Help me out - material things
Often people like to surround themselves with material things – the stuff we buy or own, or feel we need to make us happy.There can be a lot of pressure to have the latest cool things – like clothes, gadgets, games or toys – but a lot of the time we don’t really need them, and they cost money which we may not be able to really afford.
Want vs. need
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We all need basic things in our day-to-day lives – like a place to live, clothes to wear and food to eat.
Then there are the things we really, really want even if they’re not essential. It might be a pair of trainers, a phone or something totally different.
Recognising the difference between the things we want and the things we need isn’t always easy, but it can help to think about –
Do I already have something like it?
Have I managed OK without it so far?
Will it really make my life better? How?
There’s nothing wrong with feeling like you want something, but when we wrap up who we are with the things we want , that can be a recipe for unhappiness. Of course, everybody has something they’d love to have in an ideal world. The trouble comes when we start to focus too much on those things, spending all our time craving them, getting upset when we can’t have them, and believing we won’t be happy unless we have them.
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Why do we feel pressure?
Sometimes we want something because we really like it, or think it will help us do or achieve something.
But sometimes we can feel pressure from other people, or from TV, magazines and the internet, to have certain things – often expensive stuff, or specific brands or gadgets.
We might think that people who have lots of stuff are the most happy and successful, but that isn’t necessarily true!
It can be easy to feel like you’re missing out, you don’t fit in or you’re not ‘cool’, especially when it seems that everybody else has something you don’t have.
It can also feel like you are valued for the things you have, rather than the person you are on the inside – which isn’t fair at all.
What really makes you happy?
Of course, there are loads of things in life which make us happy which are NOT material things – like spending time with family and friends, having new experiences, listening to music, telling stories or going outside.
Think about it – when you have good memories are they about things or experiences?
People usually find that memories of good times with friends or family outweigh memories of getting things.
If we rely too much on buying new, expensive things to make us happy, it can also stress us out in the long run – often things go out of fashion quickly and there’s something new which becomes the next ‘must have’ item.
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Value who you are, not what you have
If you feel the pressure to have material things, remember –
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The most important thing about you is the person you are on the inside, not what you own.
It’s OK to have your own opinion about what is cool or desirable – you don’t have to follow the crowd.
It’s also OK to set goals for the things you really want and will use (and you’ll probably find you appreciate something more when you’ve had to wait or save up for it).
There are lots of ways to have fun or express yourself which don’t cost lots of money.
What you can afford is not the same for everyone, so it’s not fair or realistic to expect everyone to have the same things.
If someone judges you or criticises you because of what you do or don’t have, their opinion is probably not worth paying attention to.
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Surrounding yourself with people who love and appreciate you has a far greater impact on your happiness, mental health and wellbeing than surrounding yourself with things.
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For more information about organisations which offer advice and support, check out the Advice Helplines page.