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The thing with ultra-low budget British films is that you really want to like them. The truth hurts, but Nicola Scott's Fated is bad. This is a modern day fairytale about an tramp/artist, Tatty, (Michael Angelis) who makes a statue of his dead girlfriend Amy (Katrine de Candole), which comes to life. But a dodgy script and shonky performances mean this movie always feels like your little brother's sixth form play.

Fated is set mostly on location, in and around the derelict St Luke's church in Liverpool. Tatty was once an inspired but unstable artist (cliché alert), but when his girlfriend Amy died he built a statue of her and now lives next to it among the St Luke's graves, dreaming that his creation will come to life. One New Year's Eve, Tatty's wish comes true when the statue's head is knocked off by a local boy, Cal (Brendan Mackey). Now, according to the rules of Tatty's wish (yeah, it's dubious) the risen Amy must find Cal and kiss him before sunrise, or she will die.

"EVERY ASPECT SCREAMS AMATEUR"

You get the idea. Fated wants to be a charming, magical love story, but every aspect of it screams amateur. The plot wanders lazily. Vast corridoors of light inexplicably illuminate night scenes at St Luke's graveyard. Angelis gnashes and wails (he's in love, you see). De Candole aims at being a Hepburn-esque free-spirit – "I'm a free spirit" she points out – but can't inject any presence. Craig Charles cameos as a person very like Craig Charles, only a nightclub DJ. The end, meanwhile, seems half puzzle, half cop-out. But by then, you won't really care.