大象传媒

I wonder what I made of my first couple of days at nursery school? It was more than three decades ago, I had just turned 3, and it was the first time I had been left in the care of anyone outside my immediate family. When I asked my mum she said she couldn鈥檛 recall any tears (me or her) and that I probably took it all in my stride. 听

Fast forward to the present day and I have a daughter of my own. She will celebrate her 3rd birthday next month. She recently started nursery school and it proved to be more emotional than I had imagined. Part of that was probably down to the fact that we had only moved house three days before her first day. Hundreds of miles from our friends and family in a new town and everything felt a bit strange - for both of us.

There鈥檚 no doubt that starting nursery or pre-school is a big milestone in your child鈥檚 life, and a big moment for you too. And it feels like a huge milestone when that child hasn鈥檛 been in a stranger鈥檚 care before. 听(Some of my friends who have children a year or two older than my daughter, had warned me that it might be a more emotionally-charged time than I had expected.) But I guess it鈥檚 one of the inevitable parts of being the parent 鈥� having to relinquish a certain degree of control and realise that, from now on, other people are going to shape your child鈥檚 learning and development.听

The first time I ushered my daughter through the nursery鈥檚 front door, it actually felt rather liberating as well as exciting. She鈥檇 been telling me and my husband for months that she wanted to go to nursery (鈥渢o do painting, lots of playing and learn things鈥�), and I was quite looking forward to the prospect of having each morning to myself without my little shadow following me everywhere! I could start work on a freelance project, get some neglected jobs done around the house and maybe enjoy a little 鈥榤e鈥� time.听

But settling in to nursery wasn鈥檛 plain sailing. Within minutes of entering the building on the first day, I had one small trembling child clinging to my leg, tears streaming down her cheeks. I managed to prize her off with promises that it was all going to be okay, but I felt uneasy and not sure what to do. I stayed a while, she calmed down and then I slipped out.听

The next three of four sessions pretty much followed the same pattern, with my normally chilled-out child disintegrating into hysterical sobs. Heartbreaking is too strong a word, but it was distressing and not the best start to a day. Assurances that she was fine within five minutes of my departure didn鈥檛 really help. But talking to friends with older children did. I had to try not to worry, and just ride it out... 听

And they were right. It felt like a switch had flicked. It seems to be the way with children - nothing鈥檚 ever a shade of grey, it鈥檚 very much black and white. When I went to collect her the following week, I had to bribe her with chocolate to get her to climb down from the playground apparatus and come home with me!

She鈥檚 thriving, and she seems to be relishing the taste of independence and new experiences nursery can offer her. She鈥檚 proudly telling me about her latest work of art or what they all talked about in circle time, and I get a daily progress report in the form of a little diary kept by her key carer. 听

It鈥檚 no longer just the two of us going everywhere together. She鈥檚 branching out on her own, immersing herself in a different kind of routine and developing new relationships and friendships. It feels good. And 鈥� most importantly 鈥� she鈥檚 happy. 鈥淢ummy, is it nursery day today?鈥� she asks eagerly as soon as she wakes up each morning.听

Joanna Youngs听is a member of the 大象传媒 parent panel.

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