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Ah, Eddie, but for some reason we CAN comment on this posting .....!!!
PLEASE don't tamper with the postcards, you'll end up in a bad mood again.
Just practice your text messaging.
Good man! Today's looking up ... er ... no, I mean THIS day's looking up.
Today's as annoying today as it was yesterday.
And that's a cracking strapline for Today, if I could be bothered engaging with such a tiresome prog.
It only really needs Radio 4 to break down now ?
Phew, at least this is now working. Our phone system here at work is completely FUBAR at the moment, so it's been very quiet...
Dinna fash, Eddie - the wizard with the knob has fixed it.
Noooooooo!
Radio Four is what gets me through the day, here in the bunker.
Don't even think it, Jonnie (3)!
Thought you might like to recite this when the going gets rough, Eddie.
Address to the Toothache:
My curse upon your venom'd stang.
That shoots my tortur'd gums alang,
An thro my lug gies monie a twang Wi gnawing vengeance,
Tearing my nerves wi bitter pang,
Like racking engines!
A' down my beard the slavers trickle,
I throw the wee stools o'er the mickle.
While round the fire the giglets keckle,
To see me loup.
An raving mad, I wish a heckle
Were i' their doup!
When fevers burn, or ague freezes,
Rheumatics gnaw, or colic squeezes,
Our neebors sympathise to ease us,
Wi pitying moan;
But thee! - thou hell o a' diseases -
They mock our groan!
Of a' the numerous human dools -
Ill-hairsts, daft bargains, cutty-stools,
Or worthy frien's laid i' the mools,
Sad sight to see!
The tricks o knaves, or fash o fools -
Thou bear'st the gree!
Whare'er that place be priests ca' Hell,
Whare a' the tones o misery yell,
An ranked plagues their numbers tell,
In dreadfu raw,
Thou, Toothache, surely bear'st the bell,
Amang them a'!
O thou grim, mischief-making chiel,
That gars the notes o discord squeel,
Till human kind aft dance a reel
In gore, a shoe-thick,
Gie a' the faes o Scotland's weal
A towmond's toothache!
Fearless. I wish my phone system would be broken for a while. It's been ringing it's b****y head off all morning. Thank God for the blog (and multi-tasking of course).
If you鈥檝e had a load of breaking news today, maybe that鈥檚 getting at your technology.
PM
鈥淎 good listen, when it鈥檚 not broken鈥
Today there is concern about the national database for DNA. With the prospect of one Anthony Blair's DNA to be addded in the near future, in association with an interview with the police, can we expect a government intervention?
Strapline seems to have gone missing too - and after all those helpful offerings....
Now now, Anne P. Let's not be too harsh, as we know it's not Eddies' fault :-) I'm not sure about letting him loose with the scanner, though!
Looks like the Plain English campaign have a lot of work to do around here.
For Christ's sake use 'normal' English. Text-speak is like any other jargon, only for the idiot initiates of the cult. People invent jargon to ease their own deep feelings of personal inadequacy.
It's like ordering a coffee these days. If you can't order a double tall skinny shade-grown harmless no-fun grande thunderthighs moccachino with an extra shot then you are somehow not acceptable in polite society. (And no, I didn't make any of that up!). Ask for a black coffee and you get hit with questions that no sane person with a decent grasp of English can understand
On the subject of language; OnTheLedge, speak English, there's a good chap. It's the dominant international language in communications (including the PM programme), science, business, aviation, entertainment, diplomacy and the Internet, including this blog. Not to mention the most widely spoken language on Earth, including Scotland since the Act of Union 1707, when the English bailed out the Scottish nation and Exchequer after the failure of the Darien Scheme bankrupted them. Please restrain that dialect stuff to private conversation in Glasgow and the like.
Strange thing about the Scots, they've never forgiven the English for that generous act of fiscal rescue nearly 300 years ago. We even gave them extra seats in Parliament and a generous annual bailout into the bargain, thanks to the Goschen and Barnett formulations. Now they've inflicted Gordon Brown on us as a particularly vicious form of revenge.
