´óÏó´«Ã½

Question for Russell!

What is the first task that you would assign to your monkey butler??

Keep up the good work x

What is your favourite joke of yours?

Kirstie
xxxx

Russell!!

I thought this story was very interesting:



would be interesting to see what you make of it!

love the sho, keep up the good work

A man had to be rescued after running out of fuel while circling an island in the Thames when he thought he was sailing round the south coast of England.



=)

Hi Russell! Hope this finds you well.

This one i heard first on Newsround but i thought it was sweet to, even if it is a bit funny, an internetsite set up to find a love for a meerkat. Could be the "its not all doom and gllom" i think or a great chance to involve the compair the meerkat advert.

A man was pulled over by police as he drove an electric Barbie car, which moves slower than a mobility scooter, near his home in Essex, and has been given a 3 year driving ban.

Hi Russell. Great show. I'm sure you could use this clip in a future episode. It's of my housemate and I think it's bloody hilarious!



Cheers,
Paul

Qusetion, Alright man i was just wondering what made you want to go into stand up and what do you love most about it? looking forward to tomorow nights show hope its as good as last weeks

What do you think to Gordon Brown calling the woman who questioned him a bigot when he thought he was off-mic? GMTV used 'Bad Day' by Daniel Powter behind the item.

hi all i think you'd make a great prime minister Russell at least you'd be funny :D xxxx

Evie xxx

I have to point you to Page 32 of todays Times newspaper. It has a bunch of great stories on it but my favourite is the picture of a goat on a tightrope with a monkey as its jockey. What I think is really funny is that whoever trained the goat to walk a tightrope clearly wasn't that impressed with it and felt they had to add that little flourish - a monkey riding the goat! Although I do agree with him in that - add a monkey to most situations and it is much better! (well apart from the situation you are thinking of right now, no, that would just be wrong!)
The page also has a male elephant that can't be turned down for sex because it has gored 6 female elephants that turned down is advances. Watch out missus !

HELLO, I have a rather good story.
My 13 year old brother,Robin, has a rare disability called Microcephaly,it means his head is too small so his brain can't function properly.Microcephaly leaves those suffering with it with many learning disabilities and problems, it also means that they have a lower life expectancy than the average adult.
Robin was fed up of people not knowing about Microcephaly and even doctors and nurses asking what it was so he decided to do something about it.
A few years ago we started a support group for him where we were able to talk to other people with Microcephaly and there family. Robin decided that he wanted an awareness day for Microcephaly because there wasn't one so thats exactly what he did.2 years ago we had the first ever Microcephaly Awareness Day in the world, the year after America heard about the Awareness Day and joined.
Robin has decided this still wasn't enough and we are now making arrangements for the first microcephaly convention in Britain.
Robin wrote to both the Prime Minister and the queen about our work towards microcephaly and got a reply,but i think he will be more impressed if he had acknowledgement from Russell Howard!!
I am so proud Robin and all the hard work he is doing.

Never ever call a women fat!

Check this out

I think you would make a fantastic priminister Russ.
The first good looking politician! Also one who's actually funny and doesnt just think they are ha =] xxx

Russel! Ive watched your show every friday and i must say it makes me laugh more than any other comedian!

Your fantastic!
It would be great if you could add this too the show because i laughed straight away after i saw it...


Thanks!
- Callum

Hey Russ,
Thought this was quite funny, old people doing sport!!



But very good for them, for doing it!! Maybe you could involve it in your show :)

Loving the show, came to see it last week was amazing as usual :D
Keep it up!

Sinead xxx

Irish rugby club sponsor Hunky Dorys ad ‘degrades women’

Read more:

These are some of the best billboards around and they want to take them away ! Im not a rugby fan but these are attracting me to the sport.

Here are the billboards:


From Michael Rea and David McQuade

(for the titles ^^ :) if we are so lucky :) )

what's the most awkward moment you've ever had??
xx

p.s me and my friend have decided if Gordan Brown doesn't get elected he should become a stand upp comedian! :P cause he sooo 'funni'

Helloo :)
As a teenager did you always wish to be a comedian? or did you have any other occupations in mind?
oh and also is there any really stupid and rediculous rules you have come across which have made you go omg how pathetic? :)
love your show :)
³§³¦²¹°ù±ô±ð³Ù³Ù.ÓË¥

I think this link says it all!



From Miller & Fifi AKA the Front Row Bandits!

hey russell looking forward to the show !heres a story you could put in the kids section (yeah) my teacher bribed me to work the other day with foxes bisquits they were nice !have you ever been bribed?

So does that mean I might be in the credits for drawing attention to Hawking's remarks about aliens? If so, yay!

