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Wheelchair wedding, fun and love
1st November 2010
Liz Carr is about to get spliced with her girlfriend Jo in a civil partnership somewhere in central London. Here she tells us about the lifelong build-up to this moment and the somewhat quirky access adaptions she's made for the occasion.
I鈥檓 getting married soon, so last weekend I had the obligatory hen night. I鈥檓 only just recovering from it - not because of the hangover but rather the memories of squeezing eight wheelchair users and an assortment of other friends into a private karaoke booth the size of a broom cupboard.
It was quite an occasion. I wore my pink beauty queen-esque sash emblazoned with the words 'hen night鈥. I was lifted aloft by two firemen and, before the night was over, I thought it would be hysterical to grab the mic and sing along to The Proclaimers 鈥淚 would walk 500 miles...鈥. I can鈥檛 sing.
It was quite an occasion. I wore my pink beauty queen-esque sash emblazoned with the words 'hen night鈥. I was lifted aloft by two firemen and, before the night was over, I thought it would be hysterical to grab the mic and sing along to The Proclaimers 鈥淚 would walk 500 miles...鈥. I can鈥檛 sing.
My hen night was a surreal experience.
As a disabled child, then teenager and even as a twentysomething, I didn鈥檛 believe that anyone would love me or want to live with me, nevermind marry me. Whilst my mates were busy kissing frogs in their search for prince or princess charming, I had resigned myself to being content with the tadpoles. Love and marriage were most definitely not in the stars.
It has therefore come as a huge surprise to me that I鈥檓 currently in the throws of planning a wedding. And organizing it has proven more than a little bit of a challenge.
As a disabled child, then teenager and even as a twentysomething, I didn鈥檛 believe that anyone would love me or want to live with me, nevermind marry me. Whilst my mates were busy kissing frogs in their search for prince or princess charming, I had resigned myself to being content with the tadpoles. Love and marriage were most definitely not in the stars.
It has therefore come as a huge surprise to me that I鈥檓 currently in the throws of planning a wedding. And organizing it has proven more than a little bit of a challenge.
It鈥檚 not as though there鈥檚 an abundance of information out there to assist crip brides or grooms to be. On the rare occasion wedding magazines mention disabled people, it鈥檚 in a 鈥榮pecial鈥 feature about how the bride tossed her wheels / crutches / iron lung aside and courageously limped down the aisle.
That kind of story does inspire me ... but not to take to my feet so that I鈥檒l be equal to my non-disabled partner. Instead, we've hired a chair and she'll be wheeling down the aisle too. We'll be sitting side by side as we make our vows. Now that鈥檚 true equality.
Perhaps not surprisingly, finding an accessible wedding venue has been a struggle.
We wanted a place with enough crip loos and space to accommodate over 150 people, many of them wheelies. When we asked venues if they were wheelchair accessible, most of them assumed we meant for our grandparents, not one of the brides. And as for their definitions of 'access': 鈥淣o problem! Just come in through the kitchen and we鈥檒l find two strapping young waiters to carry you upstairs to the lift...鈥.
That kind of story does inspire me ... but not to take to my feet so that I鈥檒l be equal to my non-disabled partner. Instead, we've hired a chair and she'll be wheeling down the aisle too. We'll be sitting side by side as we make our vows. Now that鈥檚 true equality.
Perhaps not surprisingly, finding an accessible wedding venue has been a struggle.
We wanted a place with enough crip loos and space to accommodate over 150 people, many of them wheelies. When we asked venues if they were wheelchair accessible, most of them assumed we meant for our grandparents, not one of the brides. And as for their definitions of 'access': 鈥淣o problem! Just come in through the kitchen and we鈥檒l find two strapping young waiters to carry you upstairs to the lift...鈥.
Having eventually unearthed a suitable venue, my next priority was deciding what to wear.
Whilst many brides have dreamt about their wedding dress since childhood, I鈥檝e had nightmares about having to wear children鈥檚 clothes on my big day.
As someone who鈥檚 the height of an 8 year old, my off the peg options consist of a selection of children鈥檚 bridesmaids dresses, a Disney princess costume or the outfit I wore for my first Holy Communion. Not wanting to shop at Mothercare for my bridal wear, I鈥檝e opted instead to have a dress made to measure.
My wedding ring was also 鈥榮pecially鈥 made. Having large, chunky knuckles and slim fingers, I鈥檝e been unable to find a shop bought ring to fit - one large enough to go over my knuckles will spin like a hula hoop around my finger.
In the past, the only things adorning my fingers have been brightly coloured elasticated rings made of beads. Since they鈥檙e like the jewellery equivalent of jogging bottoms, my partner and I took matters into our own hands, grabbed the soldering irons and made an accessible wedding band. The result is a very shiny, oval shaped one that goes over my knuckle - occasionally.
