Help me out - self-esteem
Find out more about self-esteem and feeling good.
Liking ourselves is very important. But it鈥檚 not as straightforward or easy as that. Sometimes, we compare ourselves to others and worry we鈥檙e not good enough. And at times we can be hard on ourselves or try to be someone we鈥檙e not, so people like us more. So, how can we stop the worrying about self-criticism and build self-esteem instead?
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is being happy with who we are on the inside and being proud of our successes. It also means being kind to ourselves and accepting when we make mistakes or mess up. Since no one is perfect, it鈥檚 important to accept ourselves for our strengths and our weaknesses.
Chavala's advice for building self-esteem
Low self-esteem
If you have low self-esteem you are likely to judge yourself harshly and because of this, you are likely to feel not good enough and not like yourself very much. People with low self-esteem can feel sad because they compare themselves to others who they think are 鈥渂etter鈥 and they may wish they were someone else altogether. Feeling badly about yourself a lot can turn into a cycle where, because you expect yourself to be no good, you start to behave in ways that match these ideas (like not going to a party because you feel you鈥檙e no good, when actually people would like to see you there).
Body image
We are all naturally different shapes and sizes and there鈥檚 very little we can do to change that. However, we often focus on the parts of our bodies we don鈥檛 like and undervalue the bits we do like. In addition, lots of the bodies we see on TV, in films, magazines and online are based on one standard of beauty. These images are frequently air-brushed or altered 鈥 a person鈥檚 spots may have been removed, or they may have been given a 鈥榯high gap鈥 that isn鈥檛 real. That means we are often comparing ourselves to something that鈥檚 impossible!
Unfortunately, many of us tend to compare ourselves to these unrealistic images of beauty so we feel 鈥渓ess than鈥 next to them. It鈥檚 not easy, but rather than focusing on these impossible standards, start to focus on all the great things about you, inside and out. Always remember that people respond to the whole person 鈥 not just a nose or a tummy. See yourself for the whole package, be sure to be kind, respectful, and a good friend, and then people will like you for who you are, not what you look like.
Dr Aaron talks about how the way we look can affect how we feel
Top Tips for boosting your self-esteem
Focus on the amazing things about you. Write a list, or draw a poster of all your good points (even if they seem trivial) 鈥 you might be great at music or art, be a good listener or be kind. Whatever it is, it鈥檚 part of what makes you unique and special.
Stop comparing yourself to other people. Remember it鈥檚 a good thing that we are all different, our unique qualities make the world an interesting place.
Give your friend(s) a compliment every day 鈥 you might not realise it but you will probably make their day!
Be yourself and be kind to yourself. Nobody鈥檚 perfect so if you mess up or make a mistake then don鈥檛 worry. We all make mistakes; the important thing is to learn from them. So think about what you鈥檇 do differently next time and then move on.
Try not to judge yourself, or others, on looks. Focus on your inner qualities instead.
Listen carefully to the way you speak to yourself in your own head. Are you talking to yourself like a good supportive friend, or your own worst enemy? When you notice you鈥檙e talking yourself down, give yourself a break, and find a way to support and be kind to yourself.
Try something new 鈥 whether it鈥檚 a club or a sport or drama 鈥 getting out and about and meeting new people can be exciting and make you feel happier.
Finally, if you feel bad about yourself a lot then speak to someone you trust about how you鈥檙e feeling, a friend, parent or guardian, or teacher, or ask at school about counselling. It鈥檚 important not to keep your feelings to yourself but to get help so you can start to feel better.
For information about organisations which can offer more advice on a range of issues, check out the advice helplines page.
Find out what the Lifebabblers think about self-esteem, and discover 7 reasons why you're amazing!
And for loads more about all kinds of emotions, try the Lifebabble guide to feeling good.