the wrongs of the Conservatives, and to restore hope and social justice to British people, at home and abroad, I would like to state that my end has come. Overall, my biggest failure has been in foreign policy. I admit that I've not stood strong against the forces of Christian fundamentalism, and have concentrated too much on Islamic fundamentalism. Hopefully my successor in May 2007, Gordon Brown, will keep religion out of politics.

I am personally responsible for the invasion of Iraq, and for the invasion of Britain by other nations. I have abolished values and respect and the rule of law is breaking down. I am emigrating to Tuscany, and will take over from Kofi Annan in due course. Je ne regrette rien.

My fellow brits,

I must apologise for the delay in confirming a date for my departure, but I was awaiting clearance from George W.

Fellow Citizens,
You wanted leadership, the Party was elected; since I am leader, I will lead, and you will follow or get out of the way.
I will go when I'm damn good and ready. That will be soon. You are dismissed.
Thank you.

I am coming out of the Bush and will see the Queen to hand in my resignation this afternoon.

Hi,I'm Tony, I'm a Politician. Thanks for what you had to say. I really identified with it. Like you I started politicking in adolescence and I was hooked right away. Still am. Can't get enough of the stuff. I used to do anything for it. But it's not like that today. I have a choice. I'm Honest, Open & willing so come on live & let live eh? More will be revealed. Honest! Let Go & Let God err Me!

Because of his wish to spend more time with his family, I have accepted the resignation of my close friend and colleague Gordon Brown as Chancellor.
I am sure as a backbencher he will make a valuable contribution.

Enemies, Countrymen, and the Labour Party - Lend me your ears!

I hear some of you have been plotting a coup, and to you, I say: "Et tu, Brute?"

But, before I go, I leave for you a final legacy. I leave to you my 'anyone other than Gordon' candidate. His name is David Cameron, and he's New Tory.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your crotch, and may your arms be too short to scratch. I trust you shall reap what you have sown,,,

Cheers.

GOOD AFTERNOON EU/USA
BUSH AND I HAVE NOT SORTED OUT ALL THE DETAILS HOWEVER LESS THAN 9.MIN 11 SEC AGO SADAAM Huskier TOLD US WHERE BIN LADIN IS AND WE HAVE CAPTURED HIM WITH LARGE AMOUNTS OF W.M.D. AND YELLOW CAKE. TALIBAN HAS Surrendered TO THE BRITISH AND TO CELEBRATE ISRAEL WILL REBUILD LEBANON FOR FREE. AND BUSH GOT FARRAKHAN TO BROKER PEACE WITH ALL THE WORLD MUSLIMS. AND OUR Satellite FOUND OIL ON THE MOON
TEA ANYONE?

If it had not been for Iraq and the coalition with the USA in what we learned about terrorism we would not have cought the torrorists in our country over the past weeks . Its sad small people have small minds , that is polotics . You want my job ? There is a song called : Take this job and shove it .

GOOD AFTERNOON EU/USA
BUSH AND I HAVE NOT SORTED OUT ALL THE DETAILS HOWEVER LESS THAN 9.MIN 11 SEC AGO SADAAM HUSEIN TOLD US WHERE BIN LADIN IS AND WE HAVE CAPTURED HIM WITH LARGE AMOUNTS OF W.M.D. AND YELLOW CAKE. TALIBAN HAS Surrendered TO THE BRITISH AND TO CELEBRATE ISRAEL WILL REBUILD LEBANON FOR FREE. AND BUSH GOT FARRAKHAN TO BROKER PEACE WITH ALL THE WORLD MUSLIMS. AND OUR Satellite FOUND OIL ON THE MOON
TEA ANYONE?

Kipling said it for him:

I could not dig,
I dared not rob,
And so I lied to please the mob.
But now my lies are proved untrue,
And I must face the men I slew.
What tales shall serve me here among,
Mine angry and defrauded young?

