大象传媒

A listener asks at what point she can cut off contact with her mother and brother, who are making her miserable. Marian points out that the fact that you’re related to someone doesn’t mean you have to like them or spend time with them.

“I’m always intrigued by people who say ‘Family is everything’. It is, including a nightmare sometimes,” says Tara.

The duo suggests the asker has a temporary break from her family to test the waters and see how she feels – perhaps absence will make the heart grow fonder, or maybe she will feel relieved not to have that toxicity in her life.

Tara emphasises to “Do it for yourself, don’t do it for an outcome from them.”

Listen to our listener’s problem and Marian and Tara’s advice in full, plus the duo’s thoughts thongs, personal grooming and rights of way across fields, here.

A listener writes that she’s never been skinny and she’s happy with who she is. But she hates the unsolicited advice given to her by strangers on how to lose weight. People take it upon themselves to come up to her in the gym or when she’s out and about and she’s fed up with it.

“It’s so ridiculous that people are judged by the amount of space they take up in the world!” exclaims Marian.

Tara explains that our bodies are nobody else’s business and that people who feel the need to impart these weight loss "tips" are out of line.

Marian sums it up: “Don’t mention other people’s bodies unless they ask you.”

Listen to Marian and Tara’s advice in full, plus discussions about the tedium of baby pictures and how to decline a hot tub invitation, here.

A listener writes in about a mix-up where a neighbouring family accidentally took in a delivery of a large amount of pizza… and ate it all. She marched over to the neighbours’ house to confront them, which Marian and Tara think may have been ill-advised considering her tired and hungry state.

“Hangry is a dreadful, dreadful emotion,” says Marian.

Although the neighbours never paid for the pizza, the pizza company sent out another order, so Marian and Tara suggest not to dwell on it. “Crust justice has been served.”

Listen to the advice in full, plus what to do if your brother brings home a woman you’ve slept with, the thorny issue of paying for a friend’s childcare, and coats without pockets, here.

A listener contacts Marian and Tara to say that she met a man online and has been in a relationship with him for six months. All is going well, but she can’t help worrying about some things from his dating profile that have turned out not to be true. She’s nervous that he might lie about bigger things if he lied about those.

Marian and Tara acknowledge that fibbing on your online dating profile is not unusual. “We’re all so insecure when we put ourselves out there that it’s someone putting their best foot forward and then they slowly reveal more about themselves,” explains Tara.

Although she hasn’t ever experienced online dating, Marian likens it to trying to get someone to like you in person: “Even in real life I would pretend enthusiasm in something that I had no interest in whatsoever.”

The pair advise the listener to chat to her partner about it, but also not to read into it too much since they are still keeping it fairly casual. “I would hate for her to bin everything just because of one red flag,” says Tara.

Listen to the advice in full, as well as tips for dealing with lifestyle envy and finding your love language, here.

A listener describes meeting a man she likes on holiday who she has a strong emotional connection with, but he has a girlfriend back at home in Denmark. Even so, she can’t get him out of her head.

Marian agrees that the holiday romance is an alluring concept: “There is a special chemical… the holiday romance deliciousness, it’s like nothing else.”

Tara whips out the tough love, explaining that it is a fantasy and best left at that. She draws on her own experiences, describing a previous relationship which fell apart as soon as she got home: “Two minutes in the harsh reality of day… it didn’t last.”

“It can’t be brought back… it has to stay in the magic kingdom,” adds Marian.

Listen to the advice in full, plus the pair on swingers and boring husbands, here.

A listener explains that she’s invisible to her family – her parents favour her twin sister and forget about her entirely.

Marian and Tara recommend therapy if it’s available to the listener, as they believe this sounds like a deep-rooted issue.

Marian says that she doesn’t think closure really exists. “In every life there will be pains or losses that we just have to learn to co-exist with… There are no cures for the state of being human.”

Tara suggests trying to frame it differently, by accepting that the listener’s parents won’t offer her the approval she wants, and trying to view them as two people who are also muddling along in the world. After all, parents definitely aren’t perfect. “Blood is thicker than water but we’re not all friends."

Listen to the advice in full, plus the pair take on being irritated by everything and dealing with a one-night stand who’s now ignoring you at the school gates, here.

A listener is finding that she’s become the go-to person for her family and friends’ woes, but is struggling with the weight of it all and doesn’t have enough time or headspace for herself.

Tara emphasises the importance of putting yourself first sometimes: “Normalise saying I’m not doing very well, I’m not strong right now.”

“It doesn’t make you a bad friend, a bad mother, a bad anything. It makes you a very generous, compassionate person who has used up all her resources,” says Marian. “You cannot pour from an empty jug.” The listener must help herself before she can help others.

Listen to the advice in full, plus discussions about telling men to do chores, and having ties abroad but wanting to come home, here.

A listener gets in contact to say she’s been given a thoughtful housewarming gift by her grandparents, but it’s hideous to look at. She doesn’t want to hurt their feelings but can’t bear to have it out in her home.

“I don’t know whether this is a sitcom or a horror movie, it’s terrifying!” says Tara.

After talking through every possible option (including burying the present in the foundations of the new house), the pair agree that the listener will have to cope with having the gift on display.

Marian points out that in ten years, when the listener’s grandparents might not still be around, the object may become a treasured possession and that her relationship with them is far more important than the gift itself. However, she does concede that the main takeaway from this issue is “Don’t be honest… and don’t buy presents for people!”

Listen to the advice in full, plus how to deal with a sibling’s controlling partner, and the pros and cons of getting "work done", here.

A listener explains that she’s sleeping with her boss and has developed feelings for him. He has been clear that he doesn’t want a relationship right now and she wants to seem cool and casual but can’t help wanting more and doesn’t know what to do.

Marian says there’s no point in trying to be someone you’re not and that the listener is allowed to have those emotions. “She is entitled to the fact that she has become attached to him; there is no shame in that.”

“She’s trying to fit into a mould that she thinks she should fit into, when actually, you already have the perfect mould and that’s who you are,” adds Tara.

Marian thinks the listener should try and leave her job if she can, and Tara suggests getting out there a bit more – even having some "platonic-style" dates just to explore more options. “Just a little bit of interest outside the office might help… to remind yourself that he’s not the only person in the world”.

Listen to the advice in full, plus the thorny issues of book clubs and when your dog doesn’t love you, here.

A listener writes in to say she’s doing her A Levels and plans to train as a midwife at university. It’s her dream, but she’s anxious she’ll fail and that none of her patients will like her, or that the patients will be horrible.

Tara points out that there might be horrible patients, but there will be amazing ones too, and that there will be highs the listener hasn’t even imagined: “When a dream comes true, it’s never as you thought it would be.”

“This is the most human response ever,” adds Marian. “Most days I’m terrified and everyone is.”

Tara agrees that it’s very normal to feel that way, but the key is to try not to let that fear of failure stop you doing something. If you can harness that feeling of wanting to do a good job and use it to propel you forward then it’s helpful.

And as Marian says: “All we can do every day is to show up and do our best.”

Listen to the advice in full, plus how to placate a bullying father-in-law and dealing with grief, here.