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Eddie, with his wife, in hospital

Hodgkin's Lymphoma diary

大象传媒 London presenter Eddie Nestor was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma - cells in the lymph nodes that have become cancerous - in February this year. Here he writes about his diagnosis, treatment and recovery.

Final Week

I've been putting this last diary entry off for at least a fortnight now and it is not hard to know why. I have written as much of the truth as I possibly could over the last few months. Trying to be as candid as I can about a condition, which may well affect many of you reading this one day in your life but also one which may still one day kill me.

I have become very fond of the outlet and I am not keen to let it go. What ever was going on, however bad I felt, I had to get myself together to write my diary. It has been a few weeks since my last treatment and I have had much time to reflect; physically I am fine. I think the fact that I was healthily preparing for the marathon when I found out must have helped. Mentally I am an absolute mess.

"I am only 30 but cancer has put at least twelve years on me"
Eddie Nestor

If this diary was not read by the people who employ me I might be tempted to be more forthcoming but I think I will have to hold that back for the book. I really do hope to write one very soon and to give any money to one of the cancer charities which are doing so much to help people live with what is (whatever the outcome) a life changing condition. But I will say this, if the knot in my chest doesn't subside soon I may have to go and see someone. I only leave the house to go to work. I am only 30 but cancer has put at least twelve years on me.

Kath Melandri and Eddie Nestor in 2003

I have been doing drivetime on my own for the last couple of weeks because Kath is in Australia on a well earned break. And I had forgotten how hard it is doing it solo. I think it has been good for my confidence but I will be glad when Kath is back. It is so weird talking about confidence. Before this, it was something I had never thought about, yet look at me now. I have earned my living entertaining people for a very long time now and I am struggling (even temporarily) to get used to the "new" me.

Next big date for me is October 29th. I am told that it will take at least 3-5 years before you can say with any confidence that the Big 'C' has gone so it is going to be a long wait and I had better learn to try to get on with it otherwise I will become very boring indeed.

We are trying to book a holiday for our anniversary at the end of November but that may well depend on what the insurance situation is. We have had one quote which has already indicated that things may well be very different from now on.

Thank you for reading this diary. Thank you for allowing me to write it. Hope I am strong and brave enough not to let cancer define me but simply to make it something I went through for a while in my life.

Week 18

My last night before my last chemo and I am terrified. Everyone around me presumes I am happy because barring an absolute catastrophe this will mean an end to the poison coursing through my veins. An end to the dreaded chemo head. And an end to the blood thinning injections I have had every single day since June 2nd.

Why am I scared then?

Maybe it鈥檚 the fact that we are now embarking on a new adventure. Now the cancer is gone how long before something in me stops waiting for it to come back.

Last week Kath and I celebrated four years together on air. Wow, who would have thought Drivetime with Eddie and Kath would be four years old? The partnership and thankfully the audience has grown and I can truly say that she has done as much as anyone to get me through the most difficult period in my life and I will forever be grateful.

The show has really acted as a pick me up and she has literally carried me through on air.

Last Saturday I went out with the wife to a charity ball for the African Caribbean Leukaemia Trust.

It鈥檚 nice to go out. It lifts your spirits, makes you feel alive. I intend to do a lot more of it. It is an annual do and I usually host a table and do my best to make sure people have a good time but this time what with my present predicament it was just a little different.

The message of getting people to sign up to a register of donors seemed all the more poignant.

It's, must be like buying a car and suddenly seeing the same model everywhere, cancer is all around me.

Trying to finish off my diary with chemo head is never easy but always worth a try. It is Monday October 1st and I am watching the clock, it moves so slowly when I am ill and so quickly as I start to recover.

I just lie there trying not to feel too sorry for myself, it is after all the last one. I am like a child asking its parents 鈥淎re we there yet?

