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Tom Fordyce

Man against Mountain (42)

Bedoin, at the foot of Mont Ventoux, Wednesday morning - Some people are born foolish; some have foolishness thrust upon them. Very few combine both those traits, and then also happily embrace additional foolishness with arms outstretched.

It would appear that I am one of them.

My companion Degustation Dirs is fulfilling his cultural remit on this Francophile extravaganza by sampling , wine and he can lay his eager hands on. By idiotic contrast, I decided to break our journey from Montpellier to St Etienne by cycling up .

I know.

is the most infamous ascent in cycling. Longer than a Rick Wakeman keyboard solo, as brutally punishing as a James Blunt acoustic set, it looks and feels like no other peak - as bare and bleached at the top as the surface of the moon, and so relentlessly steep that its Alpine and Pyrenean rivals look like cartoon Cotswolds by comparison.

Alpe d鈥橦uez? Nine kilometres shorter, with 1141m of vertical climbing rather than 1609m. The Col du Tourmalet? A mere 17km, and almost 400m shorter.

View from the summit of Mont Ventoux

You might think that it would be an error for me to take on the hardest of the three routes up, the one the pros ride, seeing as the last decent rise I cycled up was the flyover at Hammersmith. And you would be absolutely spot-on.

Imagine a hill so steep that you can only just keep pedalling, a slope so vertiginous that you aim for the next bend you see and hang on for dear life.

Now imagine that going on for 22km, without the slightest rest or relief in the gradient, while the sun hammers down on your back and your face drips with so much sweat that you struggle to see through your stinging eyes.

Six kilometres in, locked in my lowest gear and ascending at the rate of Mama Cass pulling a fridge, my parting words to Dirsy - - were rattling round my empty cranium like coins in a collecting tin.

Summit of Mont Ventoux

So relentless was the climb that I felt like a man on some sort of vertical treadmill, the same patch of road passing at snail鈥檚 pace below my front wheel again and again. So precipitous was it that it seemed impossible to continue .

Where were the easy bits? Where were the breathers? Where were the sections that didn鈥檛 feel as if they required the aid of crampons and ropes?

Gradually, the landscape began to change. Thick pine forest gave way to smaller, scrubbier trees, and then just stunted bushes.

Soon the vegetation died away completely, leaving me alone on the blasted slopes with nothing but slabs of broken rock and burning thighs for company.

All I could hear was my rasping breath and the faint tinkle of the turning chain. All I could think about was Dirsy tucking into his third 1664 of the afternoon outside a sun-dappled caf茅 back in Bedoin.

With 6km to go, I cycled over a painted message on the tarmac, surrounded by Union flags: 鈥淎llez Bradley!鈥 With 2km left, I passed the monument to Tommy Simpson, the legendary British cyclist who collapsed and died on Ventoux during the 1967 Tour. I tipped my lid to both and piled on.

Tom Fordyce at the Tommy Simpson memorial

The views from the top were incredible. (). So was the cold. I tried to phone Dirs, but my hands were shaking so badly I dropped the mobile midway through his description of the charcuterie platter he had enjoyed for lunch.

I noticed a text from a mate. 鈥 did the climb in 55 minutes a few years back.鈥

My watch was showing one hour 35 minutes. I sighed and got back on my bike.

, although I do know it took about a third of the time it had taken to get up, and that .

Dirsy was waiting for me at the Restaurant le Relais du Ventoux.

鈥淭hank God for that,鈥 he quipped. 鈥淚f you鈥檇 have stacked it, I鈥檇 have had no-one to chauffeur me round France for the next four weeks.鈥

I put my feet up on a chair and let his chat fade into the background.

So what if Mayo had slain the Giant of Provence in the time it had taken me to reach the halfway point?

Had he prepared by spending the previous three weeks marinading himself in and soft cheese?

In the words of the recently-deceased French mime legend : " ".

Tom Fordyce is a 大象传媒 Sport journalist travelling around France in a camper van with Ben Dirs.


Comments  Post your comment

  • 1.
  • At 02:37 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • James wrote:

I've been on a similar trek to that one and the most upsetting and humiliating thing ever is when one of the snotty little local kids comes flying past you using his mobile phone in one hand and eating a burger with the other one.
Bloody good effort though Tom, sticking it out to the end! There's the attitude our boys need on the pitch a bit more.
Brilliant blogging guys, keep up the good work.

  • 2.
  • At 02:42 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • rugby_sid wrote:

Genious!

  • 3.
  • At 02:45 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Robert wrote:

Seen any rugby lately, Tom? I think there's a world cup or something going on in France.

