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Why?

Unusual silence
Why?
"Daddy's been taken to hospital"
Why?
No school today – try to read - can't, try to draw -can't
Just waiting, worrying and silently praying with my brother.
Grown ups whispering together in best room.
This is the longest, loneliest morning of my 12 years
11 o'clock policeman arrives.
Why?
Feel very sick, what is he saying?
Finally the news I knew was coming but had prayed not to hear "Your dad's died"
Why? How? .... can'tÌýbreathe, can't talk
"Don't cry it will upset your mum", can't cry
Go to aunt's house
Can't eat - too full of despair
"He killed himself you know.."
Why?

I have the answers now -nearly 50 years later -but it still feels like yesterday.