Continuing our occasional series
featuring the holiday snaps of listeners and froggers, Jonnie says:
"This is a typical bridge looking down one of the canals in Utrecht. Off to Amsterdam today and then back home tomorrow. "
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Is it my poor vision or do those ripples spell out:
" H-E-L-L-O F-R-O-G-G-E-R-S! " ?
Lucky blogger!
Fifi ;o)
A quick wave to Jonnie. Good to see he's having a sunny time in Utrecht.
He'll need to sort out his webchat when he gets back :( - Perhaps Harry's been fiddling with the keyboard?
Why don't we ride dutch style commuter bikes in this country?
Why aren't we all converts to the enclosed drive train and hub gear?
Why do we all ride bikes with exposed drive trains that dirty and tear our trouser legs, and derailleur gears that are horribly vulnerable to accidental damage from almost any object or obstacle, that can be damaged by user error (selecting a gear ratio that causes the chain to twist across the cogs) and that is a maintenance nightmare!
Why do we all ride bikes with astronomical numbers of gears, and then only ever use 3 or 4 gears on our daily commute? 3 or 4 out of 27!
It's crazy!
Hub gears have many marvelous qualities. A good quality hub can function for 10 years without intervention of any kind. One can change gear whilst stationary, which is superb for riding in traffic. If you really want one, you can get 14 speed hubs, but you'll never use half of those ratios.
I own the only hub gear equipped bike I know of aside from the postman's, and I inherited it from my Dad, because you cannot buy them for love or money. Well, actually, you can, but they're over-priced. In Holland, you can buy a proper commuter bike with hub gears, enclosed train, pannier racks, integrated bicycle light and even an integrated bicycle lock for more or less 200 euros. It's a tool, a vehicle. Not a fashion statement. They go from one place to another. The don't swank around showing off how many gears they've got and how streamlined their high performance bike is.
What is it with the UK consumer that we've go to buy things we don't need?
rant over
Mike R - I have absolutely no idea what a hub gear is but it sounds like just what I need. When we moved to our present location one of the first things we did was buy bikes. The last bike I had, in childhood, had three grears. The one I bought here does indeed have 27. I can never remember whether I should be changing the right one or the left one, and I have twice made mistakes which led to the chain falling off. The result is that I am now far too nervous to use the bike and it has been stiing in the shed unused for almost 18 months. What a waste of money.
Mike R (3)
You will be pleased to know that my bicycle has a 3-speed hub gearbox, as did the one that got stolen. As I'd had it for about 44 years I wondered why anyone would take it. Must've been the hub gear they were after. What I most regret losing is the Miller dynamo lighting. That was superb. The Dynohub really doesn't cut it (or the tyre).
You can see what a hub gear looks like by searching the web. Try "Sturmey Archer".
Mike R, I think you need to read The Third Policeman by Flann O'Brien.
Don't quote me, but I fear you may be already more than half a bicycle yourself.
I shall say no more.
Fifi
(whose own cycling career consists chiefly of 'spectacular dismounts')
Ah Fifi
When I penetrated back to the dayroom I encountered two gentlemen called Sergeant Pluck and Mr Gilhaney and they were holding a meeting about the question of bicycles.
"I do not believe in the three-speed gear at all," the Sergeant was saying, "it is a new-fangled instrument, it crucifies the legs, the half of the accidents are due to it."
"It is a power for the hills," said Gilhaney, "as good as a second pair of pins or a diminutive petrol motor."
"It is a hard thing to tune," said the Sergeant, "you can screw the iron lace that hangs out of it till you get no catch on the pedals. It never stops the way you want it, it would remind you of bad jaw-plates."
"That is all lies," said Gikhaney.
"Or like the pegs of a fairy-fiddle," said the Sergeant, "or a skinny wife in the craw of a cold bed in springtime."
"Not that," said Gilhaney.
"Or porter on a sick stomach," said the Sergeant.
"So help me not," said Gilhaney.
I'll have read it again now!
Superb Stuff from John Ward
A call to self-reflection: am I a bicycle?
As a mental exercise in preparation for further reading, please take a moment or two to reflect.
When out of the saddle, do you or your cycling friends spend a lot of time leaning with one elbow on walls or standing propped by one foot at kerbstones? Do you walk smartly always and never sit down? Do you lean against the wall with your elbow out and stay like that all night in the kitchen instead of going to bed?
If you walk too slowly or stop in the middle of the road do you fall down in a heap and have to be lifted and set in motion again by some extraneous party?
You do?
Then read on, if you value your life.
