Fearless
Fred, commenting on the previous posting said:" I'm still waiting for the card which was a piece of card to be displayed. C'mon Eddie, you know we want to see it!"
Who am I to deny you? Here it is - front and back.
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Hey Fearless! Eddie makes your wishes come true and names a thread after you! Aren't you special? (Well, of course, we knew that already).
This does rather make one wonder what the good folk at Royal Mail thought on being asked to handle this - and first class!
Two peanuts walk into a bar,
One is a salted.
boom boom
Doesn't look like the stamp got franked. Either it was lucky, or the sender only put on a stamp as a red herring, & was REALLY IN THE BUILDING ALL THE TIME. I still suspect someone in the office. Note the typed address, so no handwriting clues. Sherlock Holmes would have this worked out in a trice.
Joke.
Husband to obviously depressed wife. "What's wrong, love?"
Wife: "i'm homesick!"
Husband: "But we ARE at home. This is your home."
Wife: " Yeah, I know, and I'm sick of it!"
Mind you, I'm doing well on the "getting cards posted" front aren't I? See, Eric does love me really... (even if he doesn't know his Olivers).
How long do we think it will be before someone suggests collecting the pointless postcards into a pointless book and selling it in aid of Children In Need?
Might rival the Countryfile calendar and Wogan's Janet & John stories, in time...
Why, thanks, Eddie! It truly shows that for a pointless idea, it's a damn fine one at that!
:D
Did you ever receive my post card from St Michael's Church in Miami Florida?
Here's a joke by courtesy of my ten-year-old....'Why did the baker have brown hands? Because he needed a poo'. Sorry.
Fearless Fred
Peer-less, said
See ya less, Ed!
Cheer! less said
The better.
- Pointless!
Just tried to post something a got a load of mumbo jumbo re templates not loading, etc. etc.
I blame Fred.
It wasn't me, 'Ledge(12), honest! I wouldn't do that to you. P.S. thanks for the poen :o)
You're too nice to me, Appy(1)! I'm just a little speechless, to be honest!
Two terrible jokes:
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
Tee hee hee. Giggling like a naughty school girl!
Two variety show acts on board ship: a conjurer and a comedian, who has a funny parrot on his shoulder. The conjurer hates the parrot because the parrot, whilst waiting in the wings, squawks out the secrets of his tricks so everyone can hear them: "It's up his sleeve", "It's under the cloth", and so on.
Forgot to mention the ship is called Titanic and sadly sinks. One piece of flotsam is left bobbing on the water, with the conjurer at one end and the parrot at the other. Days go by without a word from either.
But at last the parrot speaks. "All right" he says, "I give up. Where's the bloody ship?"
Back to work, Sara ...
Man walks into a bar and says: 'Ouch!'
It was an iron bar.
Two blondes walk into a building.
You'd think one of them might have seen it.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
Man goes to the doctor, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it".
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?". I said, "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it".
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
...I'll stop now. The pills are wearing off.
Roberto!! - click on the fliccckkkerrrring Flikr postcards at the top of the right-hand column.
That will open up a new window... a window onto the wonderful and frightening world of PM in pictures!
And yours has a pride of place (along with everryone else's - very democratic as I'm sure you'll appreciate!)
'Tis a bit of a grim news day, isn't it?
Ah well, if it cheers you up any, I used to work in a distant capacity with the national lottery and knew the person whose job it was to tell people they had won the lottery (or at least present them with the big cheques, which is probably better, since by then they've stopped accusing you of being one of their mates and winding them up).
Margaret, I think her name was, but I'm not absolutely sure. She was very nice. A former Miss Scotland who brought to the job attributes that you may or may not be able to match.
Donald Rumsfeld is briefing George Bush in the Oval Office.
"Oh and the last item is, sir, five Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq today."
Bush goes pale, buries his face in his hands, muttering "My God...My God, those poor souls".
"Mr. President," says Rumsfeld, "we lose soldiers all the time but I've never seen you so upset. What's the matter?"
Bush looks up and says "Exactly, how many is a 'Brazilian'?"
See! I KNEW there was a decent camera in the PM office.
Or is that a scanner? If so, can you arrange for the PM staff to stick their heads into the scanner for their photographs. (Please check with the appropriate Health and Safety officer before doing this.)
ODE TO EDDIE
Roses are red
Eddie is blue
He just wants a few jokes
To make him all new.
Sorry it's a glum day for you. Now you know why we like to party.
Fifi, you've come over all Tommy Cooper! But you left out
"One in five people in the world is chinese. There are five people in my family, so one of us must be chinese. I think it could be me. Or it might be my brother, Wan Ho..."
