- Contributed by听
- rose-of-java
- Location of story:听
- Java
- Background to story:听
- Civilian
- Article ID:听
- A2911394
- Contributed on:听
- 11 August 2004
The jungle started right behind our house on the slopes of Mount Smeroe. We were not supposed to enter the forest because a black panther was said to prowl around. But of course we did. Fear is something you learn through experience. I had just started school: it was 1942, I was seven. Seems incredible now, to start at that age. We knew about the war, because the grown-ups had to practise carrying us children in case we had to flee. But mostly it went over our heads. "Not in front of the children" being a standard phrase.
My father worked in a small town in the valley. Each day he walked down the mountain and I came with him as far as the big stone, where I would sit and watch him becoming smaller and smaller. That was where war became a reality. We had heard it on the radio, Japanese troops had landed in the Dutch East Indies. I realized he might not come back.
The men were interned separately, we only saw him once in a camp near a town in East Java. He was sent to one of the islands, to build airfields and died soon after.
We were told to go back to my birthplace: Bandoeng, West Java. Part of the town had been turned into a camp, many families living in one house, one family to one room.
Some years ago I tried to take the sting out of my memories by turning them into poetry. This is part of a longer poem
When death walked outside our one room
Short bow legs in green uniforms
Reading became the one safe thing to do
I was seven and had become a number
Not wearing that number on your breast
Carried a penalty, they said
And when we had been forced to watch
The girl hanged by her wrists
Between two trees, because she had forgotten
Her number, threat was reality.
I cannot remember what I thought
As we stood, a group of children
In the hot sun, no shadows at midday
Watching her, silent, as we were.
On either side, they had their bayonets
Pointed towards the earth.
There were many things that carried
They said, the penalty of death.
After this, I believed them
And stayed indoors, and read.
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Message 1 - A2911394 - I became a number
Posted on: 11 August 2004 by elviraberyl
Dear Rose,
I found your article incredibly moving. I have made friends with two Dutch ladies and have just told them of your story. It had me in tears. You may hear from them. One is Odyssee
and the other anak-bandung.
Must dash
elviraberyl
If you want more information get in touch with me. Happy to help.
Best wishes elviraberyl 532089
听
Message 2 - A2911394 - I became a number
Posted on: 11 August 2004 by anak-bandung
11/8 Hello Rose, just read your story and poem. It was very moving and telling and the atmosphere was very tense. I could almost feel myself standing amongst you children watching.
So, you are an anak Bandung too. I was born there in 1942 in the section Kare-es. I was too small to remember anything but I have told my mother's story, which you can read from my personal page. Are you originally Dutch as well? Hope to hear from you
Rob @->--
听
Message 3 - A2911394 - I became a number
Posted on: 12 August 2004 by rose-of-java
Hallo Elviraberyl
Thank you for your reaction. I am rather slow in replying, because I am still finding my way in a rather bemused fashion. The 7-year-old girl is now a nearly 70-year-old granny.
Some 5 years ago my daughter firmly told me, "it's time you stopped using the pc like a typewriter. We are going on-line." When I compare the speed with which my grandchild picks up the use of these gadgets, I feel ancient indeed. However, it seems to be working.
The poem was the result of about a year of therapy, 1 hour a week, at a special clinic for sufferers of the "concentrationcamp syndrome"
I want to submit a story about that too, mainly because I want to know if there is/was an equivalent in Britain? If there isn't, there should be. Or rather, there should be help for those soldiers in Irak, the Balkans, etc. My heart goes out to them when I think of what they are facing. Hope to hear from you again, rose-of-java
听
Message 4 - A2911394 - I became a number
Posted on: 12 August 2004 by rose-of-java
Dear Rob, Thanks for your reaction. I had just completed a lengthy reply when I flicked the wrong button, and it vanished. Comes of being a novice to this medium.
Yes, I am an anak bandoeng, too, and yes I am Dutch and still living in Holland. On my personal page you may find a short autobiography which I posted this morning. Can you access that, and how do I access your personal page? I'd love to read the story of your mother.
