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Is it true love or something much darker?

At 80, Carolyn Holland, a wealthy widow, thought her days of love and romance were behind her: then she met Dave. Aged 57, he had quite a past – he was a former crystal meth addict and drug dealer who’d been in jail. He was living rough in Cayucos, one of California’s affluent coastal communities, when he turned up on Carolyn’s doorstep offering to do some gardening. Within days she was allowing him to sleep on her sofa, within weeks she had invited him into her bed.

80 year old wealthy widow Carolyn Holland with homeless former drug addict Dave, 57

What happened next caused intense drama in this idyllic beachside community and divided local opinion. Was Dave a dangerous interloper who would fleece Carolyn and break her heart? Or was he a tender lover and carer, as he claimed to be?

This is Million Dollar Lover from 大象传媒 Radio 4. Click here to listen to the whole series now on 大象传媒 Sounds.

This feature is written by journalist and presenter of Million Dollar Lover, Sue Mitchell @SueM1tchell

Carolyn’s two grown-up daughters, Sally and Susan, are a similar age to Dave. Before he came along, they had observed what they believed were signs that their mother was losing mental capacity; Carolyn was forgetting things and needed their help managing her tax returns and finances.

Carolyn told me she loved Dave鈥檚 caring nature and that if anything happened to him, she 鈥渨ould just die.鈥�

I asked Carolyn and Dave if I could record their story as it unfolded and they agreed. In Cayucos, like many towns around the world, older residents who own their own homes can be sitting on property worth millions of dollars. Their children, many priced out of buying a property, expect to inherit their property wealth. So, what happens when a parent takes a new lover, a relative stranger, who lays claim to their affections and money?

I spend time in Cayucos because it’s where I met my American husband. Dave and Carolyn’s relationship got everyone talking, trying to decide if it was a true love of equals, or something more sinister. I was intrigued by how they navigated their vastly different worlds, hers of wealth and comfort, his of homelessness and deprivation.

Being around Carolyn and Dave was like stepping into a rom-com. They would kiss and hold hands and even took to wearing the same clothes. Dave is skilled at making things. They both wore a lot of jewellery, most of it made by Dave. Carolyn told me she loved Dave’s caring nature and that if anything happened to him, she “would just die.”

Cayucos is tucked away on a spectacular stretch of coastline. The pace of life is slow, and it’s sunny nearly all year round. That’s what draws the rich and famous. Oprah Winfrey, Harry and Meghan live just up the coast.

Carolyn moved to Cayucos with her late husband Joe in the 1980s. After his death in 2015, she was so distraught that she carried his ashes in the boot of her car, talking to him as if he were still alive. She cut herself off from people in the community until Dave was introduced to her by the local church, where people thought he could help with Carolyn’s gardening. She was instantly attracted to him:

“He’s given me something special, because of his caring spirit. We share a lot. I love his personality, and I hate it when he’s gone.”

When I asked Dave about their relationship, he said that at first he’d slept downstairs, but then Carolyn suggested he come up to her bedroom. He’d agreed because everyone needs companionship:

“Carolyn’s old, but she's the boss and if she’s having an itch then I’ll itch it.”

Carolyn’s family didn’t believe that they were witnessing mutual love. What they saw was a lonely woman in need of a companion, and a cunning outsider on the make. Carolyn’s middle-aged daughters, Sally and Susan, were so horrified at the thought of Dave Foute – with piercings, tattoos and a long criminal record – having sex with their mum, that they believed only a loss of mental capacity could explain it. But where could they go for help?

Sally and Susan tried every agency, starting with the police. There was nothing officers could do as there was no evidence that Carolyn was incapable of giving her informed consent, no evidence that David harmed her in any way. But I wondered if Carolyn would have made the same commitment to Dave when she was younger?

Dave and Carolyn began dressing alike

Listen to the whole boxset of Million Dollar Lover from Radio 4: Intrigue now on 大象传媒 Sounds.

Carolyn, with her daughters Sally and Susan, on her 80th birthday

I was also intrigued by Dave’s back story. He told me he’d been addicted to crystal meth and the drug had made him so paranoid he was jailed for ten years for making pipe bombs that police believed were linked to a possible attack on Walmart. Dave was – and still is – convinced that the supermarket chain was intending to microchip us all. He’d been in prison for selling drugs and other offences; he’d lived rough on the outskirts of Los Angeles and had spent time at a mountain commune with a former Hollywood actress.

Carolyn's daughters were so fearful of Dave that they asked the couple to sign a legally binding agreement that he wouldn鈥檛 get involved in her finances or accept gifts or money from her.

Carolyn was adamant that whatever he might have done in the past, he had changed and genuinely loved her: “People have told me Dave’s a con man, but he always treats me very well.”

Her daughters were so fearful of Dave that they asked the couple to sign a legal contract that he wouldn’t get involved in her finances or accept gifts or money from her. They signed, but later ignored the agreement, saying they’d only done it under duress.

