My colleague Jonty Bloom has just brought over this month's Roger Mellie, the Man on the Telly.
PM is mentioned.
1345 UPDATE: Viz have kindly given us permission to use their strip.
1455 UPDATE:
Here we are at the end of the strip (sorry to spoil the ending...)
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Can you expand a little Eddie? or do we have to fork out £2-50 for the honour?
Good news!
The listener line *DOES* work - I've just said hello to Eddie!
Here give it a go :- 08703 66 66 76
Does VIZ still exist? I thought it had folded ages ago....
Hi Jonny (2)
Thanks for calling the Listener Line.
Yes, we have had some mild success in getting it working again and the number does now let you listen to a marvellous greeting from our dear presenter.
Unfortunately, as I discovered after the show last night, only a tiny bit of a message is recorded by the computer gubbins.
So unless you can compress your thoughts into one syllable, we won't hear what they are.
Hopefully we'll have an update tomorrow.
And Amanda (4) would know - she kindly stayed LONG after her shift last night trying to get it fixed. Most kind.
And Jonnie, (1) we may try to post the bit. Not the whole strip as it IS Mr Mellie who has a bit of a potty mouth...
Viz still exists, not bought it for years. The founder, I think, now works part time in a book shop. See his biography
Oooh, yes, please, Eddie.
Can you censor the potty-mouth bits? (In such a way that we can guess if relevant)
The pinnacle of your career must be appearing in viz!
Not sure of the copywright issues of posting the whole strip. I'm sure viz won't mind.
Is Biffa Bacon and Sid the Sexist still in it?
Strip cartoon for viz, the next blog thing?
Eric Maird, the man with no head.
..not really for this thread.... but did Dave Cameron really say "come on men that having a child is an 18-year commitment, not a one-night stand"
....no it's not you Mu**et....it's a life long commitment.....
..my sons are 23, 25, & 27 and we hold them very dear. We help them all the time, emotionally, financially and practically.......we are also the caring Grandparents!
what you going to do Dave, kick YOUR kids out at 18?
DI Wyman (7)
Well said.
"Ha!"
(my thoughts compressed into one syllable)
Must scour the next edition of Viz to see if they are equally (by rights even more) proud to have finally been mentioned on the OM blog...
Eddie - Excuse me, but reference your TwitterBox - When you say "gossipping with Angie Dickinson" do you mean Angie Dickinson as in Angie Dickinson - Sergeant "Pepper" Anderson in Police Woman, etc.?
If Yes - How do I get a job like yours?
At the risk of being a too-prolific frogger (sorry, can't help it!) may I modestly mention that I appeared in Viz 20 years ago?
The ad agency I worked for at the time had won the account of Britain's least popular polytechnic ... with the idea of advertising in Viz.
The creatives shamelessly stole an existing idea of dressing people up as various jobs ... and cheapskated by using their own staff to do it.
I stood in my best suit holding a clipboard, surrounded by a baker, a postman, a lab technician, etc etc etc.
Stupidly I never thought to buy a copy of the mag with the ad in. Duhhhhhh!
I'll crawl back to my sickbed now. (But send me your postal address if you want a little something from Eric... eventually!
Fifi
Some Top Tips from Viz
MOURNERS. Read the dress code instructions on funeral invitations very carefully. Sombre, whilst being only 2 letters away from sombrero, is a world apart in tone.
MUMS. Confuse your children by mixing butter with their I can't Believe It's Not Butter. They won't know what to believe.
DAILY Mail editors. Confuse your readers by claiming that asylum seekers are the natural predators of paedophiles.
BOOKSHOP owners. Annoy Christians by putting the Bible in the 'Fiction' section of your shop where, joking aside, it actually belongs.
CONVINCE neighbours that you own an old fashioned typewriter by wearing metal thimbles and drumming your fingers on a plastic tray. Every ten seconds ting a wine glass with a pencil and run a butter knife along the teeth of a comb before continuing drumming your fingers.
