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With a little help

Eddie Mair | 11:44 UK time, Wednesday, 15 August 2007

from some advice from Jonnie, I was finally able to take a pic of the screen that shows how many entries I've made on the blog, and how many comments there have been. I followed the advice to print it off and take a picture of the paper. After several blurry attempts, I managed this:

figs.jpg

In fact the total will now be 997 for me, and it's 49,621 for all of us.

Friday will be quite a day I think. Our first birthday for sure, and possibly 1000 posts from me and 50,000 from us all.

Best of all: an announcement you won't be expecting.


UPDATE 14.30: Just had this email from Gemma Teale:

"I don't get a chance to listen as often as I used to, but if you still do the news round up thing at the end of the week, there's a cracking bit from the news on 5live (ok i know that's not strictly the thing). The intro said about people being told not to panic about the Foot and Mouth investigation at Chessington. The guy comes on to speak and all you can hear behind him are children screaming. It's a fabulous mental image. I think you have to hear it, I'm not doing it justice here...."

We're looking for the audio.

1550 UPDATE:

figa.jpg

Comments

  1. At 11:55 AM on 15 Aug 2007, Joe Palooka wrote:

    Well done Jonnie.

  2. At 12:02 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Gossipmistress wrote:

    An announcement we're not expecting? You're not resigning are you Eric? Or moving to 'Today'? Such a tease!

  3. At 12:06 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Anne P. wrote:

    Have you still not remembered what it was you had to do, Eddie?

  4. At 12:07 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Eddie,

    It's really stone-age to take a picture of a digital image which has been rendered onto paper and then create another digital image of that to post, or are you being ferrous?

    Yours Aye
    ed

  5. At 12:10 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Stewart wrote:

    The other way would be take a photo of the screen. Better to use the zoom and stand well back. Or, and Jonnie may be able to confirm, the screen dump (i.e what you printed) could perhaps be saved as a jpeg.

    Would mean you could do some journalistic work and drink your coffe and not spend all morning on the productive blog stuff ;-) No. There is no fun in that.

  6. At 12:19 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Ah - well done Eddie - but as Stewart has pointed out

    you must then save it as as jpeg, and upload it to the blog.

    But - in the typical Blog way - this was much more pleasing :-)

  7. At 12:20 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Eddie

    Try getting a screenshot and ftp that to a webspace. Then you can provide a , like so.

    xx
    ed

  8. At 12:28 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Eddie Mair wrote:

    Yes Anne P (3) - I finally remembered this morning.

  9. At 12:30 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Chris Ghoti wrote:

    Any time now he'll be setting up a camera on the coffee-machine so we can all tell when it needs refilling...

  10. At 12:49 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Aunt Dahlia wrote:

    The Spanish Inquisition?

  11. At 12:49 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Little Miss Poppy wrote:

    Eddie lambie pie that's very clever of you.You know what's working don't you?

  12. At 12:59 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Pressing the shift key and Print Screen (top of the key cluster above the arrow keys) puts a copy of the screen image into the clipboard and from there you can just paste it into whatever application you want - Word or some kind of image program (Paint?) Then save as a jpeg.

    Chris (9):

    It's worth remembering that the first ever webcam was set up at an American University, pointing at the coffee pot so that lazy academics could see whether it was worth toddling along to the coffee room, or if they should wait until someone had filled it.

    Twittering:

    Spain / Birmingham? There's a difference?

    An announcement we're not expecting? Something about the Spanish Inquisition?

  13. At 01:08 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Anne P. wrote:

    Talking of memory, Eddie, it is always salutory to realise how it plays tricks. Having to wait in for the boilerman this morning I decided to try to track down my reference made yesterday to the last speaker of Perthshire Gaelic whose grandfather had fought at Culloden.

    I appear to have conflated two things, though I can't find the original obituary. Alexandra Stewart from Glenlyon, who died in 1991 at the age of 95, was thought to have been the last native speaker of Perthshire Gaelic . As a child she met, and later wrote about, Lizzie Lothian who lived in Invervar and whose grandfather had escaped from Culloden with Alexandra's great, great grandfather Alan Stewart.