  • 4.
  • At 02:45 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Andy wrote:

1hr 35 is not that shabby - although granted yuo hadn't ridden around half of france before hand - your torture was far worse, driving the fat lad around!!

  • 5.
  • At 02:45 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Ben Stanley wrote:

Excellent stuff Mr Fordyce and congrats on your ascent. The mental image of Mama Cass pulling a fridge will stay with me for a long time. It sounds as if the Dirsmeister is pulling a fridge of his own.

  • 6.
  • At 02:46 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Peter Smith wrote:

Brilliant!

  • 7.
  • At 02:57 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Andy Young wrote:

Well done mate, I did Mont Ventoux about nine years ago and the nightmares, though less vivid these days, are still with me!!! I don't know what the worst point for you was but mine was thinking that I must have gone past the halfway point(Le Chalet Reynard) only five minutes later to see it in the distance. I can truly say that in that moment I fully understood the word "Dispirited".

Anyway once again well done!

p.s. Can you still buy the "Vainquer de Geant de Provence" certificates, mine still has pride of place on my mantlepiece.

  • 8.
  • At 03:02 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • shaun wrote:

tom, your cartoon face makes me wanna slap it with a fish
good posting

  • 9.
  • At 03:14 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Trev Wallace wrote:

Well done for doing it!! not sure i could and i cycle to work every day!!

Looking forward to you Tour de France Blog next year!!

  • 10.
  • At 03:15 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • David Phillips wrote:

Good work fella, 1hr 35 is not bad for a rugby lad. I've seen grown men crying on these slopes.

  • 11.
  • At 03:22 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • n bellingham wrote:

i'm fed up. i did ventoux this summer and from what you say i did the easier route. it took me just over 2 hours and i was pretty pleased with myself until i read this. bloody Iban Mayo

  • 12.
  • At 03:24 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Stuart wrote:

Was there any grass up that there mountain? And if so what condition and quality was it?

  • 13.
  • At 03:31 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Alex Trickett wrote:

n bellingham - don't get yourself down my friend. Tom does triathlons before coming to work most mornings. He's not popular in our sedentary and largely overweight office. But we dismiss him as something of a freak of nature, take a look at Ben for consolation and get on with our lives.

  • 14.
  • At 03:31 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Chris wrote:

Awesome. Well done mate.
Keep up the blogs which are making the WC (that's world cup, not ...) a much better experience for those of us back in blighty.

  • 15.
  • At 03:42 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Jamez wrote:

Really good effort, a very respectable time

I remember doing Mount Ventoux when i was just 14, and the feeling reaching the top was just imense, i still get shivers looking at the photos of me at the top about to collaspe. until you've climbed this mountain you cant appreciate the true effort it takes.

Oh, btw, the ascent from Bedoin is rated as the hardest mountain climb anywhere in the world!

  • 16.
  • At 04:32 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • james stuart wrote:

Not bad effort at all, did Mont Ventoux a couple of years ago and and remember how cold it was at the top... If you want a real challenge try the Cime de la Bonette its the highest mountain pass in Europe at 2802 metres and is 1800 vertical metres over 24km. Tell dirsy there's a cheese and wine bar at the top and he might be tempted to join you.

  • 17.
  • At 04:37 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Ben Dirs wrote:

Whoa there! Just because Tommy decides to pull off something truly heroic and life-changing, that's no excuse to start mocking me for my lack of conditioning. Answer me this: who had remove his shoes and socks last night, help brush his teeth and lift him up to his bunk because he'd overdone it? Yes, that's right, muggins here. And Mr Trickett, I can name you at least two people in our office who are more out of nick than me.

  • 18.
  • At 05:20 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Scott wrote:

Well done, I think your time was pretty good, I did it a couple of years with a 23 and only a double chain ring, so imagine how I suffered, sure I ran quicker than I could cycle at times and it took me over 2 hours.
Comming down was awesome hitting 85kph down the mountain was the best and made the ride up worth it, next time I'll get a lift to the top!!!!

  • 19.
  • At 05:31 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Robin Dawson wrote:

That's a splendid time! I did it in 2.2 hours, non-stop on a hybrid for a bet, and spent 6 months recovering from various back spasms. But I treasure a special very French moment in the woods...as I was dying a thousand deaths, I spotted a yellow-clad cyclist ahead of me and decided (stupidly) to catch and overtake him...whereupon, after closing the gap to some 100 metres, Monsieur Meilleur Jaune stopped and got off his bike for a pee. As I passed by, he turned, still ' en train de piser ' and saluted me! It was priceless.

