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Presenters Meeting: Keeping your head down

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The Mole | 16:00 UK time, Monday, 8 June 2009

I tried. Before the presenters meeting began this morning I suggested that we put up a star chart for Simon and Gordon to go with the ones that are already up for Kate, Chris, and Martin. Unfortunately, however, the suggestion got short shrift as this is strictly a meeting for the presenters who are on-site. (Plus, there may not be enough stars to go round now that Simon may have found a polecat...)

Talking of stars, a number of ours seem to be taking a bit of a bashing. The little ringed plover chicks, for example, are dropping like flies thanks to the brutal attacks from the scene's new adult male. Ever the optimist, Chris says that it will be a good thing if this new male manages to have a clutch of his own and inject some of his genes into the wider gene pool (though why anyone should want the genes of an infanticidal maniac to enter the wider gene pool is not immediately clear...).

What is clear, however, is that linnets are different to other birds.

"Linnets," says Chris, "are different from most birds in that they eat seeds that are still growing."

"Must give them very sore tummies," volunteers a non-zoologist bravely.

"Yes," replies Chris, "which is why they have a Gaviscon gland that mixes Gaviscon in with their saliva. This helps their stomachs deal with eating live seeds."

As a non-zoologist myself, I resolve to keep my head down so as not to expose my ignorance but not everyone is quite so cowardly as the focus turns to Simon and the piece he will be doing on the and of Wales.

"Is it true," asks another non-zoologist, "that guillemot eggs aren't round?".

"Yes," says Roger the producer. "Otherwise they would roll out of the nests."

"So what are they then? Square?"

"That's right," replies the producer without a hint of irony.

The non-zoologist - who has two children - crosses her legs with a pained expression and Kate changes the subject to the fact that today is .

For her part, Kate has recently fulfilled a lifelong dream of swimming with in UK waters. She tells us that they are being tagged so that conservationists can monitor their populations. This, needless to say, raises the question of how you tag a tiny little sea horse.

"They put a tiny little necklace on them," says Kate.

"What's on the necklace?" asks another non-zoologist who has learned nothing from those who came before.

"Their name and phone number," says the producer.

"And their star sign," suggests Chris.

Luckily I manage to resist asking how the necklaces will survive the incredible journey that these animals make as they grow from tiny little horses swimming in the sea to the great big four-legged giants that we see galloping around on land. I guess the necklaces are just made of really stretchy material...

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