Parasocial relationships: How to tell if you鈥檙e in one and what to do about it
Are you familiar with the term ‘parasocial relationships’? It’s a psychological term used to describe when someone thinks they have a friendship or bond with a person they have never met before or spoken to face-to-face.
The most common parasocial dynamic exists between celebrities and their fans. But is it healthy?
Gretchen Robertson, a psychotherapist whose clients include influencers and YouTubers, and Flossie Clegg, a YouTuber and digital content creator, joined Anita Rani on 大象传媒 Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour to discuss. They shared their advice on how to tell if you’re in a parasocial relationship and what to do about it if you are.
What are some of the key behaviours of a parasocial relationship?
“It's one of the most interesting new dynamics of our collective generations right now, and especially impacting young people,” says Gretchen. “Some of the key behaviours of a parasocial relationship are feelings of attraction, loyalty, gratitude and longing for a celebrity.
“These are one-sided relationships that are unhealthy and toxic in extreme cases. There is also the sense of splitting off from reality and an inability to recognise that the relationship dynamic is not genuine nor mutual.
“This is someone that you don't really know. The illusion is that they’re so accessible through that beautiful little blue tick on social media, that it makes you think this person is really engaging with you directly as you’re seeing so much into their personal lives and having access to their real time responses.
“In very acute situations, the parasocial relationship can be obsessive, with an emotional bond that feels authentic and deeply emotional, which can become triggering.”
What signs should we be looking out for?
“Common signs can include following the person of interest and attempts of direct communication with them," says Gretchen. "Financial donations to the celebrity are connected with a sense of personal investment in the person's life and their achievements. And you may feel an emotional response to the celebrity which can include lashing out or trying to connect with them on all platforms.
“You may have no important connections with the celebrity apart from for the parasocial relationship, but the life decisions of the celebrity may have a direct influence on your life. You may be neglecting personal tasks and responsibilities in favour of supporting the celebrity.”
So, if you think you are in a parasocial relationship what should you do?
1. Try to strengthen real relationships with those around you
“Re-engage interactions with friends or family in person,” says Gretchen. “Real-life social interactions may feel uncomfortable, and it can take time to move forward from the relationship that has taken place primarily in the imagination and distortion.”
“Please remember there are friends and family around you who truly do love and value your company,” says Flossie. “Your worth is not dictated by response or lack of response from a person online.
“Try to actively put down your phone when you’re around other people and immerse yourself in real life laughter and conversation - not just words over a screen.”
2. Remember that the celebrities or influencers are human too
“Whilst celebrities or social media personalities may wish they could be a support network for everyone, it’s impossible for them to see and reply to every message,” says Flossie. “It’s not that they don’t care or don’t value you as an individual, but they are all just humans also trying to navigate life.
“Fans and followers should remember that the influencer is a human being and a stranger, even if they feel familiar,” says Gretchen. “They may not be retrained or prepared to manage everything that develops from their success. Something that a fan may say in passing can have a bigger impact on them than you may realise or expect.”
3. Respect other people鈥檚 boundaries
“It’s important for there to be boundaries,” says Flossie. “Everyone has different boundaries and this is where the lines can be blurred for fans and followers. Some people online may be very happy engaging in giving advice on serious topics in direct messages.
“However, if you do not get a response, know it’s not personal but perhaps just a crossing of that line. Remember who your true friends are and where your true happiness comes from.”
4. If you think this 鈥榬elationship鈥� has gone too far, look for targeted support
“Speaking with a counsellor or therapist can be helpful," says Gretchen. "It can help to release you from that toxic dynamic which can have an addictive nature.”
And what advice would they give to an influencer trying to navigate this situation?
“It can be helpful if they don’t try to manage their one-to-one social media interactions alone,” says Gretchen. “Perhaps, engage a friend or family member to go through emails and messages first or look at them together.
“Please remember it is not your job to be a friend and support network to thousands of people,” says Flossie. “It may seem consuming and overwhelming at times and it’s very important to have at least one person you’re able to keep an open conversation with about these things should they ever feel overbearing.
“Remember there is always an off button on your phone. Apps are also becoming more savvy to these problems and there are features such as turning off story replies that you can use. You should never feel guilty for using these.”
Listen back to the full interview with psychotherapist Gretchen Robertson and Flossie Clegg, a YouTuber and digital content creator, on 大象传媒 Radio 4’s Woman’s Hour on 大象传媒 Sounds. You can also hear any episodes of the programme there that you may have missed.
Join the conversation @bbcwomanshour on and .