As Kylie once said "Better the devil you know."

This great nation spat at Heath and brought down His Government; the establishment spied on Wilson; we moved into bankruptcy under Callaghan; Thatcher was stabbed by her own; Major ruled a party in anarchy and sleaze. The word Conservative became that slur to the term morality. We shall never forget.

My fellow non-Americans, it's been my greatest honour to serve you as Prime Minister since 1997. As you know, it's never been my intention to go on and on and on. So, why, I suppose you're asking, have I gone on and on, even in the face of opposition from my colleagues. Well, I am in a position to explain my thinking to you now. I have been concerned that my departure would not lead to a leadership election, but to the coronation of a candidate whose election would, I believe, place the country in greater difficulties than the alternative (my staying on). I speak, of course, of the Chancellor, whose mental health has been a considerable issue for myself and my colleagues. Frankly, he's potty. He likes to give the impression that he's responsible for the economy's success. Well, it's not true. It was the Bank of England. Gordon is an extremely malevolent figure -- a dark character. Not -- as my friend George Bush would put it -- Not a good heart. In fact, a thoroughly appalling heart. Just read a biography about him and you'll see that he has destoyed every competitor in this path. Gordon would be a disaster for the country, for two reasons. First, as I've said before, he's mad. And second, he supported all my policies anyway. So if Gordon gets in, you'll just have a plumper, less atrractive, and more deranged version of me. And that certainly can't be in the country's interests, can it? Of course not. So that's why I've stayed on: to protect you (ironically enough) from more of me. I realise now -- now that my MPs are writing to every newspaper in the country to pretend they've never met me and don't know how I ever got elected in the first place -- I realise now that alternatives to the Chancellor are emerging and these may protect the country from the worst excesses of a Blair-lite (yet heavy) succession. That person is my colleague David Milliband. He is handsome, I'm told. He's taller than he appears on television. He is bright as a button. He is the right age. He'll look even better than David Cameron. In fact, he rather reminds me of David Cameron -- shorter hair, of course, though fitter, even though he doesn't cycle. But then, he doesn't need to cycle, he's natually in good shape. As are his policies. And he has many, many policies. In fact, he used to write policies for me.

I hope these comments will assist my colleagues in their unenviable task of trying to find my successor. I appeal to my colleagues to take their time. And to assist them in their challenging work, I plan to stay on in Downing Street until next September.

"DON'T PANIC MR MAINWARING! THEY DON'T LIKE IT UP 'EM, THEM FUZZY WUZZIES! WORSE THINGS HAPPEN AT SEA REMEMBER!" {to be read whilst running up and down in the manner of Lance corporal Jones (Home Guard)}>

See y'a all.
Tony

I've tried to read all the previous blogs... they are all vg... must be a winner in that lot.
Of course Browne makes a speech before Blair intimating what jolly good pals they are.. Blair's speech appeared off the cuff amongst avid supporters... it was stage managed as such with pupils & staff ,I wonder who was playing the interviewer? certainly the press was not present..so they are still spinning like crazy & the truth remains very nebulous &/or nefarious even.
The best remark i heard throughout a hectic couple of hours of tele was said by excellent Broadcaster, Nick Robinson when refering to Blair & Browne's outings... quote;
"ISSUING STATEMENTS BORNE OUT OF MUTUAL PANIC" ;unquote.... Thats magic!

'I would like to apologise on behalf of the Labour Party' is probably the shortest political suicide note in history.

Having made the Conservatives electable, I鈥檓 off. The great (thank god silent) majority know my achievements; so let history be my shield and truth my trusty sword! Anyway, you鈥檒l want me back when that miserably dour Scotchman I鈥檝e appointed takes over - as long as he has an Identity Card.

It is with sorrow that I witness the Labour Government in disarray.
I beg you take a good hard look at the achievements of the Government.
I realise decisions taken may be controversial and not popular with a large majority of the population, however, the Government must be strong and make decisions that may not always be popular. Resigning from Government when the going gets tough cannot be an option. We should stand united and work out the challenges together.

