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A selection of lines from parliamentary sketch-writers.

All eyes were on Alistair Darling as he set out the government's pre-Budget report.

the chancellor's demeanour was definitely one of calm:

"Mr Darling's deadpan delivery remains more dead than pan. As he droned, eyes struggled to stay open."

that Mr Darling was "untroubled" as he delivered his report but that he showed signs of panic as MPs jeered and heckled his talk of the government being in a "position of strength":

"He increasingly resembles the little pig who built his house out of straw, frantically picking up the stuff while the big bad wolf prepares the apple sauce."

that the language of the speech is deliberately unclear and complicated to make it difficult for anyone except Treasury economists to understand:

"The language, generally, is opaque, the better to confound the electorate. Up in the press gallery, reporters chew on ballpoint pens and frown with puzzlement. Same thing on the backbenches."

that despite the general air of doom and gloom in the chamber the prime minister was in a jovial mood:

"There was now £1.3 trillion of this and 5.9 per cent of that, and every point was a punchline making Gordon chuckle, laugh, smirk, grin, you needed a thesaurus of mirth to describe the PM on the front bench."

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