There, that's given enough offence for one day! Hee, hee, hee....
Si.
Don't even start me on that one, Harold (10).
This government's made us tighten up so much on guarding people's privacy (Data Protection Act) ... yet they want to capture all our identities on a database (ID cards) ... and now everybody's DNA?
And by the way, Police don't always delete the DNA/fingerprints of people who are found innocent.
First GRRRRRRRRRRRR! of the day....
Now I'm off out to stand in the sunshine in a hi-viz jacket for an hour, persuading people to stick to the speed limit through my village.
Last time I did that, someone in a skip wagon stopped and photographed me and my companion with his mobile phone. Creepy! I may now be on some pervy website somewhere:
* Interfering ***theads.co.uk ?
* Igetoffonyellowjackets.co.uk?
* Don'tfancyyoursmuch.com?
Answers on a dirty postcard, please...
Simon Worrall (13)
Gie yer tongue mair halidays not yer heid.
Aye.
Anne P (11 I think) - the strapline always goes missing at the beginning of the month. Heaven knows, they've had September and October to practise on, you'd think they could have solved it by now!
Perhaps not, since sending a newsletter by email seems to have defeated them!
On a slightly different tack: I had an extra long journey to work this morning and turned on the Today programme. Having already seen half an hour of the Breakfast prog on 大象传媒 TV, none of the news was actually very new and by the time I got to the office I realised I had heard hardly anything they were saying on Today. It was all very nicely said, no doubt, but just a load of words - like having background music on.
Happily, Eddie's dulcet tones and quick wit on PM usually keep my attention - but this morning left me wondering if there is not just too much news and background news and commentaries on the news and news documentaries altogether. Perhaps, once every hour, there should be ten minutes' silence!
Anyway, I'm off to the beach now - it's very wide now the tide's gone out so it will take me a long time to walk down as far as where it's all happening!
Simon Worrall (13)
Gie yer tongue mair halidays not yer heid.
Aye.
Re Simon (13):
Shall we beat him to a pulp or tie him up and tickle him till he screams for mercy?
Simon, luvvy, we don't do 'offensive' here.
I'm surprised the frog mod let that through, frankly.
Should I assume that Simon Worrall is, all things considered, not in favour of textspeak?
Simon
You are wrong, so wrong.
Firstly in sex, secondly in state.
Even English girls can appreciate wee Rabbie.
Simon (13)
Er.. where did you say you got that coffee - the thunderthigh mochalotte wossname?
Btw Fifi (14), I pass through several small villages every day on my way to and from the office, and all of them have been campaigning for ages to have speed limiting devices. Some even resorted to having life-sized cardboard cutouts of yellow-jacketed police men pointing mock cameras at you as you pass!
Two villages have succeeded in getting those speed limit signs which light up and flash at you if you pass them faster than you should. I must say, they have been very successful and there is no doubt the traffic all slows down in an attempt to "beat the sign" and ensure it doesn't flash. Worth a try?
Simon (13)
Erm... where did you say you got that coffee - the thunderthigh mochalotte wossname?
All, remember: "Do Not Feed The Troll"
Fifi (14),
while in total agreement on the ID/DNA issue,
Police don't always delete the DNA/fingerprints of people who are found innocent.
Er.. never, or maybe someone once won a case to have the details removed. I suppose Michael Howard did not have to have his taken, as he was only questioned, but I trust Lord Levy's now on file, as he was arrested.
Sara (16), I think they link the strapline to the day of the month. If they stuck to the name of the day there would be no problems.
No troll food here.
Troll me dear, What is a Troll exactly,
p.elliot
I have something in pure English.
The Republican and Democratic Leadership is a National Disgrace.
Another Blog about how Democrats and Republicans excluded Aaron Dixon [Green Party Candidate for the Senate].
