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Come along now R2
For those of us of a certain ilk, "Star Wars" will always be the definitive science fiction film series. Phrases like "Use the Force", "the Jedi Mind trick" and "Mind that Ewok", have become a part of our everyday consciousness. I remember way back in school, a friend of mine actually believed that the Force would really help him pass his physics test (despite doing no revision). So the very fact that we had Anthony Daniels who played C-3PO lined up to be a guest, was indeed an event.
I don't think that anybody was quite ready for the verbalised light-saber battle that took place. After all, this is a robot who has faced Darth Vader, The Emperor and Jabba the Hut. So the prospect of dealing with Russell Brandroid: SONY Gold Radio Award winner and diabled toilet misuser, was not really going to short too many of C-3PO fuses. I guess that the Force is still with him...
This Saturday we've been usurped by the evil empire of the Eurovision Song Contest. But don't worry, the Jedis will soon return....
The Science behind the Madness
Should our chromosomes atone,
For where the revolution roams?
A quick-fix of the double helix,
Now sharing "tiddle tips" with C-3PO.
Laws of motion dictate,
The energy required to change steady states,
I'm sure that Russell's remedies will eventually,
Bring a smile to Lemmy's face,
How can we compound our differing elements of exhibition?
If "H" double-dates with "O"
Water flows a new reign of Radio hedonism,
So let the Bronze, Silver and Gold all be invited down the wrong road,
Following ALL the foxholes to the homes of the Brandroid, Matt and Noel.
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And the winner is...
I'm typing this in the afterglow of the SONY Radio awards ceremony last night, I still can't believe that we won! It was a mad rush of events for me that day; one minute I was doing my little thing in the West End complete with my hooded top, the next minute I'm in a cab rushing at breakneck speed to a swanky Park Lane hotel. Inside was plush, there were loads of celebs there and everybody was dressed to the nines all awaiting the announcement of the results.
Quite a few people seemed to already know me and everyone was asking that if we won, would I be doing a poem? As the night went on, it was getting more tense. I looked around at this glitzy gathering and glamorous occasion to pen together a few words of inspiration. I spoke with Nic the producer and we figured that he'd do all the thanks-you's while I end it with some verse. Yet in the back of my mind, I was still counting on Russell and Matt to make some last-minute blazing Wrestlemania style entrance on motobikes and save us from going up alone.
The moment came, the drama had reached it's peak as they announced:'And the winner is.....The Russell Brand Show!!'. The crowd cheered, women got excited, people's passions were ignited and then??
A skinny white guy and a bald-headed black dude in a red shirt got up on stage and mumbled some poetry in front of a heavily inebriated crowd (it was not easy).
My mind went blank, I wanted to say something significant about the Revolution, freedom of speech and the unity of man. Instead, I just looked at my image being broadcast on the big screen and said 'Wow! doesn't my head look big?!' (cringe, cringe, cringe!).
Russell & Matt congratulations, you guys are geniuses but next time........BE THERE!!!
A Recognition of Transmission
Cast your eyes and look beyond the prizes,
Beyond the accolades,
Beyond the acclaim,
Beyond the other nominees,
Staring solemnly,
And wishing longingly for the stage,
Realise that time is merely borrowed,
As yesterday's tomorrows formed today,
And recognise us as a group of guys who pursued and followed,
That oh-so foolish sorrow...
A dream to entertain.
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The Temptation of Attempts
There's nothing quite like a sunny Bank Holiday to start off the week, that extra day off just makes everything a little more bearable. Of course most of us don't really get to do anything special, we just attempt stuff. Attempts at DIY, attempts to go to the gym (in a last bid attempt to look good for summer), attempts to get away and not get stuck in the rush and attempts to make it back in time (and not get stuck in the rush!).
Finally Matt has completed his attempt to make his way to L.A. the city of angels, leaving me alone as the last man standing.....in the city of Boris. It sounds like the guys are all having fun though: Capoeira, bread curry and goat costumes. Hmmm I wonder, when Cilla Black responded to Russell & Matt's attempts at temptation, did she really know what she was letting herself in for? Saying that, she'd probably put both their asses to sleep and shout out "suprise suprise!".
The Busman's Holiday
Searching for grails to set sail,
Electing new trails for campaigns,
Matt's in L.A. phone mislaid,
With curried-bread stains to explain,
Mayor's replaced,
Baby requests to lactate,
Ballot boxes kicked without socks quick,
A plimsol without insoles or Nick Stoller's prosthetic ass pics,
Strike a pose... with P.E. in brogues,
The posterior was awoken then man-goat fell and broke it,
It seems only Cilla could cope with the duo's Capoeira lunges,
Reinventing entertainment with the squeezing of sponges!
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