When you say you don't remember anything, do you mean that the whole period had no effect on you? It can't have done. Like me, you were probably nearly transparent at the end of the war, and for you these years were even more critical in a formative sense.
I used to have horrendous nightmares until I finally visited the clinic connected to Leiden University, Centrum 40/45, which is specially for sufferers of the "concentration camp syndrome" That is where I learned to externalize the emotions. They are very good.
Do I deduct from your question that you do not live in Holland? I'd love to hear more from you
Rose-of-Java
听
Message 5 - A2911394 - I became a number
Posted on: 12 August 2004 by elviraberyl
12thAug
Dear <rose>Thank you for answering so promptly. I have now read your personal details as well and have found them of great interest.
I see you have heard from Rob, you have so much in common, that's why I thought you should be in touch. I've told odyssee too, I'm sure she will contact you.
Must close this time I have to write to my two lovely Dutch (ladies), friends, who, tell me snippets of Dutch. What with learning new skills like computers and trying to learn Dutch I think I must be in my second childhood..76! I'm getting my own back though with a word or two of Welsh.
Keep well,
Elvira <;)> <rose>
听
Message 6 - A2911394 - I became a number
Posted on: 12 August 2004 by anak-bandung
12/8 - Hello Dutchess! What with you getting yourself an aristocratic title and Elvia claiming she is a descendent of the Welsh Prince Cadwallader, I find myself in exalted company. So, with a pice of cheese (No Dutch, some cheddar) and a nice glass of wine - it is 'borreltijd' after all! - I will answer your letter.
It is easy to find me. Just click on the anak-bandung at the top od this message and you will get to my personal page. There you find my profile and the three stories I translated from my mother's memories. So, you found yourself in Kampong Makassar as well! You have to thank my mother together with 15 others as one of the 16 women who rebelled against the extremely reduced weight of the 'corvee broodjes' and the appaling quality. Their protest started the horrific two hunger days in the camp. Luckily you have survived it.
I was born in July 1942, so was very small still by the time we were repatriated (as first ones on the Nieuw Amsterdam, as all the widows and orphans were sent to a cold and unfriendly Holland without having any say in the matter!) Mam also was told to 'shut up about the camps and she could not have had it that bad, for it was nice and warm there, wasn't it, however, we in Holland had to eat tulipbulbs and the winters were very cold, etc... etc...' So when she got a similar reply the second time, she did shut up and never mentioned a thing. This is also part of the problem of the camp syndrome, as no one was allowed to talk about it.
I think I must have seen many a horrific thing, one of which seeing my mother slip in the filth and disappear in the 'beerput' Luckily she had not been shaven lately so had a reasonable amount of hair, by which she was dragged out of the effluent before she could suffocate. I was hysterical, as you might imagine. I think I have repressed all these memories, but when I am under stress I always dream of the most imaginable filthy toilets, full and overflowing over the floor preventing me from going. I have never talked to a psychiatrist, but think that this is definitely part of my past.
Although I stood in queues for mum while she was still working in either the hospital or in the kitchens until it was our turn (I would fight for that place with tooth and nail, I was told, small as I was) I had become very shy and introverted when we lived in Holland. Only much later, after my marriage, which is very good, and teaching Dutch in evening college, I came out of my shell and now, although still shy and scared about meeting new people, I can cope admirably and no one would be any the wiser!
It also had an effect on my health. When I was nine my pelvic area collapsed and the difference between my knees was a whole fistfull. For a whole year I laid in bed with an enormous weight on my 'shorter' leg and fortunately that helped and I am straight as a die, well almost, I am slightly starting to stoop now, but that is approaching old age and imperfect posture! When I was nine, after my year's session hanging from a weight, my appetite had gone down quite a bit and I was sent to a 'kolonie' in Egmond aan Zee "Zwartedijk" which had a traumatic effect one me. Apart from that I have been extremely lucky. Mum not so, she is suffereing from galopping osteoporosis, not helped by the fact she has breastfed me for almost a year and a premature orphan, sharing his incubator with me (his mum had died before birth) for half a year. That must have taken a lot out of her. Thereby the camp syndrome nightmares and malaria attacks, etc.