    There's a wonderful picture of Lizzie Lothian

    Just thought I'd set the record straight.

  14. At 01:23 PM on 15 Aug 2007, lurker wrote:

    SSC(12),

    No, the coffee pot webcam was at Cambridge University's

  15. At 01:40 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Chris Ghoti wrote:

    SSC, @ 9, erm, an English university, I think? Cambridge. I have met one of the chaps who did it. The reason given for their laziness was that the coffee-machine was on another floor of the building, so it was a nuisance to go all the way up (or possibly down) there for coffee and find that there wasn't any ready. One of them found stairs a bit of a problem.

    It was still running until quite recently when the funding for the coffee machine ran out, or they moved to another building, or something equally mundane. And I have a feeling that the original coffee machine fetched silly sums at auction.

  16. At 01:43 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Teddy Ashton. wrote:

    Eddie - as someone who has always had a bit of a fixation about James Bond, I suppose I should have been excited when my laptop told me it had been invaded by spyware. It sounds rather glamorous, doesn't it?

    I mean, in the world of Bond, spyware is usually a very smart tuxedo and an Omega Seamaster watch that turns into a laser. Back in the real world, it's far less glamorous. It's something that you don't want anywhere near your PC.

    I knew this because my computer started to tell me, almost with a hint of glee, that it had been infected. Now I don't know about you Eddie but I belong to that generation which has been encouraged, both corporately and in the home, to embrace the brave new world of computing and all that it entails without actually having a clue about what it's all about. It's a bit like car engine syndrome.

    Everything's fine and dandy until it goes wrong and you've no idea what the problem is. I tend to kick the tyres. You're then forced to rely on the chap in the garage to diagnose the problem without ripping you off and you never know for sure whether he has or hasn't. So there I was, in the lounge at home, staring at a screen telling me 鈥 it seemed 鈥 that the world was about to end.

    As far as I can understand it 鈥 and that's not very far, believe me 鈥 spyware can jump through the internet into your home PC where it sets up a little operation to feed back to person or persons unknown lots of facts that you'd rather it didn't. Fortunately, as I've never been particularly trusting of these infernal metal boxes at the best of times, my PC has very little in the way of exciting information stored in it.

    Nonetheless, however, I wanted rid of my unwanted pest as it was starting to rival the sudden appearance of ants in the kitchen as the latest excuse for me to feel even more grumpy and irritable than usual.

    I rushed out to buy some anti-spyware software which soaked up twenty quid of my only just received birthday money (I was my birtday on Monday, thanks for asking). Of course, it was only when I'd opened the software bundle that I spotted the icon on my computer screen.

    Being pathetically inadequate in front of a computer (actually, in front of anything really) I'd failed to spot that I already had the intruder-fighting software package that I needed as part of my broadband subscription.

    All it took was a couple of clicks and my unseen electronically started to give the equally invisible invader a right good battering. It was left to me, having watched the foreign body being tracked and identified, to apply the coup de grace with a simple click on the delete button.

    The enemy spy was terminated by me with the ruthless efficiency of old 007 himself. I sat back, congratulated myself, and waited for Mrs A to fetch me a vodka martini, shaken but not stirred. Needless to say, I'm still waiting.

  17. At 01:44 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Well if we run short for comments I'm sure I can help out.

    Actually I was just thinking how we should bring back capital punishment in Britain - that'd bring down the crime rate. - .........
    and I do think people are very selfish who have children.
    .... and why does B&Q need to employ so many old people - who, let's face it are pretty useless at doing their jobs!

  18. At 02:11 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Jonnie (17),

    Right On! Good questions, and while we're at it why do those subsidy-junky Scots and farmers keep whinge-ing?

    xx
    ed

  19. At 02:22 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Lord Tilford wrote:

    jonnie @ 17

    Totally disagree about 'old' employees at B & Q. In my experience, they're far from useless, having plenty of advice to give based on years of doing their own DIY, whereas the younger staff don't know one end of a hammer from another, let alone what the difference is between a countersunk and pan head screw.

