Mud wrestling
Your Glastonbury tips are fab, but I'm slightly concerned that many of you suggested the best thing was not to go at all! Yes, I know the forecast is rubbish....but a nice technical man has given me a waterproof jacket, Amanda Lewis has lent me a sleeping bag and someone is going to put a tent up for me. I suspect I will still end up looking like Charles Haughtrey in Carry on Camping - but what the heck.
And forget about any glamour, media centres, etc. We shall be broadcasting from the Today Camper Van .
Anyway.... back to today. Lots of people have commented about the Salman Rushdie story and the fact that Lord Ahmed called on PM yesterday for the withdrawal of his knighthood. Peter Rippon, the Editor and I have discussed the editorial stance of that interview on the Glass Box. But we thought you might like to get a sense of what we couldn't broadcast. I recorded this interview with the Minister for Parliamentary affairs in the Pakistan parliament Sher Afgan Khan Niazi. Dr Niazi had branded Salman Rushdie a blasphemer. But I think you'll understand why we couldn't run it.
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Sequin,
I was serious when I said you should keep to the high ground. Do look at the terrain with a view as to where the mud will end up - IT FLOWS!
Make sure your tent is not in a hollow. My experience is from the Green Fields, the only area where grass remained after the storms a decade ago. At the bottom of the site ("Babylon") the mud was almost knee-deep and slippery as eel excrement, and being shared by pedestrians and heavy lorries - frightening.
Take care, but do enjoy yourself. A good sauna is a miracle cure for filth and fatigue.
xx
ed
And thanks for the insight into editorial judgement.
Well I suppose it's nice to get invoved in the Glastonbury thing and go down in person, however, in these days of video conferencing I'd have stayed in Television Centre.
I hope we are having a stereo feed of it - using the technical DAB and FM infrastructure to it's potential
Mud-wrestling is right! Never let it be said that the folk at PM don't have a sense of humour.
I can't do the listen-on-the-computer thing so I can't comment on this interview, but as I understood it back when The Satanic Verses was first published, the offence was not what was said but that it was said by a Muslim. If Salman Rushdie had been a Christian, his writing could have been ignored as ignorant, but as a Muslim however lapsed he ought to have known better, seemed to be the reasoning. I don't know whether that has been raised this time round?
Can someone be a blasphemer if he says unpleasant things about or mocks a religion and a god not his own? If he can't, is there any way for Salman Rushdie to cease being regarded as a follower of Islam, and if he were no longer so would this writing of his cease to be blasphemous?
Oh Sequin, will you take the webcam too? Or Eddie's laptop, so you take part in the Blog from the Bog?
I'd stay in the campervan if I were you - at least you're a good distance above the mud, the inevitable mud, the shifting mud, the mud glorious mud.
Can Eddie join you down there - or has he gone on ahead to pitch the tent?
I hereby call for the withdrawl of Lord Ahmed's knighthood. What did he do to get it, anyway?
I haven't heard back from the Today crew about me doing Thought for the Day. But you can always camp with us if you get bored of the backstage life.
Ian (5),
"What did he do to get it, anyway?"
An excellent , apparently.
He has also said that wearing of the veil is a barrier to integration.
xx
ed
The mud is nothing compared to the filth that is Washington D.C. and Westminster. That sort of dirt doesn't wash away. Above all, have a good time.
xx
Thanks, Sequin. I couldn't make out much of the interview - except your questions. In fact I gave up halfway through. Good of you to post it, though.
As for Glasto, just as well it's radio ;o)
A serious pamper afterwards sounds good.
Hope I'm not too late to add a few tips for Glasto.
As a very experienced camper and festival attender I offer the following:
- You will get wet and muddy, accept that and it will just make the first bath/shower when you get home all the more enjoyable.
- Take a really good sleeping mat. Therm-a-rest (other sleep mats are available, but not as comfortable) make possibly the finest. A blanket as "carpet" in your tent is also beneficial, more comfortable and helps keep the cold from the ground at bay.
- Pitch your tent on high ground. Waterlogged areas or patches of land that are subject to flooding tend to have lusher vegitation (look for thick, dark green grass and avoid it).
