´óÏó´«Ã½

Now that I think of it, I can't pinpoint a single word beginning with the prefix 'dis' of which I am in any way fond. Disgust, disavow, disappoint, disappear, disrepute. All of these words carry negative connotations; all are the opposite of something active. (Except perhaps for 'disgust', although I am open to the suggestion that 'gust' was at some point more than just a term for a strong breeze. Maybe it was linked to the term 'gusto'? Perhaps the act of being disgusted is the opposite of liking something with gusto? Either way, I should probably close the parentheses now.)

Recently, I have become what some would consider a star of Australian television; a star barely visible with the naked eye, but a star nonetheless. Accordingly, I have been approached to become an ambassador of sorts for various Disability Organisations ... and herein lies my quandary.

I'd like to do my part to raise awareness, funds, support, morale and if necessary hell for people with disabilities. I just don't consider myself to be disabled. There really isn't anything that I am unable to do, and if there is then I choose not to focus on it. I'm going out on an amputated limb here, but I reckon this to be true of many people considered to be disabled.

Rather than sitting at home pining for the things they can't do, most disabled people tend to take life by the horns, throw a saddle on its back, and ride that mother until it collapses panting in the dust. (Can you tell that I've been reading my favourite author, Tom Robbins, of late? Mr Robbins by the way, points out that some ancient cultures actually revered people with physical differences, valuing their altered view of the world, and prizing their opinions. I wonder what he or they would make of my extended parenthetical diversions?)

On the other (artificial) hand, there apparently exists a segment of society who long to be termed 'disabled', at least according to an American TV advertisement I saw this morning. I have spent the last month or so living in the good old US of A, where each commercial break does its best to sell justice and litigation for all, while adding the get-out clause, "Actual results may vary". (If ever there was a phrase that summed up a nation, that's the one. Damn, done it again.)

Anyhoo, this morning's ad began approximately this way: "Have you been denied a disability claim by a major insurance company? If so, come to us, and we guarantee to fight the case for you". From what I could make out, the firm of Blather, Bluster & Blarney Solicitors have a better success rate with disability claims than the firms of both Alliance & Bullshine, and Mutual Assured Fraud.

I guess this means that there are people out there who have a desire to prove in a court of law that they have been disabled in some way, and would like some money please. Blather, Bluster & Blarney, meanwhile, are very good at proving that those people have been disabled in some way, and would like some money please.

So let me get this straight, as the prosthetist said to the client. There are people in wheelchairs who are burning rubber to prove to the world that there is nothing they are unable to do, while Zeke from Alabama claims the fingertip he lost in a threshing accident constitutes a bona fide disability. Oh, I have no doubt that there are some truly deserving claims to be made by various members of the American public, but if two major legal firms have already been 'unable' to prove that you're disabled - you're probably not disabled!

I met a guy recently who told me the best thing that had happened to him was when he accidentally applied a pressure cleaner to his own foot while wearing unsafe footwear, and managed to spray off three of his toes. The disability payout meant that he didn't have to work for at least the next five years. What?! I was born without three of my toes, as well as most of my right foot, and I refuse to let it stop me doing anything.

Here's what I think. I think there is an easy and foolproof way to determine whether or not someone has a genuine disability. Simply ask them whether or not they consider themselves to be disabled. If they think they are, they're probably not.