Adebayor's started so well for Man City
How have you coped with the loss of a loved one?
This morning the parents of four young British women and their tour guide are trying to take in the news that their daughters have been killed in a bus crash in Ecuador.
Also the family of the children's TV presenter Mark Speight are devastated after reports that his body was found at Paddington train station. He'd been missing for a week and was known to be overcome at the loss of his girlfriend.
Trying to cope with grief can send people to rock bottom. How have you mananged after the loss of a loved one?
Has it been the support of friends and family that's got you through? Have you gone on to set up a charity in a loved ones name? Did you run the marathon yesterday in memory of someone you lost?
If you've been affected by bereavement you can call the ´óÏó´«Ã½ Action Line for sources of information and support. The number is 0800 055 055.
You can also visit the
Listening to your callers' stories of tragedy and the sheer unfairness of life reminds me once again how pathetic my grieving for my wonderful father is. He was 85, always enjoyed the best of health, had the most wonderful life and will forever be my hero and inspiration. How selfish I was to feel as I did despite the daily reminders of what so many people suffer. Your callers' strength in dealing with their losses is such a contrast to my weakness, and my thoughts are with them all. As an ardent atheist I cannot believe I will meet my father again. I owe him everything but I have over 46 years of fantastic memories, and films of over 20 holidays to look back on yet until today it did not seem enough. It is an indictment on me that it took your phone-in to finally drive home the obvious point that it was far more than I had any right to expect.
The secret to handling the grief after the loss of a loved one is not really a secret, it is just that we have never had to ask the question before.
The feelings, and your actions, at this time are alien to what you once called normal, but, those are the actions and thoughts that are normal for everyone following the loss of a loved one.
The regrets over things that you wish you had said, or, things that you should not have said. The feelings of guilt, could you have done more to help? you are probably not guilty of anything,
This is followed by feelings of jealousy when you see a couple together. Walking from room to room in the house, looking, you know that she is not going to be there. You are normal, we have all done these things.
You must now "move on".
It's difficult to accept that after so many years of a closeness with one person that you are seeking someone else to talk with. Family and friends offer to talk but I found that this required a new person, similar age group, similar circumstances.
I was lucky. I did eventually find that person. It was hard for both of us at first just talking about our lost partners, it took time, eventually we could say , what we wanted to say without embarrassment and we could tuck those memories of the past part of our life away in our memories where they can be opened as and when we wish to.
I wrote a non-commercial website in an attempt to help others, to let them know that they are not alone, they are still normal and going through the reactions that follow every loss of a loved one.
Please do not carry your grief for ever, they would not have wanted you to be unhappy for the rest of your life.
I lost my twin brother Simon due to sucide.
The loss has being so so hard to come to terms to.
The first six months was just a haze of tears and despair' I came so close to sucide my self.
But with the help of my wonderful wife Mandy and my children i am stiil here today' but the grief is a very strange thing people who you think are your friends just don't know how to handle it and you find out who your true friends really are.
Anyway it has being Two and half years and i'am stiil here.
Even writing this brings tears to my eyes.
I coud write more but people are not really interested' life within my self is very hollow with out my twin' when ypu try and bring up happy memories of the past people just go quiet so best thing to do is bottle it up and just take it day by day with the eternal hope that we will be reunited one day.
Tnank you for reading this and please forgive my grammer.
How do you get over the fact you have a lengthy debate on such an issue when grieving people may turn on the radio and have to relive all the trauma again.
I wonder if you would glibly hold such a discussion if you were actually suffering such unimaginable pain yourself?
Terry wrote, "I wonder if you would glibly hold such a discussion if you were actually suffering such unimaginable pain yourself?"
Having a debate about the subject of grief is one of the best ways for those suffering the pain to work through their grief, my thanks to the Victoria Derbyshire show for having the courage to do this.
Listeners were able to hear how the bereaved can, and do, "move on", to know that although their pain is very real at this time there is still a life to live, as hard as it is to believe at the moment.
Continued grieving can lead to a very serious deep depression, unfortunately there are websites that encourage bereaved persons to continue to grieve.
One part of every loving couple will one day become the grieving person. It is impossible to prepare for that day, but by discussing the subject it may make it easier to understand when that time comes.
"My Story" a diary of the grieving period and suggestions for going forward with life, on the non-commercial, advertisement free website, "wordscanhelp" may help, I hope so.
I lost my mum of 91 three weeks ago. Even though she was old and I knew she could die at any time, when she did die it was unexpected and a real shock. For me grief was feeling sorry for myself for missing her and guilt for not being with her when she died. My dear wife has helped me by saying that it is no good feeling guilty about things we now cannot change. My mother is now in a better place reunited with her loved ones. I must remember the happy times I have had with my mum. After three weeks I have a slightly hollow feeling and things don't seem absolutely real, as if they don't matter. I'm probably suffering from a slight depression, but am continuing to remember my mum as she was and trying to get on with life as best I can, and how she would have wanted me to, that is I am and will always be her hard working little boy. Unlike Tony, one of the previous commenters, it gives me great strength and hope that I believe I will meet up with her one day in a life after death. Why not be a believer instead of being an ardent atheist, there is nothing to lose and I believe a lot to gain.
Many people tend to lay blame on someone else when they lose a loved one. Mark Speight's friend, Stu Goldsmith, has rather bizarrely chosen to blame the police.
My husband died from a heart attack and was cremated on our 39th Wedding Anniversary. I chose this particular date because it very much encompassed the 'until death do us part' of our wedding vows.
I never felt anger, I just held on to all the positives we'd had down the years. I loved having all the cards and messages, which I wept over copiously. Once the funeral was over, I got on with all the jobs my husband had set himself, such as decorating the house and this helped in a strange way too.
I did cry at the fourth and final marriage of a daughter because her Dad would have so loved to have been there.
In the succeeding years, I've never wanted to find anyone else, but have travelled abroad and also filled my time with voluntary work, family and friends.
Everyone deals with their painful emotions in their own way - there is no right or wrong way to get through it, but you do in the end.
Hi Terry
I can promise you we don't decide on any subject "glibly". And I'd be disappointed if you geuinely thought the conversations we had over the course of the first hour of this morning's programme were glib either.
Kind regards
Victoria
Biofuels are not the way forward we are using food as fuel.
The internal combustion engine has only been refined since it was invented.
Compared with the computer it is still in the dark ages.
By now we should not be using liquid fuel to drive our transport
it is inefficient. Cylinders still going up and down, lets get real??
Come on somebody save the world, no biofuels, no petrol, no cylinders!
I lost my brother in 1993 when he committed suicide. I pretty much buried all my feelings about him and his death for years. It was not until my mother then died in 2000 that those feelings resurfaced. I was speaking to a friend about it and she referred me to CRUSE, a charity that helps those who have suffered loss. I started attending counselling sessions for about 6 months. It was an amazing experience, initially I thought 'I should not be feeling or thinking like this' but as time went on I accepted that the way I was feeling and thinking was 'normal'. The love I was shown was life changing, I have come to terms with my loss and now look back with peace in my heart towards my brother and mother. Robert