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Sketchup: PMQs 24 February 2010

Katie Fraser | 11:04 UK time, Thursday, 25 February 2010

A selection of lines from parliamentary sketch-writers.

The week began with the prime minister accused of being a bully. Then the chancellor claimed that those in No 10 had released the "forces of hell" on him after an interview in which he made unfavourable comments about the economy. So when the two men entered the chamber of the House of Commons, all eyes were on the duo, with little attention paid to what was actually said by anyone else.

that the behaviour of the two men sitting so tightly side by side made her fear for a "'get a room' moment":

"Al was wiggling his singed brows at Gordon as they sat, legs touching, giggling. It seemed incredible but it seemed they were on the brink of having a cuddle on the front bench."

the pair on what he considers a very well-orchestrated appearance of a united front:

"Had the scenario been devised by media fixer Max Clifford, Mr Brown would have rubbed suncream into Mr Darling's shoulders and Mr Darling would have sucked on the straw sticking out of Gordon's pina colada."

that the PM had made a concerted effort to come to PMQs to shake off any of the recent alleged slurs on his character:

"It was clearly vital for the prime minister to depict himself as a mild-mannered, considerate fellow who would no more manhandle a secretary or unleash the inferno on a colleague than he would take his clothes off, cover himself with woad, and do a sword dance on the frontbench."

In contrast, the scene at No 10 before Gordon Brown headed up the road to the Commons:

"It's calm. I'm going to do, I can ****ing do calm, I'll go in with, I'll walk in with, I'll go straight **** in with **** Darling and we'll smile and ****ing chat. Get the ****ing ****cellor on the phone and tell the **** we'll walk in like together like we were, I don't know what's the word, I SAID WHAT'S THE ****ING WORD! Friends! Why do I have to know EVERY****ING round here? FRIENDS! We'll walk in like we were FRIENDS! Whatever his ****ing stupid Alistair name is we'll be FRIENDS in front of those dis****gusting Tory ****s and that toff-**** will say - I know very well what he'll say because thanks to you ****s it's ALL OVER THE MEDIA ****s!"

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