Have learnt to do the time thing in bits. First it is the injection in the morning, then seeing my wife off to work. Then I have a tea and a daydream. Long and slow shower is followed by sleep and an element of self motivation, contemplation and I am sad to say, self pity.

Then my wife comes home after her three calls to make sure I am well. It gets dark, we have dinner, I daydream, then it is time for bed again.

Hey, why does this sound so down beat? I have had 12 chemo sessions over 24 weeks and it is all over isn鈥檛 it?

Week 17

Just recovering from the affects of another chemo session and the positive head is saying 鈥渏ust one more to go鈥�.

I am ignoring the negative head at the moment it is taking up far too much of my time and energy. I probably only have two or three of these diaries left and that will be strange. The end of my documentation, the completion of one of the most difficult phases of my life.

If you are reading this then you have been on, at least part of, the journey with me and with so many people surviving and living with the condition then I sincerely hope it has been eye opening and informative. It certainly has been for me. And needless to say I haven鈥檛 liked all that I have seen. I would have hoped to have been braver, more resilient, not so needy and a lot more upbeat.

I talked to the doctors at Whipps about what was to come and they told me that I would not need another scan as they were happy with the first one and that there were worries that the scans themselves could be causing cancer.

My last chemo session will be on September 28th and then monthly checks to see how my body is coping.

I am told that the clear-up rate with Hodgkin鈥檚 is really good but that the first six months will be crucial. After that the checks would be less frequent. Say every six months, then hopefully every year and so on and so on until one day it will all be just a distant memory - I hope.

My McMillan nurse has gone on maternity leave and has not been replaced. I miss the little reassuring chats. It is not that the other nurses do not give freely of their time but that was what Karen was there for and I am sure many other sufferers at the hospital miss her too.

One of the things we talked about was sex. Not that it has been right at the top of the agenda recently but before the treatment started way back in April my wife and I were trying to have a baby.

We had left it till the time was right, till we were married, till we were sure and now I wish we had done it years ago. No one knows what life will bring. And now the conversations with my wife are strained and unsure.

I may now be infertile and if I am not then how long will it take to get to those little 鈥淓ddies鈥� being kept in a laboratory somewhere in Central London. And even when you get to those, I am 30 and though she would kill me if I told you her true age on these pages lets just say the clock is ticking for my wife.

last updated: 10/04/2008 at 15:36
created: 24/09/2007

Have Your Say

Elaine B
The radio needs real people like you. No matter how good things seem there are often bad times when we need to call on all the strength we have to stay positive and sometimes when we are low its surprising how we can often find it in ourselves to laugh and put our concern for others before our own. May God keep you strong and continue to bless you on your road to a full recovery. Elaine x

Vicky
Well done Eddie, when I made reference to my husband being ill last year to my son he said 'Dad wsn't ill, he was just lazy for a while'. how cute and needless to say I am very proud of my husband. Best of luck with your recovery, I hope you plan lots of trips and make lots of happy memories and maybe even 'little Eddies' to make up for your 'lazy days'. Anything like us and soon your defence mechanisms will block out all your pain and the last year will just be a flash, a lost year!Love Vicky xxwww.hodgkinsdiary.blogspot.com

Ian
Fair play to you for putting this diary up Eddie. I expect its only a flavour of what you and the family and friends have been experiencing. Very best wishes to you and the two Mrs Nestors.

Angela - Hackney
Hi Eddie, glad to read that you have come to the end of this treatment. Hope all is well in future visits to Whipps. Cant wait for 2nd Feb...Slapper and I will be shaking it on the dance floor...take good care babe x.x.x.x.x

Everton Forbes
I am very sorry to hear of Your present illness and I would like to encourage You to be very strong. I can assure You that once you accept what has happened to You and You are determined to see it through you will overcome it. I am seventy four years-old and these are my present illnesses;I have been a diabetic since 1968, have an enlarged heart, am recovering from a stroke since 1999, an amputation of my left leg over two years ago but I can stillget around on my own, and I still go to my office nearly every day. So think positive. (And lastly, always remember to never say these words...Why Me?)All the bestEverton Forbes(Denese's Dad)