  20. At 02:47 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Peter Bolt wrote:

    If you interview that lady from Scotland who has just won 拢35 million on the Lottery. Don`t forget to warn her not to pack up her job without giving 7 days notice.
    If she does not she will loose her Holiday Pay.

  21. At 02:49 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Stewart M wrote:

    Lord Tilbury. Can you put some shelves up for me then? I think I need Rawl plugs, Masonary Drill bit, Hammer, Wood etc.

    And Jonnie as for those of us who have children. We should have been stangled at birth :-) After all they get in the way of me sitting here checking the blog. I've sent them to find some small magnets so they can hang off the climbing frame.

  22. At 03:01 PM on 15 Aug 2007, RJD wrote:

    Aunt Dahlia (10) - Hahahaha. NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!

  23. At 03:07 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Eddie Mair wrote:

    49,683

  24. At 03:07 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Harry on line 9... wrote:

    ...hello is this Jonnie's late night 'phone in?

    Capital punishment? Bleedi*g murderers? They should have their legs chopped off and should be made to shuffle around prison on a board with small wheels on. They should be fed on Fray Bentos pies and have their beds taken out and straw put down. Don't bother with an electric chair have an electric pew instead and get rid of six of 'em at once. That's what I say. HELLO?

  25. At 03:09 PM on 15 Aug 2007, FMcD wrote:

    Stewart M @ 20, please don't forget the virtues of Velcro for suspending annoying objects of all varieties...

  26. At 03:15 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Electric Dragon wrote:

    I came across an interesting piece by Cory Doctorow the other day about how to keep online communities civil ( ) . Between that and a piece on the Grauniad website ( ) about how the Radio 2 messageboards had had any mention of Sarah Kennedy's apparent broadcasting difficulties ruthlessly expunged with stern admonitions to talk only about music (not so much a Glass Box as a Black Box), it got me wondering as to why the PM blog has such a welcoming environment, both from the commenters and the hosts, when other messageboards/blogs on the 大象传媒 don't?

    And will other programmes learn? Today, for example, has a rather desultory message board where (iirc) only the hosts permit topics and the threads are kept on topic.

  27. At 03:17 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Stewart,

    Stangled? Sounds painfull, but is it effective as a sterilisation technique?

    As for termination at birth, my wish list:

    Isaac Newton
    Rene DesCartes
    James Watt
    Alexander Graham Bell
    Wilbur & Orville Wright,
    .....
    xx
    ed

  28. At 03:21 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Well Lord Tilford - each to their own - but if you went to our local B&Q on a Wednesday you'd change your mind.

    It's like one of those dreadful 'Womens clubs' whatever they are called these days-

    the women - all over 60 - hang around wallpaper isles discussing their limited knowledge on home interiors!

    Surely they'd be better suited keeping their wretched grandchildren off the streets.

    Re: Stewart, I agree with your every sentiment, isn't your wife around to deal with them to give you some peace and quiet?

    I'm a firm believer that a womans place is in the home. Then we might also have a break from some of these female presenters that seem to have taken over the airwaves of recent years!!

  29. At 03:32 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    ?

    Please tell me anyone for whom the .png format gives an error. Error reports will help build up the comments count, if nothing else ;-)

    xx
    ed

  30. At 03:33 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Re Ed I

    Most of the people you have listed have been responsible for where we are now -

    Without them the world would be a far poorer place.

    We need *more* air travel.

    All taxes should be removed from air travel and we should be encouraged to travel more and discover our still beautiful world.

    Incentives should be given to protect ourselves, why travel in a dangerous small vehicle if one can be safer in a large four wheel drive (suv)

    If it's healthier not to smoke then it's safer in a 4WD.

    And as for these ridiculous saver bulbs. Lets light up our home and stock up with 150 watt tungsten filament lamps before they are made illegal.