The Rules of Wisdom
The concerned reader could do worse than to observe the five rules of wisdom, as set out near the beginning of the book by Sergeant Pluck, not the eponymous Third Policeman - whose name is Fox - but rather the first:
1. Always ask any questions there are to be asked and never answer any;
2. Turn everything you hear to your own advantage;
3. Always carry a repair outfit;
4. Take left turns as much as possible;
5. Never apply your front brake first.
If you observe these tenets faithfully, according to the Sergeant, "you will save your soul and you will never get a fall on a slippy road."
Fifi (6), I've just read RJD's 7 and I'm still not entirely sure what you were trying to say to Mike??? I'd like to know, mainly because I think I've learned something from Mike's post and, if I ever buy another bike I'm going to do so in Holland!
A (prefers to walk than to cycle, but open to another try), x.
Mike R (3),
I have a *4* speed hub on my "New Elizabethan" bike. That, sadly is in the loft, after a passing vandal did a fair bit of damage (including the link chain that allows the gears to be changed), which convinced me I could no longer leave the bike outside (and that meant, use it).
Your story surprises me, as I phoned Sturmley Archers at one point with a question about that hub gear after the damage, that would have been early 1990s, so surprised that there are none left (second hand, that is), as you imply.
Well, according to this hub gears are still available with up to 8 gears, so get rid of the derailleur and have the wheel rebuilt with a new S-A hub. You know it makes sense.
There is also a lot of interesting information on web site.
Just hold on until I get my anorak on properly.
Right - You can read an account of the demise of Sturmey and other stuff here:
I'm away to read The Third Policeman again.
Here lies the body of Wee Willie John
His bicycle stopped but he went on.
Nope, you're all speaking a foreign language now. Although RJD's 8 means I now understand Fifi's 6.
Epitaph (13), You look familiar... :-)
THERE IS NO MALICE IN MY SPEEDINESS
Oh Oh Oh Oh, I've been there, in that photograph, there's a lovely restaurant on the right where they have a jazz pianist of an evening, and candles. My idea of heaven, eating to the sound of jazz in soft light reflecting from water. Utrecht and Porthminster - could they be twinned?
Actually, I actually mean I've been where that photograph was taken..... not that I am a bicycle...
"Aunt Dahlia is NOT a Bicycle" Nice t-shirt slogan, eh?
Aperitif (15) Just testing your recall! :-)
Deepthought (John W) (10)
They are, indeed, available... for a price. The problem appears to be that hub gear equipped commuter bikes, or hybrids or hybrid tourers or whatever the weekend bike set are calling them these days, are generally more expensive bikes that are supposed to be yet another fashion statement of some sort. £400 I will not spend on a bike of any kind, but you can spend more than that without trying very hard!
Then you have another problem. Bike shop mechanics. My local mechanic complained and whined and moaned when I managed to hit my hub with a kerbstone whilst crashing (this does not detract from the superiority of the hub, this detracts from my abilities as a cyclist to avoid ramming things). I asked him at the time what it would be to simply replace it and he was of the view that it wasn't worth the money. Why don't I buy a derailleur equipped bike instead? Derailleurs are reliable now and every bikes got them, so he said. And he's right, there's a certain snobbery. You'll get egged if you ride around certain parts of Liverpool or Manchester on a "granny" bike.
Derailleur gears in this country are like qwerty keyboards. An established fact. All the mechanics know derailleur, not hub. All the bike magazines are snobbish about hubs if they talk about them at all. All the shop windows are full of bikes with more gear ratios than the average IQ of the egg wielding yoofs in parts of Liverpool or Manchester.
Oh my, sometimes it is so hard to be one of the few enlightened!
Aunt D - how many of your 27 gears do you use and do you ever derail?
GM -all of them, not necessarily in that order and more frequently than I can recall, but only when I have honey on my knees
xx
RJD - so was that your bicycle leaning against "the wall" in Barcelona then?
Ah no - I can't find my copy of the 3rd Polisman, but I raise you this:
" - Well, a man riding a lady's bicycle. It's the height of sulphurous immorality, the P.P. would be within his rights in forbidding such a low character put as much as his nose inside the church.
- Yes,,, such conduct is unseemly.
- God help the nation that weakens on such matters. You would have bicycles demanding votes, and they would look for seats on the County Council to make the roads far worse than they are for their own ulterior motivation. But against that and on the other hand, a good bicycle is a great companion, a friend, there is great charm about it. etc etc etc"
I remember that one fondly :o)
Val P - I'll call your raise:
"A new lady teacher was here one time with a new bicycle. She was not very long here till Gilhaney went away into the lonely country on her female bicycle. Can you appreciate the immorality of that? ...but worse happened. Whatever way Gilhaney's bicycle managed it, it left itself leaning at a place where the young teacher would rush out to go away somewhere in a hurry. Her bicycle was gone but here was Gilhaney's leaning there very conveniently and trying to look very small and comfortable and attractive. Need I inform you what the result was or what happened?
I can't find mine either!
