The story is that Doctor Who is fed up of the dreadful state of world affairs and elects to use his powers of time and inter-galactic travel to escape to a distant planet. Steve Gerrity sets the scence for this short extract. This first part is where Dr Who and his assistant Sattiyra are just coming out of their Tardis which has landed on the coal rucks near Bickershaw Colliery in 1970's Leigh.听 Bear in mind they don't realise they're still on Earth and think they're on a barren distant planet. The Narrator describes what's happening as two locals appear in the street wearing traditional donkey jackets, jeans and flat caps. Narrator: Just then Sattiyra nudged the Doctor as two alien beings came into view in the distance. Using his 97 times magnifier the Doctor noticed that they looked almost human, except that the tops of their heads were flat and made of cloth, with a peaked promontory protruding above their eyes. The skin on the top of their bodies was of thick black felty substance, but the skin on their legs was blue and exactly like denim. But when they spoke Doctor Who knew that they were surely aliens, because their words were unintelligible, the like of which he had never encountered before on his Universal travels. Even Sattiyra with her vast knowledge of Inter-Galactic languages had never heard anything like this before. (Now we'll skip to the local pub where the two locals, Alf and Bert, are having a pint and talking about local events. Interspersed with their lines an interpreter translates for the Doctor, but in this excerpt Steve has just provided Alf and Bert's lines.) BERT: T'awreet, Serry?
ALF:听 Aye. Gradely, lad. T'awreet thi sen? Did't gu t'match, morn neet?
BERT: Aye.
ALF:听 Wer it a fain un?
BERT: Oh aye. Wer wer thee any road?
ALF:听 Ad fert tek 'er ter t'dragguns.
BERT: Tha soft get. Wha cawn't 'er goo on 'er tod, tha big wet blanket?
ALF:听 'Ers flitted deawn t'Cheshire. We ad gu fer tay.
BERT: Cheshire? Thers neawt wrung wi Leythe? Wots 'er gon yon fer?
ALF:听 'Ers a snob tha nus. We ad t'ayt us cake wi' forks. 'Er gets eawt o t'bath fer t'av a wee! Mahnd thee, thessles not deawn yard lahk at wom! An 'ers getten a carpitt in t'greeneawse.
BERT: Eh! Did't hear mandepodium morn neet, morn back?
ALF:听 No, worrappund?
BERT: Cawporse boggart an' cart keyled o'er!
ALF:听 Nay mon, Bert lad. 'Er said as road wer reet clogged up, burra thowt 'er wer gobbin it.
BERT: Aye. T'wer clogged up reet gus an propper, till t'middin mon coom reawnd fert sweppit. 'N Cawps' yed gobbin gi' t'milkmon a reet bawin!
(Reproduced courtesy of Silly Lyric Productions)
Steve says, "If you need to know what happens next you'll have to look out for the play!" Steve Gerrity is a guest on the Allan Beswick programme on 大象传媒 GMR on Monday between 9am and 12. | 