- If you are pitching on a slope have the door pointing downhill. This is for two reasons; water run-off is less likely to come into your tent, and sleeping with your head uphill will help you avoid waking up with a headache. Ok, less of a headache, a non-self inflicted one.
- Place a ground sheet - or at a push bin bags - under your tent before you pitch it. This will also help keep any water under your tent, not in it.
- Take nothing that you are not happy to see get; muddy, soaked, stolen, horribly mutilated or any combination of the above.
- Take more money than you think you will ever possibly need and keep it on your person at all times.
- The best time to take a shower is between 10:00am and 11:00am. The earlier morning queues will have eased but the water should still be reasonably hot.
- When packing clothes take at least two of everything for all possible weather conditions. You won't use it all, but better that than being freezing cold.
- Pack everything inside thick binliners, including your bag.
- Cereal bars, bags of dried fruit and nuts, the odd Mars bar (other confectionaries are available) will provide a useful sugar boosts when you're feeling low.
- Wear a pair of thin socks underneath a pair of thick (hiking boot) socks to minimise blisters by taking up some of the friction. Wellies or a good pair of waterproof walking boots are invaluable.
- Never have a naked flame (stove, candle or lighter) inside a nylon tent. Such tents can burn down in under three minutes, dripping scalding hot melted platic on anyone inside. I've seen the burns...
- Keep ventilation flaps/windows on your tent open. Fully zipped up modern tents can be almost airtight, causing build ups of CO2 while you sleep - this is dangerous, ranging from headaches to suffocation.
- Remember where your tent is! Work out a route to get to it and stick to it. That way when the Beer Fairy has to guide you home at 3:00am, they'll have a fighting chance of getting it right.
- Drink plenty of water, even if it's raining.
- A wide brimmed (preferably waterproof) hat is always useful. It keeps the sun off when it's hot and keeps your head warm when it's raining.
- Go into the toilet cubicles backwards, and if possible hold your breath for the duration of your visit.
- If you're with friends pre-arrange times and places to meet up during the day, keep each other safe.
A folding stool or chair can be useful to take the weight off your feet, but they are not always permitted at stages/in marquees.
- Cut your wrist tag off when going home, appearing still wearing it at work the next day is not a badge of honour, it's a bit sad.
- Don't forget to have fun!
How strange. I'm pretty sure the staff at my local chippy don't include a peer of the realm. And they've won chippy competitions. I demand Lord Ahmed's replacement with another fish frier.
Why not send those who bang on about blasphemy to Glastonbury to wallow in the mud instead? A win-win situation, surely?
Provided in the interest of . ;-)
xx
ed
Good hints, Wonko, especially the hat. I'd just add that good rigger boots, preferably the cheapest, unlined leather ones are better than wellies and almost as waterproof.
A shallow arc of ditch on the uphill side of your tent will direct water around it rather than under/into it.
Dried fruit is a very good staple, and an aid to regularity.
Enjoy yourself.
xx
ed
Hmm, I notice Lord Ahmed's site (above) says:
"I am very much in touch with people."
and
"As a British Muslim I feel that this multi-religious, multi-ethnic society has a great contribution to make in the world, because we have started this dialogue of civilisations here, and that dialogue of civilisations and understanding of each other's religion, each other's beliefs, can be extended to the rest of the world"
Flippin Heck Wonko (9) that is fantastic info.
As for me I never sleep in tents. I used to beg to go camping as a child and my wise Mother always declined a holiday that required her to do the usual chores in inferior conditions.
Sequin you missed a trick. Hire a winnebago (?) and you have your own shower and (more importantly) your own loo. Blow the doing it in the "authentic" way. Go for clean dry knickers every time.
M x
Impressive, Wonko.
btw, Sequin, I found this - on the ´óÏó´«Ã½ news site, no less:
Think I'm too old (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) for authentic Glasto. Sounds worse than hill-walking, home-comforts-wise.
I saw that too, Frances! Cool!
xx
ed
Ed (15), what are rigger boots? Anything to do with sailing, or construction?