Universal rule of the self-distraction states: When child try to tame his parents, order and parenthood would be lost and distraction of the bloc is inevitable. For the labor party this is the case of the junior ministers breaking the order of the line up and trying to advice PM without any solid disagreements on the policy but solely for their ambition of holding higher post on the next government

It's been a great ride; my hour in centre stage is over...... at least for now. See you on the backbenches and in my constituency.

(insert PM's speech from 'Love, Actually' here...)

Hello, I've just come to tell everyone that I've had a revelation! I realize that I've been a war criminal because of my monumental conceit and sychophantic obsession with George Bush and the rich and powerful , so , as an atonement, I've decided to send myself off to Guantanomo Interment Camp where I can be forced to wear ladies panties and not be able to use the toilet !

I hope this will make up for all my past misdeeds and you'll find it easier to vote for me should I run for office again or tune in to my T.V. chat show after I've made a comeback with Geoffry Archer...the 'Blarchers' !!

It's called "Do I tell a lie ? "

I am sure you'll all be pleased to hear I will cede power to Gordon Brown early next year. But when's the last time you saw us in a room together?

I've been a Labour Party member since I was 15 back in '83. I don't believe in "sectarianism on the Left" however appealing that may be to the egos of some. Today's statement should satisfy Blairites, 'Brownites' and anyone else with the interests at heart of the people of this country who need a Labour government. The posturers and dilettantes can all go home now...

All the people who are clamouring for my resignation, especially the parliamentary collegues who have resigned recently, are simply trying to ally themselves to whoever my successor will be and ingratiate themselves to that person. I will not be blackmailed and i will resign at the time of my choosing as i have explained on numerous occasions recently.Thankyou any questions?

Since becoming your PrimeMinster you have given me your trust and confidence. I thank you for this; and you did so, I believe, with good reason. New Labour has been a force for good in Britain today; we have delivered great progress in the education of our children, delivered great progress in our beloved National Health Service, delivered a minimum wage to our poorest of workers, and brought about positive changes to our system of Law & Order. However, it has been said by many that we, I, have too slavishly followed the dictates of US President George W. Bush. The reasons for our country鈥檚 great partnership with the United States is, of course an historic one, and one based on a common love of truth and reason. This common love whether we know like it or not has led us into a series of protracted and difficult wars; wars I must now confess to you we have both lost and are in the process of losing. The truth is we have lost in Iraq; that country whether once fine or foul, after our invasion has exploded into an orgy of killing and destruction leading to her present state of sectarian and civil war. Of this I am sorry. Our involvement in Afghanistan, too, I have begun to regret. We have lost too many of the lives of our brave soldiers and airmen. Of this I am also sorry. And more recently our Government鈥檚 approach to the crisis in Lebanon has further dented the public鈥檚 confidence in our handling of international affairs. One cannot, however, ignore the old adage 鈥榯hree strikes and you鈥檙e out鈥�. Perhaps the public are right in many cries of foul play, torture, abuse, and media manipulation of facts and events. A dangerous and uncertain world is one in which none of us wish to live. Consequently over these last weeks I instructed our security services to again review the basis of our involvements international. Their findings were both incredible and terrifying. And, as incredible as it may now appear to, what I have to tell you, is the truth. That truth is this. Our Government, notwithstanding our present and ongoing mutual defence commitments to United States largely entered into our present sorry international conflicts on the basis of those most outrageous and tragic events of 9th September in New York. The entire world was rightly both horrified and shocked. What our security services have reported to me is that these incredible events however were never the workings of Islamic aviators and conspirators, but were, and I come to you too humbled by this knowledge, the workings of elements of the United States Government itself. There is now no doubt of this. Rogue elements of the US administration planted explosives not only in the New York Twin Towers, but also buildings adjacent not struck by aircraft. These rogue elements did this to garner support for illegal wars, wars I am again sorry to say we are involved in. This knowledge, previously unbeknownst to us, to me, must now put this relationship into serious question. And the public have every reason and right to view us, me, with scrutiny. The world as the result of this outrageous fraud has been plunged into fear, suspicion and terror. This was wholly unnecessary and wrong. I apologise to you, and give you my assurance I did not know of this outrage to fool us all. I too, am as much victim of this as each and every one of you. Again I apologise. Since it is really only this incredible lie that is upsetting everybody I am pleased to inform you that I intend to remain as your PrimeMinister not only for this present term, but also, with your trust and support, the next.