It also comments about how Democrat incumbent Maria Cantwell tried, with NO success to bribe Dixon into withdrawing his candidacy.
Ledge,
Thanks for assisting in the Burns Unit. The following just in from the
Scrolling headlines:
BUSH DENIES HE'S NOT WEARING ANY CLOTHES
and
PELOSI: NO IMPEACHMENT OF BUSH SHOULD DEMS TAKE CONTROL OF CONGRESS
He'll be treated in accordance with recently signed Detainee Interrogation bill.
and, for a worthwhile conversation with Donald Rumsfeld, follow the link
xx
ed
Och Mrs T, but we Scots just can't resist throwing Trolls the odd poisoned titbit. They obviously like them?
So - Simon W 13 (unlucky for some) if you're keen on Plain English, and 'normal' English, then how do you feel about Correct English?
"Looks like the Plain English Campaign HAVE (sic) a lot of work to do around here"?
Shurely shome mishtake. SB - HAS
btw - yes, yes Eddie, do the postcards, you must have had mine by now? It had a donkey with a hat on, you must have spotted it?
Sara (22)
Our village now has a 30mph limit all the way through, plus a lights-controlled pedestrian crossing, plus a flashing sign at either end of the village. And we get regular visits from the Police safety camera van.
The little speeders still blast through.
I don't agree with putting speed cameras every whichwhere -- but ANYthing that reminds drivers to slow down on our congested and illmannered roads is worth an hour of my time.
Or rather two hours, coz I'm doing it again tomorrow!
Hi Patricia. Glad you're still here and joining in with the spirit. See y'all on the beach?
"What is a "
xx
ed
Ed (32)
Suddenly everything is so much clearer. Thanks for the link - most informative!
And thanks Patricia (26) for asking the question.
I still say we should tickle him. How annoying would THAT be??
And, on the
xx
ed
Yea! Go Valery P.
Ed and Patricia. A troll, sometimes called a WUM on some other inferior blogs, is someone who posts deliberately provocative things in the hope of winding up the rest of the blog. If you do not rise (feed) them they tend to slink quietly away as they, generally, cannot sustain any form of rational conversation.
See Simon (13) for a perfect example of a troll.
Ed at 32 - amazing! and I thought it was a large hairy thing from Norway who lives under a bridge!
Or perhaps it is!
Hello Mr Iglehart,
Goodness, we all have to keep ourselves on our toes don't we.
If there is one thing I can't abide it's dishonesty and the thought of a Troll amongst our midst is certainly not appealing one.
Well I'll away as alas I've got to face the supermarket, but we should all remember that Ae man's meat is anither man's poison.
p.elliot
Simon (13): I'm not sure that text-speak (or txt-spk) is actually jargon. I would have said it was more of a pidgin. My children use it a lot when talking to their friends on the internet and its sole purpose is to speed the typeing process to make it more of a conversation. Nothing idiotic or inadeaqute about that - more like what people used to use when communicating in morse code. It's just quciker than spelling it out.
As for giving offense because it makes you happy, the norm in this blog/comments is "inside p*ssing out" rather than the other way round.
Thanks for the explanations about trolls - now I understand.
As for speeding in villages, in Derbyshire we too have a sign that lights up and it does help as do the flashing lights for the school, but there are still those who think it clever to drive through at 60mph especially at night.
I'd favour engineering solutions, both creating visual cues to cause people to slow and actual barriers such as a narrowing of the road.
Saw a very effective solution in Hertford where a 4 car wide road was narrowed by creating parking on either side so the centre was narrowed to 2 vehicles and everyone slowed down. Cost very little - mostly painting of lines.
Inside out, eh Charles? About right, I reckon.
And as for , follow the link.
xx
ed
Mrs. Trellis in particular, but not exclusively,
When the lovely Ms p. Elliot asked concerning "trolls", I think you should have lent her your mirror.