  • 20.
  • At 05:45 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Steve Fagg wrote:

I take my hat off to you sir! That's not a climb for the faint hearted under any circumstances and your time was pretty creditable to boot. You may talk all you like about being marinaded in calvados and soft cheese, clearly you are pretty fit and mentally tough. Congratulations on the ride and many thanks for the graphic and un-fanciful account of the ascent.

  • 21.
  • At 06:40 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • rob wrote:

Looking at that Flickr (?) thingy, I begin yo doubt the artistic ability of the bloke (or blokesse) who did those cartoon faces of you. It looks nothing like you!

  • 22.
  • At 06:59 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • billyboy wrote:

Kudos Tom, although kudos to you too Dirsy - your commitment to pickling yourself is up there with mine! Joking aside, a ruddy good effort to get up there chap. Keep up the good work.

  • 23.
  • At 07:16 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Nick H wrote:

Well done Tom, you deserve to be cut a bit of slack now by Emperor Dirs - did he for example cook dinner for you afterwards - perhaps do the chores around the Bloggernaut whilst you rested up? Maybe he had a soothing bowl of hot water for your aching feet, or even tended to your bike for you? Or was he engrossed in a Georges du Beouff Fleurie and a hunk of brie, too addled to care or even recognise you, remonstrating vaguely in your direction every time you dared to move, mumbling inanely something about scabbing a cigarette? ?

  • 24.
  • At 07:58 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • rob mocatta wrote:

Tom,

Great Ascent. 1 hr 35 mins is a great time. I hope that you enjoyed the very good myrtille tart at the cafe on top.

That cafe in Bedoin had a waiter this summer with a great collection of slogan based T shirts. The best were "52% Rich, 48% sexy" and "I'm having trouble with my clothes - can you help me take them off".

I hope you stopped off at "La Route du Ventoux" bike shop - really helpful people.

  • 25.
  • At 08:07 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • sydney wrote:

bbc is awesome and its sad because people in america hate it i mean im the only one that actualy likes this site
U GUYS ROCK!!!

  • 26.
  • At 08:14 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Simon wrote:

Tour de France was a few months back mate. Your doing a rugby world cup blog not a 'look at me I can cycle really well' blog! Does my TV license fee that the 大象传媒 grabs go towards any of this? If this was your private blog then fine, but its being carried on the 大象传媒 website for heavens sake!

  • 27.
  • At 09:27 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • redders wrote:

Bout time we got of the rugby chat and back to some proper sport! Well done old man!

  • 28.
  • At 10:14 PM on 25 Sep 2007,
  • Tez wrote:

Yeh

Good stuff Tom - Stirling Major Tom !

  • 29.
  • At 12:03 AM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • Matt Simkins wrote:

Top marks great blog - but if you want to get the numpties off your back about value for their 大象传媒 拢 - start talking about the Haka - that Cotter blokes got 600+ comments - now there's a challenge...

  • 30.
  • At 01:04 AM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • Bobby H wrote:

Nice ride up the Ventoux- I believe I was born in 1 hour 34 minutes using a Ventouse so does that count? I can't believe there are people in the world like Simon (post 26) complaining about his licence fee - unless that was heavy irony in which case I apologise for missing it - I'm working in USA this week and keep asking people how they think the world cup is going - None of them have a clue about rugby! The only sport they know about besides their "Mens Rounders" and "Criminals in crash hats" is womens football! Apparently their team is doing well in China. Oh and for the record - whatever I pay for the licence fee is worth every penny

  • 31.
  • At 04:35 AM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • BUBBAFATARSE wrote:

very well done now do you mind just weeing in this small bottle,just a little test i am sure you understand.

  • 32.
  • At 04:58 AM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • richard drea wrote:

well done Tom. Im an ex-house mate of the Dirs now living in sydney and i can only sympathise with the fact that you put your body through such strains, only to return to the foothills to find Dirs munching on Dairylee and crackers. And then you have to drive him around France! drop him at the nearest station and tell him to make his own way.

  • 33.
  • At 05:00 AM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • richard drea wrote:

well done Tom. Im an ex-house mate of the Dirs now living in sydney and i can only sympathise with the fact that you put your body through such strains, only to return to the foothills to find Dirs munching on Dairylee and crackers. And then you have to drive him around France! drop him at the nearest station and tell him to make his own way.

  • 34.
  • At 11:03 AM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • bushfighter wrote:

i echoe the sentiments of many here in that 1.35 is a pretty decent time even if you tackle it in isolation without the other 100 odd K of the stage.