DAILY Mail editors. Underline important words in your headlines just to make sure that your readers are clear about what it is you want them to think.
OLD people. If you feel cold indoors this winter, simply pop outside for ten minutes without a coat. When you go back inside you will really feel the benefit.
Two points here thouigh DIYman - and I'm not trying to be provocative today - too tired....
1) I think he was referring to be the parents who don't give a stuff about their kids - you know - the type who visit Trisha and Jeremy Kyle (he gets on my wick)!
2) with any luck your three will pay you back in years to come!
Oooh - change of subject - I've just taken a booking from a lovely man who sounded identical to Eddie - I thought it was for a second. He comes from Magdalen Yard Rd in Dundee.
I said to him "Gosh you sound just like Eddie Mair"
He replied "Who"?
I said Eddie Mair - PM -- Radio 4 -- started off at Radio Tay!
Long silence -- Oh - I listen to Radio 2 !
Oh well !
I wonder if the people on the Today programme are going to try to claim credit for the Premium Rate Phone-in Quiz.
H.
Go and get the £(1)9.95 mobile - you know it makes sense. It's not fair to charge 20p to listen to "Welcome to the PM Letterline....." for 15 seconds and then only allow a one-second message. Ah, that's what ADSL is all about.
Re the newsletter. It is also my birthday today and I held a lunch time party at the local pub. Its amazing how many strangers want to be your friend when you are paying for the drinks!
RJD wrote: Eddie - Excuse me, but reference your TwitterBox - When you say "gossipping with Angie Dickinson" do you mean Angie Dickinson as in Angie Dickinson - Sergeant "Pepper" Anderson in Police Woman, etc.?
If Yes - How do I get a job like yours?
Yes indeed it is me! And you, as a 52 year old man are welcome to my 76th birthday bash on September 30th. But bring your friend Fabio. One good massage is worth a thousand frog messages.
Some more Top Tips from Viz
DEFY the government at the start of British Summer Time by refusing to put your clocks forward at 2.00 in the morning. 'Save' the hour for later in the day. You still get your lie-in and you can fast forward your day when it suits you, like when there is nothing on telly.
FLATMATES. Take a picture of yourself naked and looking surprised and pin it on your bathroom door. That way if anyone bursts in on you they won't get a shocking surprise.
PREGNANT weatherwomen. When presenting the report, stand front on to the camera so as anybody living west of Stoke on Trent can see what the weather will be like in their area.
MUMS. After your kids have mastered spelling with Alphabetti Spaghetti, buy a tin of the normal stuff so as they can practise joined-up writing.
DIETERS. Buy only Russian Alphabetti Spaghetti as there are only 22 letters in the Cyrillic alphabet. Just watch the pounds fall off.
OLD people. Avoid flu-jab embarassment by not pulling your trousers down whilst the nurse is away getting your jab. It is administered via the arm these days.
BASEBALL cap manufacturers. Save the wearer the bother of turning your caps round by putting the peak on the other side.
CELEBRATE the birthday of a friend or relative by making your own Happy Birthday banner and strapping it to a roundabout. Motorists are always grateful to be informed of the age of someone they have never met.
ANNOY and frustrate SpecSavers staff by wandering up to their counter, squinting your eyes whilst looking up at the price board, and when they ask if they can help you, saying "Big Mac Meal, please."
Haha - thanks for that Eddie -- Not quite like S1 though - but good resemblence to you :-)
angie babe (20) - I'm afraid that Fabio is in Italy for a few months setting up his new Massage, Reflexology and Palpation venture -Kneads!
He has however given me permission to act in his absence - I'm sure he said "You can Shiatsu".
Gosh Eddie, haven't you got a chiselled jaw?
You look like Desperate Dan with Oor Wullie's paw's nose. (Obviously a subtle Dundee reference.)
Positively the final Top Tips from Viz
BOILED EGGS cut in half vertically, and with the yolk removed, make ideal miniature porcelain-style urinals for hamsters and guinea pigs.