Beverley BH
Dear Eddy,At long last I am able to write to you, its the lady you met at the black leaders event in respect of Nelson Mandela, and what a fabulous evening it was. Like you I went through all those emotions of whether I should be going out in my condition. Since the last time I saw you in the shop, I have been very poorly and have only just got back on track. I am sure that now that I am on the mend I will see you soon when you come to buy your loaf of bread.Eddy I must say you were so easy to talk to and reading your diary on line I felt that I already knew you. Also your wife was so nice, she had such a nice aura about her I felt as if I had known her for years, ( if I ever hear you say anything untoward about your misses on the radio again you鈥檒l be in a lot of problems, as I will not let you get a way with it!) Its fair to say that I started a diary when I was first diagnosed with Breast cancer, however if you read my diary it was full of doom and gloom, obviously I did not know how to deal with my condition. Someone told me about your diary, and when I logged on it was like being saved, your diaries were like souffl茅s (I can only think of food at present as I have no taste buds and it has been horrendous not being able to taste food) - it was light, with depth and a little bit of crust on the outside. It made me laugh, made me cry in parts and gave me hope. Your dairy must have give hundreds of people in the same position a life line, so much so that I abandoned my diary and looked forward to reading yours, it was like waiting for the next episode of star trek.I hope all is well with you and I have been toying with organising a banquet, which would include beans on toast, marmite on toast as well as all the other goodies - you know the food our mums cook. I find my self tearing out recipes from the magazines when I am sitting waiting for treatment its like I am possessed. I sometimes look at my Sunday dinner and say god please let me taste that delicious piece of chicken, even if it is for only one second, however as soon as I put it in my mouth its out again, them lot has given me the nickname 鈥榩oo鈥� cause that鈥檚 how I describe the taste of everything I put in my mouth.Well Eddy I can鈥檛 wait to see you again, but in the meantime I hope you are well and continue to give out the positive vibes, I am hoping when I am fighting fit to start a support group, and guess who is going to be the first guest speaker!!Love you loadsBeverley BH

Phil
Listen to your show in the evenings on the way home from work. Always cheer me up the both of you.Keep fighting Eddie - My thoughts with you

Lauren, Hackney
Hi Eddie,Hope life is good and and you are staying positive. Looks like things are looking up for you . Have faith in the future.!!...Much love to you and your family...Will miss your diaries, but glad you don,t have cause to write it any more!!!

Michelle Perry
Just read all your diary. I had Hodgkins 5 years ago, was diagnosed when my first son was 2 months old and I experienced all the same chemo symptoms as you, constipation and all! But I had another baby boy last year so keep hoping, it does happen. It happend all very naturally (well my then 4 yr old thought it was a polite exchange of daddy's seed mixed with mummy's egg in the kitchen!)I can't believe its 5 years since my treatment, like you I had ABVD, its gruelling to say the least but the richness of life means so much more now so although I would never have chosen to have cancer my life is fuller for having had it. I wish you and your wife every good health and hope that its not too long before your wishes for a baby are fufilled.

Paul Labode
Hi Eddie, I listen to your show whenever i get the opportunity to drive into London. You and Kath are doing a great work. I wish you a speedy recovery and God's blessing to you and your lovely wife. - Paul

Bruno Miguel
Hi Eddie. I started to listen to your show 2 years ago when I move in to London from Portugal and started a job as a driver. Since then I never stopped. You might not know that but I see you and Kath as my family, and you have been a big inspirations for me. You have a very different way to think about things and I have try to learn that. I now have different approach to many things and the way I think as well. So Eddie, I wish you the best. Be strong.Bruno

Tony rowe
Hi eddie i had know idea you were unwell, just always a voice on the radio.when you lead a giving life ,life will give back just remember foot prints in the sand. sometimes it the small things that touch us the most.i truly hope you will be around for many more years to come , god bless you and your family.

