大象传媒

I was two years old when the war started and gradually became aware slowly but surely of the chaos and conflict that was going on around me. I lived with my mother in a row of bungalows in Portchester. My father had the best war anyone could have - according to my Mother - he had been working at the Local Dockyard but early in the war he was sent to Bermuda to help repair ships that were torpedoed in the Atlantic. He was an electrician. I imagined that he had sailed away to paradise and left Mum and I alone in hell. I had no brothers and sisters but Mum was always talking of her family in Birkenhead and longed to be with her 4 brothers and 4 sisters

I was puzzled - why was there a big empty space opposite my house?- there was just bricks and rubble, broken windows,all collapsed into the garden. Hushed whispers - secrets - the family had died - the planes had come they had hit the house, they were looking for the Dockyard in Portsmouth- but they had hit the house opposite mine.... Could that happen to us? to my house? I heard the planes going over when it was dark, when it was night and I was frightened.

It is day time - everything is bright - I play with my friends - I have lots of friends. There are big air raid shelters on the green two big brick ones and two covered in earth and grass - we play round them, in them, hide & seek, rounders, running, skipping. I am going to visit friends tonight - I pass the big gaping hole as I skip down the road with Mum - trying not to look, trying not to think - I am sleeping over - very excited - We have mashed potatoes and brown sauce for tea - we watch the magic lantern - the pictures are flashed on the wall from a projector. We go to bed - I have a blue hotwater bottle in the shape of a teddy bear - I feel safe and cosy and I fall asleep. Suddenly we are awakened - we must get up - the siren has gone the planes are coming back. - hustle and bustle - we scramble under the table - it has a wire fence round it - it has eiderdowns on the floor and we all snuggle up together giggling - we hear the planes, distant thuds, the all clear sounds - relief - back to bed with the blue teddy.- everything is quiet, dark, warm and quiet - I fall asleep.

Mum has had enough of this - she is not staying here - we are just asking for it living near that horrible dockyard. She is going back home to her Mum - (that's my granny) All Mum's brothers and Sisters have said that it's not so bad there at the moment.

I am wakened early - it's still dark as we catch the bus to Portsmouth Station -will the planes come while were here? - "no don't be daft! course they won't" says Mum. I am not too sure. We are sitting in the train - (Mum) "Oh christ - look at that -I've never seen anything like it - is it one of ours?" (soldier) "no love it's a gerry - it was shot down last night" - the plane has crashed into the ground - we look at it our noses pressed against the window till it is out of sight. "Someone died in that,they are probably still in it."

Euston station - pandemonium, as we enter the station the noise is tremendous, A news boy is shouting "Stnusstanded" (Star News & Standard) "The war latest - Station Hit" There is an air of excitement. Groups of soldiers are standing about surrounded by kitbags and other things, they are talking, laughing nervously and smoking. Around the walls are sitting /lying lots of sailors and airmen and yet more soldiers. There are one or two old men, and some women with their hair covered in turbans shouting at some children who are dressed in naby blue siren suits, drab coats, hats, scarfs and leggings. The children run about shouting, crying, laughing. Porters chase about with cases, & bags on trolleys with wheels. The air is very warm, you can smell the coal and you can taste it. You feel the grit in your eyes, as the trains shudder giving off clouds of steam and smoke which disappears into the sky and seems to touch the glass ceiling. The sparks fly as more coal is shovelled on to the great fire in the engine. Whistles blow as trains shudder out of the station. "Is that our train?" - no - it's not our train - we have to wait for our train - a long long time. We wait and wait -I wan't the toilet" - but "mum I wan't the toilet"

I am desperate and so we go right across the concourse to the other side of the station . There is a soldier barring the door to the "Ladies" "You can't go in there luv" he tells Mum - "the station was hit in the early hours and they have put the wounded in there - they havn't been able to move them out yet". I am hysterical. My imagination becomes very real - I think there are bits of bodies behind that door - odd legs and arms - and if I go in there I will see the most horrible sight that anyone ever could see. And if I go in there I will be changed forever.

So - we turn around - we will have to go to the gentlemen's toilet - this is another most frightening place - I have never been to a gentleman's toilet - what will happen to me now? - will I see some unmentionables - I know that men have unmentionables and I might see them. But desperate times mean desperate measures and I go into the dreaded chamber of horrors.

At last the loudspeaker says that our train is waiting on the platform for us. We can get on our train - we can get on our train - we pick up our suitcase and bags and rush down the platform. The train has lots of carriages with big gold letters on saying LNER - we clamber aboard the first one. The carriage has a long corridor with a toilet at the end and lots of sliding doors into the compartments. There are three seats either side and you can move the arm rests up and down and there is a blind at the window which you can move up and down and a little light with a lampshade over each seat which you can put on and off. There is a luggage rack over the seats and pictures of the seaside as well. The train is packed with people and all the soldiers stand in the corridor or sit on their kitbags there. Suddenly there is the piercing scream of a whislte it shrieks one two three times straight off - someone shouts "hurry along there" there is the slamming of doors - and then there is a sudden jerk and the engine wooshes steam - woosh again there it is, and look - is that us that is moving or the other train next to us? no, we are moving, the platform is gliding by and slowly but surely we pick up speed faster, faster - de de de dum... de de de dum....de de de dum... de de de DE DE DE dum. I look around - the soldiers smile at me - I like soldiers - they give me a chocolate - Mum says they are yanks - they laugh a lot with mum. I can't remember having a chocolate before - I didn't really like it - made my mouth dry.

We chug along - sometimes fast - sometimes slow. We stop at stations - people get on - people get off - everyone is very nice and I am sorry when they leave the train. We come to yet another standstill - wait wait wait. and then we wait some more - people look out of the windows - there is great consternation - there is a man walking towards us down the railway line - he shouts through the window - "everyone must leave the train - your carriage has been left behind and the rest of the train has gone off without you" we can't believe it!! but it is true - the rest of the train has become uncoupled from us. So - there is nothing for it - we climb out of the train and onto the track - I am very very frightened - we walk along the track people laughing nervously - the station man says that the train stopped at the station and then went off without us. As we get to the staion someone shouts "hurry along there please the down express is due any minute" - I go almost hysterical and as one soldier hands me up onto the platform the other one says "what's the matter pet -your mummy isn't crying so why are you?"- they laugh a lot but I am not consoled - I didn't like it.

We wait and wait and eventually get on another train and in time we finally arrive at Lime Street Station in Liverpool. Grandad is there to meet us -he is a little man with twinkly eyes and a bushy moustache. We walk through Liverpool - on the wet pavements - past the bombed sights - round the corner in the dark - there are no lights - it is very eery. We come to Liverpool Central Station - the lights are very dim and on the platform is a glass cabinet with "Vivisection - don't let this happen" on a poster and horrible pictures of poor animals. We get on the underground train and after 2/3 stops arrive at Hamilton Square, Birkenhead where we get on a big blue corporation bus. This takes us to Whetstone Lane and I run into the familiar house of my Granny & Grandad - Granny is waiting to meet me and I fly into her arms. She is warm and smiling.

This journey was one of many that my Mum and I did between Portsmouth and Liverpool during the war. I had a very lonely childhood - My Mum finally left my Dad for good in 1945 and we lived in Birkenhead for eight years after that with many 'adventures'

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