LADY DRIVERS. Draw a little diagram on a Post-it showing the position of the hand brake and gearstick, and stick it to your dashboard. This will save you having to look for them when the lights go green.
SUPERMARKETS. Help promote healthy living by putting your cakes, ice creams, pies etc. in aisles that are too narrow for fatties to fit through.
DRUNKEN drivers. When making your way home from a night out, put 'L' plates on your car to convince patrol-ling police that any careless driving is the result of inexperience rather than drink. How you explain a 3am driving lesson is up to you.
PAUL Daniels. Liven up your routine by actually sawing the 'lovely' Debbie McGee in half on stage.
AMERICANS. Wipe out the Iraqi insurgency by simply joining their side. With your 'friendly fire' tactics, the war should be over in days
OLD people. Ensure a good fight at your wake by leaving a valuable antique in your will to a distant relative, whilst promising it to a closer relative verbally before you die.
FOOL everyone into thinking you have just eaten an apple by rubbing your tummy and saying loudly "Mmm! That was a lovely apple."
RAPPERS. Avoid having to say 'know what I'm sayin' all the time by actually speaking clearly in the first place.
MEN When listening to your favourite CD, simply turn up the sound to the volume you desire; then turn it down three notches. This will save your wife from having to do it.
AMERICANS. Build your houses out of bricks and mortar instead of cheap wood to avoid having them destroyed by hurricanes every few weeks.
LADIES When invited to a Buckingham Palace garden party, go wearing hair rollers, so that the Queen will think you are going somewhere REALLY important afterwards
HOMEOWNERS Don't hesitate to tell the rest of us how much your house has appreciated in value since you bought it. The more frequently you give us updates, the greater will be our delight at your good fortune and our admiration and respect for your financial prescience.
ALCOHOL makes an ideal substitute for happiness.
SINGLE MEN Convince people that you have a girlfriend by standing outside Etam with several bags of shopping, looking at your watch and occasionally glancing inside.
WHEN replying to Nigerian lawyers that offer millions in return for a £50.000 finders fee, only send half the money. Keep the rest until you get the paperwork.
MCDONALD'S Make your brown carrier bags green in colour so they blend in with the countryside after they've been thrown out of car windows.
RJD (23). I'll wait until Fabio gets back. Bring the Viz joke book to make us laugh while he's hands on.
What a large nose they've given you Eddie!
Radio 2 ?
Great thread
I see the Viz presenter has got your nose eric. Pity they call him John!
Come on Viz you can do better!
and fifi I'm sure you could get a back copy of Viz. I was expecting you to say you were a model in one of viz's naff photo stories!
Yes, what is all this 'John' stuff? Is Humphrys moonlighting? Have they promoted him?
Now, Eric, are you going to buy the original to hang in your loo?
Could we do another sketch with the Gordon and Dave playing the pathetic sharks?
O Frances (20) : Great comment.
talking of Scottish people being where they should not be - Gordon Brown must be in a bit of a quandry tonight being seen to be supporting England at the footie with Angela.
Top Tip(s) Editor - please arrange to send regular bulletins to my inbox, for money if necessary, I haven't laughed so much since, well actually I don't think I've ever laughed so much :o))
Jonnie(16) - we all sound the same, didn't you know?
Brilliant. Well done Eddie (and the team). The coming together of two great British institutions!
Any chance of a regular slot? Maybe a new cartoon character? Now if only we could think of one...
i hate to be pedantice but there are 33 letters in hte russian alphabet - I know cos I learned it.
I thought I'd add a witty comment to your blog too since I do so enjoy your programme. It looks like you have ample support though. I was going to say...
Did Viz get the look and feel of the PM studio right? I always feel that you are sitting at a desk wearing a suit and tie, Frazier-like, rather than how Viz portrayed it.
I guess this skit puts the final nail in the coffin of the PM Premium Line Phone-in!
Jason (32), The Pathetic Sharks were indeed entertaining, but I think it would even more amusing to incorporate Eddie's interviewees into a strip with The Vibrating Bum-Faced Goats, don't you?