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Gid

• Message 1.聽

  Posted by Swell_Map (U14129256) on Friday, 19th November 2010

  I'm think of buying a midget submarine. Do you think this is wise?
  
  (I live by a river)

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• Message 2

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by gidarmy (U7627527) on Friday, 19th November 2010

  I can't prefer nautical advice I'm afraid.I'm happy to recommend a tiny submarine which you blow air into while bathing.

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• Message 3

  , in reply to message 2.

  Posted by LJJsPlectrum (U14169939) on Friday, 19th November 2010

  Flippers, mask, snorkel and a tub of lard may be the credit crunch option.
  
  What about a nautical/watery theme:
  
  Sea Song - Robert Wyatt
  
  Flipper Boy - Tiger Lillies (although doubt it would pass the bigwigs)
  
  Carrion - British Sea Power
  
  ...............

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• Message 4

  , in reply to message 1.

  Posted by haroldseye (U14257712) on Friday, 19th November 2010

  First a woolly hat, then a midget submarine. I don't think this message board is the right place to go seeking approval for such shameless rampant consumerism. However, if you are really determined to fritter away your hard-earned, perhaps I can interest you in a hamster-powered Rolodex (patent pending). This device is some way from being perfect in terms of controlability: it will only operate when the hamster gets the urge for some aerobics and I have yet to devise a braking method that will enable you to stop at the required card without damaging the power unit. Luckily, I can also offer you an interactive on-line speed reading course which may help towards your being able to retain some information as the cards flash by. The really good news is that, should the device prove totally useless as a card index, you will still have an eco-friendly desktop fan.
  
  The price of the card index is 拢799.99 and this includes 5 replacement hamsters which will be posted free of charge. All hamsters come with the Haroldseye Platinum 4 Hour Warranty which will only remain valid if your hamsters are fed exclusively Haroldseye Optimum Happy Hamster Plus (拢9.99 per 500gm economy pack). The interactive speed reading course is yours at a discounted price of 拢49.99 per month and the total cost will, of course, depend on your learning ability (minimum duration: 2 years). Buy now to beat the VAT hike!
  
  It's just occurred to me that you may be able to use hamsters to power your midget submarine. Naturally, the warranty will be rendered invalid if you feed your hamsters performance-enhancing drugs in order to propel the vessel upstream.
  
  

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• Message 5

  , in reply to message 4.

  Posted by Swell_Map (U14129256) on Saturday, 20th November 2010

  thanks, but I have put all my cards into a filofax, which I then moved onto a palm pilot, transferred to a laptop, moved to Blackeberry, copied to an iphone, re-input onto a ipad and then re-wrote back onto my original filofax

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• Message 6

  , in reply to message 5.

  Posted by Tinsnail_Racer (U1486682) on Wednesday, 24th November 2010

  I have a book which may be of use to you; it's called The Practical Construction Of Warships and it gives details on material properties, thicknesses, methods of attachment, and so on. There's a chapter that deals solely with submarines.
  
  How big is your shed?

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• Message 7

  , in reply to message 6.

  Posted by Swell_Map (U14129256) on Thursday, 25th November 2010

  Its a modest sized shed, not even big enough to keep my full collection of lucky hammers

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• Message 8

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  Posted by Tinsnail_Racer (U1486682) on Thursday, 25th November 2010

  You can never have too many hammers, according to my mate JP. The best bet might be an action man submarine and some sort of gigant-o-matic ray. They had them in the 1950s, you know.

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• Message 9

  , in reply to message 8.

  Posted by haroldseye (U14257712) on Friday, 26th November 2010

  Gideon mentioned watersheds a couple of weeks ago and, ever since, I鈥檝e been trying to figure out where the term might have originated. Normally, one would prefer a dry shed and would go to great lengths to keep water out.
  
  However, if one were to build a DIY midget submarine in some sort of shed, then a watershed would be ideal as one could test the water-tightness and buoyancy of the craft before going to the trouble of transporting it to a body of water. Perhaps the original watershed was something like the place that Barnes-Wallis used to test the principle of the bouncing bomb by firing snooker balls from one end to the other. That place looked far too large to be called a shed of any kind but I suppose if you have a garden the size of Hyde Park, then you鈥檇 need something the size of an aircraft hangar to keep your tools in and it would probably, technically, be a shed.
  
  I鈥檓 not sure what a 鈥減alm pilot鈥� is but I鈥檓 guessing that it鈥檚 either a small person who operates a midget submarine, or a euphemism for something I often feel compelled to shout at other drivers.
  

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• Message 10

  , in reply to message 9.

  Posted by Colin Hammond (U14371065) on Friday, 26th November 2010

  Why would midgets need a submarine?
  
  

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• Message 11

  , in reply to message 10.

  Posted by Swell_Map (U14129256) on Friday, 26th November 2010

  I avoid my shed. Last time I was in there I had an existential crisis and started writing poetry about the fourth parallel.
  

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• Message 12

  , in reply to message 10.

  Posted by haroldseye (U14257712) on Friday, 26th November 2010

  Midgets need submarines in order to enjoy the shallow coastal waters in which the rest of us enjoy a leisurely paddle. Mind you, it gives me the willies to think that they're down there in there submersibles looking at our legs.

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