大象传媒

It's a grey day in April 2017. Billy Monger gets his car into action as the lights signal. He has done this countless times before. He knows that once the race is underway, there鈥檚 no time for nerves 鈥� he needs to stay sharp.

Ahead of him, toy-like racing cars career around a slick track, faster and faster until they鈥檙e reaching speeds of well over 100mph. Weaving and swerving, they battle one another for position 鈥� and Billy tries to make his way through the field.

It鈥檚 two weeks before Billy鈥檚 18th birthday, but he's more excited about this race than impending adulthood. On the racetrack, he鈥檚 known as Billy Whizz 鈥� a young driver with bags of potential. Today, he's competing in the Formula 4 British Championship at Donington Park 鈥� one of the UK's most famous circuits. F4 is the first step for any young driver like Billy, who dreams of driving in Formula 1 鈥� motorsport's top tier. So far, this season is going well for him. If he makes it into the top three today, he looks set to continue his progress up the motorsport ladder.

But the race is off to a chaotic start. Nineteen-year-old Jamie Caroline, Billy鈥檚 best friend, spins out early, forcing Billy to spin too, to avoid him 鈥� it puts them both in a bad position. Adrenaline and petrol mix as the racers push their cars faster and faster, banking left and right to avoid one another.

Suddenly, on a corner, two cars ahead of Billy pull out of the way, revealing a third car, stationary on the track. It鈥檚 too late; he doesn鈥檛 have time to pull out of the way. At 120mph, he collides into the back of another car.

Silence falls over the racetrack. 鈥淵ou know it鈥檚 bad when a racetrack goes quiet,鈥� Jamie recalls.

Ever since he was 10 years old, Billy had wanted to race in F1 like his hero, Lewis Hamilton. Billy had poured all his energy into making that a reality but, suddenly, it seemed like his dream might be over.

Billy Monger was a gentle and smiley three-year-old the first time he sat behind the wheel of a vehicle. Rob, his dad, used to race go-karts and bought Billy his first kart because he wanted to share his passion with his young son.

鈥淗e wasn't an aggressive sort of kid, so we didn鈥檛 think racing would suit him,鈥� Rob explains, with a wry smile. 鈥淏ut he suddenly decided it was the life for him and, from then on, that鈥檚 all we鈥檝e ever done, really 鈥� apart from going to work to earn the money to go racing.鈥�

As Billy grew older, his passion turned into his primary focus. 鈥淚t鈥檚 an amazing buzz,鈥� he says. 鈥淚 tried football and other sports, but it wasn鈥檛 the same. I can鈥檛 get that feeling anywhere else.鈥�

Mild-mannered and affable, with a soft voice and an open, patient way about him, Billy doesn鈥檛 immediately seem like an adrenaline junkie, but the unique cocktail of skill, speed and danger that motorsport is known for meant that, throughout his childhood and teenage years, Billy felt most alive when he was behind the wheel. 鈥淚 wasn鈥檛 under an illusion that motorsport was safe 鈥� that鈥檚 part of the reason I loved it,鈥� he says.

鈥淲e sign up to it and we know the dangers,鈥� agrees Jamie. For him, Billy鈥檚 accident was a reality check. 鈥淚t鈥檚 only when something actually happens that we think, 'Okay, this is real. It could happen to any one of us'.鈥�

As soon as the crash happened, the emergency crew flew into action. The medics told Billy鈥檚 family that it would be a good idea if one of them went to the track to help keep Billy calm. Amanda, Billy's mum, was very upset, so Rob stayed to comfort his wife, while their daughter, Bonny, rushed to her older brother鈥檚 side.

As she caught sight of her brother, who was still conscious, Bonny became steely.

As she explains: 鈥淗e was talking and it was nice to be there, just so that he had someone. Everyone was freaking out. The worst thing I could have done was go over in a panic, because that would鈥檝e made him panic.鈥�

鈥淚鈥檝e been told since by doctors that my daughter helped save Billy鈥檚 life by keeping him calm,鈥� Rob says, proudly.

It鈥檚 a sentiment echoed by Billy himself, who considers Bonny the true hero of his personal tragedy. 鈥淪he gave me the will to keep fighting.鈥�

When, three days later, Billy awoke, his surgeon, Dr Tony Westbrook, broke the news that he鈥檇 lost both his legs. The way Dr Westbrook tells it, it was as if Billy was actually the one who comforted him at that moment. 鈥淚 remember him gripping my hand, as much as to say, 鈥業t鈥檚 okay鈥�,鈥� he says.

Billy鈥檚 other doctor, Colonel Tom Rowlands, says that he never saw Billy be anything other than his positive, smiley self during his two-week hospital stay: 鈥淚 find it improbable, but it鈥檚 a fact,鈥� he says.

