大象传媒

Blasts off...Tut Tut!

I'm still kicking myself for using 'Ryan Blasts off' as my very first pun. My big chance to impress, my very first article for the 大象传媒, and I chose 'Ryan Blasts off'. Not only is this lazy but it's un-original. Un-original for numerous reasons, the first being, and I'm not exactly sure of this but I'm saying it anyway, that every single Blast-ee, every fellow Blast-afarian, all who graced the keys before me and all who will follow when I'm gone, all of us, for some reason, think that 'Blasts off' is great way to kick-start our career.

Well I'm laying the law down now. 'Blasts off' stops here! I think next year at training everyone should have to read this extract. If this does happen and you're now sitting in training for Blast 2009 wondering, 'Who is this handsome fellow?', this Blast-enius (Blast+genius) here follows: Please, please, please don't use 'Blasts off' for your opening line. Instead when you need a quirky play on the word 'Blast' and for some reason your imagination can't help you generate one, consult the Blast-ictionary.听听听

Oxford had best watch out.

The Blast-ictionary is a group of words I have compiled that are there to help you if you need them one day. A sort of Blast Bank for the future, the original copy of which is hidden deep within my old office at 大象传媒 Bradford and West Yorkshire. To find this document and add a word to it is a sacred act. Like the great thinkers of the past adding to the secret libraries, placing text in the Blast-ictionary means that there it will remain, throughout history, for all to Blast-giarise in the future. If you're not sure of the definition consult the bank!听听

Blast-ictionary

Blast-ee / Explanation: A fellow Blast reporter.听

Blast-ellectual / Explanation: Adjective of or relating to the intellect of Blast.

Blast-itus / Explanation: A disorder of function within a reporter brought on through over-exposure to the Blast scheme.

Blast-afarian / Explanation: An adjective referring to a journalist movement of听Blast origin.

Blast-ism / Explanation:听 A noun referring to the acceptance of or belief in absolute听principals of Blast.

Blast-enius / Explanation: A noun referring to exceptional intellectual or creative Blast ability.听

Blast-aphobia / Explanation: An extreme and irrational aversion to a Blast reporter听/ Derivatives:听Blast-aphobe, Blast-aphobic.

Blast-giarise / Explanation: A verb to take the work of a Blast-ee and pass it off as one's own.听

So with the Blast-ictionary now created I hope that those lucky enough to take on this role in the future will add to it with their own words. The Oxford dictionary had to start somewhere - come to think of it, probably Oxford, but I reckon it only had a few words to begin with. So remember now, people, don't be a Blast-ad and use 'Blasts off'...

My time at the Beeb has been amazing, a truly memorable experience. This week I was in London for an award ceremony to celebrate the end of Blast 2008. It's here that I realised that Blast is only my first step. It's the beginning of a journey, a long journey, and one I'm ready to embark on. Trust me I'm more ready than Frodo when he set off with that ring. A plan has been hatched and all being well, if this plan works, this won't be the last you see of me!

I'd like to finish on these wise words, the apt words of a successful leader, the most famous Austrian in the world: "I'll be back". Fortunately quoted from Schwarzenegger (not the bloke with the funny moustache).

PS: Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed it as much as me!