Construction worker's or stage . Slightly shorter than wellies and with a better non-slip sole. Mine are plain (no lining) leather uppers with a plastic sole which seems indestructible, and cost £15. I have three pairs, have worn them almost continuously for two years or more and, although well-abused, haven't failed at all.
They can also be easily removed before going into the more civilised parts of indoors
xx
ed
Thanks for the compliments guys, as Jeeves would say: "I endeavour to give satisfaction."
It's all knowledge built up from many years of camping, often passed down to me from older generations. And yes, I am (proudly) involved in Scouting! ;o)
If I think of any more in a quiet moment at work tomorrow I'll add them here.
No way, Aperitif (11). I go there to escape such loons.
Ian (5),
I agree that Lord Ahmed should have his peerage removed. As you say, what had he done to "earn" it? But that's the case with so many Lords, let's hear it for an elected Senate. It's a bad situation when a hereditary Lord can say he has greater legitamacy because he was elected (by a tiny electorate of hereditary Lords) to an appointed one.
Rushdie has at least won a Booker prize, but even so I wonder why he was awarded a knighthood. Botham, while known as a cricketer, has raised millions for some cancer research - I forget which. Those that burnt an effigy of the Queen (as reported tonight), clearly don't know who hands out most of these - TB. Funny thing, I would not have put him down as a bookworm.
Oh God! Resignation Honours coming up. Let's run a sweepstake. I predict various politicos getting honours...
I remember that Norman Wisdom was knighted as a personal recommendation of the Queen, I think that was the last time she has had a say in the matter. All she does these days is tap a few shoulders with a sword - giving Charles most of them to do.
Wonko, did you see Ian Hislop's telly prog about 'Scouting for Boys'?
Ed I, they look lke wellies... or should I say it looks like a wellie. But leather uppers? Uberkool
Fran,
Kool, indeed and not nearly as smelly as wellies - breathable and waterproof enough to cross streams and puddles. Some folk may regard them as an affectation, but I wear them because they're comfortable and convenient and CHEAP!
They also have steel toecaps, for which I have often been grateful when moving heavy stuff or drystane dyking.
xx
ed
Wonko,
Good for you! Youth need exposure to outdoor time, campfires, damp sleeping bags and all. I have spent much of my life out of doors due to Scouting and not getting enough campfire time. The best times at our community woodland space are when there are a lot of young folk as well as us fogies.
Easter saw a 'wild food' session for four days, and the kids ranged from five to fifteen and helped skin a deer, pluck and dress a brace of roadkill pheasants, gather wild roots and roasted the lot wrapped in wild garlic leaves in a pit.
They then finished on the final campfire evening with amazing and talented musical fluency. We are blessed.
xx
ed
Oh, I'm being maliciously premature again!
Well I think Glastonbury sounds like it'll be fantastic fun! Please post us pictures - how about one of you and John H in a similar muddy pose to the photo in Frances' link?
(Frances' link:
PS I am not malicious......
Frances - Yes, I did see Ian Hislop's programme. Given that Scouting's profile in the media is more often about outdated images of short trousers, lemon squeezer hats and inuendo about why grown adults (men especially) would want to spend time with "small boys" - wink, wink, nudge, nudge - I thought it was quite a balanced piece. Obviously there was masses of stuff that he missed out (such as there being more countries within Scouting than sit at the UN, and this year's World Jamboree - being held at Chelmsford - will have twice the number of participants as the Olympics). Given the angle he was coming from, and how he normally attacks most things, it was alright.
The thing that comes out of such coverage again and again for me is that it's the same issues that people are worried about now as 100 years ago. We want our kids to get more fresh air and exercise. We want them to be good citizens who contribute to our country and the World. We want them to learn useful life skills such as; team working, problem solving and decision making, learning to get on with their peers, taking responsibility for their actions, learning by doing and having the freedom to make mistakes and so on. These are all skills employers constantly complain are in short supply in new school/university leavers. It's the same concerns today as it was in 1907, and probably always will be.