Stella
Hi eddie i listen to you when at work cleaning the offces. I think u are a great person. i am reading your diarys. love u and god bless u

Simon Kwame Maty
Hi Eddie, I met you at a function some 2-3 years ago where I was one of the video crews and have been a regular listerner to your programmes. I never had the slightest idea of your condition probably because you never appeared unwell on the radio.My thoughts and prayers are all with you. I could imagine what your mother would be going through in st.Lucia because of your condition.Can you believe I feel bad to mention the dreadful word 'cancer'? Eddie keep up the good work.

JENNIFER . M
EDDIE MY THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU AND YOUR RECOVERY, ALSO MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS, I MUST SAY HAVE FAITH AND KEEP UP THE VERY GOOD WORK.

maria van dyke
oh eddie,like so many others i had no idea that you had even been unwell, i feel quite awful that i didn't as i have radio london on continually at home and in my car to and from work, oops! maybe i don't always listen as well as i should. luckily I am having dificulty getting radio london on line and i came accross this from you. just wanted to say that my brother Adam had hodgkins when he was in his late 20's and went on to have Emily,now 16yrs and Edward now 12yrs so you see, it can be done! twice even! my mother now has lymphoma,i think its just a coincidence, 2 in one family (hope so anyway) but she has carried on working etc as if nothing wrong and like yourself, being in show biz, one would never know... anyway,one little bit of advice,just make sure when this is all way in the past that you keep happy and if you should find yourself getting depressed or even down, just don't hide or ignore it so that it is sorted out early on.all the very best to you, your wife and family. maria van dyke. - here you tomorrow x

Owen
Listening to you at the moment. You shouldn't let yourself have any worries about confidence!

Jim
Hope all is well with you eddie, my Junes in remission with secondary melanoma and has lymphodemia...but love will always prevail. I have often listened to you and kath on my way home. I always enjoy your show..God bless you and hope you stay safe and well .

Aston Jones
I remember years ago when at school we went out to country for the weekend . On one of walks we were walking up as it seemed at the a mountian to me ( coming from london ), i could see the top rise and marched on. When we got there we all growned . In front of us was another Mountian , hill or what ever you want to call it. 'Let's turn back' came to mind , but then the voice of our teacher said "come on lads keep going , keep your eye's on the top and go for it ". Come on Eddie ,You have a life to live lift your head up and go for it.Try this one ( Don't give up - George nooks).

Kenny Ellaway
You can do it Eddie. Always remember, you're the Real McCoy of 大象传媒 London...

Sabeena, London
Hi Eddie,I didn't know you were receiving treatment for cancer. I wish you and your family well. You are one of my favourite broadcasters, I love your shows! Have faith and wishing you all the best.xS

Sue
Eddie - Lots of love and best wishes to you and your family. Your diary has been an inspiration - hope you get well and strong, both mentally & physically.

Lindsey
Just want to wish you the best of health now that the Cancer has gone. your diary has truley touched me. My love to you and your family x

mimi
Hi eddie, I have been listening to your show since I was 15 and I have never listened to anyone as confident and as entertaining as you .. and that has not changed since you had cancer ..you are still the same eddie i have grown up listening to . I know it can be difficult at times going thorugh physical and mental pain .. but you have the right support network , from your wife, family and friends and further more the whole of london who listens to you. You can overcome anything and everything .. Love mimi

Bissy Beckford
Eddie may god bless you with a renewal of health.

MIke W
I listen most evening to your radio show, and have done so for many years. I didn't reelaise you were fighting against cancer. However, reading your blog tells me you are facing the battle (even though you sometimes believe you are not not being brave enough), and adapting and questioning. All of this helps the healing process move on, and hopefully complete successfully. As you've found out in the last several months it's about looking forward, remaining as positive as is possible, looking for the positive outcome and letting some of those people on the "outside" in to help.My very best wishes to you for a complete recovery.