I think mum helped herself by writing down those memories and we went together to Indonesia in 1979 and this was a catharsis for her as well.
I married a Brit too after I met him when I had been an au-pair. My marriage luckily has turned out fine. Jack is a lovely man and we have two daughters, the eldest lives an hour's drive from us in Cambridshire and the youngest did the opposite of me and met a Dutchman and lives in Den Haag.
The 19th this month we will be celebrating our 38th wedding anniversary and we are whisked away by Helen, our elder daughter, to a surprise destination for 4 days. We feel terribly excited!
Talk to you soon. Tot ziens
Rob @->--
听
Message 7 - A2911394 - I became a number
Posted on: 12 August 2004 by anak-bandung
p.s. I have just put you on my friends list, so I won't loose you
Rob @->--
听
Message 8 - A2911394 - I became a number
Posted on: 13 August 2004 by anak-bandung
13/8 - Hello Rose
With your second story 'Not a sound' I believe you have hit the nail right on the head. I really think that the intense shrieks of agony must have been so bad that you have struck them from your memory, as they were too much to bear.
Keep on writing, Rose. You have a good way of expressing yourself and as Frank said in his post to you, much more needs to be told. We need to be confronted with the truth. Too much has been swept away as 'it was not on our doorstep'. I have just read one of the top stories on the forn page about a childhood memory of VJ day. It was like a damp squib, for it was about something far away, and they had not experienced it and already celebrated VE day, THEIR liberation. Of course, that is only human. We feel the most what is near to us. For example hear about a train disaster in India and you react with sympathy and perhaps some horror, but it is unreal, just something you read or see on TV. You hear about a similar disaster in your own country and you are filled with horror and anguish for these people who have lost their lives. You stay glued at the TV or radio to hear more news of aby rescues and you rejoice when they pull another one out safe.
Despite VE day being so far in the distance, VJ day still is not recognised or even mremembered by so many people. VE day is part of Remembrance Day here in the UK and is commemorated on at 11 o'clock in the morning on the 11th day of the 11th month. So the British still remember from the first worldwar and tacked the second onto that. We Dutch remember 5th May, but now only once in the five years I gather. Still flags will go half mast, but on 15 August? What is going to happen in two days time there? Not a lot I think. We had to fight to have a monument put up in Den Haag (haven't been able to go there yet, unfortunately). I have read somewhere that the flags out on 15 August last time was not for the end of the war in Indonesia, but a Flag Day organised by some minister or other and had nothing to do with our liberation day.
No Rose, the only ones keeping the memory alive are the people personally affected by it. By those like you and my mother and so many others who have been there, seen everything, heard everything, 'accepted' all the insults, deprivation, maltreatment, torture and who did everything to keep their children alive. It is also kept alive by the other people affected by it, like me who has never been allowed to get to know her father; those who lost parents, grandparents and siblings. Who had to see how their parents had been affected and still are affected in health and mentally by those scars. Especially people like me, who are surviving the survivors have a duty to ensure they are not forgotten.
It is a shame that only the 大象传媒 has come with a medium for us to tell the rest of them what had happened over there! Holland should feel ashamed not having thought of that.
I'd better get off my soap box.
Keep writing, girl. You are doig a great job!
Love,Rob '->--
Message 1 - Compatriots.
Hello Rose,
You will be glad to know you are not the only Dutch Lady writing on this site. If you click on my name when I post this you will find who I am but also if you scroll down to "My friends" section and look for ODYSSEY, click on there and you will find a wartime Dutch nurse with links to the Far East and her friend Anak also from that area.
When you click on Odyssey her personal page comes up so you can read her story and who her friends are.
The Dutch people were held in high esteem by us during the war and being a Sea port region we had many Dutch seamen in the area during that time plus some pilots too.
I would like to here more of those camps as would other researchers so every word you write is precious, it gives the younger generation an idea of what life was really like instead of the Hollywood film version.
Keep writing Rose.
