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Neighbour from hell
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Message 1.Â
Posted by Helen (U1476131) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
I'm so angry. Yesterday evening my sister went to visit a friend and work colleague who'd just had a miscarriage. She parked at the friend's flats, in an unmarked space, and when she came back to the car, there was a nasty note on it saying this was someone's private space. She says she hardly had a chance to read it before the neighbour appeared from his flat and was incredibly abusive to her, shouting, swearing, threatening, gesturing, standing far far too close to her, that sort of thing.
She was terrified, and he wouldn't let her get in the car and drive off as he was standing in the way. She was shaking like a leaf.
Why do people behave like that? My sister is one of the most gentle people I know. If he'd been polite she would have been very apologetic, even though there was nothing to show she shouldn't have parked there.
I'm bristling with indignation on her behalf. Should she report him to the police do you think? Is behaviour like that actually assault, or does contact have to be made between assailant and victim?
I've told her in a similar situation in future (which hopefully won't happen) she should get in the car, lock the doors and call the police from her mobile. Of course, next time she'll know not to park there and it'll be some other innocent visitor he's abusing... -
Message 2
Posted by Wanda_Ofwandas (U2258758) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
Oh Helen, SOME PEOPLE!! Ggrrrrr...
Actually I had a friend who had just such a neighbour and as I could never remember which was 'his' space I inadvertently used it more than once. Would have loved to take him on verbally, actually, as I loathe and despise such behaviour but knew he would take it out on my friend if I did. So on those delightful and charming occasions when our paths did cross I used to hear him out, smile warmly into his eyes and say something like 'Thank you so much.' Exit stage right, flummoxed. Him, not me.
Your poor sister. It's horrible to be made to feel that way. Do tell her from me that it's HIS problem, not hers. I'm tempted to suggest dropping a note through his door to say sorry for the misunderstanding, she didn't realise parking was allocated and had been in a big hurry anyway to comfort someone who had just lost a baby. But I think a twit (other vowels are available) like that is best left alone. -
Message 3
Posted by HaysieHawthorn (U2223612) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
Oh Helen, I am so sorry to hear that. No wonder your sister felt shaken. I can only echo what Wanda has said - it is HIS problem, not hers.
All your sister has done is express kindness and thoughtfulness towards someone who has just experienced something extremely traumatic. It is not something that the unreasonable neighbour seems likely to appreciate. I am not expert in the laws of parking, but am not sure he would be entitled to claim "his" parking space if the zone were not formally controlled in some way. Perhaps others will know.
I wish I had a remedy but the neighbour will probably continue as he does until one day his failure to understand other people will cause him to go too far and get himself in trouble. He is probably a known "problem" in the locality.
I do hope that your sister can shake off the experience soon. All my sympathy to both you and your sister.
Haysie -
Message 4
Posted by Helen (U1476131) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
I suggested that since he'd left her his name (on the note) and address (yelled several times at her from a distance of a few millimetres) she might like to apply for some junk mail for him... perhaps get the details of an anger management course or two sent to him...
She's probably too nice to do that though! -
Message 5
Posted by Wanda_Ofwandas (U2258758) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
Yeah, but you're not... oops. Didn't mean that the way it sounded. I mean, you could organise it on the quiet, couldn't you?
[RubsHandsGleefully] -
Message 6
Posted by Bette (U2222559) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
Commiserations Helen. Is a territorial thing, do you think? I hope your sister has recovered from the incident. Some people are not worth the stress they cause.
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Message 7
Posted by That Old Janx Spirit (U2140966) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
Disgusting behaviour.
The man needs his head examining. He sounds mentally disturbed and unstable. I know it's hard to do but your sister has to realise that it was not personal - he's probably like that with everyone.
He has some problem and he doesn't realise it - but whatever it is smouldering deep down inside him, it's causing him to explode and woe betide anyone in his way.
Personally, I'd be as shocked as your sister. I once got verbally attacked by someone sitting opposite me in a crowded railway compartment because she claimed I was looking at her and that I was a nasty cow. I realise now that she was mentally unstable but I still burst into tears.
I vent my anger in a Victor Meldrew way nearly every day because of people's inconsiderate behaviour (cyclists creeping up behind me on a pavement and nearly running into my back is a pet hate of mine - I'm freelance.. if I'm incapacitated by an accident, no money for me then). And yet when you point out what they've done or whatever, they look at you as though YOU are the one at fault.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
Gosh, that's got me going now. -
Message 8
Posted by catwomyn (U1485618) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
Dame C, if I didn't know better I'd say you were TomCat and could I please have my fiver! He goes into Meldrew Mode at the inconsiderate behaviour of inanimate objects also. Usually whilst I stand by biting my lip, giggling.