Ed - I'm delighted to hear of your experiences with Scouting. I have to agree with you that our youngsters need to learn that there's more to life than concrete, ipods and Xboxes! I've lost count of the youngsters over the years who I've taught to cook their first meal. I'm also delighted by how many of them, years later, have come up to me and thanked me for what I taught them. BP said that you should try to leave this World a little better than it was when you entered it. If I've changed just one life for the better, then I've done my bit.
;o) []
Ian (21), Does one get a better class of loon in Glastonbury then? :-)
Dougal (7) Rather sweeping and easy to say; harder to defend, no? To whom are you referring, specifically? And would you be concerned if any of them took the advice of your linked website?
A few more camping/festival survival tips:
- When packing your clothes roll them up, they'll take up less room that way.
- If you're cooking your own food buy your fuel before the event; gas canisters/ cylinders, etc, tend to be more expensive at the event.
- Don't leave fuel inside tents or in direct sunlight. Modern nylon tents in particular can get very hot when the sun gets on them, easily over the recommended temperatures on the side of the cannister. Outside, but in the shade is the best place.
- When planning your menu go for good wholesome food by all means, but it's not really the time or place for a diet. You'll need plenty of calories as being outside and moving around will burn up far more energy than you're used to.
- Don't skip meals, especially breakfast. Research has shown that it's not so much what you have for breakfast as just the fact you have one that's important. So, have the fry up.
- Early morning (6:00am ish) is usually a good time to get a quiet cup of tea or coffee, before most people get up or have gone to bed! Take it outside and just enjoy being outside in nature.
- Take wet wipes! They're great for freshening up without needing to go to the toilets, and good at cleaning hands after eating greasy fast food.
- Take a book or buy a paper. There will come a point where you don't feel like doing much and a quiet read is always worth the effort.
- If you're concerned about your hearing or being disturbed by late night revellers consider using ear plugs. They cost a few pence, and remember once your hearing is damaged it's too late.
- There are plenty of roll-up waterproof picnic rugs available for a few quid, they can even make an impromptu rain shelter!
- Put your rubbish in the bins provided, food waste especially attracts insects and animals - that includes old beer cans!
- Keep your food in sealed boxes if possible, again, it stops animals getting at your snacks, and helps keep it dry. A cool box or bag is also useful.
- Take and use sunscreen, re-apply it during the day.
- Don't go bare foot tempting though it is, you just don't know what might be hidden in the grass/mud and believe me, you don't want to have a tetinus jab!
- Chemical glowsticks tied to your tent look festive and can be a good aid to finding it in the dark.
- Take a spare torch/lantern, batteries and bulb. Hang the spare one up inside your tent for evening illumination.
- Take a simple first aid kit; some plasters, a sterilised sewing needle (for removing splinters), paracetamol/asprin, something for sore throats. You can buy ready made kits.
- If you get burnt/scalded place the affected part under cold (preferably running) water for AT LEAST 10 minutes, then seek medical attention. Do not put creams or sticking plasters on burns or scalds.
- Make friends with someone you meet at the event and keep in touch.
Aperitif (28). Yes: Myself.
Wonko - you and Ed I are very wise about these things. I have not been to Glastonbury but regularly (ish) to the Cambridge folk festival which is much smaller but can get every bit as muddy.
Last year (with a new tent that we couldn't put up in the garden as a practice because the garden is too small!!) SO, friend and I went camping in Ireland. First day, lovely weather, got the tent up (spot of mild swearing) and trolled in to town for fish and chips and a well earned beverage. Trolled back, went to bed. 3 hours later the storm (that had the ferries cancelled for the whole weekend) hit. Funnily enough we found out exactly where we'd gone wrong with the tent erection! Still, we survived and had a soggy few days followed by some drying, sunny days. An experience to be sure, to be sure!
Izzy - You're very kind. And you have raised another important lesson, thanks for the reminder. Always practice putting up a new tent before you go away with it! Pitch it in your local park if you haven't got room.
I know Cambridge very well! Mrs Wonko is a big Folk fan. Much of it doesn't move me I have to say, but they have a sufficiently broad definition of "Folk" that I can usually find something of interest. And if that doesn't work I can sit in the sun drinking beer and reading the paper. Alas we're not going this year as it clashes with the start of the World Jamboree.
;o) []