Hi Russell,

Please could you play some of these videos in your future episodes. It's called Kidzlocalnews. We originally started on 2nd June 09 and we have made over 83 episodes up to the current date.It's based on a bunch of kids who are 13 who cause trouble.



Thanks,
Kidzlocalnews

P.S, mint show love it ;)

Hey Russ,
Congratulations on the marathon and thanks for such a great show.

How do you feel when you spend all that time putting together a show and then something like the Gordon Brown incident happens, something that would be in your show if you had just recorded it a day later? And you can't do it a week later because then it's just old news.

Would you ever consider doing video clips as mini episodes to tell jokes about those big stories?

I read this story and thought it was relatively interesting. Enjoy!

hahahaa your mystery guest looks like a younger brother or something (:
xo

Russell did you honestly think we wouldn't notice the manekin behind the footballer giving us the bird?!?!??!?!
BBB

Hey :) My name is Cath and me and my friend Jess wanted to let the world know of our new term for anything fun, interesting or possibly suggestive if you wink after saying it :D our term is "Russell-ing the Howard" ;) What do you think?

By the way, we all love you Russell!!

It seems that toilet roll can be used for more than wiping your bum.

This is not an actual story but I feel you would appreciate it. This channel, 'Onion News Network' usually runs spoof news articles. Creative, intuitive genius.

That toilet story posted by Teddy, that link has a video of talking about the crime (and bizarely another robbery a year before that with a beer box on his head...)
There was also a quote in another paper where it said "Whether it was two-ply or one-ply is unknown."

I wish Tesco (cause I work there) were this cool:
Asda staff learn to speak Na'vi for Avatar release

i'm probly commenting on the wrong part, but what the hell, here it goes, i was watching your show, and the episode of the football freestyler, if you look behing him at that ballon man, he looks like he's showing the middle finger LOL, for some reasone i think you done that by purpose hoping maybe someone will realise LOL

i'm probably commenting on the wrong part, but what the hell, here it goes, i was watching your show, and the episode of the football freestyler, if you look behing him at that ballon man, he looks like he's showing the middle finger LOL, for some reasone i think you done that by purpose hoping maybe someone will realise LOL

Here's one, apologies if this has already been submitted.




'I'm in love with my grandson and we're having a baby'

20 something in relationship with his nan.

With soldiers like these, how could the terrorists win?

So nothing about the gay dog on the show? :(

men will do anything just to get some =)

and one more

the weird thing is it says "before he it the pupil he was in a well happy sate of mind"


*Sam*

This is a story about Hugo Chavez getting on Twitter.
Now tell me you're not looking forward to some anti-American, Marxist influenced, South American craziness.

There ar alot of questions for Russell on here, I would like to selflessly offer my services to interview Russell asking him as many of the fans questions as he can answer in say 2 minutes!

Check this out!

Indian man 'survives without food or water for decades'

Just when you think things can't get any worse... they do!

Check out Clegg and Brown in the still to promote the program!!! WTF!!!!????

/iplayer/episode/b00s6lft/The_Prime_Ministerial_Debates_29_04_2010/

Hi Russell

There is a story at the moment, about a 97 year old lady who's last dying wish was to dance the Tenessee Waltz.

It was featured on a Texas, US news channel. I can't find the link again, but very moving!

Lozzaj83

Alright guys.
I was on the Gumtree website looking at the jobs, when I found one I thought I'd apply for.
When you click to apply you attach your CV and whatever, then you have to read some words in a box and enter them in another so they know that your a person, not a computer spamming people.
I found this very amusing . . .

Thanks Gumtree, for making a Semi-Unemployed bloke giggle.

Two Pirates (Mad Cap'n Tom, Independent and Jack Nunn, Pirate Party UK) are running for the same seat in parliament (Cities of London and Westminster)

Hi Russel!

Loving the show as always, thought you might be interested in this story which I found funny on ´óÏó´«Ã½ points west last Friday (23rd I think). Reporting on ice chunks falling from planes and falling on people's houses. The guy's quote as to why he thought it was a plane was brilliant - "'cos there ain't no fridges up there" !

Keep up the good work!

Probably the weirdest thing I have EVER seen on the internet. I feel as though it is a must for the show!

ok a strange one lol... a woman has been pregnant for the last 50 years :/

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Hi russ I read this article on sky news and thought of your show

A grandmother has shocked her friends and family after revealing she is having a baby with her own grandson.

Pearl Carter, 72, says she has never been happier after beginning an incestuous relationship with her 26-year-old grandchild Phil Bailey.

Great show as always

Take a look at the photo on the front of bbc iplayer for the recent electoral debate. You will see Gordon and Cleggy-weggy acting as flamingoes

Hey Russell, Hope your well :)

Was browsing through the news on yahooo.. and i came across this, its VERY funny, but disgusting at the same time!