It my be quicker than spelling it out, but is there an element of actually-I-can鈥檛-spell-all-these-words-in-the-first-place? I mean, I don鈥檛 know either way.
I've just emailed this to the prog. And now I'm going to post it on every thread I can lay my wee Scottish mitts on. Having got fed-up having to check half a dozen different threads a day, in case I'm missing something......!
***
Dear Sir Christopher Mair
I notice that we froggers are self-sorting the threads:
- serious stuff on the Iraq thread
- communication on the txtspk (grrr!) thread
- environment on the Milliband thread
- light relief on Day One
Is it worth simplifying the frog, rather than continually posting new threads that we all feel we ought to keep checking, and can't resist commenting on? for example...
- leave Day One running. It's a joy, a little holiday-in-the-head for those of us who really should get out more. Friendships are blossoming there, for goodness' sake!
- encourage serious topical debate on Iraq and/or Milliband ... post the fresh topic of the day on there, and we'll all respond - you know we will.
- put a fresh thread on the main page each day, but direct the comments to Iraq/Milliband. And delete it when the next topic comes along.
- then, when the newslet-you-know-what comes back online, you can use the same message on that.
Efficient use of 大象传媒 resources, find our serious contributions quickly, but don't spoil the fun.
I would of course have run this past the other froggers first ... but on which *!*!*! thread would I post it? (That being the point, really.)
Fifi
Eddie did you just burp whilst interviewing Michael Howard?
Can we conclude from David Cameron's question to Tony Blair on his succession plans in the Commons today is a sure sign that David is hoping Tony will nominate him?
Mr I. Kew (41),
I doubt very much that this Patricia Elliot is the same that first entered our company. I was prepared to (try to) believe that she'd gone out and got pickled with her sister and been encouraged into a tipsy blog once, but all of this friendliness and hanging about on the beach just doesn't ring true. The first was truly a troll; the second, almost certainly an imposter (but very friendly so no objections from me).
This appears to be the first time that your posting does not reflect your name. You're not an imposter too, are you?
Fifi Dear,
Perhaps you should lay yer laurels as poor Mr Mair, who I knew at Radio Scotland has just had an very offensive e-mail sent to him at the 大象传媒. The gentleman accused Edward of being over promoted!
He'll have enough on his platter than be bothered to footer about with this blog.
I thought I'd better point that out.
p.elliot
I see that my comment on the previous thread has (temporarily I hope) been blocked in case it is malicious. I am wondering if it is because I put some of it capital letters. Any ideas?
Why change the comments button? It was never accurate, and it serves the purpose of showing where we get the comments.
When people make negative comments about Gordon Brown (or Eddie Mair) "because he's a Scotsman" (PM Weds) I apply my own bigotry test. Substitute "Jew" or "black" for "Scot" or "Scotsman" and see how it sounds.
It works well swapping genders as well; e.g. would a teacher be sacked for covering their face with...a beard?
Hours of fun!
Mr I kew (41)
?? I'm sorry but in what way have I behaved trollishly?
I am confused and bewildered.
Please advise me anyone.
Hello Aperatif,
My dear, what a shame you have such a predisposition to not trust people and take them at face value.
As my dear sister Anne often quotes
'Ae scabbit sheep wull smit a hale hirse'
Hark at me preaching again, all good humoured though
p.elliot
Doug (49) On a slightly serious note, I would not attack GB as PM-to-be(?) on the grounds that he is scottish, but I would attack on the grounds that he represents a scottish constituency, and could therefore - for instance - introduce legislation such as swathing education cuts in England which would not affect his own constituents. Another facet of the W Lothian question, of course. And not that I would want English regional governments.
The other comments would be a matter of opinion.
As to Scots in London, (or anyone else, for that matter) The preposition used in the offending email (over) is at least a change from the usual 'up'.
What arrogance! "Up" to the dismal flatland that is London?
