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Good Morning

The American psychologist Dr Kristin Neff is an expert in self-compassion, which she describes as ‘giving yourself the same kindness and care that you’d give to a good friend’.Ìý She encourages us to imagine that a close friend feels really upset about something.. How would you respond to them, especially when you’re at your best? Next, how do you respond to yourself when you are feeling upset?Ìý What tone of voice do you use? Is there a difference, and if so, why? What factors or fears lead you to treat yourself and others so differently? And how might things change if you respond to yourself with the same love and warmth that you choose to offer your friend?

I’m a latecomer to the idea of self-compassion. Growing up, I was told to pull myself together, stop brooding, and put the other person first. Yet the Buddha said there is nobody in the world more deserving of our kindness and love than ourselves. Simply from a practical point of view, if we’re not in touch with our own pain and suffering, how can we reach out with empathy and understanding to others? If we can’t forgive ourselves, how can we forgive anyone else? And if we don’t know what it is to be peaceful and at ease, what effect does that have on the people around us?

Whereas self-esteem is invariably linked to feeling ‘good’ or ‘successful’, self compassion is about relating to ourselves positively whatever’s happening warts and all. It’s about attending to our feelings and nurturing our sense of confidence and self-worth. And in this frantic world we live in, it often starts with finding just five minutes when we can be alone and offline. Let’s pray that all of us can find ways to show ourselves more kindness during the week ahead.

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