The crash had a huge impact on the family. Amanda knew she had to stay strong for her son: 鈥淭he doctors looked me in the eye and said, 鈥楬ow he reacts to this depends on what he sees from you',鈥� she says. 鈥淪o I thought, 'I have to be strong, then.' That鈥檚 what you do 鈥� you鈥檙e a mum.鈥�

鈥淚 couldn鈥檛 go in the ward to see him at first,鈥� Rob says. 鈥淚 couldn鈥檛 pluck up the courage. I鈥檇 probably say that was the hardest thing I鈥檝e ever had to cope with.鈥� At first, Rob blamed himself for Billy鈥檚 injuries 鈥� having introduced him to racing at a young age. But, now he accepts that his son wouldn鈥檛 have been racing if he hadn鈥檛 wanted to himself.

For Jamie, after the initial shock wore off, he was just determined to be there as much as possible for his best friend. 鈥淚 said to myself, 鈥楲isten, it鈥檚 going to be no different 鈥� you just need to go see him and it鈥檒l be like it was before鈥�,鈥� he recalls.

Billy was philosophical from the start. 鈥淭he way I see it, I had a three-day snooze, and woke up and my injuries were the way they were. Obviously, you鈥檇 expect that if you wake up and your legs aren鈥檛 there anymore, you go into a mass panic, but it wasn鈥檛 like that for me.鈥�

Instead, he thought of just one thing: racing. 鈥淚f anyone had said that I couldn鈥檛 race again, that鈥檚 when I'd have panicked,鈥� he says. 鈥淒on鈥檛 get me wrong, people were sceptical鈥︹��

鈥淧eople ask me if I have flashbacks,鈥� says Billy. 鈥淏ut I don鈥檛. I don鈥檛 think about the accident itself that much. It was the little things about how the accident affected my day-to-day life that really got to me at the beginning.鈥�

After a fortnight in hospital, Billy was able to go home. But adapting to his new life in a wheelchair proved to be a challenge. 鈥淚鈥檇 lost some of my independence 鈥� especially in those first weeks,鈥� he says. But Billy鈥檚 family were supportive, making his home more accessible by adding ramps and moving his bedroom downstairs.

Jamie kept Billy company a lot in those early days. 鈥淚鈥檇 take him out or we鈥檇 play Fifa; just keep him active,鈥� Jamie says. Billy鈥檚 friends rallied round and helped him belatedly celebrate his landmark birthday. 鈥淚 spent my 18th birthday in hospital, which was a bit of a shame,鈥� Billy says. 鈥淏ut we tried to make up for it by going down to the local pub when I got out. I bought my first round 鈥� it was for 18 people. It cost me a fortune!鈥�

鈥淏illy鈥檚 just a normal teenager who likes to go out clubbing with his mates,鈥� his mum explains. 鈥淗e'd come home [after a night out] and his mates would joke about him falling out of his chair on the dance floor, messing about."

Despite his positivity, the one place Billy felt really frustrated was trackside, watching other young drivers race. 鈥淚 hated being a spectator,鈥� Billy says. 鈥淚t wasn鈥檛 like I didn鈥檛 respect those guys, but I felt so helpless on the sidelines, knowing there was nothing I could do to get back out there and beat them.鈥�

Whatever happened, Billy knew he鈥檇 have to return to driving. 鈥淏eing in a race car is probably where I feel my most comfortable,鈥� he says.

Just three months after his accident, Billy got his first opportunity to get back behind the wheel, (which is a bit like a Volkswagen Beetle) at the racing circuit at Brands Hatch.

Amanda watched with some anxiety as her son skidded and drifted around in a specially adapted car with charity Mission Motorsport - Billy, of course, beaming. 鈥淗e thinks it鈥檚 hilarious to see me scared,鈥� she says. 鈥淏ut it鈥檚 his passion. I couldn鈥檛 stand in his way even if I wanted to.鈥�

It wasn鈥檛 the kind of racing that Billy was used to, but it was an opportunity to feel some of the old buzz again.

鈥淗e knew he鈥檇 go back into motorsport, but I think until racing in the Fun Cup, he wasn鈥檛 sure he鈥檇 go back to single-seat,鈥� says Rob. For a start, it wasn鈥檛 clear at that point whether motorsport regulations would even allow him to drive single-seat cars, like those used in F1, again. No disabled driver had ever raced a single-seat car professionally before.

The guidance from the Federation Internationale de l鈥橝utomobile (FIA) 鈥� the international governing body for motorsport 鈥� restricted disabled racers from competing in single-seat cars on the grounds of safety.