B. Stewart
Hello Eddie,I heard on the news about your illness. Then my sis told me about your diary.I think it is very brave of you to let others into your life at this difficult time. I'm sure your diary will give strength and encouragement to others going through this traumatic time in their life. Stay strong and focussed. You also have your lovely family to support you. Take care.

Grace Labode
Hi Eddie, been listening to your show off and on, did not know you were ill. Wish you and your wife well, will pray for you.

Rita Lule
Good Luck and God Bless You

Eddie
I moved North a few months ago, and only looked on the website to see how 大象传媒 London was. Used to love your shows. Sorry about the news. All the Best. God Bless

Patrick Yorke
Dear Eddie,Please don't be afraid, someone more dear to you and your family is always presnt with there with you, always remeber Socrates, Booker T. Washington and Kwame Nkrumah and men of such, their lifes are still being lived and appreciated by all . Your efforts and contributions are linked with social progress of all. I know oneday will be called to account and for this you must "preach" the good news to all. Best regards, Patrick Yorke, Peckham Village, London SE15

Phemy Williams
Greetings Eds! It was good to hear you on Drivetime today. During it you said you had posted your last entry regarding your treatment and progression. Well I have read it and want to thank you for taking the time to share your fears, triumphs, anxieties and hopes with others. I am sure your words have brought comfort and reassurance to other people going through a similar situation as well as clearity of understanding for those who aren't. Well done my dear:)Oh yes! It is nice to finally see what your wife looks like! She is gorgeous!! It is nice to see that she isn't quite the 'blondie' I've heard you describe her as:)If you have time to fill check me out on www.myspace.com/phemywilliams All the best Sir Nestor. You are loved out here - remember that!

reality check
Eddie, I'm not a fan of your show, mostly because I've hardly heard it. However I've watched my partner go through the Non-hodgkins version. It's changed both our lives. I am grateful you had the guts to talk about what it's like. Sometimes I think it's harder for the partner. They don't have a badge. Don't get allowances for therapy. They have to carry on and hold the world at bay to allow the person with cancer to return to the place they left. I know you know how hard it is for the partner. Having said that, as the partner, you're not going to die in the near future. You're lucky to have such an amazing woman beside you.JA privileged gay man

siobhan
eddie nestor you are an inspiration. i was listening when you first told us of your illness and you have been in my prayers since. i hope the worst is over for you and you have only good things to come. xx

patrick sullivan
Hi eddie, I left a comment some weeks ago and likened you to a goat as in stubborn - I hope it didn't offend. I was trying to get into what I perceive as your sense of humour.It would seem obvious to me Eddie why you remain so anxious - you love life and all it brings and exude humanity in your broadcasts and the fact that you've reached the ripe old age of "thirty" will never change that. I really hope that you never have to go through your current trauma again and and live to be a ripe old age (eventually!)and still broadcasting. One thing i will say, i'm fifty years old and have a beautiful, healthy and very happy young son of six months. If the possibility arrives Eddie, go for it. I have never felt so happy in my life. I guess i'm lucky that i've got so much energy for an oldie - you need it. And if i have twenty quality years with my boy i will be a happy man indeed. Your love of life will make up for advancing years and love knows no age.Good luck Eddie

Kwame Michael McPherson
Hi Eddie,I remember meeting you on the Tube, when I asked, you gave me your cell number. Not only was I taken aback at your candidness and openness, I was impressed with the way you just humbled yourself to a brother who you didn't even know. You are sincerely in my prayers and I know the Creator has you in the bosom of the Universe. You have given me strength in being and I am eternally grateful to you. Love Bro and get well.

Marco, Milan, Italy
Hey Eddie, from back when I was living in London I always admired your style...even more so now, in these dread circumstances...My best wishes for a full recovery.Keep the faith!