Y'all can keep it. Now, for a compliments of a Dutchman.
xx
ed
"Patricia" (51),
I have stated my motto here before:
Always be sceptical; never be cynical.
As a predisposition I don't think that's a shame - it's just about my only clear manifestation of wisdom.
Mrs Trellis (50),
As I understand it Mr I. Kew was suggesting that you give Patricia a mirror so that she could look into it rather than you. I pointed out at 46 that this Patricia is much nicer than the original Patricia (which I thought would imply that no mirror is required) but it only seems to have got me into bother...
I am not getting through to the latest thread. Is it me or the thread?
And of course I hadn't saved my briiliant comments on 2 threads back which were rejected, I think, because of capital letters (and I was only advising Valery Pedant not to be intimidated by 'grown up' children, as soon as you do you get type cast as elderly and not up to date parent/grandparent and lose your identity, so keep your end up), so we will all miss the insight!
Small point I know, but as soon as language becomes text or in any other way difficult to read I don't read it. I like at least some of my life to be easy.
Sorry to be so slow. I have finally entered the 'irritate vets' address and got the idea.
Ros - I tried copying and pasting that and the whole system went into stasis.....Eddie, what are you doing?
Ros - I tried copying and pasting that and the whole system went into stasis.....Eddie, what are you doing?
Dear Aperitif,
How astute! But I could not
Find my kimono.
Hello, Young Valery,
I see you've started breaking things again.
I can't find the superglue (other adhesives are available) to mend His Lairdship's broken link, but this should tide you over:
We're asked for straplines,
But the frog's not regarded.
Must be strapped for staff.
So, straplines R us,
But only if we send them
Emailed to PM.
Dear friends,
I鈥檓 looking for an allen key slightly larger than the one you see me holding now. Can you help?
Thanks,
HZH
Dr H,
Certainly. Or I have versions that fit your electric screwdriver, or balldriver version, security version....
Aperitif,
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." -- George Bernard Shaw
You appear have one claim to clearly manifested wisdom, but to claim it ...?
xx
ed
Hey Doc (63)?
Arthur Askey.
Dr H (63), I think I have one.
I appreciate that this is, perhaps, of limited help.
Dr H (or may I be so bold as to call you Hugo?)
Do you need Imperial or Metric?
Oh dear, what did I start in (13)?
For any who took offence I apologise most profoundly. I am indeed a miserable wretch, as more than one of you pointed out. In mitigation I plead only a miserable day at work which had turn my normally smiling, sweet-natured self into a grumpy old cuss. I should learn to stay away from blogs when I've got that head on.
I guess that part of it is that I just don't get the whole textspeak thing. I've tried to get a grasp of it, but it just eludes me. Once I figured out what Eddie had posted into the start of the thread I had to go and find the original to work out what the text version meant. And I still don't get it.
Fifi (18) can I request the tickle option please? With the whole chicken?
Ian (19) see the above comment.
OnTheLedge (20) I plead utter ignorance. A good friend of mine, a proud Scotsman by birth, can recite the address to the haggis from memory. And my God it's impressive seeing him do it at a Burns night supper, with everybody dressed in the regalia. The problem is that when some of the other people present start reciting from the oeuvre of Rabbie I find it hard to suppress a fit of the giggles, it sounds so daft to me. Especially when they're English and struggling with the correct intonation and flow of the verse. So I associate Burns' poetry with suppressed laughter. Sad really.
Aunt Dahlia (21), nice to see that you recognise the idiocy of corrupting language.
Dr. H. (42) not only can I not spell them, I can't read them either!
Doug M. (49) if I dislike GB it's not because he's a Scot, but because of what he has done in terms of taxation. And moreover the ENRON-like practices known as PFI, which have mortgaged this country for decades to come. I recognise the need for new hospitals/schools/prisons/whatever. And I know that we all want these things until it comes to raising the money to pay for them. But PFI is just plain wrong and is pouring enormous profits into a select few companies. The ENRON connection? Government contracts to have these things built, but then says it doesn't own them for 35 years or something. The builder also doesn't put them on the books, claiming that they belong to the Government. Off-balance sheet assets, disclaimed by every party to the deal. It was that kind of accounting practice that wrecked ENRON.
