Talking about money: ‘Some people outright lied to me about how they got on the property ladder’
Why is talking about money often so awkward? Money controls and impacts every aspect of our lives, from where we work to where we live, who we’re friends with to who we marry, according to journalist and author Otegha Uwagba, whose new book implores us to open up and start talking.
She spoke to Woman’s Hour about We Need to Talk about Money and shared some advice about how we can be more transparent and take the shame out of the conversation…
1. Stop trying to keep up with your friends
“The most important thing is to be honest with yourself. By trying to overspend or taking out credit card debt in order to keep up with your friends, the only person that is going to eventually impact is you,” says Otegha.
“I think if being friends with someone is dependent on you being able to match their spending and being able to go to a fancy bar or go on expensive holidays, it isn't a real friendship.
“You can do amazing things with friends for free. The pandemic really showed us how it's possible.”
2. Your future earnings could depend on those very early negotiations
“If you are underpaid when you come out of university and get your first job when you’re 21, a lot of your pay rises, whether you’re in the same job or when you move to a new job, will be dependent on your current salary. So over the years those pay differentials can accumulate over time and have an exponential effect.
“It's really important that you get those early negotiations and early salaries correct.
“Women do actually ask for pay rises at the same rate as men, they’re just more likely to be told no.”
3. Let’s be more honest about that financial help
Otegha says she spent her 20s confused by some of her peer’s smooth ascensions onto the housing ladder, until she finally discovered the hidden help they were getting.
“I realised that it was all financial help from the parents, but people often don't share that openly. Sometimes people outright lied to me about how they managed to get onto the property ladder and it really misled me as to my chances of being able to make it happen.
“I see it as a sort of social contract, I always describe that transparency as ‘the moral tax payable on your good fortune’. If you are fortunate enough to have financial help, whether it's from parents or from a wealthy partner, the very least you can do is be honest about that with other people so that they can put their own situations into perspective.”
4. Anxiety over money can be a good thing
“I think it really depends on what your particular vulnerability or neurosis is about money,” says Otegha.
“If you’re an over spender then often that means you’re really generous with the people around you and generosity is a lovely quality.
“I'm much more of a saver than a spender, I've always been very financially literate, I've always been good with money but I haven't always felt good about money.
“It’s just about figuring out which one of those behaviours and which or those emotions serve you and which are a bit toxic and the things you need to work through.”
Listen to the full discussion with Otegha on Woman’s Hour on ´óÏó´«Ã½ Sounds. Join in with the conversation on and @bbcwomanshour.
