大象传媒

From Julia Neuberger, Senior Rabbi at the west London Synagogue:

聽It鈥檚 surprising that despite the fact we all know from an early age that none of us live forever we so rarely think or talk about the time which we all have to face when won鈥檛 be here any more. I鈥檓 just back from holiday in Ireland, where I met a doctor, Seamus O鈥橫ahony, who feels strongly that he wants death to be de-medicalised. He says that everyone used to be familiar with death a hundred years ago - in childbirth, in epidemics, as a result of infectious illness, and, of course, in war, and that鈥檚 true- but now many of us have never even seen a dead body.

聽The 鈥渂leakest funeral鈥� he鈥檚 ever been to- of a friend in Amsterdam- was a terrible shock. The friend 鈥渉ad emigrated from his native west Cork more than 25 years before, and left behind all those things about Ireland he regarded as backward, such as religion. His funeral, therefore, was a singularly聽secular event.鈥� No prayers, no psalms, no eulogy, but just the coffin placed in a hole in the ground.

聽I think that鈥檚 really sad. Ritual really matters, even if many of us don鈥檛 believe in much. We need ways to celebrate birth and maturation, and ways to mark death, and support people who are grieving. We can use old rituals, or invent new ones. But we need something when we鈥檙e bereaved, and we ought to be able to show we鈥檙e grieving, such as by wearing a black armband, as people used to. That signals to other people that we need their comforting words. In Ireland, they say: 鈥淚鈥檓 sorry for your troubles.鈥� Jews say: 鈥淚 wish you long life鈥�, or 鈥淢ay you have happy memories.鈥� But it doesn鈥檛 much matter what we say, as long as we don鈥檛 cross the street to avoid the bereaved.

聽Death isn鈥檛 quite the great unmentionable it was. But we鈥檙e slow in reinventing grieving rituals. It鈥檚 been too long since we really marked death and loss, and it鈥檚 been bad for us. We need to grieve, for our own sake and for those who have passed away. Happy memories!