Nathalie McGloin, head of the FIA鈥檚 newly formed Disability and Accessibility Commission, explained that Billy鈥檚 licence to race had to be reinstated by the Motor Sport Association.

Either way, that first time back in the driving seat had given Billy a glimmer of hope 鈥� maybe, just maybe, he could learn to drive a racing car with only his hands. He decided to appeal to the FIA to have the regulations modified. He knew that their decision might take months, or even years, to materialise. But he was prepared to wait.

In the meantime, to help his friend get back behind the wheel and test whether he could potentially drive a car using only his hands, Jamie took Billy to the headquarters of Carlin Motorsport in Surrey. They are one of the largest racing car teams outside Formula 1. Every year they enter a certain number of drivers in different championships to represent them and drive their cars.

Jamie was already racing with them, and it was one of their cars, driven by Patrik Pasma, that Billy had crashed into on that fateful day at Donington Park.

Jamie initially took Billy there to help get him out of the house. But when he arrived there, the team invited him to try out their driving simulator.

鈥淚 started off without doing any gears, just throttle and brake, just getting the feel of driving a car using my hands,鈥� says Billy.

Trevor Carlin, owner of Carlin Motorsport, noticed that Billy adapted quickly to this new style of driving. 鈥淲ith a racing driver, if they can drive a simulator, it normally translates to working in a car,鈥� he explains.

Billy returned to the motorsport team's headquarters again and again, losing himself in the simulator and getting ever more adept at driving with his hands. 鈥淲e鈥檝e got this leaderboard,鈥� continues Trevor. 鈥淎 bit like a Top Gear leaderboard, and in a matter of weeks, Billy was in third place, out of 25 drivers. It was staggering. I鈥檝e never known anything like it.鈥�

In late November, after Billy had proved his skill on the simulator, the idea was formed to build Billy a modified car. Engineers were confident that they could build Billy hand-controls that would allow him to drive one of their cars competitively.

And with the design for this groundbreaking car underway, the only thing holding Billy back was the FIA鈥檚 ruling.

It was December 2017 before Billy and his family were summoned to the Paris headquarters of the FIA to hear his fate.

On the journey to Paris, Billy was nervous. He knew the odds of the sport's governing body saying yes were 50/50, at most. At that point, no disabled driver had ever driven a single-seater before. It was totally possible that they could turn around and say it wasn鈥檛 achievable, crushing Billy's hopes.

When Billy finally went to to meet the FIA, it was good news. They had ruled in his favour. The previous ban on disabled drivers obtaining a licence to drive single-seater cars had been lifted, providing that the car had been suitably modified and that drivers could pass all safety checks. The final barrier to Billy getting back on the racetrack was gone.

Nathalie explained that the FIA had begun to look into this rule before Billy鈥檚 accident.

In March 2018, Carlin was cleared to race an extra car in the Formula 3 championship driven by Billy Monger. The rules state that teams can run only three cars each, but an exception was made for Billy鈥檚 case.

Group operations manager Giles Butterfield from MotorSport Vision - Europe鈥檚 largest motor racing circuit operator - who run Formula 3, said at the time: "The rules are three drivers per team but the Billy Monger situation is utterly exceptional in our opinion. We鈥檙e very keen to help his rehabilitation.鈥�

Sam Waple, a Carlin team manager, explains a little about the modifications that allowed Billy to be able to drive.

鈥淲e moved the brake pedal up towards him in the chassis and mounted it further up than normal, so that he could use it with what鈥檚 left of his right leg,鈥� he says. This was the biggest adaptation for Billy to get used to.

Beyond that, the throttle became a lever on the left-hand side of the steering wheel. 鈥淏oth up and down gears are on the right-hand side," says Sam. "He鈥檚 got a clutch lever on his right, which is only used for pulling away.鈥�

The first rounds of the season took place at the end of March this year and Billy was in the team. Like every other driver, Billy had to get through qualifying rounds to be able to compete in the main event.

Just before Billy鈥檚 first race back, Lewis Hamilton came to visit him. He hugged Billy, who was trying his best to play it cool, and congratulated him on racing again, less than a year after his life-changing accident.

鈥淚鈥檓 so proud of what you鈥檝e done. Not many people would have the mental capacity to go through what you鈥檝e been through,鈥� the F1 superstar told Billy, who still finds it strange and amazing to have met his childhood hero.

After that, Lewis invited Billy to watch him race in the British Grand Prix at Silverstone and even dedicated a race to him. 鈥淗e was my idol from when I was eight, so to have the opportunity to meet him several times in the past few years is an experience I won鈥檛 forget,鈥� says Billy.