Oldie, but a goodie...
Why does Edward Woodward have so many d's in his name?
Cause if he didn't he'd be called Ewar Woowar.
I thank you!
Lord Mair
Are you trying to do a spoof blog, sir? You said somewhere you'd prefer to work in a florists ..... Well, you may be right!
Is this piece of cyberspace really a take off of Nick R's award winning contribution to the World of Blog?
Perhaps it is time for you to return to the Isles of Scilly where your budding bloomers are more appreciated.
'Concerned Listener'
Stephen, Leader of STROP might get this one :-)
Why did Mickey mouse take a trip into space ??
Yermawn (20), silly but LOL.
Concerned Listener (24) - of Tunbridge Wells?
you want a joke?
Engalnd all out 125
Well, I laughed.
You want a better joke?
England 0 Croatia 2
I laughed until I cried
What does a man with two left feet wear to the beach???
Flip flips...
poor I know,...but makes me laugh
Yerman (20) I like the idea :p It does sound a bit The Office, but still LOL
Sara (24) I think Concerned Listener is a refugee from the "Glasses" blog, who came expecting the same sort of blog here. Little did they realise it's a frog....
No wine for me tonight:( I've worked out I have to get up at 3:45am to catch the flight tomorrow. I guess it's an early night for me, I'm afraid
I know it's stupid but I've been laughing at this for I don't know how long - years. You have to say it out loud:
<lancashire>Well, no, I wouldn't, but Edward Woodward would.</lancashire>
Sorry, makes me laugh just typing it.
Flip flips! Lovely.
Am I psychic? My 22 (well not mine - TC's - but anyway) was posted over half an hour before the programme - which was almost entirely* devoted to stories about China!
Sleep well Fearless. Hope your duvet behaves. Mine no longer does, but then his name is Fred now... ;)
*slight exaggeration acknowledged.
Q : If a Yorkshireman was looking for something, and expected to find it in a container of some sort, but it wasn't there, how would he say that?
A : tin tin tin.
Aperitif (22) - you are right. Doesn't happen often. But you missed off the punchline: "But I think it's Colin."
I went to a seafood disco last week ..... and pulled a mussel.
Our ice-cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
Someone stop me and buy one!
What do you call a frenchman wearing sandals?
Phillipe Flop :)
(say it aloud...)
Thanks Appy (33)! I'm just turning in now (into what, I decline to say!) So, if I don't get a chance to log on in the morning, a big:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY APERITIF!!
btw, I'm sorry your duvet is now mis-behaving. Give it a good talking to, and it should behave itself :)
TTFN folks!
Andy C (34, even younger than 35 in a previous thread),
How I laughed; but slightly hollowly.
For despite my very home counties accent and upbringing, on so many occasions, people with impeccable Yorkshire credentials suddenly squint their eyes, look closely at me, and ask, with some incredulity in their tone, "Are you from Yorkshire?" Well, my mum was born and bred. It's as if they've spotted me as an undercover agent working in the South, or a defector.
Annasee (4),
Sherlock's busy, but Mycroft notes that the corregated card shows only one witness of being bent, and that after the label was applied. Not many private individuals would have a little stamp saying "First Class" so that suggests a commercial or other work place was involved. An unfranked stamp is not such a clue, that frequently happens these days, especially for what are considered "special" items. But you have grounds for your suspicions.
By the way, I assume you have one of those weeping fig trees you see in offices on your payroll, to get all those transcripts you've published. After all, to get all the inside details, you need a plant.
I recall That's Life, (大象传媒 (1?), anyway, in the days of 405 line TV) where they sent various bizarre items by post, and ultimately sent a polystyrene cup with a label attached, addressed to "Guess who" and it arrived.
Oh, goody, FF's in bed. Now I can safely post this:
We're going to have to rename him Famous Fred
Mycroft takes a second look:
Was that a real typewriter used to type the label?
I am the first to admit, unlikely in that getting typewriter ribbons these days is a real hades, but the "o"'s in London are not in line, that suggests manual or (less likely) electric typewriter (not a word processor).
It's an old fashioned font. I remember (in the 1990's) taking a waybill of a well-known courier company to their depot, and the staff were fascinated by the font of my Imperial 66 typewriter I used to type out the details onto their waybill. Don't worry, the Imperial 66 is still in weekly (or should that be weakly) use.
Fifi (35), whadaya mean "doesn't happen often"? Cheeky ;)
Do the one about careering off the road too?
We still need punchlines for some of the above.
By the way, when are you going to interview Baroness England about Scotland鈥檚 sporting fixtures, etc?