    And all these standby lights on televisions and other electronic equipment - I wouldn't be able to see in the bedroom at night without all the gadgets glowing away :-)

  31. At 03:33 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Daily Mail Reader wrote:

    jonnie - I'd just like to mention flogging and National Service.

  32. At 03:39 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Electric Dragon wrote:

    Isaac Newton?? And what, pray, has the greatest scientist of all time done to offend you, Ed?

  33. At 03:53 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    And one for

  34. At 03:57 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Jonnie,

    Most of the people you have listed have been responsible for where we are now -

    Up a certain creek paddle-less, eh?

    Without them the world would be a far poorer place.

    We might be 'poorer', but the world would be much richer!

    We need *more* air travel.

    If God had wanted us to fly, She'd have given us wings!

    All taxes should be removed from air travel and we should be encouraged to travel more and discover our still beautiful world.

    Before the rest of the Hoi Palloy get there and spoil it! Right on!

    Salaaaaami (Kosher, of course)
    ed

  35. At 03:57 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Dragon (32),

    Why only (along with Rene), let loose the most dangerous idea ever - the idea that the self-styled Homo Sapiens can eventually know everything!

    An absolute absurdity if examined, and profoundly secular as well!

    Imagine the coffee comprehending the cup. The allegory of the cave comes to mind.

    xx
    ed

  36. At 03:59 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Harry on line 1 --

    Now there is always someone who has to barge in and ruin what till now has been a perfectly logical discussion.

    I have never once advocated torture and that is clearly what you are suggesting in your comment :-

    "They should be fed on Fray Bentos pies"

    CLICK!

    Ed I on line four:-

    Please be brief Ed and keep to the topic!

  37. At 04:07 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Pressing the shift key and Print Screen (top of the key cluster above the arrow keys) puts a copy of the screen image into the clipboard and from there you can just paste it into whatever application you want - Word or some kind of image program (Paint?) Then save as a jpeg.

    Chris (9):

    It's worth remembering that the first ever webcam was set up at an American University, pointing at the coffee pot so that lazy academics could see whether it was worth toddling along to the coffee room, or if they should wait until someone had filled it.

    Twittering:

    Spain / Birmingham? There's a difference?

    An announcement we're not expecting? Something about the Spanish Inquisition?

  38. At 04:08 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Re: Daily mail reader :-

    If you just want to mention it - go somewhere else.......

    Line 6 ?

    Ahh Lord Tilford again! - you are banned!

    Line 32 :- Yes Electric Dragon? What exactly has Issac Newton done to offend Ed I - It's probably because he wasted too many apples to prove the movement of the moon! Ed I - ring in again and explain please!

    Back after the news!

  39. At 04:12 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ike Entell wrote:

    Ed - some days it's just not worth gnawing through the straps.

  40. At 04:17 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Cyclists!

    They must be responsible for so many accidents - whizzing in and out of the traffic
    They never look when they attempt roundabouts!

    They cycle in the middle of the road!

    They cycle on pavements

    They don't have bells

    They don't have lights

    They don't have licences

    Ban em all ! everyone one of them. They are NOT contributing to society! Bikes are cheap - no wonder we don't have a motor industry anymore while these cheats are cycling on our roads that *WE* as motorists are paying for!

  41. At 04:24 PM on 15 Aug 2007, nikki noodle wrote:

    Cracking work Jonnie !

    That had me laughing - at least it works, though! Another 400 - and no time to slack off...!!

    n-n
    x

  42. At 04:28 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Dragon,

    I like the idea of disenvowelling! We had some fun a while ago with changing certain keys output, but I don't have autohotkeys for linux. It's great for Windoze, though.

    Jonnie,

    Me, off-topic? Certainly not. Never! Jemais!

    And I'm, a boxer man, anyway, never briefs.

    xx
    ed

  43. At 04:32 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Ike Entell (38),

    What else can a poor rodent do to keep one's teeth properly in trim?

    I'm truly sorry man's dominion,

    Has broken nature's social union,

    An' justifies that ill opinion,

    Which makes thee startle

    At me, thy poor, earth-born companion,

    An' fellow-mortal!