I do pity you now though. I run quite a few half marthon/10k races and driving back from them is always a problem as your legs just slip into some sort of coma and you have to practically throw yourself out of the car at the end as they won't work anymore.

  • 35.
  • At 12:24 PM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • Indian rugby wrote:

Stuart,

Whats with u n grass

  • 36.
  • At 12:55 PM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • Tim Hoult wrote:

Congratulations - and Iban Mayo may have done it in 55 minutes, but he was also probably sky high on EPO -

  • 37.
  • At 12:59 PM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • Huw Roberts wrote:

Respect for Ton Simpson? The man was a druggie!

  • 38.
  • At 01:13 PM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • Andy W wrote:

You did it yesterday and it was hot (at the bottom and on the way up, anyway) ?
I did it last Tuesday afternoon, the top was in cloud and there was a howling gale !
On some switchbacks I was barely progressing at 3-4mph, then turned the corner to be blown up the hill at 8mph !
At the top the temperature was 4C, but with windchill it was well below zero.
It took me 15 very cold and scary minutes to descend to Chalet Reynard, shivering so much that I was wobbling everywhere and crabbing-down against the wind with the brakes on in serious fear of being blown over the barrier or into an oncoming car.


As someone else says though, it was easier than Col de Bonette which we did on Friday : 15miles up, then 35miles down the Tinee valley and then 12miles up the Col de Couillole.
That nearly did kill me, with a week's cycling around Provence and the Alpes Maritimes in my legs...

  • 39.
  • At 01:15 PM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • wrote:

Hi,
Just responded because I saw the words Indian Rugby.

I have come to know the IRU Head Pranod Khanna. I think it will be a long time before India can compete at a good international level. As you can see from the URL their team look more like skinny Soccer Players.

That said it might be an Idea for the RU to invest in a friendly match between Pakistan and India in the UK, by sponsoring it. It could help life Rugby there and encourage British Asians to join in too.

I think that it is highly Unlikely anyone but Japan will ever make it into the world cup from that area. It might be more progressive to have several Cups, based on realistic experince levels. IE make the Webb Ellis only for the top 16. Have a separate World cup for the next 16, and then a separate one for the next 30. This will give more realistic goals for countries like India.

Let's face it, just like in Soccer, the cup will only ever be won by Argintina, Brazil Italy and Germany in Rugby it will always be Oz, SA and NZ + UK and France.

Another idea could be to sponser an Asia area only cup??

  • 40.
  • At 01:20 PM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • wrote:

Hi,
Just responded because I saw the words Indian Rugby.

I have come to know the IRU Head Pranod Khanna. I think it will be a long time before India can compete at a good international level. As you can see from the URL their team look more like skinny Soccer Players.

That said it might be an Idea for the RU to invest in a friendly match between Pakistan and India in the UK, by sponsoring it. It could help life Rugby there and encourage British Asians to join in too.

I think that it is highly Unlikely anyone but Japan will ever make it into the world cup from that area. It might be more progressive to have several Cups, based on realistic experince levels. IE make the Webb Ellis only for the top 16. Have a separate World cup for the next 16, and then a separate one for the next 30. This will give more realistic goals for countries like India.

Let's face it, just like in Soccer, the cup will only ever be won by Argintina, Brazil Italy and Germany in Rugby it will always be Oz, SA and NZ + UK and France.

Another idea could be to sponser an Asia area only cup??

  • 41.
  • At 01:30 PM on 26 Sep 2007,
  • Andy W wrote:

You did it yesterday and it was hot (at the bottom and on the way up, anyway) ?
I did it last Tuesday afternoon, the top was in cloud and there was a howling gale !
On some switchbacks I was barely progressing at 3-4mph, then turned the corner to be blown up the hill at 8mph !
At the top the temperature was 4C, but with windchill it was well below zero.
It took me 15 very cold and scary minutes to descend to Chalet Reynard, shivering so much that I was wobbling everywhere and crabbing-down against the wind with the brakes on in serious fear of being blown over the barrier or into an oncoming car.


As someone else says though, it was easier than Col de Bonette which we did on Friday : 15miles up, then 35miles down the Tinee valley and then 12miles up the Col de Couillole.
That nearly did kill me, with a week's cycling around Provence and the Alpes Maritimes in my legs...

  • 42.
  • At 10:05 AM on 27 Sep 2007,
  • Hugo wrote:

Ok, cut your so typical (and so funny) english sense of humor ; I lived a few years in Nimes, and know the Ventoux pretty well : most people with limited training would undergo heart failure barely two km into the ascent !
1h35 is an outstanding performance and you're a true athlete. Kudos !

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