Whilst many brides have dreamt about their wedding dress since childhood, I鈥檝e had nightmares about having to wear children鈥檚 clothes on my big day.
As someone who鈥檚 the height of an 8 year old, my off the peg options consist of a selection of children鈥檚 bridesmaids dresses, a Disney princess costume or the outfit I wore for my first Holy Communion. Not wanting to shop at Mothercare for my bridal wear, I鈥檝e opted instead to have a dress made to measure.
My wedding ring was also 鈥榮pecially鈥 made. Having large, chunky knuckles and slim fingers, I鈥檝e been unable to find a shop bought ring to fit - one large enough to go over my knuckles will spin like a hula hoop around my finger.
In the past, the only things adorning my fingers have been brightly coloured elasticated rings made of beads. Since they鈥檙e like the jewellery equivalent of jogging bottoms, my partner and I took matters into our own hands, grabbed the soldering irons and made an accessible wedding band. The result is a very shiny, oval shaped one that goes over my knuckle - occasionally.
What about my ultimate accessory, the wheelchair? As an integral part of me, shouldn鈥檛 my chair also reflect the occasion? If so, what should she wear? Balloons are a definite no-no, flashing lights would seem tacky and ribbon is just too twee. Instead, we鈥檝e decided to just keep it simple - she鈥檒l have all her nuts and bolts tightened in a prenuptial service and, on the wedding day, as a treat to us both, she鈥檒l be adorned by a purple velvet covered cushion.
The florist who鈥檚 providing all the table displays wanted to cover my chair in vibrant blooms. Worried that we鈥檇 end up looking like a float without a parade, I declined. I do love flowers but as an electric wheelchair user I don鈥檛 think I could hold a bouquet. I drive my chair with my right hand and the left is my gimpy one - unable to hold anything weighing more than a feather.
As for the ridiculous tradition of throwing the bouquet... even if I grabbed hold with both hands and tossed it into the air, the furthest I could throw it in reality would be back on to my own lap. No bouquet then.
Added to all this: there鈥檚 no standing during the service, we鈥檙e having bridesmen not bridesmaids, our mums are giving us away, we鈥檙e having cocktails instead of champagne, there鈥檚 a designated area for guide dogs and entertainment is by a thalidomide Elvis impersonator... I never imagined I鈥檇 get married but there鈥檚 no way I could have even dreamed of a wedding like this.
鈥 Liz got married on Monday 1 November 2010.
The florist who鈥檚 providing all the table displays wanted to cover my chair in vibrant blooms. Worried that we鈥檇 end up looking like a float without a parade, I declined. I do love flowers but as an electric wheelchair user I don鈥檛 think I could hold a bouquet. I drive my chair with my right hand and the left is my gimpy one - unable to hold anything weighing more than a feather.
As for the ridiculous tradition of throwing the bouquet... even if I grabbed hold with both hands and tossed it into the air, the furthest I could throw it in reality would be back on to my own lap. No bouquet then.
Added to all this: there鈥檚 no standing during the service, we鈥檙e having bridesmen not bridesmaids, our mums are giving us away, we鈥檙e having cocktails instead of champagne, there鈥檚 a designated area for guide dogs and entertainment is by a thalidomide Elvis impersonator... I never imagined I鈥檇 get married but there鈥檚 no way I could have even dreamed of a wedding like this.
鈥 Liz got married on Monday 1 November 2010.
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Comments
Congratulations! Hope you have a wonderful day. All the best. x
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Congratulations! Great ideas for a wheelchair accessible wedding. Off to link this on the blog!
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Hurrah, and congratulations!
One crippled bride to another, may I say *bloody* well done on negotiating the access minefield of the wedding industry - it's a lot of work and even more frustration! Although as a part-time wheelie I'm afraid I'll be betraying the sisterhood and limping down the aisle...
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Congrats Liz. I had my crip wedding last month, and had exactly the same thoughts.
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Congrats to you and your partner, Liz. You could always have rigged up a medieval tribuchet to fling your bouquet backards over your head....
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congratulations liz!!!
I hope you and your partner had a really wonderful day!!
I find it fascinating of the details and considerations of your wedding, one thing I wonder is if you had two seperate Hen nights or not? or; if you saw your bride on the day (considering one of the old 'traditions')? If you had two seperate hen nights, did that mean some of your friends had two seperate parties?? (lucky them I say!)
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Impressed by your silver smithing skills - how many saw blades did you break!
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Looking forward to seeing some pics, Liz ! I hope all went smoothly. Fascinating pic of you making your ring, how many people can say they've done that?
Every happiness to you both. xxx
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What grand news! I look forward to hearing about the honeymoon.
Tin
(Err that wasn't meant to sound quite as creepy as it does)
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Not a fan of weddings, but this one sounds brilliant and I wish I was there. Everyone is sure to have a great day. Very best wishes to both of you
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