    ............

    Still thou art blest, compar'd wi' me

    The present only toucheth thee:

    But, Och! I backward cast my e'e.

    On prospects drear!

    An' forward, tho' I canna see,

    I guess an' fear!

    , R.I.P. (To a Mouse)


    xx
    ed

  44. At 04:33 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Line 38 :-

    Don't have a clue what your on about - come back when you have a point to make!

  45. At 04:36 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Harry wrote:

    Is there a prize for posting the 50,000th blog comment? I know it's not allowed to be cash any longer but the 大象传媒 is still able to give away a free lunch aren't they? Is there such a thing?

  46. At 04:42 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Aha, but the misery induced by Fray Bentos pies is a relative one, isn't it?

    And torture is absolute - you can't be a little bit tortured, surely? Or is just my human right not to be tortured that is absolute?

    I had a Fray Bentos pie, after about 24 days of sailing across the Atlantic and it was scrummy!!

  47. At 04:49 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Line 34 - Ahh Ed I again! Please validate your arguments - and do stop repeating what I said!

    He - (God) gave us two ears, which, by listening to you lot today, are hardly ever used!

    Unfortunately Ed if we all lived by your edict we'd be tree dwellers in Scotland with no internet, and little civilisation. Mud huts around the world!

    All well and good these Pyramids in Egypt - what have they done for civilisation!

    Ok - they didn't burn vast amounts of fossil fuels to create them.

    We have to move on .. revel in our achievements. Build bigger and better ones.

    Ed you'd have had a go at the Romans had they been around.

    Line 41 : Ah Nikki - this is an important blog - go to the beach where Fifi, BigSis and her friends hang out. They normally start at five I believe :-)

    Soo annoying when timewasters with no comment to make pop up!

  48. At 04:53 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    And that's another point !

    Nikki Noodle, Stainless Steel Cat, BigSister, Electric Dragon, -- Gossipmistress ---(clearly for the beach that one)

    and all the other people who come on with ridiculous names!

    What are you all afraid of?

    Like people hiding behind beards!

    Or were your parents just cruel?

  49. At 05:04 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Line 46 - Natural Blonde .. torture is torture, anyone would eat anything after 24 days of sailing across the Atlantic.

    Anyway, what's the point in wasting 24 days of your life when you could have watched a film - had a drink and been there in 6 hours in a plane!

    Get a life - and don't ring back through till you have a proper name!

  50. At 05:05 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Line 44 Ed I

    Off topic again - this isn't poetry corner!

    Take your rymes to the beach please.

    Nest time you try that one - it'll be a ban!

  51. At 05:08 PM on 15 Aug 2007, RJD wrote:

    Ed I (34) "Up a certain creek paddle-less, eh?"

    Well nobody has to be if they call

  52. At 05:11 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    line 1 - Joe Palooka ( was that meant as a facetious comment

    Oh and weren't you that Chris Evans supporter?

    You are banned!

  53. At 05:19 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Daily Mail Reader wrote:

    I'd also like to mention underage drinking and loose morals!

  54. At 05:24 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Jonnie,

    "Like people hiding behind beards!"

  55. At 05:34 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Electric Dragon ... may I introduce a note of boring civillity to this thread, and WELCOME YOU BACK to the Frog.

    Haven't seen you for yonks!

    Quick! contact me via the weblink on my name, and you can still be part of Fifi's special project inspired by the first birthday of the PM blog.

    Which is on Friday, lest we forget.

    Fifi ;o)

  56. At 05:37 PM on 15 Aug 2007, fed up wrote:

    Its those pinko liberals, thats what it is. Taking over our frog and letting in just anyone. Its not good enough.

  57. At 05:49 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Jonnie,
    "Ed you'd have had a go at the Romans had they been around."

    You Betchya! They were among the first to the land's productive capacity. Just as well that empire fell.

    High time for the next one!

    "...the most striking and immediate effect of the spread of European settlement beyond the boundaries of Europe itself was its lethal impact on indigenous peoples and societies." -- Clive Ponting (A Green History of the World)


    Lalalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaa....

    ed

  58. At 06:11 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Eddie,

    Time for another update, methinks.