A happy birthday to Aperitif.
Happy Appy Birthday!
Aw shucks, Frances O(40)! You're going to make me blush in the middle of Birmingham airport at 6:10am! Possible not the best way to start a business trip! :D
Happy birthday to Aperitif, and many happy returns.
I hadn't thought to do it before, but I have just clicked through the links from people's names and found a fascinating community: harps, art, hotel, photographs of beautiful places, publishing, blogs (but one needs updating perhaps, unless this blog has become too fascinating?), why go elsewhere? And thank you all!!
Ah well, time to catch a plane. Have a great day Appy :o) And don't forget to save some cyber-cake for me later!
Have fun, folks!
TTFN
Happy Birthday Appy!
Sorry, difficult to provide the music on a blog, but join in everyone:
...where's the birthday girl, then?...
Can we give Appy the bumps?
Happy Birthday - Have a great day!
Oooooh, the bumps. That takes me back. (That hurts me back?)
Golly, I'm slow this morning!
Happy Birthday Aperitif!
- Hope your day is full of sunshine.
Appy (42)
All that birthday cake's affecting your little grey cells, girl. I meant 'I don't go all Tommy Cooper very often'!
I don't normally do requests other than in song, but as it's your Special Day... ahem...
I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said 'You've been promoted.' And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said "You've been promoted again. And I swerved again.
He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.' And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said 'What happened to you?'
And I said, 鈥淚 careered off the road.鈥
Just like that. x
Happy Birthday Perry!
Here's an idea that may or may not work.
Complete the following limerick, one line each. Obviously if there are multiple second lines, pick your favourite and add a third (and so on). Its probably best if you quote the whole limerick up to your line, or people may not guess which lines you are following.
So your first line:
Hello!
Thank you everyone! And Fifi - wow - special requests too! Cheers!
I am early today - I know you've all been nattering all moring but I try not to put in a weekday appearance before about lunchtime, otherwise I'd get nothing done at all. But, as so many of you have pointed out IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! - Today I think I can do as I please! So, I've had a lie in, opened lots of cards and had breakfast and I am still in my (new, birtday) pyjamas! Off for a swim soon then I will float into the office later I think.
Thank you all for being such lovely cyber chums. Cake's in the kitchen - marzipan and fresh cream (my favourite) And a chocolate fudge for those who'd prefer that. Or have a bit of each!
How silly is this blog???? Love it.
*Burp*
Lovely cake.
What are birtday pyjamas? Do they celebrate the day John Birt finally left Auntie Beeb alone?
We will want to know what other pressies you got!
Stephen - are you running today's blog? Okay then, here goes:
On PM, one evening, at five
I was sipping a small cup of t'chai
When onto the air
Came that suave Eddie Mair
With dear Mandy in full overdrive.
Oh, Stephen, I've just reread your posting and - silly me! Still recovering from the weekend, I guess - realised my mistake.
So, here goes a second time:
"On PM one evening at five
When listeners were barely alive ......"
Will anybody take up the baton?
Cake, lovely. Marzipan and cream? First thing in the morning? How wicked!
"Off for a swim soon then I will float into the office later I think." (Appy - 58)
LOL
Happy birthday, Appy.
H.
Birthday Appy Happy and hugs all round.
"On PM one evening at five
When listeners were barely alive ......"
I know it doesn't scan limerically, but (with apologies to Tom Robbins):
The news international
Was desperate, as usual.
Happy Trails, Appy.
xx
ed
In the past few weeks, I have found myself becomming increasingly interested in lame employment jokes...
I used to have a job in a perfume factory.
Just made sense.
I used to have a job tying bits of string together.
I had to make ends meet.
I used to have a job in a salad packing factory
I left, I didn't like the celery package
I used to have a job as a priest, someone came in one day and asked me how I would describe a complete rotation of the earth around its major axis.
I had to call it a day.
There are hundreds more...
I used to be a blogger.
I got trapped in the Web.
(See Malcolm, 650
I used to have a job repairing trap doors in a theatre.
It was just a stage I was going through
As noone else is playing, I'll finish it
Wait! I haven't had a go yet!
"On PM one evening at five,
When listeners were barely alive..."
Actually, no I'll have to think about it.
Sorry Stephen. Beer? Champagne?
P.S. "Malcolm Tent" - have spent all evening repeating your jokes to my family over dinner. How I laughed - how they thought I'd lost the plot... (actually, my mother quite liked them too - especially the priest - but that's the catholic thing coming out I guess).
How really brill to have such a belly-laugh before going off to bo-bos...
Thank you all for the humour - you are a grand bunch of frog-lovers.
xxx