Cat x -
Message 9
Posted by fairy hedgehog (U1485678) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
Disgusting behaviour.
The man needs his head examining. He sounds mentally disturbed and unstable. I know it's hard to do but your sister has to realise that it was not personal - he's probably like that with everyone.
He has some problem and he doesn't realise it - but whatever it is smouldering deep down inside him, it's causing him to explode and woe betide anyone in his way.Â
I agree that he has a problem. It can't be good for him to get so worked up.
However (tremble, quake) we don't know that it wasn't his personal parking space that was used. Maybe it was his & maybe it is constantly used by visitors to other people & maybe it has caused him problems & maybe it has done so for quite some time. You only need to be the 500th person using his space to tip him into an angry outburst.
I once had two men run out of their houses to shout at me in a very agressive way because I was walking down what looked like a normal road but was, in fact, their private drive. Their shouts were out of proportion to my transgression, but due to the fact that the footpath was clogged with rape, I think that they had probably had enough of asking nicely when the previous few hundred people had trespassed & I got it with both barrels.
The only thing I could do was to apologise & ask it if was OK if I could walk on their private driveway back to the blocked path, where I fought my way through wet rape to the other side of the field. They stopped shouting at me when I apologised, although they were still v. grumpy.
Anyway, what I really mean is that I think Helen's sister should have been polite & apologetic in the face of the ranting man. It would have been more likely to calm him down a bit. Trying to avoid him & drive off would really only add fuel to his anger. This is assuming that he wasn't actually mentally disturbed.
fh -
Message 10
Posted by Helen (U1476131) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
<quote user='fairy hedgehog' userid='1485678'><quote user='Dame_Celia_Molestrangler' userid='2140966'>Disgusting behaviour.
....
Anyway, what I really mean is that I think Helen's sister should have been polite & apologetic in the face of the ranting man. It would have been more likely to calm him down a bit. Trying to avoid him & drive off would really only add fuel to his anger. This is assuming that he wasn't actually mentally disturbed.
fh</quote>
Which is what she did try to do, but he wouldn't let her apologise or say anything because he was too busy screaming abuse in her face and threatening her. He wouldn't calm down whatever she said, even though his first accusations that she was another resident turned out to be wrong.
It does rather say something about his treatment of all the rest of his neighbours I suppose!
One day he'll abuse the wrong person and end up as a speed bump... -
Message 11
Posted by Helen (U1476131) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
He goes into Meldrew Mode at the inconsiderate behaviour of inanimate objects also. Usually whilst I stand by biting my lip, giggling.
Cat xÂ
Ooh, Cat, I love the idea of the inconsiderate behaviour of inanimate objects. Please give us an example! -
Message 12
Posted by Pippa_G (U2242028) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
What shocking behaviour Helen. I hope your sister recovers soon - it is awful to be bawled at for no good reason. If it is an unmarked space did he explain how people are supposed to know it belongs to him?
Pippa x -
Message 13
Posted by catwomyn (U1485618) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
Hmm - let me think. So many examples. Last night the saucepans wouldn't stack properly, and the clingfilm deliberately stuck to itself when he was wrapping his sandwich. A while ago the ironing board was being difficult about folding back up (to be honest, I don't know how it works). Just usually little things like that... stuff falling out of cupboards, etc.
The cats also purposefully try to trip him up as he goes down the stairs at sparrowfart getting ready for work, and follow him around mewing. They are deliberately dimwitted, I am repeatedly told. Then when he's calmed down he's all apologetic to them and cuddles them and says Daddy's sorry but he doesn't want to tread on their paws.
See why I jsut shake my head and shrug my shoulders?
Cat x -
Message 14
Posted by fairy hedgehog (U1485678) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
Sorry. At first I got the impression that she hadn't tried to apologise because he was ranting at her. People do get very upset about their own territory, especially parking spaces. I don't know what comes over them. Be nice to your sister - it sounds like she did the best that anyone could have done in the circumstances.
fh -
Message 15
Posted by Veronica Speedwell (U2233349) on Thursday, 20th October 2005
If the assailant causes you to fear for your immediate safety, particularly in the form of direct threats, even over the phone in certain cases, it IS assault- no physical contact necesary.
But: you might not get far with such a case as the police are generally not terribly interested in an isolated incident like this.Possibly if they had been called to the scene as it was on-going, though. <quote user='Helen' userid='1476131'> Should she report him to the police do you think? Is behaviour like that actually assault, or does contact have to be made between assailant and victim?
quote>
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