    And a drink in the Nick Clarke Memorial bar. What's your pleasure?

    Slainte
    ed

  59. At 07:10 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Ahh - line 57 - fed up - strange name but welcome on board - we need more like you :-)

  60. At 07:18 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    That's all -- remember to tune in at 22:00 as Anna will be on air to answer all your personal, emotional and sexual problems.

  61. At 07:59 PM on 15 Aug 2007, The Stainless Steel Cat wrote:

    OK, I have three copies of one post and no copies of the post where I admit senility for thinking Cambridge Uni was in America.

    Is the blog collapsing under the weight of all this blogbusting?

    One malicious, two malicious...

  62. At 08:30 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Rachel G wrote:

    OK people: can someone tell me if Chairman Mair has told us our total this afternoon? I need to know how much effort I need to make tomorrow!

  63. At 08:33 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Is this a thread for legitimate spamming? May I spam safe in the knowledge I'm contributing to something great and really special?

    If so ... Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam!

    Mary

  64. At 09:00 PM on 15 Aug 2007, mittfh wrote:

    Jonnie (48)...

    Hiding behind odd nicknames? Well, how about a virtually unpronounceable acronym? :)

    Anyway, if you object to people hiding behind aliases, why don't you post using your full name... :)

    -oOo-

    "What do you call 5,000 politicians at the bottom of a lake? A good start!"

    Discuss the above joke, taking into account such matters as legalistics, ethics, logistics, ecology, hydrology; as well as linguistics, grammar and spelling.

  65. At 09:26 PM on 15 Aug 2007, sacrebleu wrote:

    Well, what about those blinkin' taxi drivers then? Smoking in their cabs (illegally, now), wearing smelly clothes and tooting for folk to come out at all hours of the night. Haven't they heard of doorbells?

  66. At 09:47 PM on 15 Aug 2007, sacrebleu wrote:

    Hi Ed (43)

    One of the (best) bits you missed out was -

    The best laid plans of mice and men gang aft agley
    and leave us nought but grief and pain, where promis'd joy

    Sl脿inte mh貌r

  67. At 09:52 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Annie the Angel wrote:

    Hi I'm Annie and it's my first time on the blog -in

    I'm here to answer all your personal, emotional and sexual problems.

    As I've said it's my first time - so I'm just as nervous as you are.

    Don't be intimidated by the other readers - it's just you and me when it comes to it.

    I'm here - poised and waiting for your questions

  68. At 09:59 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Dave Williamson wrote:

    Hi Annie, are you trained? as in qualified?

    Anyway,

    When I married my wife she was eight and a half stone, that was twenty years ago, and she must have gained around a stone a year since then.

    We haven't had sex for ages, I just don't feel sexually attracted to her anymore.

    Could you suggest any ideas to put 'the fun back in to our lives?

  69. At 10:16 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Hi Rachel,

    I'm now off-air but as of 15:50 (see the dodgy photo above in Eddie's post) we needed 300 comments.

    I'd say - at a very rough estimate - and after glancing at the glassbox - we'd need 220 ish!

    So probably very attainable,

  70. At 10:41 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Confused wrote:

    Annie the ANgel. I have a small problem. How do I make it a big problem?

  71. At 10:42 PM on 15 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Annie, I though you didn't start till 10.00? And anyway jonnie told us it was anna at 22.00.

  72. At 10:53 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Val P wrote:

    Jonnie - the boy done good! You're wasted in the hospitality trade, get back on the radio!!!

  73. At 11:26 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Stephanie Williamson wrote:

    Annie - This is a bit embarrassing, but I'm assumming it is just you and me.

    When I married Dave some twenty years ago, he was a real man. But lack of sex, has made me turn to food as an alternative satisfaction over recent years.

    Could you suggest any ideas to put 'the fun' back in to our lives?

