The art of Moyes
Here's a bloke who has taken a club of pretty limited resources and got them well up the table almost every year he's been there.
He's been one of them managers that every other club craves - the exact opposite of his - cos he's hard-nosed, makes the most of what he's got, and doesn't take any nonsense from anyone.
Now, suddenly, he appears to be less in touch with reality than a
He said this week that his players would be. Moyes himself has admitted that it might be a bit off-putting for his team but then says it won't be distracting him.
Fact is, David, you've been the one putting the contract to one side for weeks on end. If you signed the blessed thing your team might play a bit better. As it is, there must be a fair few players in the Toffees' ranks who are wondering quite what's so difficult to agree in a 17 million quid deal.
I'm always amazed that, when the club he's at finishes fifth, Moyes is linked with every other managerial vacancy. (Managerial vacancy always somehow suggest summat else to me - it's the expression on Glenn Roeder's face when things were going belly up at Newcastle, or the perfect description of every post-match interview that Iain Dowie's ever done).
So why is that contract still in Moyes' in-tray? Can he not get the top off his Everton FC fountain pen? Is Kenwright not throwing in a few freebies to some of the West End's finest pieces of musical theatre? (There's now you know! What next? Smells Like Teen Spirit The Musical? Shaddap Ya Face the pigging musical?!)
It looks suss, though. Players who dilly-dally over paperwork like this have usually got their eye on somewhere else. And if Moyes is looking, well it wouldn't be that hard to understand, I suppose. Fifth is probably as high as Everton can get unless a bored billionaire closes his eyes and jabs his forefinger at them.
Everton were connected with just about every decent player going over the summer - and they still want to get the hilariously named ... (sounds like a sort of declaration you have to make before you can attend the Last Night of the Proms).
Moyes has ended up with Sicknote Saha, who has always brought the art of Flattering to Deceive to new levels, and the so no wonder he's having second, third and fourth thoughts about things.
Personally I think his main error has been the retention of Phil Neville. The common tactic of opposition teams at the moment seems to be to let Neville (or Hibbert) have it in the sure expectation that the ball will be back in your keeper's hands within seconds. Give Phil lots of time and lots of space and, as will tell you, the ball'll disappear down a black hole.
What makes it harder to take for Toffeemen is that across Stanley Park things are on the up. Benitez was smiling at a press conference this week. Smiling.
Well, he's hit on this incredible new method for winning games: pick the same team as often as possible. Gone are the days when players drew lots to find out whether they were in the starting line-up from one week to the next.
Last year Hicks and Gillett were squabbling like two crusty old Republican senators and now you don't see a 'Yanks Go Home' banner anywhere in the Kop. Keane, despite a lack of goals, looks like he'll gel with Fernando, Gerrard looks back to his best and the whole set-up looks well solid.
Meanwhile Chelsea's injury list is longer than the face of Ruud van Nistelrooy, Arsenal look magnificent but are still capable of missing more chances in 90 minutes than Derby created for the whole of last season, and unless the gelled tumbler starts getting into top gear, Man U might be left in the stalls. It could be Liverpool's year.
And of course, Evertonians, Liverpool can beat Standard Liege. You might say Moyes and co were unlucky with the draw compared to the other British clubs and I won't disagree. Man City are rewarded for getting fewer cards than a prisoner with chickenpox by facing an outfit called , Motherwell got turned over by the Nancy boys and Villa had to fend off .
Moyes' post-match interview underlines what a sound bloke he is generally. But when he said the and that you don't get away with that in the Premier League, I did start to wonder what League he's been watching for the past five years.
Still, there are some fans on the wrong side of Stanley Park who are calling for the bloke's head. These members of the Moyes Abatement Society are presumably the same ninnies who were daubing empty wall space in Liverpool with the slogan 'Moyesyside' in 2005.
I'd be a tad dischuffed if a man like him wasn't signing up for a few more years at my club, too, but frankly Moyes's achievements at Goodison are, relatively speaking, as good as any manager out there bar Fergie and Wenger and who would you want in his stead any road? Allardyce? Keegan? Souness? Gullit?
Oh that reminds me, it's Newcastle at home on Sunday so clearly Moyes' season's is on the up after all.
I'm Derek Robson. People call me Robbo. Legend has it I was raised in the furnace and smog of Teesside. Some might say I took the hard road. I like to tell folk I had trials for Middlesbrough, for Hartlepool and for burglary (not guilty). I've always loved sport. My job is to say it as I see it - whether it's in the bar of the Blue Bell or on this blog. You won't find me calling a spade a soil-redistribution implement.
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