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Harvey Belovski, rabbi at Golders Green United Synagogue:

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I’ve just returned from a wonderful winter sabbatical, most of which I spent away from my family and community.Ìý Although I did meet up with friends and I went regularly to a synagogue, I spent much time alone.Ìý I’m used to the noise generated by my large family and busy work life, so this was a new experience for me.Ìý I admit that before I started my sabbatical, I was a bit nervous about it, but it all worked out fine.

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I found out things about myself that I expect my wife already knew.Ìý For example, I can operate a washing machine, but I can’t cook.Ìý This means that for the past few months, I’ve been wearing clean clothes, but I’ve eaten some truly revolting meals!

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I also discovered that there are really two types of sabbaticals: one to do something, the other from something.Ìý I had a sabbatical to recharge professionally while working on a couple of projects, while my wife had a sabbatical from me!

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Joking apart, I spent most of my time working on a small book about love, conflict and sex, based on classes I’ve been giving for years.Ìý As part of my research, I chatted to several couples about how they handle conflict in their relationships, but one story really stood out.

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This Jewish couple in their 60s – let’s call them Bert and Sheila – are happily-married, both with unsuccessful relationships behind them.ÌýÌýThey told me that when they disagree, instead of arguing or shouting, they avoid speaking and use animal noises to express themselves instead!ÌýÌýBert demonstrated an angry hissing cat sound and, apparently, Sheila’s repertoire includes sheep, donkeys and snakes.

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Making animal noise instead of fighting won’t work for everyone but it’s a good way for some couples to stop low-level disagreement from descending into full-scale conflict.Ìý The rabbis teach that the wise learn from everyone, and while I admit that hissing is odd, I’ve loved having the time during my sabbatical to discover new and unusual behaviour patterns.

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In my rabbi role I try to teach that arguing can damage relationships but supressing our feelings can be just as bad.Ìý Judaism advocates steering a healthy line between our own needs and those of our partner.Ìý Finding the right way to do that is the key to a successful partnership.