  74. At 11:47 PM on 15 Aug 2007, Annie the Angel wrote:

    Line 68 Dave

    This is very serious, she is now approaching 30 stone.

    It's probably even difficult for you to have intercourse?

    The reason she has a weight problem is because there has been an on-going problems with her confidence.

    Buy her some roses - not chocolates - hide the ice-cream,

    Her weight will drop off and your sex life will resume

    Best of luck

  75. At 01:02 AM on 16 Aug 2007, Anna :-) the Angel wrote:

    Line 76 - Stephanie welcome on board - and yes it's just you and me.

    This is such a common problem - yet - so hard to come to terms with!

    We have two factors involved, both can be fun!

    Sex is fun - as is food.

    Food does not burn off calories however, it has the inverse effect, it piles them on Stephanie.

    For starters eat healthily - for the main course, be inventive. He (Dave) your husband has a healthy appetite I'm sure.

    Prepeare him a nice, well balanced meal and then tease him with the desert.

    Marks and Spencers do a fabulous 'Fairtrade rich truffle chocolate sauce'

    Cover yourself in it and convince him that you are better than a plate!

    The rest is up to you - but remember Stephanie - a bit of fun will burn off those excess calories in no time.

    Stephanie - please please, let us know how you get on won't you -

  76. At 01:21 AM on 16 Aug 2007, Anna :-) the Angel wrote:

    Line 70 - Confused - I'll be brief as I've just had a call from the programme controller and time is against us, and I've missed the IRN news!

    now confused - I'm trusting in the fact that you are a man - so we are talking the 'tackle' being small rather than - what us women have dangling down our chesties :-)

    First of all Confused!

    Most men *think* they are small and in reality are average.

    When I'm out shopping I'd always choose that big can that says 10% extra free - but once I've opened the can more than 20% ends up down the waste disposal unit!

    Now I'd never advocate surgery - you are what you are

    Remember that Confused and repeat it to yourself!

    You are what you are
    You are what you are
    You are what you are

    Good!

    Now my second and more important bit of advice.

    Tell your spouse, companion - bedfellow, you'd like to experiment.

    It's not just your 'tackle' that can please them --

    Turn the lights down very low and play some nice soothing sounds, relaxing music. Then slowly and with confidence, imagine that you are not small - -- imagine that you are actually big.

    Then wait for what ensues - and check in tha bathroom mirror in the morning.

    and please please let us know how you get on.

    I'll be back during tomorrow afternoon to answer more of your questions - and of course any un-answered one's that the moderators have reserved.


  77. At 09:32 AM on 16 Aug 2007, Ed Iglehart wrote:

    Eddie,

    How about an update screenshot?

    1. Press Prt Scr.
    2. save file to ftp outfile
    3. ftp to webspace
    4. post link to file on webspace.

    Like

    Try it. You'll like it.

    Yours Aye,
    ed

  78. At 09:42 AM on 16 Aug 2007, Dave's wife wrote:

    Dear Angelic Annie,

    I have a problem:
    I'm fed up with a husband who has been feeding me Roses for twenty years and who has taken me from my attractive former sylph to bloated and unhappy current self. And now he doesn't want to have s*x.

    Can you give me the name of a good I divorce lawyer? Or hitman?

  79. At 09:43 AM on 16 Aug 2007, Stephanie Williamson wrote:

    I don't think this is a real Helpline at all! Hide the ice cream indeed!

    What 大象传媒 number do I ring to complain?

  80. At 10:01 AM on 16 Aug 2007, A timewaster wrote:

    No comment.

  81. At 10:03 AM on 16 Aug 2007, sacrebleu wrote:

    oops, how could I have got that wrong at (66)?

    It's the best laid SCHEMES of mice and men...

    I should have remembered schemes, I grew up in one!

  82. At 11:23 AM on 16 Aug 2007, Ernesto, El Salvador. wrote:

    Anna the Angel

    I am a single man of 24. I live in El Salvador, Central America, which is a very conservative country. My problem is that I am in love with my aunt Minnie, the younger sister of my Mom. She is 58 and she's fit as a Mexgrocer's dog. I'm sure that she has noticed my feelings for her, but she appears to be so "correct" I think it's because of her religion. She has been divorced for a very long time. What can I do to tell her that I want to her?