Regards Frank.
听
Message 2 - Compatriots.
Posted on: 12 August 2004 by rose-of-java
Hello Frank!
Thank you for your reaction. I have just read your life story and remembered our circumstances before the war; depression was depression was depression whereever you lived on the globe. And then we lost everything in the war, were shipped to Holland and had to start all over again. I suppose you might conclude that it made you more resilient - if it did not break you in the first place.
But thanks for the encouragement. I will certainly give it my best shot.
"I became a number" was my very first contribution, I am surprised at all the reactions... Regards Rose
听
Message 3 - Compatriots.
Posted on: 12 August 2004 by rose-of-java
Hi there, again
I forgot to ask you: what is a Researcher? Incidentally, I clicked on Odyssey and nothing happened, and I tried to find "my friends": no luck.
You might conclude from this, correctly, that I get lost rather easily on the net. Help? Rose
听
Message 4 - Compatriots.
Posted on: 13 August 2004 by ODYSSEY
12 Aug. Frank, I just wrote a note to Rose, to introduce myself When I wanted to post it ,I.got the message that I had to sign in. I don't know what tey did with my message.Is there anything you can do about this problem?: You always were good in problem solving.Josephine
听
Message 5 - Compatriots.
Hello Rose,
Researcher was an un asked for title bestowed by the 大象传媒 onto people who posted on this site in the early days. Think nothing of it as titles rarely explain the person under the title.
I think Odyssey found you but to explain the site better always look at your own personal page first when coming on site.
You have (your Personal Page) as a heading, now scroll down using the bar at the full right of the page.
You come to (Pidgeon Hole) this is where people can leave messages directly to you. Scroll down again.
You find (My friends) This is where you put people who you want to contact on a regular basis. To do this go to that person's Personal Page by clicking on his or her name.
In the box at the right hand side of the page is a small box with the name and number of the person and under is a (Add to my friends) button, press that and it all happens automatically, it will be addded to your page.
Scroll down again and you get (My WW2 Stories and Questions box).
This tells you what you have written and what questions you have asked.
Scroll down again and you get
(My WW2 Forums) this box is all the replies you get your mail and stories.
Under that is your Diary which is like a note book for your own use but as you cannot get anything back out of it I dont bother.
If you want Odyssey's page put your mouse arrow on this thread I will give you, it is live and will bring up her personal page.
U555516
Hope this is of help but do not hesitate to ask, If I dont know I know a man who does.
Regards Frank.
听
Message 6 - Compatriots.
Posted on: 13 August 2004 by rose-of-java
Hello Frank Oh, thank you again. The funny thing is that Odyssee's letter to you appeared on my personal page. I thought you had forwarded it to me. So I just pressed the reply button and sent her a note. If the time mentioned on her message is correct, she lives in another timezone, so she's probably asleep right now. I read her short autobiography, she sounds a very interesting person.
The weirdest thing is happening to my contributions. I sent one in again last night (Not a sound) and this one too appeared with the word REMOVE behind it. I'm beginning to feel like a pariah. Are my contributions offensive and if so, why select another one? Strange, huh! I sent an e-mail to the 大象传媒. So far, no answer.
Thanks for the very detailed advice, by the way. I'm sure to it right now.
Greetings! Rose
听
Message 7 - Compatriots.
Hello Rose,
Josephine or Odyssey lives on the west coast of America. She had some difficulty's when she first came on site I hoped I helped her.
The (REMOVE) beside your story is there only for you to remove the story if you do not want it to go on.
"Only you" can see that no one else can so they cannot remove your story just ignore it.
You can read all the new stories coming on site by going to the left side Green section and look for (EDITORIAL DESK) click on the words and all the new stories come up, click on the ones you want to read.
You can edit any of your stories by going to your personal page and in your (MY WW2 Stories and Questions) click on the story you wish to edit and it will come up exactly as you wrote it. Change what you wish then at the bottom of the page press enter, do not send it to editorial desk as it is already there, then go back to you page.
You will find your way around with time we all had to learn.
Regards Frank.
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