Plus he's such a miserable sod. Just like me yesterday. Nothing to do with being a Scot. If I hated the Scots then I'd be beating myself up, now and then. There's 25% MacDonald genes somewhere in there. (No quarter-pounder jokes, please!).
And deepthought (52) makes the well-known, but valid point about the West Lothian question, still unresolved nearly 29 years after Tam Dalyell posed it.
For those not familiar with the background to the Darien Scheme, or the effect it had on, then independent, Scotland, check it out on Wikipedia. The shock it brought about in Scottish political circles is contended to have brought about agreement to a Union with the rest of Britain, concluded in 1707. Also worth noting that although that Union was much desired by Scottish politicians it was very poorly received by the people of the time. And now.
Si.
Not so much a troll as a bad-tempered Billy Goat Gruff!
(64, 66, 67, 68)
Yes, and thank you, to all.
Simon,
Regarding why the Union was greeted more eagerly by some than by ithers, just "Follow the money!"
What force or guile could not subdue
Through many warlike ages
Is wrought now by a coward few
For hireling traitor's wages.
The English steel we could disdain,
Secure in valour's station;
But English gold has been our bane -
Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!
O, would, or I had seen the day
That Treason thus could sell us,
My old grey head had lain in clay (be buried)
With Bruce and loyal Wallace!
But pith and power, till my last hour
I will make this declaration :-
'We are bought and sold for English gold'-
Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!
-- The Burns Unit
xx
ed
btw: Lagavulin leaves a clear hied i' th' morn.
Fellow froggers,
I don't know what came over me to let such a bowdlerised Anglificated version pstt my e'en!
I shoulda gone tae :
What force or guile could not subdue,
Thro' many warlike ages,
Is wrought now by a coward few,
For hireling traitor's wages.
The English stell we could disdain,
Secure in valour's station;
But English gold has been our bane-
Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!
O would, or I had seen the day
That Treason thus could sell us,
My auld grey head had lien in clay,
Wi' Bruce and loyal Wallace!
But pith and power, till my last hour,
I'll mak this declaration;
We're bought and sold for English gold-
Such a parcel of rogues in a nation!
xx
ed
(hangs hied in shame)
P.M.-permanent listening for the post-menopausal?
"PM"- 2 NOV'06
Dear Eddie,
I love your program, I listen to you every day.
It is first time I am writing to you, I just had to, after hearing your bit about our "big brother" society. I spent half of my life in communist Poland, living in surveilance society. I came here to escape tyrany of police state and constant fear and lack of freedom. But the way things are going in this country, I will have to run for cover again and look for FREEDOM somewhere else. People of Britain are blisfully unaware and naively unobservant, not noticing worrying signs of change and sleepwalking into imprisonment. This silent disease is spreading everywhere around us.( Even my own neighbour installed a CCTV camera to spy on my movements!). I do hope Britain wakes up before Parliament approves compulsory "chip" to be inserted into the brain of every citizen of this country!
If we want to have good, just and happy society, we have to change our attitude towards each other. Instead of spying, controling and punishing and living for material gains,we should put more emphasis, from early childhood, on LOVE and acceptance towards each other and higher values in our lives.
Thank you for your fantastic program, honest, brave and always interesting.
Regards,
Anna.
P.S. Please don't disclose my name, I feel like "Big Brother" is back!
Ed (65),
As tone of voice can't be read I have decided to take your suggestion that I may be a cynic after all as a compliment, given the implication of your post, and given that you - and GBS - clearly do not believe cynicism to be A Bad Thing. However, I do. And thus I disagree with GBS (this is perfectly legal, you know?).
I maintain my position on the sceptism/cynicim divide.