鈥淎ll I鈥檝e wanted since the accident is to be just another person on the grid again,鈥� he says. But when asked whether he was scared to drive at such a high speed again for the first time, for a brief moment, his typical calm almost, almost eluded him.

鈥淎 little bit, yeah.鈥�

Using the modified car felt familiar, but different. 鈥淚t鈥檚 a weird one,鈥� he explains. 鈥淔or 10 years, I鈥檝e been driving so comfortably at these speeds. The scary thing for me at first was that I鈥檇 never driven a car in this way before. It鈥檚 one of the fastest cars I鈥檝e ever driven, but I鈥檓 almost starting from square one.鈥�

The car that Billy was driving in that first post-crash race had more power and speed than anything he had ever driven before.

His mother didn鈥檛 watch the race. She explained that she just couldn鈥檛. 鈥淚 went back to the camper van, put the music on and pretended it wasn鈥檛 happening,鈥� she says.

As the cars started to rev their engines, Billy was starting from fifth place, while his dad and sister watched nervously from the sidelines.

In a tight start, Billy took third place early and battled to hold on to it.

鈥淐ome on Bill, come on,鈥� his dad shouted from the side of the track.

Billy finished in third place on his return to racing, a huge achievement considering he鈥檇 also moved up a level from F4 to F3.

His dad looked relieved, Amanda cried as she hugged him. Billy was happy but still his down-to-earth self. 鈥淚f you had told me that I鈥檇 have been on the podium in the first race of the year, I鈥檇 probably have said you were lying to me.

In September 2018, almost a year and a half after the crash that could have killed him, Billy returned to Donington Park, the same track where his accident happened.

In qualifying, his lap times were good enough to put him in 'pole position' at the head of the pack. Billy scored two pole positions and got a podium in the last race.

After the race, Billy said: 鈥淭o come back here, with the meaning this circuit has to me, and get pole is an awesome way for me to start the weekend.

鈥淭he 拢150 pole prize might go on some booze, so I can make the boys drink out of my prosthetic leg.鈥�

Billy is still adjusting to his newfound fame. There have been some perks. When we meet, he鈥檚 wearing a pair of Yeezys on his prosthetics 鈥� Lewis Hamilton recommended them. 鈥淚f Lewis Hamilton tells you you鈥檝e got to get them, you can鈥檛 argue with that.鈥�

Everyone, it seems, knows Billy鈥檚 story. While he was still in hospital, once the severity of his injuries became clear, Steven Hunter, head of Billy鈥檚 then racing team JHR Developments, set up a crowdfunding appeal to help Billy 鈥渞eturn to a full and active life鈥�. That appeal was set up on 19 April 2017, with an initial target of 拢260,000. Within two days, it had raised over 拢600,000.

鈥淲hen I woke up and saw how much money had been raised, I couldn鈥檛 believe it. It was weird,鈥� Billy says, looking slightly awkward.

The racing community lined up to help, with stars like Formula 1 champions Jenson Button and Max Verstappen making donations. Since his accident, Billy has found himself transformed from just another driver on the rise, to a symbol of triumph over adversity.

But the hero label is not one that sits comfortably with him. He often feels overwhelmed by the attention he receives. Ultimately, Billy wants to be known as a racing driver and 鈥渘ot the guy who drives with no legs鈥�.

鈥淏efore the accident, I was desperate to get my name out there. Now, everyone knows who I am, but in my head, it鈥檚 not for the right reasons," he says.

He's conflicted because, in some ways, Billy knows he needs the spotlight now more than ever. Racing is a sport where participation relies on being able to promote yourself and generate funds. Entering competitions can cost thousands of pounds and, as you get closer to Formula 1, millions even.

Some drivers are able to fund themselves privately. Others may be paid for by a sponsor. The team decided to pay for Billy鈥檚 season earlier this year, which is unheard of, because they felt he "deserved a chance".

For Billy鈥檚 family, they now have to also add in the cost of his prosthetics.

鈥淧eople might think I鈥檇 want my old life and legs back, which I do, in some circumstances. But overall, it has given me the chance to do things and meet people that I wouldn鈥檛 have even dreamed about before.

Does he have other ambitions, beyond motorsport? The answer is, currently, no. He鈥檚 still only 19, after all - a fact it鈥檚 easy to forget when you consider how much he鈥檚 already achieved. But whereas, before the crash, his focus was firmly on trophies and points, these days he takes a slightly more philosophical approach to success.

鈥淭he main thing I鈥檝e realised is how quickly your life can be taken away,鈥� he says. 鈥淪o, I want to make sure I live my life, doing the things that make me happy without thinking about it all too much.鈥�

Driven: The Billy Monger Story will be available on 大象传媒 Three iPlayer on November 18