Janet from Croydon
Wishing you a speedy recovery.Many of us have crosses to bear.

Charmaine Holder
Hi Eddie,I have just read this article, I did not know that you were so ill. I wish you and your wife all the best.Love Charmaine Holder

Kate in New Zealand
Eddie, Just got Broadband back and managed to get Radio London again. We were all so shocked to read your news. Glad the chemo is coming to an end and wish you and family loads of love for your continued recovery. Love The Becker Family.

PauletteWattson
Eddie I listen to your show but I've never called. I heard when you were ill but i did not know you were receivng treatment for cancer.I wish you all the very best and God bless.

Jennifer
Hello Eddie I am sending you my heartfelt wishes for a speedy recovery. Your bravery and strength of character is inspiring. Lots of love to you and those who love you!

H(Peter)Johnson
Hey EddieI have not listen to your show in 3 years. Wish you and your family all the best. I will keep you in my prayers.Peter, New York

jonnie from brixton..
hello pop's ..i dont get on air much these days so i hope you get this message..isnt it time you got the bbc to give you a chat show?..i am prepared to sit on the settee with you and be your sidekick because in the pc world of tv,we need to show that even the ugly,non talented,mediocre,can be given a chance to shine,failing that,lets try channel 4,we will play the 'you not what card',i think this great idea can work,and lets face it nestor you need all the work you can get!meanwhile,keep on patronising and being smug to your loyal listeners,and did you buy the juice machine?...take it easy mate..xx

Annie Dacosta
Hi EddieI stumbled across this today by accident after listening to you and Michelle this morning.I have always been an avid listener of yours and Kath鈥檚 weekday show and although I knew you were in hospital I had no idea of the seriousness of your illness.I had heard that you were keeping a diary but I thought it was to highlight the lack of hospital cleanliness and never got to round to reading it before now 鈥� I wish I had done. After listening to you today I would never have guessed what you have been through. You are a truly remarkable man, who is showing great strength and determination.Thank you for sharing your story - we pray for your total recovery!p.s Keep mentioning your age because that always makes us laugh!Best wishesAnnie

Patrick
You asked: "Why am I scared then?""Maybe it鈥檚 the fact that we are now embarking on a new adventure. Now the cancer is gone how long before something in me stops waiting for it to come back."As the boyfriend of a woman that overcame brain cancer, I can tell you firsthand that the fearful feeling of it coming back goes away with time.When we fought against her foe, it took us some time to stop being in "fight mode," a mode of thinking that allows us to defeat cancer or any other adversary.The superb things you did was to continue to live your life in spite of the therapy and laugh at the circumstances surrounding this hurdle in your life.Living life as well as laughing at all of the absurdity of the unexpected events that show up in ones life is the key to getting past this time.It is very much like the old song from "The Who": "Just another tricky day...for you.....You'll pull through."

Sara
Your diary has been very moving. I really admire your honesty & send my very best wishes to you as you continue your recovery.

Jon Cooke
Eddie, the worst is over keep the faith my man

Dawn Southwood
I have to say reading your diary has lifted me no end. I was diagnosed in July and am facing my 4th treatment, same routine as you have been through. Everything you have said is so apt as if I have written it myself. All the best to you, and thank you.

Alison
Hey Eddie, I heard when you announced your illness during one of your sunday shows. I could not believe what I heard but knew that you were a born fighter and even though you could not prepare for the journey ahead you had the ability to stay focused and beat the big 'C'. I have really enjoyed reading your diary and I am glad to see that you are recovering and making plans for the long future ahead. All the best A xx

Sibihan
Eddie, we worked together many many moons ago on a production for Temba Theatre Company - The Pirate Princess. You were then, bright, colourful, humourous, astute, talented - with a zest for life that was absolutely second to none. I'm so sure you are tackling this challenge with the same vigour. Stay strong. All my love Sibihan xxxx

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