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A hostage negotiator's advice for dealing with agitated teens during lockdown

How to talk to teenagers driven stir-crazy by the current situation.

The monotony of lockdown has the potential to infuriate us all, but teenagers may be feeling the lack of freedom more than most. Denied the opportunity to leave the house to meet friends, and trapped inside with siblings and parents, it’s little wonder tensions can escalate.

How can parents deal with this powder keg situation and reason with their children before arguments begin? Speaking on 大象传媒 Radio Scotland's Mornings programme, hostage negotiator, Chris White, advised instigating a conversation where empathy and understanding are essential.

And he suggested that before this takes place, a little preparation can make a big difference.

The lack of freedom may be affecting teenagers. (Image: Joshua Rawson-Harris/Unsplash)

Chris suggested that to make things easier it's best pick your moment and your language carefully. And from the outset aim to highlight that being stuck inside is a shared problem for everybody in the family, and that Covid-19 is the common enemy.

Plan for demands

Chris recommended the importance of thinking ahead: "If it’s me with a kidnapper I know that I’m going to get demands of some description. What demands can you reasonably expect and what can your responses be?"

In this situation we know that the teens want more freedom, but we also know this isn't possible. Under these circumstances Chris advised focusing on the teen's self-esteem by praising their ability to get through this process.

"Highlight some really good behaviours your [teen] has shown up to this point. For example, actually buying in to lockdown in the first place. None of us liked it but they’ve clearly made good, responsible decisions up to this point."

According to Chris, highlighting consensus around the issue can also be really important, so if your child's friends are following the lockdown this could be mentioned positively because people are generally influenced by their peer group.

Following Chris' advice to choose the moment carefully and listen intently with empathy could help to prevent blow ups and make for a much calmer household.