The strangest and funniest reasons to visit these holiday destinations
On ´óÏó´«Ã½ Radio 4's Your Place or Mine, a series of famous faces try to convince host Shaun Keaveny to visit a far-flung location that they have a special connection to.
But what's the best way to get reluctant traveller Shaun – aided and abetted by comedian, historian and geographer Iszi Lawrence – to leave his chaise longue, dust off his passport and settle into a long-haul flight?
Many methods have been employed to convince him to leave the country. Some are sensible, like extolling the virtues of the area's sights, sounds and climate, while others are a bit more, well, out there.
Here are just some of the more bizarre, calculated and desperate attempts made by Rob Delaney, Jameela Jamil, Adrian Chiles and more Your Place or Mine guests…
Eastern Massachusetts has a lacklustre motto
Yes, we know that Shaun loves England (or perhaps, more accurately, prefers not to move from his sofa that is located in England), so surely a NEW England would be somewhat alluring?
"Being from 'Original England', I thought New England could be a gateway drug to America," says comedian and author Rob Delaney.
Delaney hails from Eastern Massachusetts and desperately wants Shaun to visit his homeland. Among the exciting enticements Rob has to offer is the distant smell of fried fish, the soothing clanging of sailboat halyards, the frisson of excitement that accompanies a wild turkey attack and a plethora of unusually bland food.
But it's an overwhelming lack of excitement that appears to be Rob's most attractive bargaining chip.
"If there was a motto for Massachusetts, it would be 'It's absolutely fine,'" Rob tells Shaun. "Nothing's wrong. Globally, it's ok."
Find out if this distinct absence of stimulation is exactly what Shaun needs by listening to the episode in full here.
LA has celebrities… and earthquakes
The overt glitz and glamour of Los Angeles, California doesn't exactly scream 'Shaun Keaveny', does it?
But actor, podcaster and activist Jameela Jamil thinks that it could be the perfect place for Shaun as, at heart, and despite appearances, she's also a grumpy old man like him.
"I don't have a sunny personality," she tells Shaun, "I'm not positivity and good vibes all the time. I don't drink juice."
And while the beautiful weather and delicious sourdough pizza could well tickle Keaveny's fancy, Jameela has a dramatic celebrity-based story to entice Shaun to the area.
"I was with Paloma Faith," she says, already getting off to a showbizzy start. "We were in a 7.1 earthquake. She had a little pool at the back of her house and this giant inflatable flamingo. The whole pool was jumping up and down and this massive inflatable flamingo was just losing it."
So, is the chance of observing a disturbing geological phenomenon in the presence of a Brit Award-winning singing sensation enough to convince Shaun to visit LA? Perhaps he'll be swayed by Jameela's new earthquake-related catchphrase: "It's the little farts that prevent the big poo."
Find out if Shaun is up for a visit to LA by listening to the full episode here.
Argentina is attractively shaped
Presenter and Radio 1 DJ Vick Hope spent an exciting year in Buenos Aires, Argentina and now wants Shaun to do the same, even if there is an outside chance of a Harpy eagle picking him up and taking him off somewhere. Probably somewhere quite high up.
According to Vick, the city has wonderful light, impressive architecture, music everywhere, oddly named dinosaurs (such as the Brachytrachelopan), the smell of empanadas and endless opportunities to tango with elderly gentlemen.
But Vick has a very novel approach to swaying Shaun in her direction. The actual shape of the country of Argentina.
"I love a long, thin country," she told him.
"One minute you're in the city, then you’re at the beach, then you're at the end of the world at the icecaps, then you're in the forests, then you're in the salt flats. There's everything that you could possibly want to do."
Find out if Argentina's attractive shape is enough to convince Shaun by listening here.
You can wear a towelling robe on the Mornington Peninsula
Newsreader Krishnan Guru-Murthy believes Shaun should pop down to the Mornington Peninsula as it's 'Australia's Cornwall'. But the actual Cornwall is quite a bit closer and has fewer deadly animals to worry about, so what else does this area near Melbourne have to offer?
There are amazing hot springs, so you could just wear a white towelling robe for most of your visit.Krishnan Guru-Murthy
We know it's beautiful, with local wineries, the constant whiff of tea-tree, glorious light, the faint thrum of the ocean and fabulous food. Does it have anything else?
Yes. For one thing: robes. And by mentioning the fluffiest, most sumptuous, towellingest robes in the southern hemisphere, Krishnan unearthed one of Shaun's sweet spots. Because, under that hardscrabble, northern exterior is a man that likes to be pampered.
"There are amazing hot springs," Krishnan tells him. "So, you could just wear a white towelling robe for most of your visit."
But what about the other spa attendees that could potentially be in your vicinity and insist on conversation?
"You don't have to talk to them," assures Krishnan.
But will the allure of robes be enough to offset the immense flight? Find out by listening here.
You can compete for ham in Murter, Croatia
Adrian Chiles is so Croatian that he's actually named after the Adriatic coastline (after narrowly avoiding being called Igor), so surely his passion for the place will tempt Shaun into a visit?
Adrian's family have had a house on the laid-back Croatian island of Murter for decades, and as well as the lure of free accommodation, Shaun is offered delicious fig brandy made by a man called Boris (which Adrian's dad called 'U-Boat fuel'), homemade biscuits, large burly men to carry you over any jagged rocks and catchy Dalmatian music known as klapa.
But surely the fastest route to Shaun's heart is the pursuit of ham wrangling.
Adrian explains it like this: "Suddenly, every bloke in this village leapt into the sea and started swimming furiously to this boat. On it, at the top of a pole, was a ham hanging down. Whoever got to it first, got the ham."
As Shaun states: "I'm not a strong swimmer, but if it's a decent ham…"
So, did the idea of ham wrangling convince Shaun to visit Croatia? Find out here.
And you can discover whether any other odd enticements managed to get Shaun off his settee by listening to all the previous episodes of Your Place or Mine here.
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