Ah, now that's spooky! I've got my Dalkey Archive, my Best of Myles and even my The Hard Life, but someone's definitely made off with the Polis!
I see yours above and raise you
-Well, Sergeant, I am delighted that we are quite agreed on one thing at least. Human metamorphosis vis-a-vis an iron bicycle is quite another matter. And there is more to it than the monstrous exchange of tissue for metal.
- And what would that be? the sergeant asked curiously.
- All decent Irishman should have a proper national outlook. Practically any bike you have in Ireland was made in either Birmingham or Coventry.
-I see the point intimately. Yes. There is also an element of treason entailed. Quite right.
and also
-We couldn't find McDadd for a long time or make sure where the most of him was. We had to arrest his bicycle as well as himself and we minutely watched the two of them under secret observation for a week to see where the majority of McDadd was and whether the bicycle was mostly in McDaddd's backside pari passu and vice versa if you understand my meaning.
Val P - I pack.
I could go right off you, you know. - I'm so jealous. Some swine stole my "Best of Myles" a few years ago. I have "Myles Away From Dublin" in front of me now but it's not in the same class, I think I'm going to have to repurchase some titles.
My son just brought me an ancient Hercules with Sturmey Archer 3-speed and rod-linkage brakes in very good condition and bought for £25.
It's a ladies' frame, but that won't bother me a bit because in those days they provided a good lon g post for the 3-spring tooled leather seat.
I intend to enjoy it.
ed
30/03/2007 at 01:59:35 GMT
PRJD - Aw don't go off me, I'm just sharing!
Val P - I'll not go off you! Having said that I'm still a bit miffed about the Balearics
Miffed about the Balearics? I like it!! Sounds like you need Aunt Dahlia's tongs?
Val - Funny, when I wrote that I thought it could sound like a painful condition!
Valery, RJD, I would send you both back to the naughty corner but I can barely type because my stomach hurst from the laughter!... :-D
Appy - Hmmm, RJD, in the Naughty Corner, with the miffed Balearics, sounds like a Cluedo denouement?
Hahahaha - stoppit!! :-D
RJD, in the Naughty Corner, with the miffed Balearics but not allowed his Mashie Niblock for consolation - it's a disgrace!
Tee hee! But the longer you persist with this the longer you have to stay miffed and Niblock-free!
Awww, give him his Niblock - what else would he have to play a round with?
Valery (36) Hahahaha boom boom!
Ap - That's an awfully good Basil Brush you do. Do you do Nookie Bear?
No, I always keep some underwear on.
Appy: ROFL!
Ap - I'm glad your mind is as bad as mine. I was going to spell it as Bare but I just wanted to see if it worked as it was!
RJD - and did it?
Val P - Oh very very yes!
I think you're a very bad influence RJD: I can resist everything but temptation.
Appy: I guess that's true of us all. It depends, however, on what triggers the temptation. ;o)
Ap - Quoting Oscar Wilde at me now?
I prefer this one: "I hope you have not been leading a double life, pretending to be wicked and being really good all the time. That would be hypocrisy."
I would hate to be hypocritical. What about you?
Big Sis (45), You do realise that "RJD" stands for "Really Johnny Depp" don't you?... :-)
Ah Ap, you said you wouldn't tell!
If he really WAS Johnny Depp he could leave his boots under my bed anytime! [Ah, no, that's Sean Bean - Well, he could leave them alongside ...]
Oh, I dunno RJD -- Maybe Johnson was right: No man is a hypocrite in his pleasures.
Ap - Oh, I am surprised at you quoting Johnson. Didn't he say: "Sir, a woman's preaching is like a dog's walking on his hind legs. It is not done well; but you are surprised to find it done at all."
And I know that you will appreciate that I don't accept his opinion.
I'm no fan of his, RJD, I just thought that one quite fitting under the circumstances. Perhaps I should've gone with the grafitti I read on a pub toilet wall tonght -- "Why are men obsessed with balls, be it football, golf, rugby or just finding ways of emptying their own?" I need hardly add, I don't condone this sentiment (nor the writing of it on the toilet wall) but I did think it rather eloquent given its location. :-)
I'm usually far too busy to read things on toilet walls - always have my hands full, I do.
Oh RJD - no,I'm really going to resist saying that one. I've just apologised to all on the beach. Don't start me off again!!
RJD (53), Are you trying to tell us your hands are a bit on the small side?
Ap - Oh!, clever, clever, clever!
Is there any chance at all that some day I might have the last word?
Maybe, RJD, but not today :-)
I'll be back at 23.59!
I have been gracious on the "We've just" thread. Only because I'm off to buy something in cyan to see what all the fuss is about ;-)
Is this the postponed silk outing?
Appy - What did you buy? And what was all that on the Beach about removing posts, why am I always behind the door when these things happen?