President Bush doesn't care about white people...

I love Lamp

It amazes me when politicians express their concern about general public and their welfare as Mr Prime Minister did this afternoon.May somebody awake P M memory and ask him why he did not listen to the public when the public was marching in London in millions against war.

Gordon, you are the weakest link, GOODBYE and take all your boys and girls with you.

I fight to win

And now... the end is near;
And so I face the final curtain.
My friend, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case, of which I'm certain.

I've lived a life thats full.
I've traveled each and every highway;
And more, much more than this,
I did it myyyyyyyyyyy wayyyyyyyyyyyy.

It was either me or David Blunkett.

My Fellow Americans

It has come to my attention that the bloke from the hinterlands up north-like, yeah, has been organising a coup against me.

To him and all other rebels I say this; If i go now, Prescott is leader till bonnie prince Brown wins the leadershp election

so SHUT IT!

Regards

Blair

It's not been my fault I was only taking orders........Er was that o.k. George?

Stay. Why quit over pressure? No party above man. If Labour goes, so be it. Well done Blair for being a true successor of Lady Thatcher, great leaders always end bitter, that's British politics.

Sorry...For spin
Sorry...For lying
Sorry...For Iraq
Sorry...For turning the UK into four diferent nations

Sorry...For destroying 'Real' Labour.

Sorry, Bye!

Early this morning, British troops in Iraq uncovered a significant stock of WMD capable of being fired in 45 mins...

Many of you think of government as Parliament. I assure you I alone am responsible for the past nine years. I decommissioned the Royal Yacht to save money. I am now abolishing Parliament for the same reason, and will be taking up residence at Buckingham Palace at the Queen's request. I YAM THE ANTICHRIST!

The damn Americans could not find Ossama so I have to go find him and the weapons of mass destruction and I swear I am not returning untill I find them.

I recognise I kow-towed to a corrupt, venal U.S President. I will give immediate orders to withdraw our troops from Iraq and Afghanistan, call on the Israeli Govt to ensure peace in the Middle East by withdrawing its troops to the 1967 borders, ending ethnic cleansing of Palestinians.Forgive me!

I'm here to stay - GET OVER IT!
Warm regards,
Tony

I am an antichrist, I am a antichrist.....

In far less than 50 words I can say this to you media people:
GROW UP!

I'm off; I'm great; Loadsa Money!

The wife won't like it but I intend going tomorrow, least ways I think I am. I can't help being a bag of hot air, itis my parents fault.

Well it seems the game is up, you found out I am only a clone and the real Tony is stuffing himself in the White House.
If I promise to send him home can he stay another term? .... please.

Yours truly
Clony Blair

Friends, illegal immigrants and countrymen lend me your ears. I come to praise me not to bury me.
Iraq might be a mess. not to mention Afghanistan but I am doing wonders for all of you.Have you never had it so good?
God has shown me the way and will tell me when to retire.He said that life under Gordon would not be a huge bundle of fun and I was to remind you that he is a dour Scot

I am a good Guy! Bernie who, what dodgy dossier, sell peerages?, Cliff understands royalties. Yo Blair is a greeting by another world leader with an equal reputation. I got you elected me, me, me.
Let me go. Unfasten those straps. Take it off. I am your leader.

