大象传媒

听From Remona Aly, Freelance journalist and editor:

I clearly remember the first time I felt like a fraud. I was 10 years old, and I ascended the dark winding staircase of a church pulpit, clutching on to the Bible for dear life. I looked down at the expectant congregation and read out the verses with as much gusto as my wobbly voice could muster.

鈥楢nd Pilate said unto him, What is truth?鈥� The truth was, there I stood, a Muslim, desperately trying to own that pulpit, but all the while the words 鈥淵ou are a total fake鈥� were ringing in my ears. 鈥淚鈥檓 going to mess this up,鈥� I said to myself. 鈥淪hould I even be here? I can鈥檛 do this!鈥�

The imposter syndrome is something that鈥檚 stayed with me pretty much through every step of my life. No matter how many times I鈥檝e spoken in public, or sat across from you Chris, I can鈥檛 shake that fraudy feeling.

It happened recently when I stepped up on a big stage, packed house, spotlight smack bang on me. I was looking at the audience looking at me, looking at me looking at them. And suddenly, my 10 year old fake self was back. I froze for a second of eternity, styled it out, went for it and to my relief got a huge round of applause.

I take comfort in the fact that even the legendary greats of our time felt like imposters 鈥� inspirational people like Maya Angelou, Meryl Streep, even presidents and brain surgeons. Their stories tell me that a little dip in self-doubt can be a good thing 鈥� if only I make that choice to take the risk and rise up, instead of letting myself sink low.

The American Muslim writer and speaker, Yasmin Mogahed, puts this perfectly: 鈥淪ometimes鈥� she says, 鈥渢he ocean floor is only a stop on the journey. And it is when you are at this lowest point, that you are faced with a choice. You can stay there at the bottom, until you drown. Or you can gather pearls and rise back up鈥攕tronger from the swim, and richer from the jewels.鈥澨�

So I will seek the jewels, rise back up, find success in the struggle of swimming upstream. For it seems that small splash of self-doubt could be my greatest ally.

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