  83. At 11:29 AM on 16 Aug 2007, Charlie wrote:

    I think I've cracked it..! The "Best of all: an announcement you won't be expecting" bit of your blog post that is.

    Eddie, I believe you're going, at long last, to correct your recent oversight in not interviewing Paris Hilton as soon as she was let-out (second time) from prison!

    Well, you're maybe a bit late and, perhaps, it'll now cost more than your 拢5 Eurovision winnings but from what I read in today's Times, the interview should be worthwhile...


    "August 15, 2007

    10 reasons why Paris Hilton is a business genius.

    She is widely derided as the most lamentably air-headed celebrity of the age, but beneath those golden hair extensions ticks a canny business brain. Here, Chas Newkey-Burden, the author of the new biography Paris Hilton, Life on the Edge, reveals why. It turns out the true Paris Hilton is actually a business wizard of unparallelled brilliance.

    1. When she met the CEO of the Guess fashion line, she wooed him by recounting an encyclopaedic knowledge of company鈥檚 history. He signed her up on the spot. (cf: Simon Ambrose in the penultimate week of The Apprentice.)

    2. Parlux Fragrances have described her as 鈥渁 marketers鈥 dream鈥 and estimated that by signing up her to endorse a perfume range they tripled the company鈥檚 value.

    3. She got paid $1million to fly to Austria, wave at a crowd and tell them she loves Austria. "But why do you love Austria?" she was asked. 鈥淏ecause they pay me $1million to wave at a crowd,鈥 she smiled. You can鈥檛 argue with that.

    4. She's lucky. When footage of her having sex leaked onto the internet, propelling her into the headlines, the silver lining was it's timing: shortly before the debut episode of her reality television show The Simple Life.

    5. She's lucky more than once. In the week she published a book 鈥榳ritten鈥 by her famous dog Tinkerbell, the chihuahua went missing for a few days, putting the book into the media spotlight.

    6. She knows which opportunities to decline: 鈥淚 turn down perverted things, like a Paris Hilton blow-up doll.鈥 One must have one's standards.

    7. She's lauded by other businesspeople. A successful real estate magnate - OK, her father Rick 鈥 says of her successes: 鈥淪he hasn鈥檛 tried to spread herself too thin.鈥

    8. How many other 鈥榙umb blondes鈥 have seen their book spend five weeks on the New York Times best-seller list?

    9. She was reportedly recently offered $1 million by The Learning Annex to teach a 60-minute class on 鈥淗ow to Build Your Brand.鈥 This would make her the second-highest paid Annex speaker, behind her friend Donald Trump.

    10. She admits that she encourages people to believe she is dumb and 鈥渓aughs all the way to the bank鈥 as a result.

    Paris Hilton: Life On The Edge by Chas Newkey-Burden is published by John Blake on August 27"

    P.S. Eddie, I've ordered you a copy of the book..!

  84. At 02:23 PM on 16 Aug 2007, jonnie wrote:

    sooo exciting

  85. At 05:55 PM on 16 Aug 2007, Ruth Waters wrote:

    Just caught some of the discussion between Val McDermid and some writer called David. I have rarely been so incensed by something on the radio-was he for real or does he simply like to create a fuss? As a 50-year old mother of three I object to being put in the same bracket as "people who download porn from the internet" simply because I enjoy writers like Val.

    Your contributor's view that descriptions of violence are more disturbing when written by women sounds like he is living in the past (or is a member of the Victorian bourgeoisie) when "ladies" were considered too sensitive to confront real issues.

    From about 35 years of reading crime novels my feeling is that men and women write all sorts of crime fiction and categorisation like this is lazy.

  86. At 09:14 PM on 16 Aug 2007, wrote:

    Trossachs,

    I left out those two lines because they're so well-known. The final verse is one of my all-time favourites. Another is the

    Slainte
    ed

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