2008: Gord is dead: we are fighting for our lives in the wilderness against ruthless toryborgs who want to enslave humanity.
1997: We breed a new human - "Tone", the man-borg - to repel all borgs forever.
2006: Tone is so successful we decommission him ourselves!
Typical Labour.

I am not here to apologise for my being, nor to defend any one part of my being Prime Minister . Nothing that has been said and done by the elected government of the people of Great Britain do I regret . The labour Party was humiliated for eighteen years by an uncaring Tory government . I helped to change that

R.Berrow For T Blair

Well, my subjects, I am still and will always be the 'People's PM'. Whatever those media types say you have not seen the last of me. There is someone who still loves me. Cherie?, Cherie? Cherie?

Cherie darling.

Are they tanks on the garden.

Damm can't find a traffic warden when you need one.

I did tell Anne Robinson, I only came to pay for my kids university fees and Cherie's hairdo. I am glad I got this far my family and friend (George) will be proud . It was not fair they conspired against me.

Why can't you all be patient!! I will go when I'm good and ready and when certain solutions are resolved.
I repeat BE PATIENT!! and let me get on with what I have to do before I hand over. Then GOOD LUCK to the person who takes over. He/she will need it!!

I go as a martyr of political spin,but then"all political careers end in tears".

Dear Maggie, You are the only one who ever understood me. I'm sorry I haven't quite finished the job, but Old Labour got the kicking you wanted and now New Labour's looking very foolish - all because of me! me! me!

I will be leaving soon, but I'm not telling them when, why should I? We know (and George), that's all that matters. I'll get through as many of our policies as I can and then I'm off. I'll just watch the fireworks from my nice new villa in Israel, or there's California....Texas.... George and the Reagans are looking forward to our visit.............

Tony Blair is for the most part being assailled by a political bunch of no hopers including the two dead-beats who will have a go at him tonight, Heally and Lamont. People should look up their so
called 'achievements'.

Friends, Romans, sorry, Tuscanites, countrymen, maybe illegal immigrants as well, as I can't quite yet decide, the time has come to, well, look, you know, and I know, I mean, it's all come down to where to we want to take the country, see what I mean. And well, I do think that now is, you know, a good time to look forwards, rather than looking back, except to the 18 YEARS OF TORY MISRULE, especially as the future, for me anyway, is quite possibly orange and filled with large speaking payments. And Gordon, low interest rates thanks, some of us have mortgages to pay.

I think I hear some ordinary mortals jabbering....

Am I bothered??

Look, what I say to you is this, I did what I thought was right for the country. But ye know, we all have pressures, and I forgot: right for the UK: not America. Ye know, I鈥檓 sorry. And I'll end by saying this, Gordon, here's the keys