Hope you can use this!

Possibly the best story I've ever heard, Sunday roasts will never be the same again

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I read this article and thought of your show immediately!

Local boy with cancer turns into a superhero for a day
Erik Martin, who is living with liver cancer, has always wanted to be a superhero. On Thursday, the regional chapter of the Make-A-Wish Foundation granted him that wish with an elaborate event that involved hundreds of volunteers in Bellevue and Seattle.

A OAP reverse half way out of a car park on the 7th floor.

A National Express West Midlands bus driver was suspended after being videoed by a passenger to be reading at the wheel, using his elbows to steer, driving along a dual carriageway in Birmingham.

hey i dont know what bit to put this in but im doin it in both lol



you should put this on you're show, take the piss out of it as per!

or ELSE ME AND MA HAGGIS WILL COME TO LONDON AND GET YOU !! lol

Thought this may interest you.

"Granny, 72, Having A Baby With Her Grandson"

I read that story as well, scott, and steve, and sarah, and vijay...:)

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hey russell i just wanted to know when you were in school did you get bullied and what for x???

Check out the guy to the right of Clegg... does he ever move?!

Hi, found these gems!! Enjoy!!

Bad parking!!



Church confession box sponsored by PADDY POWER - omg!!

Niki x

This is my fave - Gordon Brown's BIGOTGATE is a video game - GENIUS!!!

Love your show! Wish it was aired in America.
I found this the other day, a Malaysian paper wrote an article about Ortiz accuses Jenna Jameson of drug addiction on April 28th. The title was "Fight star fingers porn queen".
Keep up the great work! Take care!

I don't expect you were watching the Antiques Roadshow this week (from Greenwich) but your man (always right behind you) was on. The antique was a big plate with a lady's portrait on it, and he was enjoying being just behind the limelight again. Poppa Jenks says he was also lurking in last week's show too at 37 minutes (he's very precise). Thought you might like to know ...

Momma and Poppa Jenks xxx

Hi!

The guy who kept popping up behind various newscasters when Nicj Griffin was on Question Time has been at it again. I have seen him tonight and last Sunday on the Antinques Roadshow...wearing the same white jumper!

times must be getting really hard, as the job centre are making up jobs these days, we found this job the other day on the jobcentre web site : Rubber duck driver, check out this link

made us laugh any way

wes and dennis

Hey i have a story for you
i typed facebook into google today and i found this headline
"Kids at risk - watchdog fingers Facebook "
heres the link for it

hope you use it on your show i found it funny so i hope you do too!

Don't know if this has been mentioned already or if you've already seen it in the papers, but there's been a newspaper report on the friday about a chef who died after his friends shoved an eel up his bum when he passed out drunk. The eel killed the man by "devouring his bowels"
Deatils :

Thought it would appeal, love the new series keep up the good work :)

From our local paper...
"Naked man slept on skate ramp"
Article:

The 'news' was originates back to a thread on the local community forums which also lead to the local spoof news website reporting it

I was in town with my mate, and he went off to take a shit. I went into the toilets and saw his bag sticking out of a toilet cubicle. So I sneaked towards it and snatched it and legged it. Hilarious, plus he spent half an hour looking for it, because he thought I had gone home. I hung the bag off a lampost outside! Absolute lol XD

Hey dude, found a article you might find amusing but you may have already heard about it lol

Found this story of a child who's wish to the make a wish foundation was to be a superhero for the day. Absolutely heart warming and made me think of the show.

Remember the nosy guy in the background of the news reports from the Question Time with Nick Griffin. Spotted him again in the same jumper! He appears in minute 26 of the Antiques Roadshow (02/05/10)you can't miss him!

This hasn't been in our local news yet but found it so amuzing thought you might like. My frends, neighbours mum has a child with down syndrome that has just got his own place on his own, he rings up his mum at work one day last week all excited saying that he had caught a pixie and he had locked it in his kitchen, The mum says ok and say's she will come round thinking he had caught a mouse or something.When she turns up her son is all happy and still saying he has this pixie so she goes to the kitchen only to find that her son had seen a dwarf and grabbed him off the streets and locked him in his house. The dwarf is currntly trying to get the boy arrested for abh, gbh and attempted kidnapping,, im sorry but how hard must it be for the policeman to take this seriously, it made me laugh for ages..

Hi Russell,

Keep up the great work,lovin the show,you rock!!!

Here are some hilarious stories I found:

This guy painted a pigeon purple!!!



Why would someone punch a horse there??



What a stupid thing to do!!!


Train hits man peeing on track.

