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Would you feel comfortable telling a new or ex-partner that you've got a sexually transmitted infection like herpes? Why can there be such stigma around an STI diagnosis? Woman’s Hour spoke to Consultant Dr Liz Foley from the Solent NHS Trust in Southampton and Marian Nicholson from the Herpes Viruses Association to hear their advice about how to tackle the taboo and how to talk about it to others.

According to the latest figures from Public Health England, rates of sexually transmitted infections (STIs), such as chlamydia, gonorrhoea and herpes, have been on an upward trend for the past decade. But despite being more common, the stigma attached to contracting an STI still runs deep.

One Woman's Hour listener, who we're calling Sarah, wrote to us to share her story.

"I'm in my 50s and caught herpes from my ex-husband a number of years ago. Since then, I have struggled with feelings of total worthlessness and an overwhelming shame about my condition. So much so that I have ruled out the possibility of any future relationship which would necessitate me divulging my medical status. This self-imposed celibacy and single status has left me isolated and emotionally vulnerable.

“I don’t think I have ever heard a programme discuss the issue of herpes, despite the fact that it impacts on so many lives. I really don’t want anyone else going through this in the same way I have - feeling dirty and ashamed - and isolating themselves from a possibly happy and fulfilled life."

Dr Liz Foley is a consultant in sexual health and HIV medicine for the Solent NHS Trust in Southampton and Marian Nicholson is the Director of the Herpes Viruses Association. They joined Woman’s Hour presenter Emma Barnett to discuss the facts surrounding herpes in the UK and how we can break down the stigma that comes with a diagnosis.

“In the UK, 70% of the population will carry one type of herpes virus, HSV-1 or HSV-2, by the time they’re 25,” says Dr Liz Foley. “In women, we see about 20,000 new cases each year in our clinics in England. So we see people with herpes all the time. If you walk up the high street, you see people with cold sores.

“It can have bad consequences in pregnancy and other conditions like that, so we don’t want to underplay it completely, but it is a very common infection. It’s helpful to realise that most STIs don’t have symptoms, they can happen to anyone, and they bear no relation to a person’s standing.”

“In my case, getting correct information absolutely transformed my life,” says Marian Nicholson. “Once I got the facts, basically my life turned around and I have lived totally normally ever since.

“The language ‘not curable’ is something people really worry about. I like to point out that chickenpox, glandular fever and thrush are not curable either, but no-one worries about them. No-one tells people with facial cold sores they have to kiss through a sheet of cling film for the rest of their life, and medically a cold sore on the face could have more complications.”

“Reading the can give you accurate, useful information,” says Dr Liz Foley. “But you can make an appointment at your nearby sexual health clinic where they would be happy to talk to you about your own individual case. All these services are free, you can book appointments without needing to speak to a GP and they are confidential.”

“There are lots of things we can do to make a difference,” says Dr Liz Foley. “For women who get frequent episodes, we can give them daily antiviral treatment which can suppress the virus so not only do they not get episodes, but it can dramatically reduce your chance of passing an infection on. Condoms are helpful in preventing transmission, and in some cases, the partner can be offered a blood test to see if they already carry the virus without realising it.”

“I spent two years convinced I would never have sex again,” says Marian Nicholson. “Luckily I had a really interesting job that kept me going. Now I am ‘cured’ in that I do not worry about it.

“Like a person with cold sores on the face, I don’t worry about passing it on – but obviously I am extremely considerate: I do not let my partner rub against the ’affected area’ from the moment I notice the signs of an outbreak coming, until it has gone."

“The thing we really encourage is for people to tell their partners and this can be really helpful so you can work together to avoid transmission,” says Dr Liz Foley. “Although patients fear telling their partners, most take the news well and they feel good that someone has disclosed something private to them and are supportive.

“We help people to find the language to try to discuss that with them. For example, if you were going to tell a partner that six months ago you had cold sores on your genitals but you’re on some treatment and you haven’t had one since, it sounds so much better than saying you’ve got genital herpes. In my experience, for most patients who tell their partners, the partners really appreciate the honesty.”

“We can reframe some of the language around genital herpes,” says Dr Liz Foley. “They’re just cold-sores in a different place. That’s all they are. Those of us who work in sexual health clinics spend a lot of time educating people to try to normalise this. Although genital herpes is ‘incurable’, unlike bacterial STIs it is very treatable and it is a very common infection.”

“You will find all the facts are totally in your favour,” says Marian Nicholson. “It is not something that damages your health. Your body cures itself. Each outbreak goes away with or without treatment. But, just like thrush or chickenpox or glandular fever it can reappear from time to time.

“No-one worries about these. No-one suggests you are dirty to carry these ‘germs’. No-one worries about this virus when it is on the face as a cold sore, but we are led to worry by internet stories when it’s on the genitals. If anyone tells you or you read anything that is scary or worrying, it is probably wrong!”

Listen to the discussion with Emma Barnett in full on 大象传媒 Sounds, where you can also catch up with any of the episodes of Woman’s Hour you may have missed. Follow us @bbcwomanshour on or to join the conversation.

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