Dear Editor and presenters of NewsNight. How I can I present a picture of Tony Blair getting himself off the hook.As I have stated, I am in limbo, neither available to vote in either English of French or French elections, although my ex-Italian husband,was offerd the chance to vote in municipal elctions, to me and to him against the law, as he hold an Italian Passport - the conservatives, at that time would try anything. It was a joke between us. Now after residing in France, by myself, I find I cannot vote in either the British nor the French Elections. Moreover, let me tell you about France, Chirac would never have the problems in his country (minus the British who are conservative to the core, and would hate an elction that gave a Labour leader control of British votes, they live in a starry country, which they left long ago for the benefits of French weather). I have, in my innocence and first entry into France, in this particular area, an introduction. Now I am person non gratia,for believing in a government,suitable in England for the era. I admit Blair has made mistakes, especially in his relationship to America,but are we a South American country that can overthrow, in a coup, a man who has won 3 electorships, and the acclamation of our country. Let us not have a Thatcher disposal, but let theman finish his leadership with some grace, without a coup organised, but denied by Brown. he has said when he will go, and I detected emotion in his speech? For the problems in the world today, Iraq, Iran, Lebannon, Israel, Palestine, let him have his sat, without American influence, which I admit is his primarily mistake, but following on from other British leaders, perhaps, to say to Europe,we still hve influence in the world (which we do not, but we are beter than the French with their President on trial for corruption,dismissed while he is President, not for long. Plus a parliament, which is semi-circular for everyone to say their piece, but does not work that way. Remember Clemenceau, he was not the architect of German re-arnament, that clause of guilt attributed to the Peace Treaty, wastranslated wrongly. So do we acknowledge Blair on some mistaken speeches, which he wish he had not given, re the semi-American policies, accorded by Brown, and how used for dissent, though he denies this. Can Britain come out od this debacle, with our heads held high, and let Brown take over, with assured vindictiness to lead our country to success. I do not think Brown is the man, however, until getting news on my computer, re politics, I have been in cuckoo-land. Thank you Newsnight, I am again thinking about my country.
To finish in some sort of humour, my ec-Italian husband taught me just about every English swear-word, and if I did not understand, decribed it, which is why I refuse to learn any French/Italian words. Keep going, you are doing a superb job, Regrds Jennifer W.

I am calling a general election next week...and I resign.

I think Mr. Blair should not resign or leave his office until his tenure is over. He has made a lot of changes and significant good progress to England; he is very much committed to the fight against terrorism inside and outside of England. England is becoming more and more like the USA where politics is getting out of hand. Let Mr. Blair stay and finish the work he started.

now look, everything i did, i did out of greed and secret agenda, it's YOUR fault this didn't work, you were meant to love me unconditionally

democracy does work

it is you, the people who are wrong to question it

think I'M bad ?...wait till you see what reid does

Thank you all for your support but now its time to go, my best wishes to the next incumbent.

What will I do now? Well, an old friend has offered me a job as an ambasssador, er, to the USA. What you laughing at!

Forgive me. I'm only human, which is more than I can say for our enemies. I promise to do better.

鈥淲ell鈥hat I鈥ou know鈥ort of鈥anted to鈥ctually say is that鈥ou know鈥t this moment in time鈥� the鈥ort of鈥ost important thing to actually鈥ou know鈥ome out of all this鈥s that, at the end of the day it鈥檚鈥ort of鈥ou know, the greatest鈥�.鈥�

Thank you, Mr Blair, for those truly great 50 words.

When one makes an agreement that one fully intends to honour, actually doing so often proves less black and white than we had hoped. Circumstances and people change, and though this is not an excuse it is perhap a mitigating condition. I am after all just a citizen doing a job, and passing on this great privilege and responsibility is in itself a heavy burden. The time has come however to step aside and I shall in early 2007.

We must move forward, not backward. Upward, not forward. And twirling,
ever twirling, into the future.

As everyone is aware I am the best PM that has ever held office. I believe the good people of this country have no wish to see myself and Cherie vacate No.10 before the next election. Therefore in light of this overwhelming support I will be staying put. Besides I can't go yet I've ordered new wallpaper. I'm sure Cheries friend Gordon, will understand that my popularity has to take precedence over any perceived promises made in Islington. Seeing as the public has continuing faith in my abilities to put their interests first I'd like to end this speech with a little inside information. If you need a good Barrister, my wife, Cherie, has a very good position at Matrix, a HR company. For your continued support of us feel free to take advantage of her position, she has. Thank you one and all.

'Father, forgive them, they know not what they do'

I have been known as a Born Leader Attempting Illicit Rule... was every freedom around us forbidden? No.

I have been called a liar..they say our future does not lie with me...yet the public knew they wanted the future we could and have created in our own time

I would like to thank the media for creating a smokescreen for me whilst I think and worry about many things of which you are NOT aware. We should all be watching our backs.