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Don't know if this has been posted before but your dreams of monkey butlers lives on



Amazing story

Was there a man singing / rapping into his phone about Cameron behind the presenter on ITV1 at 14.40 today?

Hi Russell and team.

Had to write in regarding the 'stalker' that was shown creeping into shot numerous times behind news crews a while back.

There I was watching The Antiques Roadshow that aired on Sunday 2nd May (from Grenwich) and to my surprise up pops the same guy who was hanging around in the background on numerous shots......

Then today (10 May) he appeared following behind the conservatives as the overhead shot showed them walking down a London street..... The guy is everywhere !!!!!

Regards,

Big Bad Baz!

Since your show when you mentioned post pals www.postpals.co.uk we have set up wigglybags we make (Hickman line) bags for children and teenagers,with cancer and other life threatening illnesses.... These bags keep ex tubes clean and safe. The tubes are to take blood and give chemo etc we started this group up as we wanted to do something for these kids its not a lot but they do need these bags and we thought why shouldn't the girls have sparkly ones and the boys have ones they wanna show off because there more fun than granny fabric bags our aim is to get as many people making them as we can get them sent out to as many kids as we can and we have had such a great response and send them and other bags for drainage bags etc to over 30 kids and hospitals and hospices all over there's no charge to the people who want them but if any one would like to they can make a donation via paypal to donate-to-wigglys@hotmail.co.uk or help make bags send us fabric,please join us on facebook ''kids wiggly bags for Hickman lines''....

Have you heard there is going to be a gift shop in 10 drowning street what are they going to sell David Cameron bobble heads and imagination the VAT on them Also they would sell tightened Belt and Purse strings

I've your top story right here:

"German throws puppy at Hells Angels bikers then flees on bulldozer"

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I've got a good story for your "It's not all doom and gloom" section;
A guy called Nick Vujicic has no limbs and he's a truely insperational person there's a video on youtube of him:
This man made me see the good in life and I thought he'd be perfect for your show.

Love the show Russel, keep it up!

Finn

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I found this story about drive-thru legal advice amusing. Hopefully, you might too.

Hi Russell
I have a guy called Tam who works for me at my hire boat business on the Scottish canals in Falkirk. Take a look at this link to the Scottish Sun. I think it's really good news. What do you think?



Toodle-oo.

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forgot to say it is 33 minutes in

Interesting story about a friend of mine :)

RUSSELL, PLEASE READ!
I think this would make a great good news story for the end of your show.

Hi, my name is Kai Ohlsen and on the bus home today i noticed a billboard carrying the message of a man called Patrick, he is suffering from Motor Neurone Diesese (MND) which means the muscled are slowly deteirating in his body so he is rapidly losing the ability to walk, talk, eat and eventually breath. MND is incurable but Patrick is an incurable optimist and an inspiration to all around him as he has decided to aim to paint 100 portraits before he dies.He is painting those who surround and inspite him and is a truly great artist, he loves his wife and kids dearly and they all support his aim and are doing all they can to see this to the end. I have never met Patrick but i am going to paint his portrait and e-mail him a picture of it to let him know how much he has motivated me.

I really think this story needs to be on your show too let the nation know this man's story.

Check out his website at WWW.patricktheoptimist.ORG

Thanks, Kai

I was watching the ´óÏó´«Ã½1 news on wednesday (11th november)about the student riots, as they was interviewing one guy someone walked past and shouted w**kers, they also showed the mass of students many of whom were holding placards saying "stop the cuts".....all except this one in the middle which read "i only came out for milk" hahaha classic!

As you are probably aware there was a mas student demonstration held in London on the 10th of this month, there has been a lot of terrible press coverage that has made the demonstration look completely barbaric. Unfortunately all the media have done is concentrate on the bad members of the protest (a very few amount of people compared to the huge amount of students who went to London with the aims of improving education). I think it would be grate if your good news part of the show could concentrate on the 50,000 students, lecturers and members of the public that showed up that day singing and beating drums, marching and peaceful protesting for our education fees to stay the same. after all a free education is what gives everyone the same optionality in life, everyone was brought into the world with the same tools and knowledge and now by separating people by class we are taking a step back in time and putting up a divide.
Clearly there are a lot of good people supporting this cause. It is unfair that all the media have done is is concentrate on the bad when that day there was so much good. I would be so grateful if you showed the public all the good that went on that day before the bad eggs destroyed it for us.

Thank you,
I came to see your show last week and Russell said I laugh like a chin chiller :) haha

hiya russell you are an amazing guy and i would love to be your partner would you marry me many thanks love you keep up the good work hun xxxx

This story seem a fluke to me

Sure you've already seen this, but who can see this too often?!



Bev x

I got engaged on the same day as prince William lol the royal always have to take the limelight lol :)