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Laurence Clark
Laurence juggles stand-up comedy with family life. He’s previously toured an anti-Jim Davidson show and been called a ‘sit-down comic’ by Cherie Blair - which was nothing compared to what he calls her! You can catch up with all Laurence's activities on his .
There's no such thing as a free haircut
11th January 2009
Anyone who knows me will confirm that I'm not overtly fashion conscious. In fact, until 6 months ago, I got my personal assistant to cut my hair with clippers. However, last summer my wife Adele persuaded me to try a swanky, expensive gent's barber. I was not only impressed with the results but also the price - a wet cut being a snip at a mere ten quid.
In my complete naivety of all things hair-related, I thought this was a fairly reasonable price to pay for a trim. It wasn't until I got home and told Adele that I realised I'd been given an unofficial 'pat on the head' disabled person's discount. Perusal of the prices on the barber's website revealed that, in actual fact, I should have paid a whopping £24. That's nearly a 60% reduction just for being the object of somebody's pity.
Since then I've gone back there approximately once a month because I really like the way they style my hair. But every time I go to pay, my stylist conspiratorially whispers something into the ear of the woman behind the counter, whereupon she thinks up a seemingly random amount to charge me between nine and twelve pounds. On my last visit the stylist went a stage further and directly asked my PA for payment instead of me. I suppose, from his perspective, he was just cutting out the middle man.
Some of you may be of the opinion that my sounding off about being undercharged could appear more than a little ungrateful, especially when we're in the middle of a credit crunch. Others may well be asking what sort of mug would be stupid enough to pay twenty-four quid for a quick trim in the first place. But I really do believe there's an important point of principle at stake here.
Since then I've gone back there approximately once a month because I really like the way they style my hair. But every time I go to pay, my stylist conspiratorially whispers something into the ear of the woman behind the counter, whereupon she thinks up a seemingly random amount to charge me between nine and twelve pounds. On my last visit the stylist went a stage further and directly asked my PA for payment instead of me. I suppose, from his perspective, he was just cutting out the middle man.
Some of you may be of the opinion that my sounding off about being undercharged could appear more than a little ungrateful, especially when we're in the middle of a credit crunch. Others may well be asking what sort of mug would be stupid enough to pay twenty-four quid for a quick trim in the first place. But I really do believe there's an important point of principle at stake here.
You see, my inner coward thinks that I should just say nothing and go with the flow for the sake of a quiet life. But this means I end up coming away from the barbers feeling thoroughly devalued, humiliated and frustrated. If I do say something though, I put myself in the awkward situation of having to explain why I object to being charged less and inevitably end up making a scene in front of all the other customers. Neither course of action particularly appeals to me, especially considering that all I really want out of a visit to a barber shop is a decent haircut.
This is by no means the first time I've unintentionally been on the receiving end of the 'pity pound'. My personal record for not being charged was set during my student days when I managed to get from my front door in Liverpool to Edinburgh Waverley train station without parting with a single penny. The taxi driver who drove me to my local station refused to take the fare, and no less than two train managers failed to ask me for the ticket I'd not had a chance to buy before boarding the train. The second one even went to the buffet car to get me a free cup of coffee. I arrived in Edinburgh convinced someone had sneakily tattooed "Do Not Take This Person's Money" across my forehead whilst I was looking the other way.
Although at the time I was quite glad of these patronising perks as I was still an impoverished student, nowadays I find them more irritating.
This is why I have come up with a unique solution to my barber shop problem. I'm going to get as many disabled people as I can to book consecutive appointments with my stylist on a particular day and ask them all to insist on the old 'pat on the head' discount. With any luck this should teach him a lesson or, at the very least, put a dent in the profits. Anyone fancy a discount wet trim?
• Have you ever been on the receiving end of the 'pat on the head' discount? Tell us your story in the comments below.
This is by no means the first time I've unintentionally been on the receiving end of the 'pity pound'. My personal record for not being charged was set during my student days when I managed to get from my front door in Liverpool to Edinburgh Waverley train station without parting with a single penny. The taxi driver who drove me to my local station refused to take the fare, and no less than two train managers failed to ask me for the ticket I'd not had a chance to buy before boarding the train. The second one even went to the buffet car to get me a free cup of coffee. I arrived in Edinburgh convinced someone had sneakily tattooed "Do Not Take This Person's Money" across my forehead whilst I was looking the other way.
Although at the time I was quite glad of these patronising perks as I was still an impoverished student, nowadays I find them more irritating.
This is why I have come up with a unique solution to my barber shop problem. I'm going to get as many disabled people as I can to book consecutive appointments with my stylist on a particular day and ask them all to insist on the old 'pat on the head' discount. With any luck this should teach him a lesson or, at the very least, put a dent in the profits. Anyone fancy a discount wet trim?
• Have you ever been on the receiving end of the 'pat on the head' discount? Tell us your story in the comments below.
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Comments
I know what you mean. And the reason that it's unwelcome is that we want EQUALITY. And if that means you pay £24 for a haircut, so be it!
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If it means i save money, then let them pat me on the head until it sinks into my shoulders.
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I too get a sympathy discount at my hairdressers. I think it is age related as I was once asked if I was working. My establishment is not so pricey as Laurence's and it varies each time but hey don't knock it.
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I think I'm still reeling that you've found an *accessible* barbershop/hairdressers.
You could always make up the difference (and make the point that you are not in need of charity) with a massive tip?
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WHAT?? A mere £14 discount, you are obviously not being disabled enough!! I had my hair coloured last week and was charged just £15, my friend has the same length hair and same type of colouring technique done - the only difference is that she is not disabled and paid £70 if my math is correct i get £55 discount. This discount may be due to the fact i have to be literary bumped down three steps then have to be gawped as i have it cut/coloured because the womens hair cutting area is not accessible so i have to have it done with the men. Grrrr
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WHAT?? A mere £14 discount, you are obviously not being disabled enough!! I had my hair coloured last week and was charged just £15, my friend has the same length hair and same type of colouring technique done - the only difference is that she is not disabled and paid £70 if my math is correct i get £55 discount.
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I wish I got a discount, especially when I get my hair coloured. Its so expensive and I have to depend on other people telling me it looks good! I don't even get to notice the difference for myself.
I'd also like a discount price on gig tickets!
I get into the cinema in our town free. This is because the first time i ever went, my brother (who was about 7) asked if I could get in for half price because I could only hear it and not see it. It worked but i still never go.
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Don't get me wrong, I'm all in favour of equality but in reality, there are an awful lot of occasions where I seem to pay more, not less for things. Being 4'3" means that for nearly every skirt I buy, I pay an extra £10 for it to be taken up, having dodgy feet means that shoes have to be individually made (£350 for the last pair) and I get no help to pay for my car, or the adaptations required so that I can actually drive it. As it is unlikely that in the near future this disability surcharge will be lifted, I am all for having any perks. If this is patronising, I reckon I could live with it!
Just one question Laurence - how much does your salon charge for a full head of foils, and can they fit me in next Friday?
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Laurence, are you mad!? TeefertheCat has it spot-on!
This disability gig has so few perks that if someone wants to give you a discount or an advantage on *anything*, my advice is 'smile sweetly and say thank you!'.
I'm quite happy to be 'patronised' if it's to my advantage - you gotta learn to play the game buddy! ;-).
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A girl at our work, C, cuts her own hair rather than going to the hairdressers. Its a mess most of the time, but at least its free.
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