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Talk about Newsnight

Paul Mason's Idle Scrawl

England 0 - Austria 0 (SubbuteEuro2008)

  • Paul Mason
  • 10 Jun 08, 05:54 PM

Sunday's alternative Euro2008 Subbuteo clash between England and Austria (off 大象传媒 premises and outside work time - see Idle Scraw, passim) failed to scintillate. Despite Capello's best efforts the placing Owen up front in the 4-2-3-1 formation (we are still waiting for the superglue to set on Wayne Rooney's hip) didn't work. At half time England had to revert - Frank Bassett style - to 4-4-2, replacing Owen with a circa-1956 vintage cardboard Subbuteo figure in a Newcastle strip....


A cagey Austrian defence made it tough going. Steve Gerrard began to punt the ball long in a desparate attempt to secure a result. Bentley was booed by the England fans, despite the fact that they were all 1.5cm high and wearing brown overcoats, flat caps, striped scarves and carrying rattles. There were ructions in the tabloids about the non-selection of Frank Lampard.

All in all a typical England performance on the Subbuteo table. The 1956-style Geordie sub was booked for tackling somebody 1956-style and then sent off after a second booking when he nutted a fellow team member who tried to embrace him, 2008 style

The scheduled England-Germany match on 12 June may have to be postponed as someone from the Newsnight team has has stood on and squashed our little orange ball.

England: James, Brown, Ferdinand, Terry, Ashley Cole, Bentley, Hargreaves, Barry, Joe Cole, Gerrard, Owen. Sub: Milburn J?

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