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Ambridge-leaks: 2016's Nuffield sponsorship applications discovered in bin...
Congratulations to Tom, who was awarded a Nuffield Scholarship to research organic baby food manufacturing across Europe.
But how hot was the competition? A quick rifle through the Nuffield bins, and we uncovered some highly classified documents which outline the other ideas that were presented before the panel…
The 'no' pile
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“The inexplicable sexual attraction of Brian Aldridge.” [Applicant: ]
Status: Rejected. [Note: Aldridge is a friend of several committee members, clear conflict of interest. Also: cravats and loafers - what more is there to uncover?]
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“I’d like to know what happens if you push the Molly Button.” [Applicant: ]
Status: Rejected. [Interesting idea, but the consequences could be deadly]
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“How Ambridge is able to plan and lay on village events (such as summer fete) getting permissions, recruiting volunteers, businesses etc with virtually no notice.” – [Applicant: Richard Woodfield on ]
Status: Rejected. [Inadvisable - might incur trouble on account of violating the code of the Magic Circle]
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“Blood And Custard: A Treatise on Modern Demon Summoning Rituals.” [Applicant: ]
Status: Rejected [No more occultist studies after last year's debacle]
Maybe
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“As a teetotaller, it would be interesting to study the Cider Club, from a safe distance.” - [Applicant: ]
Status: Undecided. [Note: Check for possible health risks posed by inhalation of fumes before calling for second interview]
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The effect of overbearing farmers' wives on their children and grandchildren. With specific focus on cookery. [Applicant: ]
Status: Undecided. [Note: Candidate may need to submit more detailed proposal - but could be a rich source of flapjacks this one]
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Whether Tilly Button is truly evil, or just misunderstood. [Applicant: ]
Status: Undecided. [Note: Sounds a worthwhile subject, but we must establish what a Tilly Button is]
The 'yes' pile
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“Underground water courses, culverts and sink holes, and their tendency to appear relevant for relatively short periods of time. Happy to supply my own dowsing rod.” – [Applicant: Jean Bell on ]
Status: Approved. [Note: Always a good idea to support a self-starter]
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The dynamics and logistics of Jennifer's Albion Kitchen. [Applicant: ]
Status: Approved. [I’m in the market for a new kitchen and could do with some design ideas]
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Are Saturdays necessary? [Applicant: ]