They took their mother to her GP for basic memory tests which Carolyn passed without problem. She may have been deteriorating mentally, and Alzheimer’s ran in her family, but she did not have dementia and without that diagnosis, no one could intervene. Carolyn told me “they gave me the test. I did pretty good on it. Yes, I forget a lot of things. But I have too much stress.”

At 57, Dave had quite a past 鈥� he was a former crystal meth addict and drug dealer who鈥檇 been in jail.

Dave became more and more involved in Carolyn’s decision making, including her finances. I saw Carolyn giving him hundreds of dollars on one occasion and she was covering most of their living costs. She also acted as a guarantor on a $40,000 van he bought. Dave was paying the loan back from his earnings, but I asked her what would happen if he disappeared with the van: she said she didn’t mind being liable. She was more upset by her daughters: “They think they're protecting me from David, but David is the best thing that happened to me."

Dave became more and more involved in Carolyn鈥檚 decision making, including her finances.

These worries about family assets and inheritance are becoming increasingly common. Carolyn and her late husband had built up a property portfolio worth several million dollars, wealth which Sally said belonged in the family: “My parents worked hard for that money. Should we be okay, just giving it to some loser?” she asked me.

As it was, Dave and Carolyn’s story was soon to reach a tense and bitter climax. One of Carolyn’s properties was a single plot with two homes on it in a nearby town. Dave persuaded her to put both houses up for sale, even though one of them was rented out to Carolyn’s grandson and his family.

Carolyn’s daughters were furious, believing that Dave was taking advantage of their mother’s mental fragility. They showed me security camera footage of their mother looking bewildered as Dave guided estate agents around.

Carolyn promised to give some of the $600,000 from the property sale to Dave, to provide for his future. The sale went through quickly and a cheque made out to Carolyn was issued, waiting to be collected from the agents handling the sale. But at that very moment, Carolyn was admitted to hospital with Covid.

She had refused to be vaccinated on Dave’s advice. He’d convinced her that the vaccination programme was a process of government control. Carolyn’s poor mental and physical state presented her daughters with a chance to gain power of attorney over her affairs. They were now in control of Carolyn’s finances, but feared for what would happen next.

There are a million people in the UK with dementia, a third of them undiagnosed. It makes them extremely vulnerable. After hearing Susan and Sally express their concerns about Carolyn, I spoke to two expert geriatricians about the issue of financial abuse, which is an increasing problem in both the UK and the US.

Financial capacity is one of the first things to decline when the brain is damaged through disease or as a part of normal ageing.

Dr Mark Lachs, co-chief of geriatrics at Weill Cornell Medicine and his colleague, Dr Jason Karlawish, a geriatrician and co-director of the Penn Memory Centre have researched how financial capacity is one of the first things to decline when the brain is damaged through disease or as a part of ageing. They want this process to be identified as a condition they call Age Associated Financial Vulnerability.

They’ve developed an assessment that can be used in examples like Carolyn’s by asking someone to basic questions to judge their decision-making abilities.

Dr Karlawish says: "Financial decision-making is very challenging cognitively. Even with mild cognitive impairment, you can make mistakes with finances, even though you're otherwise doing generally okay in your daily life." The doctors tell me that half of the patients who come into their memory clinic in New York are victims of fraud.

Dave and Carolyn in Cayucos, California. Cayucos is tucked away on a spectacular stretch of coastline, drawing the rich and famous.

Veronica Gray is the director of policy at the UK charity Hourglass, which operates a telephone helpline for older people who have been abused. She says that £19.5 million was reported to Hourglass as stolen, defrauded or coerced from older victims in 2022 - a 50% increase on the period from 2017-2019.

On the face of things, Dave appeared tender and loving. But Dave could change in an instant: his fun-loving good humour replaced with explosive anger.

In 70% of these cases, an adult son or daughter is involved. The rest are acquaintances, carers, new lovers and even grandchildren. Most cases are never reported to the police and the victims have to live with the devastating impact of this financial abuse.

On the face of things, Dave appeared tender and loving. He cooked meals in the evening and he and Carolyn would walk out to Cayucos pier in the setting sun. He saved Carolyn from the loneliness she experienced after the death of her husband. He reconnected her with neighbours and friends from church. But he also caused her anguish; often disappearing off with friends, drinking and taking drugs. He could change in an instant - his fun-loving good humour replaced with explosive anger.

When I started recording this story I had no idea how things might develop. With Carolyn so poorly in hospital Dave agreed to a request from her daughters that he move out of her house. He was sure she would recover and would want him back. In the meantime, he was sleeping in his van, making jewellery and selling it to the tourists who passed by. He was, he said, still on his mission to make her proud: “I love Carolyn. I miss Carolyn.”

You can find out what happens in Intrigue: Million Dollar Lover from 大象传媒 Radio 4. Click here to listen to the whole series now on 大象传媒 Sounds.

This feature was written by Million Dollar Lover presenter Sue Mitchell @SueM1tchell