Help me out - friendship
Find out more about making, keeping and falling out with friends.
Rough guide to friendship
Good friends are important and can have a big impact on your life - whether you鈥檙e looking for a friend, have a single best friend or a small or large group of friends. Friends can be fun and supportive, but also hard work at times. Here鈥檚 our guide to making good friends, keeping them and coping with inevitable ups and downs...
Dr Aaron talks about being a good friend
Making Friends
It can be tough making new friends, if you鈥檝e moved school or haven鈥檛 found the right group yet.
Be brave 鈥 it鈥檚 not easy to approach new people, by trying and stepping out of your comfort zone, you鈥檒l increase your chances of landing a mate. So take a deep breath and try and strike up a conversation with someone you think you might get on with. It all gets much easier after that first 鈥渉i!鈥
Be a good listener, pay attention to the other person, and if you don鈥檛 know what to say, just ask lots of questions (people love to talk about themselves). Things will warm up before long.
When speaking to new people remember to smile and have open body language. Hold your head high and relax your shoulders. It鈥檚 supposed to be fun!
Don鈥檛 give up 鈥 not everyone will be your friend. So if it doesn鈥檛 work out with one person, try not to take it personally, try speaking to someone else instead.
Get involved 鈥 joining a club is a great way to meet people with the same interests 鈥 whether it鈥檚 music or dance or football, see if your school has something on offer.
Staying Friends
A good friend is someone you want to hang on to 鈥 most people need support, someone to share things with and people to have fun with. But being a good friend requires effort from both sides 鈥 and that鈥檚 sometimes easy to forget. Try thinking about a good friend and list their good qualities 鈥 they might be a good listener, kind, trustworthy and loyal. Now, ask yourself if you are prepared to give those qualities to your friend 鈥 remember friendship is a two way street. Friendships are a great source of fun and support, but they also require that you keep them healthy.
Falling Out
Nobody鈥檚 perfect 鈥 so from time to time it鈥檚 totally normal to fall out or disagree with friends. It鈥檚 OK to occasionally fall out with friends, but it鈥檚 really important to deal with the issue rather than let it carry on. This will only make the problem bigger. So if you鈥檝e fallen out with a friend, or group of friends, try and remember to -聽
Say sorry. If you鈥檝e done something or said something you regret, be brave and apologise. This should clear the air so you can all forget about it and move on.
Take time out. Sometimes, we just need to let things blow over, rather than keeping a quarrel going. When everything鈥檚 calmed down have a good chat about what鈥檚 upset you.
Don鈥檛 involve others. If you鈥檝e argued, then try and avoid gossiping or involving other friends. It could lead to rumours and something small getting much bigger.
Even if you feel really angry, it鈥檚 still important to consider their point of view. It鈥檚 easy to get caught up in how you feel about something and forget that others have their own perspective. If you really want someone to get how you鈥檙e feeling, make sure you make an effort to listen to them 鈥 by both 鈥済etting each other鈥 you鈥檙e better able to sort things out.
Finally, friendships and people do change over time. Sometimes friendships drift apart 鈥 while others will remain important to you. Try and remember that these things happen as people grow and encounter new situations. When things change, you may have to work harder to keep an old friend but it is also an opportunity to make new friends too.
For information about organisations which can offer more advice on a range of issues, check out the advice helplines page.
There's loads more in the Lifebabble guide to friendship.
You can also do our quiz to find out 'how good a friend are you?', listen to Dodie's song or watch what the Lifebabblers have to say about their mates.