Comrades forgive me for I have sinned. It has been a while since my last confession:

I know my sins are numerous, would you prefer I recounted them all to you, while the country wobbles without direction? Put me on trial if you so wish, be the inquisition, torture my soul, I'll be the party's sacrificial lamb, willingly, but what will that achieve?

All I ask is your forgiveness, i give you my promise to atone for my sins, sooner And later, come, let us join together comrades, for the sake of our children and beloved nation. Now and forever, peace be with you.

Dear friends
Thank you for your support and patient. I hope you will remember me for my good work in NHS, Education, and Civil service & Economy.

Especially NHS employees should be grateful for their new pay rise.
I kept economy under control with my help from friend Gordon Brown.
Unfortunately international terrorism let me down. I sincerely believe what I did for my country.
I hope my successor will carry out the programmes I initiated.
Thank you.

I'm resigning, Mr. Bush. You might as well hand over the negatives.

I wish to resign as the US Ambassador to 10 Downing Street, and

To the British public, my colleagues, ladies and glentlemen, I have no problem resiging from the labour party,as, whilst working for all you poor people in Britain, I have made sure I can retire with a substantial retirement fund.No need for me to send 'er indoors to the courts to supplement my income.
Goodbye, good luck.

Yours truly

Tony

I apologise unreservedly to the Arab people for the massive loss of life that followed my decision to support the American administration. I apologise profusely for the British dead in Iraq, Afghanistan and London. My foreign policy has failed utterly, rendering my more successful domestic programmes somehow worthless. I resign.

Friends, Colleagues, Labour men, lend me your ears;
I come to bury my premiership, not to praise myself.
The evil that men do lives in tabloids and letters;
The good is oft interred with their memoirs;
So let it be with me.
Bring fourth the farewell tour and pay tribute!

I'm sorry, If anyone wants to quell this government they are INSANE>
In the whole of my life I never expected a government to be allected and aloud to run our UK in such a corrupt manner.! What is the matter with our population.?
Barbara Norwich

This morning her Gracious Majesty sent for me - look, she still has that privilege, you know - and graciously informed me that she will be asking Mr Jamie Oliver to form the next Government. So that's all right, then, isn't it?

Bair :-

"Friends, romanians and fellow countrymen who haven't buggered of to live in Spain yet...loan me your ears.........."

Peccavi

This has been a very difficult time for the Party and especially for the "poor bloody infantry" out there who do all the work without reward. To end all the backbiting and conniving I have decided to sack Gordon Brown and all his acolytes immediately. Time to put Country first and oerwheening pride and bruised egos in the bin of history.

Tony

Comrades, "arcs" yourselves about da extremism.

Evil is dem wot "axis" me ta leave da sinkin' ship, like a rat, just now when it need captin Tone at de helm!

Tings can only get betta.

Innit?

"Education, education, education!"

Charles Clarke? He shaves not, neither does he grow a beard. Can one trust such a man?

I was wrong about Iraq. It is time to admit that amd put right the damage that has been done both to world stability, and to the security of this country. I pledge that I shall use the remainder of my time as prime minister to this end. I trust that people will give me the time needed to carry out this task.

Two pints of lager and a packet of crisps, please?

Oh, shite, wrong room.

My dog did it..

To Chris Papadopoulos #63. Who would have thought we'd hear the Prime Minister utter those words (Comic Relief 2007). Guess it must be nearly time for him to go. Bring on May 3rd!

I am not just your admired PM, I am also a loving husband; so you'll understand that when Cherie screamed at me to be rational and not get involved in any desperate and ill-advised military misadventure with Dubya, well, I just had to show her who was boss.

Now, I give you all your new Leader:

His Royal Highness George W. Bush. The United Kingdom is now the 51st state of the United States of America.

Sorry, it's just my wife's hair salon bills were dipping into our savings, and the Americans had money.

Sorry, guys.

Gordon....George...Gun...Held to head... I had no choice...You must believe me...I think I'm having a breakdown.